Sukotto Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 I've told my story umpteen times, short version in bullet point form. Girlfriend split after 2.5 years2 weeks after split found out she had cheated and that was the reasonSaw her 4 weeks later, said she missed meStill chat to her most days and think about her daily but its less consuming than it was at the start I went out last night to my friends girlfriends birthday party at a local bar, it went great and she had a friend called Helen, we chatted for a good few hours about various things and I got a real good vibe from our conversations. At the end everyone had went home apart from me, Helen, my friend and his girlfriend. While they were doing the usual couply chat I talked to Helen for another good hour and we talked about past relationships and jobs. It seemed that she was just out of a long term relationship that ended the same day in September that mine did, at that point I just paniced, got nervous and never bothered asking for her number or give her mine. Now I talked to her friend on the way back and gave her my number and asked if she could pass it on or give me hers. Now what i'm not sure about is this just me on the rebound and if she is on the rebound as well, also have to wonder if she'll actually initiate contact since I dont have her number.. Any insight from anyone would be appreciated.
allen10981 Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Hey, I may be young but i know heartbreak and ive been in this exact same position. I was with a girl for 3 and a half years, from 14-17, all thru high school... she cheated on me twice, and ended up dumping me relatively the same way. If your going to denote my advice, becuase im only 19, then dont read any further, but if you want it, here goes. When I got out of this relationship, about 1.5 months went by, and I was hanging out with a friend and this girl Coriann was there. Long story short she ended up liking me and we hooked up. I didnt think I was on the rebound but I could never be happy with Cori, I missed my ex Elise like crazy and I just didnt know what to do, and it seriously affected our relationship. Im not saying this is what will happen to u, but the stories are kind of identical, and I know I was on the rebound. I think your on the rebound dude, id give it another half a year before I got serious with anyone. Just my opinion though, you do what you want.
Author Sukotto Posted November 21, 2004 Author Posted November 21, 2004 I'm 19 too, 20 next month. I realise the relationship with my ex isn't going to go anywhere and we've met twice now since breaking up and it got easier the second time, I wasn't as drawn to her as usual but I was nervous. I guess I'll keep hanging about with Helen, I know that I'm not completely over Lynsey but its hard especially when we'd done so many things together and so many good memories. But I don't want to pass up a chance with someone because of my ex. I've had opportunities to rebound before I met this girl last night but this is one i actually got on well with.
allen10981 Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Im not telling you to give up though dude, if you feel your ready for a new relationship then go for it but if you can still think of your ex and feel that little "ow...." feeling in ur stomach, and it still bothers you that she got the best of you, then MAYBE its not the time. I will never get over Elise fully, i loved her more than life itself, and she destroyed me, but i did move on, if this girl was ur first real love, ull never forget, only move forward.
Merin Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I don't see anything wrong with going out with someone new.. it doesn't have to be "The one" or "Mrs. Right" it seems she liked you, you felt the same.. so nothing wrong with hanging out again right!? If she doesn't contact you in a few days ask her friend for her number and give her a call.
ps123 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I guess Id think it would be a bad idea to go out with someone new until you were completely over the old one, but thats just how I do it. I get too much stuff in my head otherwise. Sometimes people (myself namely) can get into a new relationship thinking they really like the person and it just ends up that they were using that person to help alleviate feelings of lonelyness, rejection and things like that from the old relationship. It rarely works if thats the case and you then end up having to deal with the new relationship being over and a lot of the feelings from the old one come back too. But, only you can decide if you really like the person or if its just a rebound type thing. If you think you really like her, then Id say go for it.
wbb Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Well, after my breakup, I started hanging out with a friend. We even spent two weeks traveling, just two of us. I knew she really liked me and we had terrific times. But I never did anything cuz I didn't want to make her my "rebound". Long story short, after three months, she gave up and started dating someone else. Now thinking back, I regret not taking the chance. I always think too much. So don't do what I did. I think one way to tell whether it's a rebound or not is asking yourself, if you had never met your ex and never went through the breakup, would you date this new girl. If yes, then it's not a rebound.
Author Sukotto Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Ok i got a phone number for her now but i've not done this whole phoning thing before as my last girlfriend I saw everyday before we started dating. One of my colleagues said I shouldn't be a wuss and just phone her, maybe I should just get her to phone How should I go about it? When should i phone etc.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 You both ended your relationships in September, right? That is two months ago. I think you're clear to date again. I think that rebound relationships are usually doomed because people aren't careful of the way they think and behave since they're still in a daze over their ex. Just be mindful that you're starting a new relationship and to keep your old hangups and thought patterns at bay as much as you can. Sometimes the right person comes along at the weirdest times, and even if she isn't Ms. Right as Merin said, she might be Ms. Good enough for right now. And there is nothing wrong with that! Llama
savethedrama4allama Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Originally posted by Sukotto Ok i got a phone number for her now but i've not done this whole phoning thing before as my last girlfriend I saw everyday before we started dating. One of my colleagues said I shouldn't be a wuss and just phone her, maybe I should just get her to phone How should I go about it? When should i phone etc. Call her right now! Just be honest and upfront and ask her out! Some women like games I suppose, but I prefer a man who is straightforward.
Author Sukotto Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Well i'm too shy to do it at the moment and i'm meant to be working so I can't really talk. I'll phone her later tonight and see what she's doing at the weekend. Whats an appropriate first date though, i was a teenager on my last first date so a trip to the cinema was appropriate, not sure whats the best thing now
Debster Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Well, as the old saying goes, The best way to get over a man is to get under another. Maybe the same goes for men! I admit to have had my share of rebounds. As long as you are upfront that you have just gotten out of the relationship and go slowly, it is fine. I would think it wouldn't be fine if when you are with the other, all you are doing is thinking about your ex. You're way too young anyways to be thinking about getting serious, IMO.
Merin Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Call her right now! Just be honest and upfront and ask her out! Some women like games I suppose, but I prefer a man who is straightforward. A straight up guy Where? Damn!
Author Sukotto Posted November 28, 2004 Author Posted November 28, 2004 Well i finally got through to her on the phone today, she'd been away home from Friday until this morning so it had just been ringing out. We chatted for a good 30 minutes before i asked her if she'd like to meet up, so we're going out for dinner on Thursday and she also mentioned she had fun the last weekend when we met up. I'm nervous now lol
Merin Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Originally posted by Sukotto Well i finally got through to her on the phone today, she'd been away home from Friday until this morning so it had just been ringing out. We chatted for a good 30 minutes before i asked her if she'd like to meet up, so we're going out for dinner on Thursday and she also mentioned she had fun the last weekend when we met up. I'm nervous now lol Yay! Just be yourself, and have a great time;)
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