RiceaRoni Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 A couple of days ago my ex and I broke up... We both have blogs and so late at night I vent out my feelings and how I feel and what not...I guess he read them because he got upset when he read that it felt like he didn't love me.. That he didn't love me because i know you don't constantly give up on someone you love. He gave up on me numerous times until he finally called it quits and now he's upset I had said that in my blog...I don't even know what to do...just as I was getting over him he does this and its so confusing to me because he really made it seem this way...he emotionally abused me...left me many times and then tried coming back...and after a while it just didn't felt like he loved me, but just wanted me for physical reasons. I'm just so confused and hurt...I told him he was wrong and that I knew he did but it was confusing to tell because if what he did to me...and so far he hasn't said a word.. I just feel like I've been blamed for everything...that I feel like I can't even say how I feel on my blog without him getting upset or posting something that I said that upset him...I thought he was through with me, so I don't understand why he does this. He doesn't when talk to me anymore..
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Social media messes up relationships so much. 3
Ireallydontknow Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Social media messes up relationships so much. I agree with you bro/dear, my ex left me for someone off of facebook. It's not the social media, it's the crappy person using it. You just got to let a ho be a ho. Stay strong <3
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 I'm just really confused and sad.. I confronted him and explained why I felt that he didn't love me..and he said "I don't know what to say". I asked him what he meant by that and he said he wasn't angry or upset...so I asked him how he did feel...and he just said numb. He said he felt numb and he wasn't mad...I asked him do you feel sad? And that its okay to feel...I know that numbness is a sign if depression due to hiding true feelings or burying made feelings..so I know he's somewhere along those lines of feeling... He's really messed up emotionally... and has been since I met him..I've always tried encouraging him and helping him see the brighter side to things, but I guess it never really got through to him...he's a pessimistic while I'm far more optimistic towards things. Hence the reason why he would give up our relationship so easily while I tried to fight for it and fix it and figure out solutions.. he's just messed up and I wish I could be the one to help him
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 I have a bad feeling he's already begun going back to sleeping with his female friends.. And if it's true..that hurts so much more.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 And he doesnt even talk to me anymore... He usually gives up on me and comes back around the next day, but not this time...and i feel like it's all my fault...my fault for not loving him more, or caring more.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 I feel like he's trying to purposely hurt me now.. After feeling better I went on to blog and when I opened up my blog a picture of some girl showed up in a nice outfit and he put "if I could find this somewhere, I'd buy it for a Alexis someone"....either he's found another girl or is doing this to purposely hurt me knowing all the things he put me through..
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 It's such a shame... I lobed talking with him more than anything...and he was one of the greatest guys to treat me well until all of this started happening... I probably really do just deserve better...I'm tired of his games and the way he purposely spite me when he's the one who kept constantly leaving and me having to fight for us... when not once did he ever fight for me..and it seemed like everything was about him and how he felt rather than taking my feelings into consideration. He's probably going to end up just sleeping around again with his friends...until he finds some other girl to play. He's messed up...and I personally think he needs help..professionally...
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 And right now..I'm more angry than anything. And hurt and betrayed...he wanted me I decided to give him a chance and this is how it all turns out...I still blame myself. I can't stop blaming myself since he put everything on me and blamed me for every single thing that went wrong...he feels like he's done nothing wrong and that he's innocent...while I'm stuck with all the blame..
Minneloa Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Hi RR, I'm glad to see you, but sorry you are hurting so much from this experience. I know it's the usual advice, but I think cutting off contact (including making your blog private or blocking him from it) will help you settle your emotions and gain some perspective on the situation. Sending good thoughts! M. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Hi RR, I'm glad to see you, but sorry you are hurting so much from this experience. I know it's the usual advice, but I think cutting off contact (including making your blog private or blocking him from it) will help you settle your emotions and gain some perspective on the situation. Sending good thoughts! M. It's good to see you again M (: And I'm just so confused.. I don't know if it really was me or if it's him.. If HE has issues mentally or emotionally due to being physically and verbally abused in the past by previous girlfriends or if everything sad my fault like he said and made it seem. I feel as if was emotionally abused...either that or he has some narcissistic personality. It's so painful and confusing because he wanted a relationships with me from the start, I just wanted to be friends but gave him a chance and it just turned ugly..he started giving up on me and then coming back and doing the same thing over and over. Leaving and coming back or leaving and me having to fight for us..
Minneloa Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 It's good to see you again M (: And I'm just so confused.. I don't know if it really was me or if it's him.. If HE has issues mentally or emotionally due to being physically and verbally abused in the past by previous girlfriends or if everything sad my fault like he said and made it seem. I feel as if was emotionally abused...either that or he has some narcissistic personality. It's so painful and confusing because he wanted a relationships with me from the start, I just wanted to be friends but gave him a chance and it just turned ugly..he started giving up on me and then coming back and doing the same thing over and over. Leaving and coming back or leaving and me having to fight for us.. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all. I know you are hurt and confused right now, but I think you will find clarity once you step back from the situation and stop engaging with him. Otherwise, you will stay in the hellish limbo of second-guessing yourself and re-running the footage of the relationship. I would, at the very least, block him from your blog immediately. M. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all. I know you are hurt and confused right now, but I think you will find clarity once you step back from the situation and stop engaging with him. Otherwise, you will stay in the hellish limbo of second-guessing yourself and re-running the footage of the relationship. I would, at the very least, block him from your blog immediately. M. Alrighty. I've blocked him. I've seen some clarity, but it just really confuses me how everything just happened. I feel played, abused, and used..
Minneloa Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Alrighty. I've blocked him. I've seen some clarity, but it just really confuses me how everything just happened. I feel played, abused, and used.. That is an EXCELLENT first step, RR. Well done! I really think this will give you some peace of mind. Is he blocked on other social media as well? Also, do you have a family member or friend that you can confide in? It sounds like this relationship hurt you a lot, and I hope you have support IRL. Hang in there! M.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 That is an EXCELLENT first step, RR. Well done! I really think this will give you some peace of mind. Is he blocked on other social media as well? Also, do you have a family member or friend that you can confide in? It sounds like this relationship hurt you a lot, and I hope you have support IRL. Hang in there! M. Yes I think he's blocked as well. And I have been going to a mutual friend of ours..she knows how he is and doesn't like him very much. So she's been helping me out. She just keeps telling me I need to move on and that our relationship was a disaster...(I've always gone to her when we were having problems) she just kept saying that he's stupid and just won't ever understand. She's been helping me, but I still feel hurt. I dont even understand why a guy would pursue me, want a relationship, and then for on and off with me until he got tired...then has the nerve to stay single or go look around for his next victim.
Minneloa Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Yes I think he's blocked as well. And I have been going to a mutual friend of ours..she knows how he is and doesn't like him very much. So she's been helping me out. She just keeps telling me I need to move on and that our relationship was a disaster...(I've always gone to her when we were having problems) she just kept saying that he's stupid and just won't ever understand. She's been helping me, but I still feel hurt. I dont even understand why a guy would pursue me, want a relationship, and then for on and off with me until he got tired...then has the nerve to stay single or go look around for his next victim. Of course you feel hurt, RR. But understanding your ex and his motives is probably a lost cause. I don't know all the specifics of your situation, but it sounds like he has some emotional issues that are unrelated to you. I urge you to take the focus off of his behavior and the reasons for it and concentrate on taking care of yourself. I know that is very difficult to do, but it is crucial. I recommend staying busy and distracted. And if you find yourself dwelling and hurting too much, you might consider seeing a counselor; there's no shame in that, and this particular breakup might have touched a deeper nerve with you. All best, M. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Of course you feel hurt, RR. But understanding your ex and his motives is probably a lost cause. I don't know all the specifics of your situation, but it sounds like he has some emotional issues that are unrelated to you. I urge you to take the focus off of his behavior and the reasons for it and concentrate on taking care of yourself. I know that is very difficult to do, but it is crucial. I recommend staying busy and distracted. And if you find yourself dwelling and hurting too much, you might consider seeing a counselor; there's no shame in that, and this particular breakup might have touched a deeper nerve with you. All best, M. I think you're right when you say he has deeper emotional problems..counseling doesn't sound too bad, but I want to at least try to get over this myself and with the support of the people of LS. Although everything is over the fact that he mocked my pain and spited me after he left for the final time hurts. He played mind games with me and I only see that now..I always had this weird gut feeling when I was with him and around him and instead of following it I ignored it. So I blame myself for that. Idk just what he did to me has made me lose so much hope on ever finding someone. My trust has hit an all time low. These guys act nice and caring and then out to be something completely different and messed up. I just feel like I'll never meet a decent guy who can take care of a woman and love her.
denxnis Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Holy crap, can't believe people are still on here, hola Cav and san francisco treat! Hey I hope this isn't the same bf you had a huge break-up with 6-7 months ago!?! 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Holy crap, can't believe people are still on here, hola Cav and san francisco treat! Hey I hope this isn't the same bf you had a huge break-up with 6-7 months ago!?! Hey denxnis long time no see haha, and no, different guy (although the bf from 6/7 months ago did try making a comeback). it was only 4 months, and he had been flaky from the start, but idk, like a fool I kept taking him back, and it ended up him leaving about 5/6 times before making the final call. I regret not listening to my gut feeling from when I met him..I knew something was off, and instead of rejecting him and keeping him only as a friend, I gave him a chance.
denxnis Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 Glad to hear you're doing better. A lot of relationships start from guys wanting what they can't have, then after they get it it's on to the next challenge. When you make yourself too available I think that scares some people.. But hey I don't know you so I could be wrong. =p
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Glad to hear you're doing better. A lot of relationships start from guys wanting what they can't have, then after they get it it's on to the next challenge. When you make yourself too available I think that scares some people.. But hey I don't know you so I could be wrong. =p yeah and ever since the BU he keeps texting me, wanting to be friends, and instead of going NC I find myself giving in...I unfollowed him on his blog and he just now asked me why I did, and what made me do that..it's like I just want to be left alone to heal...and I thought he'd know and respect that. He told me he was looking for something different, that I'm not what he wants and he wants to be friend, which I don't mind, but just not now, not when this happened...I dont know whether to tell him I need to heal or to just ignore him all together.. 1
JoelBarish Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I think you need to heal and he should respect that. You've posted on here talking so much about his problems and his issues that you have tried to help him with. While I think it was good of you to try to "fix him" it might be better to think of him as a car. There is only so much money you want to invest in "fixing" a car before you decide maybe you are just better off buying a new car that doesn't need fixed. Also, I wouldn't waste a lot of time wondering why that old car was broken. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 I think you need to heal and he should respect that. You've posted on here talking so much about his problems and his issues that you have tried to help him with. While I think it was good of you to try to "fix him" it might be better to think of him as a car. There is only so much money you want to invest in "fixing" a car before you decide maybe you are just better off buying a new car that doesn't need fixed. Also, I wouldn't waste a lot of time wondering why that old car was broken. Thanks for the example...it's very insightful and it makes sense. Im going to talk to him tonight and tell him I need him to leave me alone right now...it's breaking NC, but I feel like after I tell him I'll be at peace. He won't bother me and he'll respect my feelings. 1
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