Heathcliff_201 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Hello Everyone, I have been coming here for about 3 years off and on since I broke up with a girl previous to this one. This current one was a doozy. I met this girl while at work. I work in Law Enforcement and she was being arrested. There was something about her that drew me in. I have been around many beautiful women in my line of work and have not felt what I felt when speaking with her. Anyway, I felt that I wanted to help her. So I waited about a year and then sent her a letter while she was in prison. We exchanged mail for a little while and then started speaking on the phone. Things also got more personal but not in a sexual way. She did not remember me obviously but said she knew who I was once she heard my voice. 6 months after I sent the mail she is released to a halfway house. I go see her a few days later and take her to buy some clothes. She does not have any money and her family is barely making ends meet. So while she was in prison I was sending her money so she could send mail, make phone calls, and keep in touch with family and friends. I saw her at least once a week for the next five weeks. Things are completely different now than when we were talking on the phone while she was in prison. There was a lot of what I thought was affection over the phone but in person it was kind of awkward. I don't want to make this too long but needless to say I started to feel that she thought that because I was so nice to her that I was probably some kind of door mat. Which is definitely not the case. I don't let a lot of people into my inner circle but once you're in I would do almost anything for you. I got her a cell phone so she would not have to use the pay phones in the halfway house which are pretty expensive. My only condition was to not call people in the halfway house or excons of any kind as the phone was under my name. Doing what I do, those types should not be kinds of people that I want associated with me unless I have to (Such as family or a loved one). Anyway, she does not heed my condition. I didn't handle it well and broke it off with her and disconnected the phone asap. Today is the 4th day of not speaking with her and I'm pretty depressed about it. I was starting to feel used and that she was playing games so I know I made the right choice. I know people can straighten out their lives but some don't. I could see red flags that she was falling back into that mindset that probably led to her her arrest and prison. I just miss having that connection with someone. We talked or emailed almost everyday for 6 months and now nothing. I feel a little wrong for not giving her the 3-4 days she asked for when I told her that I was shutting the phone off. I was just upset that she didn't seem too bothered with me saying it was over between me and her. I miss her voice and messages. The funny thing is that with little money and her family struggling she didn't seem to mind me buying her a couple of hundred dollars worth of clothes. I got her a pre-paid bank card so that I could transfer money over when she needed it. The card could be used as a debit card/credit card. The bank card had about $100.00 on it. The day after I disconnected the phone the money was withdrawn from the account. It was withdrawn from an ATM in a Cricket cell phone store. Again, I can't believe that a cell phone is more important to her than being careful with the money as she should know that the well (meaning my wallet) has run dry. If she has a new phone she hasn't called me and because I disconnected her phone I have no way of contacting her. She seemed so genuine at times and I can see her being mad over me ending it and disconnecting her phone. But I was hoping that she would reach out. I haven't made my mind up on whether she was trying to play me or not. I would think if she was out to milk me she would play her hand a little better. But if she were serious why would she not heed my one condition on the cell phone. I really miss her voice. I reconnected the phone today on the off chance she did not get another cell phone so that she could buy a sim car in her name and insert it the one I got for her. Before I disconnected it she pleaded with e to wait until Sunday. The bill cycle ends in 4 days so I will disconnect again in 4 days. I just want the pain to stop.
Ireallydontknow Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Couldn't you lose your job for this? I mean they are in jail for a reason. Of course they are going to be sweet on you. This sounds like a horrible situation, dangerous even! You should run as far away from this as you can. 4
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 I don't think anyone can tell someone else who they can fall for. Would have had some explaining to do though. Well day 4 is almost over. I went through this last about 3 years ago. I know the beginning is the hard part. Doesn't get easier knowing that though. I'm hoping about 2-4 weeks and I'll have her out of my system for good. I'm borderline in the anger stage. Hope day 5 is better.
Sparkle304 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 "The funny thing is that with little money and her family struggling she didn't seem to mind me buying her a couple of hundred dollars worth of clothes. I got her a pre-paid bank card so that I could transfer money over when she needed it. The card could be used as a debit card/credit card. The bank card had about $100.00 on it". Ok, I'll be blunt.......what were you thinking?! She's in prison and some guy on the outside starts giving her attention, gifts and money. Of course she's gonna play you!!! She has nothing to lose and much to gain. You wrote that "I don't let a lot of people into my inner circle". Is this perhaps the reason that you chose to go after a girl that would likely not reject you? Just a thought.....
todreaminblue Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 "The funny thing is that with little money and her family struggling she didn't seem to mind me buying her a couple of hundred dollars worth of clothes. I got her a pre-paid bank card so that I could transfer money over when she needed it. The card could be used as a debit card/credit card. The bank card had about $100.00 on it". Ok, I'll be blunt.......what were you thinking?! She's in prison and some guy on the outside starts giving her attention, gifts and money. Of course she's gonna play you!!! She has nothing to lose and much to gain. You wrote that "I don't let a lot of people into my inner circle". Is this perhaps the reason that you chose to go after a girl that would likely not reject you? Just a thought..... speaking as a person who doesnt let people into her "inner circle"...it isnt because of rejection at all its because trust is an issue and i like to know who is close to me can be trusted......i dont go after people to have in my inner circle......it just happens after i know them .....deb
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Hindsight is 20/20. No, I chose to go after her because of how I felt when I first saw her. It was a mistake. Knowing that does not ease the pain I feel. I might have a fix te wounded bird complex. Every girl I have dated seems to have some kind of issue. Thanks for the bluntness.
Sparkle304 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 So every girl that you date has some kind of issue..... Now comes the self-development part....WHY are you going after these types of girls? Be honest and truthful with yourself because it's only then that you can improve. It can be very challenging to truly acknowledge your perception of yourself, but this is a very important step. Basically, you attract what you believe you are. 1
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) Day 5 sucks so far. I woke up at 6 Am and she popped right into my head. Ughh. I can't wait for this to pass. I dumped her and miss her so much right now. I'm pretty sure I will not ever hear from her again. She probably sold the phone I got her to make it through the next few months. She's be real ballsy to have sold the phone and still contact me. I'm sure she has more sense than that. Would be nice to know if I could get back the phone. @Sparkle, It's not like I have a crystal ball. People always show their best side in the beginning. With this one, yes I should have stayed far, far away. Edited September 16, 2013 by Heathcliff_201
veggirl Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Day 5 sucks so far. I woke up at 6 Am and she popped right into my head. Ughh. I can't wait for this to pass. I dumped her and miss her so much right now. I'm pretty sure I will not ever hear from her again. She probably sold the phone I got her to make it through the next few months. She's be real ballsy to have sold the phone and still contact me. I'm sure she has more sense than that. Would be nice to know if I could get back the phone. @Sparkle, It's not like I have a crystal ball. People always show their best side in the beginning. With this one, yes I should have stayed far, far away. lol her BEST SIDE was being arrested! unless she was falsely imprisoned then you are delusional and SEEK OUT people who are horrible for you. I don't know ANYONE who would see someone being arrested and get all you should probably be in therapy tbh. this will keep happening to you. well, try to stay nc. 2
melell Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Honestly, I WISH I knew before I met my ex that relationships aren't just about a 'spark' or 'attraction' a big part of it is finding a healthy, mature, and well balanced individual. The attraction matters none when the person you are with can't function and ends up ripping your heart out on a daily basis. My ex and I had instant attraction, we were like magnets when we met, and even when we broke up. Despite that feeling, if I knew what I know now I would run a mile. You can't be happy with someone dysfunctional, love is irrelevant. And if you be with someone like that be prepared for any love to be tarnished by the chaos. Love happens sure, but staying together is a different story. Don't go there! 1
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 lol her BEST SIDE was being arrested! unless she was falsely imprisoned then you are delusional and SEEK OUT people who are horrible for you. I don't know ANYONE who would see someone being arrested and get all you should probably be in therapy tbh. this will keep happening to you. well, try to stay nc. Haha. Thanks I appreciate the advice. It a decade of working in this environment I have not bothered with anyone in this manner before. After this experience, I will not happen again. Don't know what I was thinking... again it does not make the pain any less knowing I should have known better.
PR08 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I met this girl while at work. I work in Law Enforcement and she was being arrested. Excellent start 1
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Yea, yea. That's helpful.
jlola Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Let me guess. She is very pretty , right? Men lose their common sense over pretty women everyday. Nothing new. now just start thinking with big head please!!! 2
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 Actually she was good looking. Really, really bottom heavy. Meaning She was normal from the waist up and had to have some really fat legs. Normally, I wouldn't hit on a girl who looked like her. I'm not a gym rat or anything, but damn use a treadmill or something. I just felt sorry for her situation and that pulled me in. Well day 5 still sucks. I'm glad I disconnected her phone because I might be texting some pathetic stuff right about now. Probably offended her when I cut that bad boy off in the middle of the night. hahaha. Bites my a$$ that she still has that galaxy s4. Though I am sure she got a couple of hundred selling it to tide her over. DAMN IT!!!
lindsay1990 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I say good riddance, this is compromising not just your emotions but your life. You could lose your whole career if anything with this woman took a turn for the worse. I think that if you felt she didn't care enough when you said it was over, she probably didn't. We have instincts for these things. I think she did use you, but luckily your eyes are open now.
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Day 6 is worse that yesterday. Wanted to lay in bed. Not even work is keeping me from thinking about her and what she's doing. Chain smoking. Ughhh this sucks! Hard to resist not going to see her. I know an explanation won't do anything but it'd be nice to know why.
Author Heathcliff_201 Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Day 7 was easier than the last 6. I no longer have the nauseating feeling in my stomach. I know I disconnected her phone, but you can't pick up a pay phone? I'm feeling my instincts were right on her motives. Sucks because I really thought we had something special. Just writing this is starting to make me feel crappy. Finally had a decent breakfast, but I still skipped lunch. Appetite just isn't there.
veggirl Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 you should be happy she hasn't called. you are too weak to say no, so honestly she is doing you a favor by not getting in touch. focus on you, focus on why you are attracted to um, fixer uppers (to be polite)
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