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Does IRL dating work better than OLDing?

HappyLove

By HappyLove
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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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OLDing is easy peasy. You look through a bunch of pictures view their stats and decide whether to approach or not. Except its not so easy, people are flakes, dishonest, and hardly ever even look like their pics. It's hard to even get a relationship started because the grass is always greener and you think you've found a match but he/she has jumped to the next awesome profile. Yes, you can meet people with this same mentality IRL but it doesn't seem to happen as frequent. I can meet a random guy IRL exchange numbers and have a great relationship without knowing off the bat his job, income, children, what school he went to, if he wants kids...the list goes on and on. The downside is IRL most people, including me, don't want to get rejected or we're too busy to get out there and meet someone. OLDing has worked better for me in terms of meeting people but nothing substantial has come from it. I've tried it off and on for years and only go back because I'm not meeting anyone IRL. I'm over clubs/bars and don't approach men. What have you found works better for you in terms of finding a true committed relationship, OLDing or meeting IRL?

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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OLD hands down. Like you said, too busy to do the initial work IRL. After the preliminary stuff from OLD, your dating just like IRL, so it's just getting that first meet-up arranged and then you're on your own. Besides that, IRL, there's the risk of looking a little silly when you ask and find out that he/she is already dating. Oops. OLD, presumably, people are single, though there are those who lie about that too.

 

OLD has worked well for me. I believe the OLD gods are smiling at me right now. :) We'll see....more to share later.

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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OLD hands down. Like you said, too busy to do the initial work IRL. After the preliminary stuff from OLD, your dating just like IRL, so it's just getting that first meet-up arranged and then you're on your own. Besides that, IRL, there's the risk of looking a little silly when you ask and find out that he/she is already dating. Oops. OLD, presumably, people are single, though there are those who lie about that too.

 

OLD has worked well for me. I believe the OLD gods are smiling at me right now. :) We'll see....more to share later.

 

 

I'd prefer to meet IRL but hands down I meet WAY MORE people through OLDing BUT can't seem to get anything substantial started from the men I meet through OLDing. Good for you! I hope it works out!

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MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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In real life hands down. Not even close. I always believe everyone will do better in real life.

 

Humans were made to interact that way. In person. Not via computer screens.

 

Who you are, your personality, your aura, your everything -- shines through in person. The most important part of chemistry.

 

People you find in OLD look good on paper but you don't know what kind of chemistry you'll have. In person you know right away whether you have the spark or not.

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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In real life hands down. Not even close. I always believe everyone will do better in real life.

 

Humans were made to interact that way. In person. Not via computer screens.

 

 

 

I need to get over the fear of rejection because I think if you meet IRL the relationship goes much smoother, even if it doesn't work out in the end. There's a lot more games with OLDing.

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Brown-Eyez Established Member

Brown-Eyez

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you are also assuming that anyone you meet IRL is not also OLD..

 

i don't think they are as mutually exclusive anymore (esp anyone over 30)

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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In real life hands down. Not even close. I always believe everyone will do better in real life.

 

Humans were made to interact that way. In person. Not via computer screens.

 

Who you are, your personality, your aura, your everything -- shines through in person. The most important part of chemistry.

 

People you find in OLD look good on paper but you don't know what kind of chemistry you'll have. In person you know right away whether you have the spark or not.

 

Lovely idea except OLD is not solely about interacting with people on the computer screen. It's about finding someone to connect with (via computer screen :)) THEN the rest is IRL. I have no problems with beginning the process IRL, but that requires something I do not have much of....time, motivation to enter the real-life meat market and....time.

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Atem Established Member

Atem

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OLD hands down. Like you said, too busy to do the initial work IRL. After the preliminary stuff from OLD, your dating just like IRL, so it's just getting that first meet-up arranged and then you're on your own. Besides that, IRL, there's the risk of looking a little silly when you ask and find out that he/she is already dating. Oops. OLD, presumably, people are single, though there are those who lie about that too.

 

OLD has worked well for me. I believe the OLD gods are smiling at me right now. :) We'll see....more to share later.

 

This.

 

Maybe my view is skewed by the fact that I live in a relatively large urban area (DC) but OLD has worked very well for me.

 

In fact - it has worked for:

- finding a cute gal for random sex

- finding a cute gal for a several month long relationship (didn't work for the long-term but then again, the same goes for most relationships that started in RL)

- finding cute gals to be friends with

 

The reason why many people hate on OLD is because:

- it is very VERY look-heavy (i.e. your pics determine 95% of your success)

- you have to differentiate yourself even MORE from other guys - in RL, a "hey what's up" approach could work because you can interact directly and open the girl up after a few sentences. In OLD, you opening message must spark her interest or she'll never respond. Much harder...

- they think that just putting a profile up will get them laid the next day...

 

Regarding quality - I've had 1 single flake out of 25+ women and 0 crazy / needy / stalker-ish women. Didnt see too much of a difference from RL dating.

 

So, to sum up, OLD is just fine. If you have time for RL dating, go for it AND feel free to supplement it with OLD. If you're busy, OLD is your saving grace.

 

In any case, OLD works if you approach it correctly.

MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

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Lovely idea except OLD is not solely about interacting with people on the computer screen. It's about finding someone to connect with (via computer screen :)) THEN the rest is IRL. I have no problems with beginning the process IRL, but that requires something I do not have much of....time, motivation to enter the real-life meat market and....time.

 

From what I've read on here and experienced in real life -- online dating is like shopping. You search for what you want, and take it from there. They may be exactly what you're looking for to a T, but then after a few dates it fizzles out because there is no chemistry.

 

That's what makes OLD a lot more frustrating for most people than does IRL dating.

 

OLD you date multiple people who seem like a fit for you, whereas IRL you only ask out people you know are a fit for you.

 

In real life you're quick to decide "I like the way he/she carries themselves. I like the chemistry we have. I'm gonna ask them out."

 

OLD is "well I was looking for an athletic blonde who is college educated and that's what she is, so we should hit it off just fine."

 

But then you meet and that it factor is missing.

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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you are also assuming that anyone you meet IRL is not also OLD..

 

i don't think they are as mutually exclusive anymore (esp anyone over 30)

 

No, not assuming that at all. I just think MAYBE things are taken more seriously when you meet IRL vs OLDing.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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I want address a few things about OLD that I find most interesting:

 

1. Romantic? Romance is developed and if it happens by seeing someone from across a room, eye contact, then that seems rather premature. You can't and don't know someone from meeting them IRL than you do from OLD. In fact, I would argue that you are likely to know more about someone from OLD than from IRL dating providing you were strangers in the first place.

 

2. Sure, OLD is like shopping. So is IRL dating, but with a lot fewer options. I'm not saying that OLD is best, rather, it's another option that certainly works for people. Especially busy people and people who just don't have time to join every social group to find someone. I look at OLD as a sort of "blind date." But, via online.

 

The other issue is certainly GIGS. No doubt about this. You just hope that the people you meet are looking for an honest, committed relationship just as you would IRL. Once you get to know the person from OLD, the dating is NO DIFFERENT from IRL dating.

 

And where I am in my life, a single father of 2 young children, it's simply easier to find other single mothers with children. This way I can weed out the ladies that do not meet my most important core-value needs and have more control over who I date, meet.

 

I've done plenty of IRL dating and I just don't see any reason to return to it. But, again, that's b/c OLD works(ed) for me. :)

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fanine Established Member

fanine

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Real life hands down. Tried OLD once and hated it. Felt like was doing my online sainsburys supermarket order looking through the pix. Also I simply didn't have the time to spend on my computer checking profiles, answering emails. In the end I decided i would rather spend that time instead out in the real world trying to meet someone. And not in just bars or clubs....

All my relationships in real life have come from unexpected meetings, through friends, brother's friends, work etc, sports club. Guys I have actually known a little bit first before dating.

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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1. People who are desperate and try to hard O.L.D. (It's not normal / natural)

 

What was once NOT normal is quite the norm and what was NOT natural seems to be quite natural for those who are successful in OLD. As for desperate, certainly there are those who are and likely b/c IRL doesn't work for them for various nefarious and social-anxiety reasons.

 

If I'm desperate, well then, my desperation has worked out well for me.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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OLD: More quantity of dates. One has to OLD very often to find one good match.

 

 

IRL: Much higher quality of dates. One has to date less to find a good match because IRL only a good match will result in a date.

 

 

As for getting a relationship going. My experience has been that any relationship I had that lasted and felt special had a "meet cute" story. Somehow meeting online just does not have the magic moment(s) I need for a relationship to feel like something worth while.

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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The Prom Queen / King doesn't need O.L.D. and wouldn't be caught dead on it.

 

Guess you weren't the Prom King and more than likely played the Tuba in the School Band. Hence, O.L.D. for you.

 

Not what me or normal "healthy" people are looking for. Main reason we don't O.L.D.

 

The ends justify the means, huh?

 

Before you count your chickens before they hatch... Give it a few years first.

 

Skid Mark,

 

You got me ALL wrong. :)

 

Not the prom king and played the clarinet. :) Like I said, did the IRL and it ALSO worked for me. I've never had any problems dating IRL or OLD. But under current circumstances, much more convenient to OLD.

 

I'm willing to bet that I'm as healthy or healthier than you are. I have yet to meet a crazy person from OLD and I've been doing it ONLY for close to 2-years.

 

And your reference to ends justifying the means, well, that is as dubious of a statement to make considering you have no idea how I approach dating in general.

 

Again, OLD dating works for some and not for others. And there are plenty of unhealthy, crazy people in IRL as readily witnessed by the posts her on LS.

Edited by soccerrprp
soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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My father who become a widower at 42 (with 5 kids) managed just fine without it but to each their own.

 

Skid Mark,

 

How old are you? Did OLD even exist when your father became a widower? :)

Atem Established Member

Atem

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Ah hell...

 

OLD is new and hence still carries the stigma of not being "normal" with it.

 

In 10-20 years, it'll be completely assimilated into our dating culture and will then be considered perfectly "normal"

 

As for the RLD vs OLD question - do whatever works/you feel comfy with, man.

 

I've tried both and both have worked for me. Did I find the woman of my dreams? NO - neither in RL nor online. However that is not a function of the mode of dating but merely of pure luck.

 

Will keep looking and having fun in the process - both on- and offline.

 

I'm tired of this "what's better" argument. Just do what works - nuff said.

 

Now - close thread plz.

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Brown-Eyez Established Member

Brown-Eyez

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this thread is depressing..

 

so many people make OLD as something just for losers or those with 'social anxiety' issues (which is kinda of saying 'loser' in a nicer way)

 

if anyone has gone to meetup groups/church stuff/volunteering activities (and btw they are strangers to each other anyway) they mainly consist of single women & guys in relationship already, not so great if you are a single woman :(

 

OLD is my main option and if & when I venture out into the dating world again my biggest worry from what i've been learning here on LS is the GIGS problem..

 

and I have still NO IDEA how to work around that potential landmine :eek:

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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this thread is depressing..

 

so many people make OLD as something just for losers or those with 'social anxiety' issues (which is kinda of saying 'loser' in a nicer way)

 

if anyone has gone to meetup groups/church stuff/volunteering activities (and btw they are strangers to each other anyway) they mainly consist of single women & guys in relationship already, not so great if you are a single woman :(

 

OLD is my main option and if & when I venture out into the dating world again my biggest worry from what i've been learning here on LS is the GIGS problem..

 

and I have still NO IDEA how to work around that potential landmine :eek:

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with OLDing just wondering if there's more success meeting IRL. Gigs sucks but at least you're going in aware of that problem. When your new to OLDing and your clueless about how it can be you're at a disadvantage. But go in knowing some of the downsides and your ahead.

Brown-Eyez Established Member

Brown-Eyez

Posted
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As for getting a relationship going. My experience has been that any relationship I had that lasted and felt special had a "meet cute" story. Somehow meeting online just does not have the magic moment(s) I need for a relationship to feel like something worth while.

 

maybe that's been your experience, but the whole 'meet cute' story?

i think that can happen even in the OLD world, its that magic that comes from that first meeting..

 

i know it happens cuz i've experienced that magic (it's known as the chemistry or spark between 2 people) and its just as special (he & I would talk about that first meeting: the restaurant, what we said, what we thought about each other, what we did, etc.)

same as the random meeting (which i've had too)

Brown-Eyez Established Member

Brown-Eyez

Posted
Posted
Gigs sucks but at least you're going in aware of that problem. When your new to OLDing and your clueless about how it can be you're at a disadvantage. But go in knowing some of the downsides and your ahead.

 

yeah i might NOW know about GIGS but what to do about it..a very different story :sick:

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

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All relationships I have had came from IRL meetings.

 

 

 

I honestly chalk it up to the fact that a man really has to want to talk to the woman in order for him to go up to her blindly and make something happen.

 

 

 

 

OLD is great, and I am all for it, I just noticed that with so many "easy" options it is difficult to find someone to build a real connection with.

Not impossible, as I know many people who met their SOs online.

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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yeah i might NOW know about GIGS but what to do about it..a very different story :sick:

 

Well there's nothing you can do, just move on to the next and protect your heart in the meantime.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted
What does that have to do with anything?

 

My dad was 42, a widower, 5 kids, ran his own business and managed to date IRL. I have several friends / co-workers who are divorced (with kids) and they date IRL also.

 

It works for you and you are happy with the results. Don't be so defensive.

 

Again, got me all wrong. :) The dangers of communicating via email, etc. no visual context to be had. Not offended at all.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted (edited)
this thread is depressing..

 

so many people make OLD as something just for losers or those with 'social anxiety' issues (which is kinda of saying 'loser' in a nicer way)

 

if anyone has gone to meetup groups/church stuff/volunteering activities (and btw they are strangers to each other anyway) they mainly consist of single women & guys in relationship already, not so great if you are a single woman :(

 

OLD is my main option and if & when I venture out into the dating world again my biggest worry from what i've been learning here on LS is the GIGS problem..

 

and I have still NO IDEA how to work around that potential landmine :eek:

 

The people, I find, that paint OLD users as losers, desperate, etc. are people who have had a miserable time with it. With those who have not AND have met some quality people form it, well, they don't see it that way.

 

Think about it...it is absolutely nutty to generalize in such a fashion. It is absolutely clear that OLD is not ONLY for the so-called desperate, insane, socially inept...that is all too clear.

 

There is no real way to avoid the GIGS, even for you there will be the temptation. But, believe me when I say that there are people who are OLDing that do not multi-date, do not succumb to the GIGS when they feel they've made a connection with someone. Your mission is to first get a date and then make the effort, honest, sincere, effort to make that connection so that that person doesn't go looking for the next best thing. Easier said than done, I know.

 

Good luck.

Edited by soccerrprp
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