Savy Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 My husband and I were together for two years and our relationship got serious very fast, I've always known that he was jealous and protective which he says he cant help because he is a cop but lately it just keeps annoying me, For example, If I have a day off and he is working when he texts me and if I delay replying for like 45mins or miss his calls he quizzes me on what the delay was and wont let it go until I tell him and although I tell him the truth he still doubts me and just says that its 'odd I didn't answer/reply' which can cause arguments between us because he drives me crazy when he does that, He will also come by our house when he is working to "see me". This caused a heated argument the other night between my husband and I which resulted in him smashing the bathroom mirror, he apologized straight away but I was so shocked I told him to get out and he spent the night at his friends place. The next morning he came home with flowers and said he acted like an a*shole, I was still angry & told him he would take more than just flowers and then left for work, That evening when I got home our place was full of his friends drinking and being loud and he knows that drives me crazy, I know he's doing it to get a reaction out of me, But I was so pissed off that he kept staring at me with a stupid smirk on his face, I wanted to scream at him. Instead I went upstairs changed and got ready to go out with the girls, when I came down he looked at me & asked where was I going, I told him since he was having a boys night, Im having girls night, He pulled me aside asking who was I going with, When he told me he loved me, I just smiled at him and walked out the door, He slammed the door behind me, When I was out he was constantly on my mind and I felt horrible and wanted to make things ok and clear the tension. When I got home he was already in bed & when I woke up he was gone to work. How can we fix this because as much as I love him sometimes I wonder why I married him. Any advice?
Author Savy Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Seriously guys, any advice at all??
winterpast Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) Sounds like you two need Marriage counseling. He's definitely acting jealous but I don't see the protectiveness? He's got controlling and trust issues. The acting out is immature. He's trying to get a reaction out of you and when it didn't work he got angry again. Therapy, therapy and more therapy, otherwise I don't see any other options for you besides divorce... Edited September 15, 2013 by winterpast
CarrieT Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Seriously guys, any advice at all?? For starters, it is Sunday and this site gets a lot more traffic on weekdays, during work hours... As to your issue with your husband, it sounds incredibly toxic and he sound far more controlling than I would be comfortable with. Is there a reason he is so suspicious of your actions? Like Winterpast said, I think you should consider marriage counseling. You two need to learn to communicate better together and stop playing passive/aggressive games. If you can't talk openly and honestly about the problems, start a back-up plan for an eventual break-up because I can't see you wanting to live this way your entire life.
MarieMc Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Dear Savy, What you have described is not a normal or healthy relationship. Your husband is showing controlling behavior that will, if not addressed, become worse. Please look at this website: The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Abuse Defined Your husband's jealousy and violent behavior is not protectiveness, it's controlling and abusive, and being a cop doesn't make it OK. This will escalate if he doesn't get the help he needs. And if he refuses to get help, you need to get out of this relationship for your own safety. There are people who you can talk to about your situation. They can tell you what specific steps you can take. Call 1-800-799-7233 to talk to them. You CAN make this situation better. Good luck to you. Sincerely, Marie 2
Lauriebell82 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I agree with marriage counseling. He has some control issues that need addressed. For the record though, he was wrong for having a boy's night without consulting you, however getting "revenge" on him by going out with your friends didn't help the situation. It made it much worse. You both need some help in communicating with each other in a healthy manner.
crederer Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I don't get why him being a cop is an explanation for being jealous and controling.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I don't get why him being a cop is an explanation for being jealous and controling. I think it's more of a justification then an explanation.
stillafool Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 How can we fix this because as much as I love him sometimes I wonder why I married him. Any advice? You can fix this today by making dinner and having something sexy on when he gets home acting as if you don't have a care in the world. He'll get over it fast enough, trust me.
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