destroyed life after breakup

[send_me_flowers]

Stay NC. He cheated on you, tattooed this woman's name on his arm while the two of you were still together, and broke up with you for her. Do not allow him to even cross your mind.

 

Go out and enjoy your life. Exercise, do the things you enjoy, and spend lots of time with your family and friends. Take care of yourself and treat yourself well.

 

 

thank you heartshaped they are true words...

 

its just i feel like there was something wrong with me i done what i could to be there for him everyway possible and thats what i got....

 

i have been in NC andi won"t contact him in a million years. its just hard to stop thinking about him he doesnt deserve my thoughts but i cant help that

 

i am going to get active and try to enjoy things in life again..

 

hopefully i will heal soon and move on in life and never let myself be treated that way again...

[melell]

You will feel better in time, trust me. I think it is hard because we always underestimate how capable people are of hurting us.

 

You don't need to waste your energy on someone that doesn't value you, it isn't logical to do that. Also, what ever he did to get the conviction he ran the risk of going to jail, and in doing that he ran the risk of being alone and not being in a healthy relationship for that time.

 

You deserve to be with someone who wouldn't risk losing you. Period.

[send_me_flowers]

I wouldn't say that either. We are not mind readers.

 

 

thats how it seems to me... if he had any feelings he would not have hurt me this way....

 

he would have done the decent thing and came to me and said instead of running a mile and shatter my heart into a million pieces

 

but you are right we are not mind readers but still he is not a nice person to care

[send_me_flowers]

You will feel better in time, trust me. I think it is hard because we always underestimate how capable people are of hurting us.

 

You don't need to waste your energy on someone that doesn't value you, it isn't logical to do that. Also, what ever he did to get the conviction he ran the risk of going to jail, and in doing that he ran the risk of being alone and not being in a healthy relationship for that time.

 

You deserve to be with someone who wouldn't risk losing you. Period.

 

 

thank you for your advice...

 

he was already on his way to jail as he commited the crime before he knew me.

 

but falling for him i was willing to wait. which i did and he just did what he wanted to in the end,

 

i was to navie to think i could trust him and believed that he loved me but he never did

 

he obviously had no feelings for me to hurt me this way. thats what hurts me more how he went about things he became the man i never fell inlove with.

 

he is happy while i am suffering and i dont know how and why that can be. i suppose i will never know neither

[stormer1092]

thats how it seems to me... if he had any feelings he would not have hurt me this way....

 

he would have done the decent thing and came to me and said instead of running a mile and shatter my heart into a million pieces

 

but you are right we are not mind readers but still he is not a nice person to care

 

But ask yourself this.. Right now you're not over him 100% wouldn't having him call you make things worse? I know right now if my ex contacted me I wouldn't return it. To early for that.

[send_me_flowers]

But ask yourself this.. Right now you're not over him 100% wouldn't having him call you make things worse? I know right now if my ex contacted me I wouldn't return it. To early for that.

 

 

i dont think i will ever be over him stomer i love him so much it hurts me...

i thought i would be with him for the long run. it kills me to think he can get on without me in his life, i thought i made some kind of impact in his heart i never did.

 

i suppose he is getting on with life living and doing his thing wish i could let go of his memory i feel like i am becoming obsessed he is all i think about 24/7

[Recovered]

Hi Flowers-

 

What happened to you is horrible. It's one thing to end a relationship; people do it, for whatever their reasons, and there's no shame in it. But it's a completely different thing to abuse someone so painfully and so directly as your ex did to you.

 

You deserve all the sympathy and kindness that your friends - both in real-life and virtual on the internet - can give you. But you will heal, you will recover, and I guarantee that you will come out stronger because of this.

 

The pain you feel is real. Any rejection hurts, and rejection in favor of another is even more brutal. Combined with the lies, the deception... it's just as painful as physical injuries, and activates the same pain areas of the brain.

 

It's great - really, really, REALLY great! - that you've managed to maintain no contact. That is the single best thing you can do.

 

Another suggestion I have from reading your posts is to really try to put your focus on yourself and your future, NOT on your ex and the past. I know it's easy to say and so hard to do. But you don't want to be in the role of victim for the rest of your days, where this story, and your victimhood, defines you. Imagine that in one year, you meet a new person, and within 10 minutes you start to tell the story of this breakup, the tattoo, etc.

 

It's horrible. That tattoo is NOT who you are... and NOT who you will be.

 

Hobbies, activities, courses, work, friends, charity, volunteering, travel, sports, shopping... whatever floats your boat, try to throw yourself into things. Old activities you love, new things you've always wanted to try.

 

What he's thinking about now, how he feels about you, what he's doing now... none of that matters. You have to accept that you will always have unanswered questions... and the reality is that it just doesn't matter. The ONLY thing that matters is YOU and YOUR future.

 

You can't control a lot of things in life. But I do guarantee that you will be a lot happier with yourself in 3 months if you start to do things now, instead of laying around on the bed going over every detail of a relationship that is past, wallowing in the injustice and the tattoo and the pain.

 

Being dumped hurts so much, but you will heal. Everyone does eventually. The real question is how much time you’re going to waste before you do… and how many other important things you’ll destroy in the process, like friendships, family ties, school/career, your health, and more.

 

It really is great that you have maintained no contact. Keep that going, and gradually start pushing yourself to do things...and I promise you that little by little, the colors will begin to shine again, and you'll emerge from this as a deeper, stronger, more confident version of the "Flowers" that is writing these posts now :)

[stormer1092]

i dont think i will ever be over him stomer i love him so much it hurts me...

i thought i would be with him for the long run. it kills me to think he can get on without me in his life, i thought i made some kind of impact in his heart i never did.

 

i suppose he is getting on with life living and doing his thing wish i could let go of his memory i feel like i am becoming obsessed he is all i think about 24/7

 

Yea I know what you mean there. My ex was always afraid of loosing me and then ends up leaving me for someone else. I mean to the point where she would cry if I talked to another girl. Kinda twisted right? I also thought after 3.5 years I would be with her for the long haul also. But you can't obsess over someone. What I do when I start missing her is say "NOPE" and get up and do something. I'll for a walk, go see friends, go see family, longboarding stuff just to get my mind off it.

[reddragon588]

Might I suggest joining Meetup.com to meet new people? I have made some new friends after using the website to find local activities. Like you, many of my friends and social life revolved around my ex. When she broke up with me, it pretty much shattered my social life as I wasn't sure where to go to hang out with people. Meetup has helped me find other people looking to make new friends. I think it would be beneficial for you too!

[send_me_flowers]

Hi Flowers-

 

What happened to you is horrible. It's one thing to end a relationship; people do it, for whatever their reasons, and there's no shame in it. But it's a completely different thing to abuse someone so painfully and so directly as your ex did to you.

 

You deserve all the sympathy and kindness that your friends - both in real-life and virtual on the internet - can give you. But you will heal, you will recover, and I guarantee that you will come out stronger because of this.

 

The pain you feel is real. Any rejection hurts, and rejection in favor of another is even more brutal. Combined with the lies, the deception... it's just as painful as physical injuries, and activates the same pain areas of the brain.

 

It's great - really, really, REALLY great! - that you've managed to maintain no contact. That is the single best thing you can do.

 

Another suggestion I have from reading your posts is to really try to put your focus on yourself and your future, NOT on your ex and the past. I know it's easy to say and so hard to do. But you don't want to be in the role of victim for the rest of your days, where this story, and your victimhood, defines you. Imagine that in one year, you meet a new person, and within 10 minutes you start to tell the story of this breakup, the tattoo, etc.

 

It's horrible. That tattoo is NOT who you are... and NOT who you will be.

 

Hobbies, activities, courses, work, friends, charity, volunteering, travel, sports, shopping... whatever floats your boat, try to throw yourself into things. Old activities you love, new things you've always wanted to try.

 

What he's thinking about now, how he feels about you, what he's doing now... none of that matters. You have to accept that you will always have unanswered questions... and the reality is that it just doesn't matter. The ONLY thing that matters is YOU and YOUR future.

 

You can't control a lot of things in life. But I do guarantee that you will be a lot happier with yourself in 3 months if you start to do things now, instead of laying around on the bed going over every detail of a relationship that is past, wallowing in the injustice and the tattoo and the pain.

 

Being dumped hurts so much, but you will heal. Everyone does eventually. The real question is how much time you’re going to waste before you do… and how many other important things you’ll destroy in the process, like friendships, family ties, school/career, your health, and more.

 

It really is great that you have maintained no contact. Keep that going, and gradually start pushing yourself to do things...and I promise you that little by little, the colors will begin to shine again, and you'll emerge from this as a deeper, stronger, more confident version of the "Flowers" that is writing these posts now :)

 

thank you for your reply im so hurt how he has gone about things with me. i really loved him and still do. but he has no feelings for me whatsoever i could be dead for all he cared he has not tried to reach out to me in the 5 weeks nc....

 

i was his rock through a bad time he had in his life and i was always there whenever he needed me. i was a good person to him.

 

i am at a lost and i dont know what to do.. i hope he will realize he lost someone who really loved him and would have stuck by him thriugh everything

 

it makes me so sad that i am not the girl he loved i thought i met the one for me but he put me through hell

[send_me_flowers]

Yea I know what you mean there. My ex was always afraid of loosing me and then ends up leaving me for someone else. I mean to the point where she would cry if I talked to another girl. Kinda twisted right? I also thought after 3.5 years I would be with her for the long haul also. But you can't obsess over someone. What I do when I start missing her is say "NOPE" and get up and do something. I'll for a walk, go see friends, go see family, longboarding stuff just to get my mind off it.

 

 

its so hard to be replaced by someone else when we love them so much it makes no sense, to hurt people who love you. but who knows what the future holds i dont think i will ever hear from him again

[stormer1092]

its so hard to be replaced by someone else when we love them so much it makes no sense, to hurt people who love you. but who knows what the future holds i dont think i will ever hear from him again

 

Man I also read that you helped him through a hard time also. Seems like our relationship/breakups were similar in many ways. But yea only time will tell.

[send_me_flowers]

Might I suggest joining Meetup.com to meet new people? I have made some new friends after using the website to find local activities. Like you, many of my friends and social life revolved around my ex. When she broke up with me, it pretty much shattered my social life as I wasn't sure where to go to hang out with people. Meetup has helped me find other people looking to make new friends. I think it would be beneficial for you too!

 

i will try that site thank you... its hard when you are replaced by someone else you feel so hurt and not good enough for anyone it shayyers you as a person i just wish i was my happy self again

[send_me_flowers]

Man I also read that you helped him through a hard time also. Seems like our relationship/breakups were similar in many ways. But yea only time will tell.

 

yes stormer i posted on my heart has been ripped out. that explains the background stroy

 

we have been through this hurt in abad way. we both in ways have had our hearts ripped out. we all deserve the happiness and love

 

one thing i have promised myself is when i am healed and moving on i will stay on here and help other people in their time of need with my experinces and advice just like i am being helped now

[send_me_flowers]

you have to take the rough with the smooth

 

sorry but that does not make any sense to me??

[seekingpeaceinlove]

"Nothing is at it seems."

 

You may see happy pictures of your ex but they could be miserable inside.

You may assume your ex is miserable but they're actually doing really well without you.

Your neighbor, family, friends may seem happy but you never know what they're really going through.

 

Don't assume or guess. Do you really want to know what's going on with your ex? Nothing is ever as it seems but bottom line is...they are no longer a part of your life. They chose to cut you out of theirs. It doesn't matter what they are thinking, feeling, or doing. It is no longer your business..no longer your concern.

 

Don't waste your time any more wondering about someone who doesn't really love you. Go live your life!

Edited September 16, 2013 by seekingpeaceinlove

[send_me_flowers]

"Nothing is at it seems."

 

You may see happy pictures of your ex but they could be miserable inside.

You may assume your ex is miserable but they're actually doing really well without you.

Your neighbor, family, friends may seem happy but you never know what they're really going through.

 

Don't assume or guess. Do you really want to know what's going on with your ex? Nothing is ever as it seems but bottom line is...they are no longer a part of your life. They chose to cut you out of theirs. It doesn't matter what they are thinking, feeling, or doing. It is no longer your business..no longer your concern.

 

OUCH that hurt as hell!!! i know what your saying is right but it still hurt. its hard when its fresh still in my heart and mind.

 

thank you for the reply though

[Recovered]

thank you for your reply im so hurt how he has gone about things with me. i really loved him and still do. but he has no feelings for me whatsoever i could be dead for all he cared he has not tried to reach out to me in the 5 weeks nc....

 

i was his rock through a bad time he had in his life and i was always there whenever he needed me. i was a good person to him.

 

i am at a lost and i dont know what to do.. i hope he will realize he lost someone who really loved him and would have stuck by him thriugh everything

 

I hope that the responses from me and the others will gradually start to help you see reality.

 

I know it's hard to imagine now, but what he thinks doesn't matter. Not now, not next, not in the future. Your relationship with him is over, so what he thinks does not matter.

 

When you have a relationship with him, his opinion matters. But now your relationship is past, and especially given how he ended it, he's shown that he is not a person whose judgment is valuable.

 

it makes me so sad that i am not the girl he loved i thought i met the one for me but he put me through hell

 

You write this idea in so many ways in your thread: the question of what does HE think, how does HE feel towards you, what is HE doing. But it doesn't matter.

 

its hard when you are replaced by someone else you feel so hurt and not good enough for anyone

 

Again: repeat to yourself over and over that HE DOESN'T MATTER IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. His views, his opinions, his way of looking at life: it doesn't matter because he isn't in your life anymore, he's proven that he shouldn't be in your life anymore, he's shown that his opinion is without value, and he will never matter in your life anymore.

 

The only thing that matters is YOU and YOUR FUTURE.

 

Being dumped hurts so much, but you will heal. Everyone does eventually. The real question is how much time you’re going to waste before you do… and how many other important things you’ll destroy in the process, like friendships, family ties, school/career, your health, and more.

 

There are a lot of things you can do to minimize the pain and speed up your recovery. Everyone makes mistakes in the recovery process, everyone goes through the begging and pleading stages, everyone wallows and feels self-pity and self-hatred. But the sooner you push yourself to recognize the reality of the situation and put the focus on YOU and how wonderful YOUR life is going to be, the sooner you'll feel better.

 

I created a website with lots of detailed information about both the science of why you're hurting so much and positive steps to take to recover smoothly and strongly. Take a look if you're interested:

 

breakuprecoveryguide.com

You really seem sensitive, caring, and kind, and I'm sure that all your positive qualities will be sparkling soon enough. There will be bad days, and they will outnumber the good days for quite a while, but gradually you'll recover and be stronger and more confident thanks to this experience.

[send_me_flowers]

I hope that the responses from me and the others will gradually start to help you see reality.

 

I know it's hard to imagine now, but what he thinks doesn't matter. Not now, not next, not in the future. Your relationship with him is over, so what he thinks does not matter.

 

When you have a relationship with him, his opinion matters. But now your relationship is past, and especially given how he ended it, he's shown that he is not a person whose judgment is valuable.

 

 

 

You write this idea in so many ways in your thread: the question of what does HE think, how does HE feel towards you, what is HE doing. But it doesn't matter.

 

 

 

Again: repeat to yourself over and over that HE DOESN'T MATTER IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. His views, his opinions, his way of looking at life: it doesn't matter because he isn't in your life anymore, he's proven that he shouldn't be in your life anymore, he's shown that his opinion is without value, and he will never matter in your life anymore.

 

The only thing that matters is YOU and YOUR FUTURE.

 

Being dumped hurts so much, but you will heal. Everyone does eventually. The real question is how much time you’re going to waste before you do… and how many other important things you’ll destroy in the process, like friendships, family ties, school/career, your health, and more.

 

There are a lot of things you can do to minimize the pain and speed up your recovery. Everyone makes mistakes in the recovery process, everyone goes through the begging and pleading stages, everyone wallows and feels self-pity and self-hatred. But the sooner you push yourself to recognize the reality of the situation and put the focus on YOU and how wonderful YOUR life is going to be, the sooner you'll feel better.

 

I created a website with lots of detailed information about both the science of why you're hurting so much and positive steps to take to recover smoothly and strongly. Take a look if you're interested:

 

breakuprecoveryguide.com

You really seem sensitive, caring, and kind, and I'm sure that all your positive qualities will be sparkling soon enough. There will be bad days, and they will outnumber the good days for quite a while, but gradually you'll recover and be stronger and more confident thanks to this experience.

 

 

thank you recovered its just knowing i wont see or hear from him again makes me sad. but i suppose its like a death only that person choses to not be with us...

 

he couldnt see me for the kind loving person i was with him. you are right none of this matters what he thinks.

 

i made a pact with myself when my ex ex bf left me, never to beg and plead because i did and that made me feel awful, so thats why i havent with this one, i have gone strict NC but so has he too. why should we have to beg for someone to be in our lives when they obviously dont want to be. my pact with this ex bf is to never let myself be treated that way again by anyone. so i will be stronger from this

 

time is only all our friends but sometimes time is short. i dont want to be this was in 3 months down the road i would like the pain to be gone

 

he may have chossen to not be with me. but thats his LOSS and someone else GAIN. like all of us who have been dumped and hurt by someone we love

 

when you hurt someone so much? for no reason that is a really cruel act to do. it says something is not right with that person. i am going to be like this for a little while and than im going to put my big girl pants on and just accept this situation and that is. HES NOT IN MY LIFE BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO BE....

 

so therefore he doesnt care what i am going through because not only as he denied me as a fiance he has denied me as a person, he never really loved me,

 

thank you recoverd for our words and taking time to talk to me. it has really helped me.

 

i will read that link also thank you

 

also i posted in my heart has been ripped out that explains everything he put me through

 

kind regards

 

send me flowers

Edited September 17, 2013 by send_me_flowers

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I know it hurts. Trust me, we all here know that you feel the hurt in the depths of your soul. Your ex was your habit, your routine, your every day, your everything and now they're gone. Poof. It's almost like you have to learn to live life again...without them. Watching your fave shows, going out, cooking, sleeping...you have to do these things without them. Yes, it f*cking hurts.

 

BUT you will learn to live again.. on your own. You will enjoy life again.. on your own. The pain will pass and the attachment/addiction to that ex will eventually fade away.

 

I know it's impossible to see that now but have hope. It does get better. Accept that the relationship is over and then you will start to heal.

 

Good luck and (BIG HUGS).

 

 

 

"Nothing is at it seems."

 

You may see happy pictures of your ex but they could be miserable inside.

You may assume your ex is miserable but they're actually doing really well without you.

Your neighbor, family, friends may seem happy but you never know what they're really going through.

 

Don't assume or guess. Do you really want to know what's going on with your ex? Nothing is ever as it seems but bottom line is...they are no longer a part of your life. They chose to cut you out of theirs. It doesn't matter what they are thinking, feeling, or doing. It is no longer your business..no longer your concern.

 

OUCH that hurt as hell!!! i know what your saying is right but it still hurt. its hard when its fresh still in my heart and mind.

 

thank you for the reply though

[seekingpeaceinlove]

The way your ex treated you says everything you need to know about who he truly is as a person.

 

The way he treated you says nothing about you.

 

Continue to be loving, kind, and a good person and when you're really ready, the right one will come along and reciprocate the love that you so richly deserve.

[send_me_flowers]

The way your ex treated you says everything you need to know about who he truly is as a person.

 

The way he treated you says nothing about you.

 

Continue to be loving, kind, and a good person and when you're really ready, the right one will come along and reciprocate the love that you so richly deserve.

 

 

thank you for your kind words, he did treat me awful maybe im better off without him

[send_me_flowers]

hi all

 

i am thinking of breaking NC its nearly been 6 weeks since me and my ex bf spoke do you guys think it would be a good idea

[Ansem]

I was reading your other thread and after what he has done to you, never contact him again. I can only imagine how much you are hurting right now but please for your own sake never speak with him again. At the moment you are letting your emotions get in the way and aren't thinking things clearly. This might not be what you want to hear but it's the best advice anyone will give you. Move on and eventually you will find a guy that's 10x better than your ex. You ladies need to be treated with respect and being cheated on is not. Don't let *******s like him keep controlling your life.

 

Put it this way, at your current mindset what's the best possible scenario? You contact him, you get back together and a couple months down the road you'll find out he cheated on you again. By taking him back you are only showing him he can do whatever he wants and still have you there. Don't take this harshly I'm only trying to help, you deserve so much more. Stay strong!

[send_me_flowers]

I was reading your other thread and after what he has done to you, never contact him again. I can only imagine how much you are hurting right now but please for your own sake never speak with him again. At the moment you are letting your emotions get in the way and aren't thinking things clearly. This might not be what you want to hear but it's the best advice anyone will give you. Move on and eventually you will find a guy that's 10x better than your ex. You ladies need to be treated with respect and being cheated on is not. Don't let *******s like him keep controlling your life.

 

Put it this way, at your current mindset what's the best possible scenario? You contact him, you get back together and a couple months down the road you'll find out he cheated on you again. By taking him back you are only showing him he can do whatever he wants and still have you there. Don't take this harshly I'm only trying to help, you deserve so much more. Stay strong!

 

 

thank you so much that is what i needed to hear, you may have saved me from a worse time, i suppose i was thinking that if i did it would show him i cared but i shouldnt and you are right, i dont take anything you said the wrong way its the right way, thank you very much for your reply.

 

i suppose i dont understand why he hasnt tried to see if im ok but truth is he dont and never has cared, also he never had admitted he cheated but i obviously know he has, hes that much of a dumb**** that even had her name imprinted on his arm:)

 

maybe one day he will reap what he sow:bunny:

 

and i will meet someone who will be 10 times better :bunny:

 

thank you