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He forgot my birthday. How do I handle?

kiley22

By kiley22
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Skyraider829 Established Member

Skyraider829

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Chill out.. that's why I'm here asking for thoughts. And no, he wasn't two days late. I totally would have been fine if he was late with it. He knew it was coming up but didn't acknowledge it on the day or long after it passed.

 

Chill out? Hmmm. Didn't realize I was coming off all hot and bothered - which I wasn't by the way.

 

What if there were problems in his family or job?

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kiley22 Member

kiley22

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Chill out? Hmmm. Didn't realize I was coming off all hot and bothered - which I wasn't by the way.

 

What if there were problems in his family or job?

 

 

Thanks for clarifying Skyraider. If you read through my posts, the issue isn't him forgetting my birthday, it's much bigger than that. If there were problems with his family or job, he should feel comfortable telling me about it so I can help him through it. He's putting in zero effort at this point. I asked him when we could celebrate my birthday almost 24 hours ago - no response from him. Nothing. Meanwhile, he's active on his social media so that shows just how important I am to him.

Skyraider829 Established Member

Skyraider829

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Oh...Okay. I see where you are coming from now.

 

No offense, but you say this is an LDR thingy, correct? Have you met and interacted with fairly often in person? Or this is more of a FB or Twitter kind of interaction?

 

If its mainly indirect (non-personal) communication over the internet, then it could be easy to let a birthday slip as sometimes FB / Twitter interactions don't hold the essennce that an actual person-to-person interaction does. If you and him are together frequently in person and hitting it off well then him blatantly forgetting your birthday is a little suggestive and question-provoking and I understand why you'd be curious as to why he let something slip.

PogoStick Established Member

PogoStick

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If I were the guy I'd break up with her for the immaturity, testing, and poor communication skills.

candie13 Established Member

candie13

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Three months is a lot of time. He knew it was your birthday... at some point, but just didn't care to acknowledge it. Call or make plans with you, hell, why not even pay a visit? You are his gf, no?

 

Men will only work as hard as they have to. If you are not a priority of his now, at the beginning, when will you be a priority? I mean a bloody phone call, puuhleasee!

 

I've been in a similar situation and having learnt it the hard way, I can tell you one thing: it never gets better. Call him out on his behavior, if you think he's worth the trouble.

 

I'd simply make my peace with it and call it a day. So many other men out there that will treat you better, that will give you the attention you obviously desire.

 

The most important thing here is not to downplay what YOU want. It's your life and your happiness, your deal breakers. Express them and live by them, there's no other way of being happy, if you ask me.

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kiley22 Member

kiley22

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Three months is a lot of time. He knew it was your birthday... at some point, but just didn't care to acknowledge it. Call or make plans with you, hell, why not even pay a visit? You are his gf, no?

 

Men will only work as hard as they have to. If you are not a priority of his now, at the beginning, when will you be a priority? I mean a bloody phone call, puuhleasee!

 

I've been in a similar situation and having learnt it the hard way, I can tell you one thing: it never gets better. Call him out on his behavior, if you think he's worth the trouble.

 

I'd simply make my peace with it and call it a day. So many other men out there that will treat you better, that will give you the attention you obviously desire.

 

The most important thing here is not to downplay what YOU want. It's your life and your happiness, your deal breakers. Express them and live by them, there's no other way of being happy, if you ask me.

 

 

 

Thanks, I agree. I've already had a long conversation with him when he was here last about what my expectations were for the relationship. He made a big show about how he was going to work really hard for it. I don't need to call him out on anything to be at peace. I've laid out my expectations from the start. He's the one that isn't following through with his promises so it's on him, not me. Every move that he's making now -- ignoring my text, not calling me, not telling me when we can see each other again, -- we've talked about how these are deal breakers for me so he's fully aware that he's not delivering.

 

I can walk away with this with a clear conscience. I'm letting go and not contacting him again.

candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
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Men need to chase a woman, in order to appreciate her. If they don't, chances are they are taking her for granted. You are a smart girl, well done! If he's smart and is able to recognize a good thing when he see it, he'll start moving his booty.

 

keep us posted, if anything new happens.

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kiley22 Member

kiley22

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Men need to chase a woman, in order to appreciate her. If they don't, chances are they are taking her for granted. You are a smart girl, well done! If he's smart and is able to recognize a good thing when he see it, he'll start moving his booty.

 

keep us posted, if anything new happens.

 

Right on candie13. To recap, I texted him on Sunday asking when we could get together to celebrate in response to his text about how he can't wait to celebrate with me. He didn't text back until yesterday, 2 days later. He said that I should know that he can't get me out of his mind. Thinking about me like crazy and wishes he could celebrate with me.

 

Same old stuff he's been telling me week to week. I think it's his way of keeping me as an option while making minimal effort. If he was really thinking about me he would call me and try to figure out the next time he could see me correct? At least talk it through with me.

 

I haven't responded yet. I'm debating whether or not just to end it since he's not stepping up. Thoughts?

Edited by kiley22
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Ignore him. He will wonder what happened and if he's interested, will contact. But if it's the same old crap, ignore again. In the meantime, set up dates with other guys or see what sorts of events are happening locally and go. Let him see that your life goes on quite well, maybe better, without him. He will automatically assume you went with a guy. Just be vague.

 

I've dated high profile men and it's not really worth the aggravation.

 

Are you dating Anthony Weiner by any chance? :p

Edited by FitChick
curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

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Right on candie13. To recap, I texted him on Sunday asking when we could get together to celebrate in response to his text about how he can't wait to celebrate with me. He didn't text back until yesterday, 2 days later. He said that I should know that he can't get me out of his mind. Thinking about me like crazy and wishes he could celebrate with me.

 

Same old stuff he's been telling me week to week. I think it's his way of keeping me as an option while making minimal effort. If he was really thinking about me he would call me and try to figure out the next time he could see me correct? At least talk it through with me.

 

I haven't responded yet. I'm debating whether or not just to end it since he's not stepping up. Thoughts?

 

You're being very smart here and I know how hard it is.

 

His words and actions aren't lining up which is a big red flag.

 

The one thing I noticed for sure. You asked him a very pointed question. 'When can we get together to celebrate?'. His answer of something like 'you should know that I can't get you out of my mind....' is not an answer.

 

He is avoiding giving you an answer. He's trying to make you happy and keep you content with all of these sweet nothings but remember, they are sweet nothings. They don't mean anything unless they are backed up by actions.

 

Good luck to you, you sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders.

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candie13 Established Member

candie13

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Right on candie13. To recap, I texted him on Sunday asking when we could get together to celebrate in response to his text about how he can't wait to celebrate with me. He didn't text back until yesterday, 2 days later. He said that I should know that he can't get me out of his mind. Thinking about me like crazy and wishes he could celebrate with me.

 

Same old stuff he's been telling me week to week. I think it's his way of keeping me as an option while making minimal effort. If he was really thinking about me he would call me and try to figure out the next time he could see me correct? At least talk it through with me.

 

I haven't responded yet. I'm debating whether or not just to end it since he's not stepping up. Thoughts?

 

blah blah blah, a man who "cannot wait to celebrate with u" and who "cannot get you out of your mind" won't just say those things. He will make sure you get out of his head into his arms pronto. The only thing he showed is that he is good with words.

 

Don't respond. If he text again, respond late. Be busy. See just how much he's willing to budge.

 

It's not a negotiation table, he is supposed to want to spend time with you out of his own will, you're not supposed to play mind games in order for him to actually physically do something about it. It looks really bad. I'd just delete his contact and disappear. Waste of time.

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kiley22 Member

kiley22

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You're being very smart here and I know how hard it is.

 

His words and actions aren't lining up which is a big red flag.

 

The one thing I noticed for sure. You asked him a very pointed question. 'When can we get together to celebrate?'. His answer of something like 'you should know that I can't get you out of my mind....' is not an answer.

 

He is avoiding giving you an answer. He's trying to make you happy and keep you content with all of these sweet nothings but remember, they are sweet nothings. They don't mean anything unless they are backed up by actions.

 

Good luck to you, you sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders.

 

 

Thank you. Your thoughts mean a lot. I'm not going to respond to the last text but I'm pretty sure he will text me with more sweet nothings. When he does text me again, I've decided I'm just going to tell him what you said... that his words and actions don't line up. If he wants to talk, he can call me. If he's a coward, he'll disappear. My closure is being able to tell him that. Like I said from the start, making someone look you in the eye when you make a promise is sacred to me. If you do that - you better be darn sure you do everything you can to live up to those promises.

 

I won't be bitter about this but I need to say those words in order to preserve the sanctity of promises -- so he knows not to over promise and under deliver another time around and break another girl's heart.

curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

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Good luck :-)

 

How's it going?

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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After 3 months, that is enough time for most guys to know if they are head over heals for a girl.

 

The guys that ARE, frankly, will definitely move mountains to be with you.

 

You're guy is not acting like he is falling in love with you; he ignores you for two days straight. He does not respond to your "come celebrate" text. It was your freaking birthday! Yet he ignored your invitation to come celebrate?!

 

Sounds like he likes you, but he has no investment or real feelings for you, yet he wants to keep you around while he explores his other options OR, he just isn't that into you and may not have other options on the go. Not all guys do.

 

Either which way, this guy is definitely NOT that into you. Guys who are really into a girl do not act this way. Ever.

 

Ignore him, but when he texts next give him a quick " it was nice knowing you, however, I don't think we are on the same page emotionally when it comes to out " thing" that we have going on. I wish you the best"

 

Then never talk to him again. Unless he does not stop bothering you, in which case a quick " can you please stop contacting me. I am trying to get over you and move on. You contacting me makes it harder for me. Please leave me alone"

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kiley22 Member

kiley22

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Good luck :-)

 

How's it going?

 

Same old! I've narrowed my options down to below. I've been sticking to #1.

 

1) Mirror his moves with communication. He's been consistent in reaching out to me. Keep him as an option, date other people, focus on my life, and see what comes of it.

 

2) Express just an inkling of how I feel so he knows I'm not completely content. I've been playing the cool girl this entire time. Next time he sends me another thinking about you text, I would say something along the lines of "I feel so disconnected from you." Gauge how much he is willing to budge by his response. Does that sound too emotional/needy?

 

3) Just end it with "I think you're great, enjoyed our time together, but this isn't working for me."

 

What do you think?

Edited by kiley22
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