toxicstars Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Here is my story. My husband cheated on me while doing military training in August. In all honesty, his affair seems quite minute compared to some stories I have read but it could have been a long drawn out affair, had I not caught him. A new girl arrived at his training unit. They started talking, one thing led to another and they started working out together after school, watching movies together, (they did these things with a group of people, not alone) but then they started sleeping in the same bed together at night. They did this for two weeks. They did not have sex until the night before my husband came home. Several days after my husband came home, he was on the computer late at night. Something in me told me to check the computer. So that morning, while he was still asleep I checked his facebook and low and behold a conversation between the two. Proof. Proof that not only did he cheat on me while he was gone but he was still continuing to talk to this OW after he had come home. In a way, I am happy I found out before it continued. But what if I hadn't? Luckily the OW doesn't live in the same state as us so it more than likely would have fizzled out eventually. I confronted my husband about it as soon as I read the conversation. I was LIVID. I kicked him out for a couple days. I let him come back. Of course I want to work it out. We have three children together. The youngest is 10 months old. A couple weeks go by and I think I've handled it OK. I think I can get over it. I tell myself I don't need to know the dirty details. But I was wrong, it just started festering inside of me. It's been about a month since I found out and I feel more depressed than ever. How am I supposed to move on from this. He is tired of talking about it because he feels like it makes me more upset. Should we stop talking about it? I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to move on.
Author toxicstars Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I think he is just tired of me pretty much asking the same questions over and over again. I don't blame him. It's exhausting.
whichwayisup Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 He is tired of talking about it because he feels like it makes me more upset. Should we stop talking about it? I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to move on. He's 'tired' of talking about it? What consquences has he actually suffered and has he shown you real genuine remorse? What he is doing to make things better? Has he gone to counseling? Maybe it is time to go to marriage counselingand work hard to fix this, together. It takes two to fix a marriage, and he has to be willing to be a total open book and answer all that you need to know, even if it hurts you. It's better to have the truth and feel pain than not know and feel pain and always wonder wtf happened behind your back. Sorry that you're going through this.
Author toxicstars Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 He has showed remorse about it. I don't really know what actual consequences he has suffered. He says that it is killing him to see me like this. He has agreed to do counseling. We just need to find the time to do it. He's been pretty good about answering my questions but in my head, I keep thinking he is leaving stuff out.
jnel921 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 He wants to stop talking about it and you want to move on? Sounds like you both are treating this as if he just blew his nose and threw the tissues on the floor. What he did was serious. Not only did he compromise your marriage, but he may have compromised your health as well. There are some trust issues you need to work through and he should explain his need to turn to this OW. It doesn't matter how far she lives. He still wanted to reach out to her. If you didn't look into it perhaps they would have met up again. You kicked him out and let him back in. Why? Was he remorseful? Did he want to work on the marriage? His refusal to talk about it says the opposite. Stay together for the right reasons. You have kids, think of them. They need a mom who is healthy and happy. If your H cant provide this then you need to reevaluate your situation.
Author toxicstars Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I don't think "move on" was the correct wordage.. More of..How do I move forward in a healthy way. I'm suffering from depression because of this and I just don't want to feel like **** anymore.
road Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I don't think "move on" was the correct wordage.. More of..How do I move forward in a healthy way. I'm suffering from depression because of this and I just don't want to feel like **** anymore. You move forward by getting the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.
Author toxicstars Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 You move forward by getting the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. Thank you Road, I will look into that book. This is exactly what I am looking for, some guidance.
Visions_of_fallacy Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I don't have any advice other than what's already been said. Let him read this thread? Let him know that after the excruciating pain and humiliation he has caused he sure as heck does not get to be tired of answering the same questions. Not at all. It's something you need to do, you need to talk it half to death. You know some of it isn't necessarily healthy, but you still need to. I get that. Also though, don't stay with someone for the kids.. I'm all for second chances, but please don't put up with depression for the sake of your children, trust me, in the long run they'll suffer for it too.
Coolit Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 You move forward by getting the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. Road, I am actually starting to think you are Dr. Harley OP. I am a WW. And I probably would have confessed without this site. But I probably wouldn't have known how to confess or what to give my H. I strongly suspect that there are WS's out there who really do want to R but have no idea how to go about it and if they aren't google junkies may not discover the right approach. So you may need to explain to your wayward what you need. And it wouldn't hurt to point out the pinned topic in this forum.
harrybrown Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 You should have your husband go see a MC with you. You have been hurt by someone you trusted. The pain does not go away.(sometimes for years) You do need to see if there is a counselor that can help you both in your marriage.
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