jayden j Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm 21 and consider myself to be a straight woman. However I don't find men physically attractive and never have, not even the 'hot' ones. Don't get me wrong I like men but the thing that attracts me to a guy is his personality.All the guys I have liked/dated and have been with is because I find them confident, funny, cool etc. Also I do find women physically attractive, not all women but sometimes if I see an attractive girl I will check her out. I find women beautiful but I have never wanted to have sex with a girl before and I don't find myself having the same attraction to women's personalities that I do to guys, in fact I find most girls to be annoying. But on a purely physical level I find women attractive. Is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
tinydancer93 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Are you *sexually* attracted to men? If not, you might be asexual (not sexually attracted to either sex) - this doesn't mean you can't have relationships, it just means you aren't really interested in sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jayden j Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Are you *sexually* attracted to men? If not, you might be asexual (not sexually attracted to either sex) - this doesn't mean you can't have relationships, it just means you aren't really interested in sex. I like sex with men, but i have never been sexually attracted to a man when i have first met him, only after i have gotten to know him have i felt like having sex with him Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Sexual orientation is usually based on the sex that you are physically attracted to... So perhaps you are not so straight after all? Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you or your sexual preference (or at the moment, lack of it). It very well may be that you are asexual, that you haven't met that person that knocks your socks off yet, or that you have other things that are interesting right now. My current SO didn't start dating until he was 23, didn't have sex for the first time until her was 24, despite that he's (in my eyes) a total hottie who probably had women (and a few men) throwing themselves at him all through college. However, if you are concerned about this lack of sexual interest (and it sounds like you are, a little bit), you might want to make sure there is nothing medical to it. Sometimes, and especially in one's early twenties, hormonal imbalances can explain these kind of issues. I don't know what type of physician you would ask about this (perhaps a gyno? if the lack of interest is physical? Gen practitioner if not?) but it might be worth an afternoon to get some professional answers about this issue. If you want to feel "sexually charged" or compelled and you're just not getting there, it's probably worth looking into. That said, your age (21) makes me wonder if you're just less interested in sex than the average 21 year old these days. There's nothing wrong with that. Edit to add: if you ARE physically attracted to women, perhaps that is worth experimenting with. My above post in NO way was meant to say that attraction to either sex was medically-wrong. Rather, I was thinking along the lines of a complete loss of sexual function/physical attraction. But if you're attracted, to either sex, I say experiment with flirtation a little and see what happens! Edited September 15, 2013 by nescafe1982 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I don't see much of an issue here. OP said she dates men and likes sex with them after she gets to know them. Maybe she places a higher value on personality than most people and less value on physical appearances than most people. OP if it works for you then keep on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 You might not be into men that way. Nothing wrong with that but you might want to look at it. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) You might not be into men that way. Nothing wrong with that but you might want to look at it. You missed the bit about her becoming sexually attracted to a man once she gets to know him. I call that normal. I may find a man attractive but that doesn't mean I want to date him or have sex. I can see that a woman is beautiful but that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. OP is a victim of the hook-up culture where you are supposed to be willing to have sex with anyone, anywhere, any time. Edited September 15, 2013 by FitChick 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 OP is a victim of the hook-up culture where you are supposed to be willing to have sex with anyone, anywhere, any time. 1000 times yes. At 21 these days, having a healthy approach to sex and flirtation makes one a "prude." OP if you don't have a problem with physical attraction once you get to know someone, then you are indeed normal. It's all the other folks who hook up with randoms that are crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikei880 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Playing devils advocate here.... It sounds like you may be questioning your sexuality. Or at least why you don't feel like you think you should and the timing of feelings. Be true to yourself. Be honest with yourself, f what others think of you. You are young, experiment a bit and see how you feel. There are ways to do this that are safe. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy B Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm 21 and consider myself to be a straight woman. However I don't find men physically attractive and never have, not even the 'hot' ones. Don't get me wrong I like men but the thing that attracts me to a guy is his personality.All the guys I have liked/dated and have been with is because I find them confident, funny, cool etc. Also I do find women physically attractive, not all women but sometimes if I see an attractive girl I will check her out. I find women beautiful but I have never wanted to have sex with a girl before and I don't find myself having the same attraction to women's personalities that I do to guys, in fact I find most girls to be annoying. But on a purely physical level I find women attractive. Is this normal? I believe all of this is purely normal and most women (this is generalization, I or anyone else could never know this for sure) are like that. Overall, guys' personality is more attractive to girls than his looks. Also, overall, I have many female friends that do appreciate and feel drawn to female beauty. It's normal. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkSapphire Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 You sound exactly like me; in fact, I could have written this. Which means you are def not "normal" but, there is nothing wrong at all with you. That is totally fine, and you can live a wonderful life. I have found that I like nerdier men, that exhibit fewer of the "macho" dude type of personality traits, and even favor CrossDressers. I didn't know this until I dated one, but then realized i was hooked. Not because I like the man to wear a dress, but bc his personality exhibits traits I f ind appealing in women. Plus, they tend to have amazing legs, and who DOESN'T appreciate that? You may not find CDs appealing at all, which is fine, but knowing what works for you is wehre it's at. You sound extremely self aware, which is good, and the trick is to try to notice the trend in the guys you did find attractive (after getting ot know them; I'm the same way, there is something similar in all of their personalities. Now find it.) I considered I might be gay before I found CDers, but the thought of being with a woman was distasteful to me. Might not be for you, but you sound pretty sure that's not for you, either. One warning, as I'm sure you already noticed, you will find far fewer romantic partners than the average person. it's because you are picky; I used to think I was "too picky", but anything else just felt like lying. It's okay to be true to your feelings and who you are, just know what that will mean for you. Anyway, you are totally fine and not "abnormal" at all. Just keep experimenting and evaluating to find what works for you; that will just make the process easier. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 The OP is normal. She just happens to be different from the general American woman. She's interested in men but not for the immediate physical but for the personality part. This means she can see herself hooking up with an disabled but very intelligent guy one day. Which is a good thing and I hope she stays that way. Just kick any guy that tries to bang you ASAP to the curve where they belong. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I like sex with men, but i have never been sexually attracted to a man when i have first met him, only after i have gotten to know him have i felt like having sex with him i think this is fairly normal......sexual attraction doesnt just happen on a physical realm for some and for some it doesnt happen instantly or should it.....for some it does happen.....but that would be lust ....i have hardly ever been attracted sexually to a guy unless i know them(not including when i drink) and only after feelings of love and affection are present do i start to feel the body rush.that takes quite a while....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Vulcan T'Para Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 OP, You may be demisexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. Demisexual - AVENwiki 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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