No_closure Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 He wrote me an email today saying he wants the dog back and I can have everything else (we are in process of divorce, I am 23, he is 21) Last time I reached out was 1 week ago apologizing and asking hm to be civil with me. He ignored until today. I want to reply SO bad and curse him out because I am his wife and he ended it in a text message. On the other hand, feel like NC is making hm crazy because he is listening to "i hate her why do I love her?" Songs. I can't believe that's how he responded to my very lengthy email of apologizing and all that.... What is his motive for this? Help
Kizza Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Your husband ended your marriage in a text message?
Author No_closure Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Your husband ended your marriage in a text message? Yup. What a coward right? He left me then came back next morning and was still upset but told me he loved me and that he promises to be back. 2 hours later he ends it in a text message. 2
amycorr11 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Yup. What a coward right? He left me then came back next morning and was still upset but told me he loved me and that he promises to be back. 2 hours later he ends it in a text message. Well given his age I can understand that although it doesn't make it any less hurtful. Me and my soon to be ex husband were married for less than 4 months when out of the blue I was running and errand for HIM and he sends me a text saying "I don't want to be married to you anymore." He's 47! But he's also Peter Pan, refuses to grow up. Has severe trust/insecurity issues but he's the one that parties with 20-somethings while I worked every weekend, wouldn't answer my calls/texts and then would accuse ME of messing around with every man within a 50 mile radius!!! It was crazy considering I had known this man 5 years prior to us "dating" and it was such a whirlwind romance that I accepted his engagement proposal after only a short time (against my better judgement). My advice to you is just let this go. Don't play into his games. No contact means NO CONTACT. It may hurt but it will get easier!! Let him feel miserable. He deserves it! You on the other hand need to put yourself first and foremost! 1
Author No_closure Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Well given his age I can understand that although it doesn't make it any less hurtful. Me and my soon to be ex husband were married for less than 4 months when out of the blue I was running and errand for HIM and he sends me a text saying "I don't want to be married to you anymore." He's 47! But he's also Peter Pan, refuses to grow up. Has severe trust/insecurity issues but he's the one that parties with 20-somethings while I worked every weekend, wouldn't answer my calls/texts and then would accuse ME of messing around with every man within a 50 mile radius!!! It was crazy considering I had known this man 5 years prior to us "dating" and it was such a whirlwind romance that I accepted his engagement proposal after only a short time (against my better judgement). My advice to you is just let this go. Don't play into his games. No contact means NO CONTACT. It may hurt but it will get easier!! Let him feel miserable. He deserves it! You on the other hand need to put yourself first and foremost! Wow I can't believe that happened to you... I am really sorry. Thank you for the reply and I will try my best to let it go. Just wish I had someone to move on with.
JJLA Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 He wrote me an email today saying he wants the dog back and I can have everything else (we are in process of divorce, I am 23, he is 21) Last time I reached out was 1 week ago apologizing and asking hm to be civil with me. He ignored until today. I want to reply SO bad and curse him out because I am his wife and he ended it in a text message. On the other hand, feel like NC is making hm crazy because he is listening to "i hate her why do I love her?" Songs. I can't believe that's how he responded to my very lengthy email of apologizing and all that.... What is his motive for this? Help No Contact is not a state, it's a goal. Nobody can perfectly do it because there are simple logistics in a divorce, but you should always strive towards the goal.
Misadventure Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 YOU going No contact really does help. I know this sucks... you can't analyze why he is doing what because bottom line, he left and did it all in a text and has shown you he does not love you the way you deserve to be loved. Its hard but be strong. F him and focus on you. 1
Mystery2Me Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Hello I hope you have found at least one bright spot today. Very sorry I am you find yourself at this particular cross-road, and the confusing process it sets into play. First know you did nothing to deserve being thrown into the abandonment nose dive of a tail-spin. And you have done an amazing job of re-gaining control of yourself. At dinner on 15th wedding anniversary, I was told I just can not do this any more. Quite the car ride home you can imagine....yes I was beside myself with consuming grief. No contact continues to be a gift from God, and allowing me to recover/heal and most importantly protect myself from greater direct injury. I am proud to say I have maintained over 1 yr of No Contact!!!!!! Even through the year long divorce, no direct contact. Oh yes, I did not respond to text or email....not my job anymore. Yes it was painfully hard at the start, but it has become my most powerful accomplishment. These folks absolutely love the thrill of drama....which is exactly why they turn to shock and amazment via abandonment. Trust me the loudest, pain envoking move you can make to scream back with your controlled Slience. What message are you sending: You are worthless, Your life is worthless, and You Have Forever Lost the Privilege to Communicate. But you will need great support to accomplish NC; so allow your family, true friends, and run to counseling for HELP TODAY. Darling it is going to hurt, but you can get thru with help. Be kind and Take Care of Yourself ~Mystery 1
littlejaz Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 You asked why did he do this. I believe they do it to get you to react. He wants to piss you off so that you go off on him, then he can justify his actions by claiming - "she's crazy, see why I left her." Don't give him the satisfaction. No contact is the way to go, but if you have to have contact, stay calm, cool and collected. Do not let him see you upset. It is the best payback for what he has done. Take care of yourself. Find some joy in your life.
harrybrown Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 If you are in NC, how do you know what songs that he hears? I get confused.
Author No_closure Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 If you are in NC, how do you know what songs that he hears? I get confused. Sorry for the confusion! It is a Pandora Music account and I can see what he "likes".
Author No_closure Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Thank you all again for the amazing feedback. I will continue to stay strong and stick with NC. I am finding it easier to do because he is NOT worth it and I am growing stronger each day... He is just a boy when I thought he was a man. My mistake. But better now than later and with kids.... I did look up his Facebook today which I will NOT ever EVER do again but he looked miserable and high on drugs... (He got a bunch of Vicodin 2 days before he left me) and yeah he looked pathetic and something strange happened to me when i saw his picture... I was embarrassed for him. And it was like looking at someone you have never met before. Very weird feeling...
Recommended Posts