No contact, me stay strong

[No_closure]

Ok so my husband, who I am going through divorce, just sent me and email today after us being NC for a week. The last email I sent was me apologizing and very lengthy stuff and asking to be civil about this.

 

So he finally replied and said "I just want the dog. Let me have him, your parents won't take care of him."

 

And I am SO tempted to respond and say "eff you, you probably cheated on me. You couldn't man up and end it to my face you did it in a txt message."

 

 

But I know everyone says NC!!! And I honestly feel like he is just wanting a response from me because he is has been on our Pandora music listening to "I hate her but I love her" crap.

 

Since he has responded, do you think the more I ignore him he will finally MAN UP and admit what he has done?

[Hoaks]

He deserves some pain, and ignoring him may do it. Well frustrate him atleast. He does not deserve a reply unless he apologized to you in that email.

Stuff him, stay strong, keep us posted.

[No_closure]

Thank you Hoaks. I am fighting the urge to write him such an agry message. Someone please tell me the consequences? This is what I want to say:

 

"You have got some nerve asking for the dog when you know he is my documented companion animal. You are such a loser I can't believe I cried over you when you couldn't even grow a pair and tell me it's over to my face."

 

I know NC is best way but I want t make him sooo furious. I know if I ignore the message he will be more angry and say he will take me to court. That's when I know I will go off on him in email.

 

I really need your guys help and past experience. No contact or redeem myself and write hm an angry message? Because my last message was very long and I apologized but not in a weak way.

[Ireallydontknow]

This is the best thing to write " " See? It's nothing. You are doing this to get some kind of closure? Who cares about it right now, it will just add to the pain. If you really feel like he cheated on you, he probably did. So just move on and ignore him, especially if he has no right to have the animal.

[No_closure]

Yeah I just feel so humiliated that my HUSBAND left me in a text message. Lied to my face and its so hard to deal with. I feel worthless like the joke is on me.

[Ireallydontknow]

Of course. But it's no longer your problem. It's degrading, humiliating, and every other word we could think of to describe those feelings. The best way to move on is to delete the person. To me my ex died on August 10th, 2013. You need to think the same way. They are dead to us, you can't respond to the dead! He isn't going to take you to court because he has no case. He is just trying to screw with you more, which is very immature!

 

So be thankful it's over now. Stay strong! Were all in the same boat :/

[Johnny1983]

Quickest way to get better is to get back on the horse (No_closure)! atleast that's what im thinking now 6 weeks in after a break up.... my ex girlfriend showed me things i never thought i would experience in a life time in 6 months!!! but then, just like that, she used the disappearing act. Anyway whats done is done, im feeling a bit better now, you guyz know if theres any hooking up thread in LS???

[Johnny1983]

Oh and BTW yes Quitting you in a text message, or lets say doing the diapearing act without letting you know why. is very immature. Comfort yourself with these words, what an immature person that girl/guy was.... tsk tsk.

[lindsay1990]

I feel this dude is trying to provoke you by getting you to get defensive about your parents when he says they wouldn't care for the dog.

 

Don't reply anything. He's pushing you for a reaction.

[lindsay1990]

Yeah I just feel so humiliated that my HUSBAND left me in a text message. Lied to my face and its so hard to deal with. I feel worthless like the joke is on me.

 

This is stupid and probably worthless to you at this point, if so I apologize but this is how Russell Brand left Katy Perry. Told her over text. What I'm saying is... some people are cowards and it happens even to megastars.

 

Also, I would advice you stop writing anything at all that is in the least bit emotional, as he could present it in court and paint you out to be from combative to abusive, and courts love the underdog. So be careful when he tries to push your buttons.

[littlejaz]

His leaving through a text message is a direct reflection on his character, not on yours. You have nothing to feel humiliated about. It just shows he is too stupid to know what he had. He is trying to get a reaction from you and if you give it to him you let him win. If can get you angrier enough to react then he can justify his actions. "See how crazy she is, no wonder I left her." You have to stay strong and keep to the NC. You will come out ahead in the long run.

[No_closure]

Thanks guys for all the replies. I was away from Internet due to the new move 12 hours away. Current update since I last wrote is that I did NOT reply to his email pleading for the dog.

 

I did do something STUPID though... I looked to see if he had a Facebook (we never had Facebook throughout our relationship) and yes he has one now. He only has 2 pictures of just him and he looks HIGH as a kite. He added all these people he talked crap about. He added the girl I suspected him liking/cheating with but she has pics with her and some other guy but WHO KNOWS...

 

I won't look him up again because it will just be uneccessary pain but I just HAD to today because I was feeling angry.

 

Edit: 2 days before he left he started taking Vicodin for a burn on his arm. So I guess that is why he looks high unless he started doing weed which he was STRONGLY against..

[Johnny1983]

Looking at his facebook will only delay your healing and maby even provoke you to do more stupid unnecessary actions wich will not help your case. Avoid doing thaté As i said the best way to get out of this is to <get back on the horse> sort of speak. meaning start looking elsewhere. it will help in every situation you are living right now. btw im going trough a little breakup myself. feeling much better though. quick personal question where are you from?

[No_closure]

Looking at his facebook will only delay your healing and maby even provoke you to do more stupid unnecessary actions wich will not help your case. Avoid doing thaté As i said the best way to get out of this is to <get back on the horse> sort of speak. meaning start looking elsewhere. it will help in every situation you are living right now. btw im going trough a little breakup myself. feeling much better though. quick personal question where are you from?

 

 

You are so right. It is just SO HARD to not look at what he's doing. I will continue to fight the urge... I was always good at it for other things such as old friends who hurt me in the past. But god this is my husband... It hurts so bad knowing he is trying so hard to make a new life and be so fake.

 

I am from Northern California but I just shipped myself 12 hours down to Southern California to get away from all this crap and try to heal.... not going so well. I know it's only been 3 weeks but yeah

[secondfailure]

You are so right. It is just SO HARD to not look at what he's doing. I will continue to fight the urge... I was always good at it for other things such as old friends who hurt me in the past. But god this is my husband... It hurts so bad knowing he is trying so hard to make a new life and be so fake.

 

I am from Northern California but I just shipped myself 12 hours down to Southern California to get away from all this crap and try to heal.... not going so well. I know it's only been 3 weeks but yeah

 

3 weeks seem like an eternity. Saturday will be 3 weeks for me is well.MY friends tell me that I get better everyday.. No contact is so hard. I was thining about the last time I saw her and my eyes just swelled up with tears.... This is not going to be easy or fun.. But we must keep plugging ahead. It is so hard not to setup a profile on a dating site. But I know that will be a bandaid for my heart. It needs to properly heal.

[Johnny1983]

I know it's only been 3 weeks but yeah

 

First off i know he's your husband but i think you should step back a little and view the facts for what they are, right now you are not together and this is a perfect opportunity to see someone else. in fact, this is probably the only and best thing to do. Build your confidence again and help the healing process. Goes both ways for man and woman.

 

I know its hard but It will pass in its own time. Everyone and every situation as its own time table when it comes to healing. trust on that, by the way what a cowardly act to dump you on a text message?

 

--My situation--

Hearing peoples situations could help you, maby idk.... Complicated situation when its an LDR, Montreal to Boston, we dint care for 6 months went to see each other every weekend. and vacations. infact our dates were all vacations. Rented hotels around the cost, doing beaches and all. went to our places, visited our respective city. Was a hell of an experience, Beautyfull woman. We made plans so that we lived with eachother. In the begging was she suppose to move to Montreal. Then it became me to Boston. So, how did she do it, she broke it off very cowardly, leaving a "maby possibly in the futur" seed in my mind. like i said earlier in a post she used the vanishing act. using the "i care for you response" after doing NC for the last 2 weeks, and the i don't know right now to any dates i would set up after that NC. Then, i let her vanished. Hard to get rid of "maby possibly in the futur" seed in my mind, and her unmatched beauty and chemistry took me a month to get my confidence back and finally start to move on. I know i still love her but now ready for anything that comes in my way.

[No_closure]

3 weeks seem like an eternity. Saturday will be 3 weeks for me is well.MY friends tell me that I get better everyday.. No contact is so hard. I was thining about the last time I saw her and my eyes just swelled up with tears.... This is not going to be easy or fun.. But we must keep plugging ahead. It is so hard not to setup a profile on a dating site. But I know that will be a bandaid for my heart. It needs to properly heal.

 

 

Wow, 3 weeks for you too? Geezus... It DOES feel like eternity like you said! I looked at the date today and was like Oh My God.... And also like you said, people telling me it will get better with each day. I feel like it is getting worse because I am a fool in thinking I will get an email from him explaining his CRUEL actions. False hope...

 

And funny that you mentioned dating profiles because the past few days I have been browsing profiles and I have NO idea why. I guess I feel like I have to hurry up and move on to make myself happy and also to let him know that he didn't "win". If that makes any sense....

 

I mean, he obviously doesn't want me so why should I linger? I just never EVER saw myself in this situation. 3 weeks ago I was so happy, I had a husband, a NICE apartment, college just started and it was a block away from my place.... then GONE. No answers, nothing. Just gone.

[No_closure]

First off i know he's your husband but i think you should step back a little and view the facts for what they are, right now you are not together and this is a perfect opportunity to see someone else. in fact, this is probably the only and best thing to do. Build your confidence again and help the healing process. Goes both ways for man and woman.

 

I know its hard but It will pass in its own time. Everyone and every situation as its own time table when it comes to healing. trust on that, by the way what a cowardly act to dump you on a text message?

 

--My situation--

Hearing peoples situations could help you, maby idk.... Complicated situation when its an LDR, Montreal to Boston, we dint care for 6 months went to see each other every weekend. and vacations. infact our dates were all vacations. Rented hotels around the cost, doing beaches and all. went to our places, visited our respective city. Was a hell of an experience, Beautyfull woman. We made plans so that we lived with eachother. In the begging was she suppose to move to Montreal. Then it became me to Boston. So, how did she do it, she broke it off very cowardly, leaving a "maby possibly in the futur" seed in my mind. like i said earlier in a post she used the vanishing act. using the "i care for you response" after doing NC for the last 2 weeks, and the i don't know right now to any dates i would set up after that NC. Then, i let her vanished. Hard to get rid of "maby possibly in the futur" seed in my mind, and her unmatched beauty and chemistry took me a month to get my confidence back and finally start to move on. I know i still love her but now ready for anything that comes in my way.

 

 

I am so sorry about your situation. It mind boggles me how INHUMANE everyone can be! Messes with our minds and our hearts and they don't care!!

 

Yes, very cowardly. He couldn't tell it to my face. Not only that, but as he was leaving, he said he loved me and that everything was fine and to call him and text him and to do my school work that he will be back later. 2 hours later incomes the text message. So WHY go the extra mile to play mind games? God it kills me.

 

I agree that I should be seeing someone else. I want to because what is the point in waiting around for him when he DOESN'T want me? I have been browsing dating websites and god I feel so weird and like every guy is out of my league with their college degrees and I am still in school and just yeah..... Low self esteem even though everyone tells me I am beautiful but it doesn't matter, it is the way I feel.

 

In my mind, if I was truly beautiful and "sexy", then how could my husband walk away from me? We are both each others first loves and he is SO damn shy and very socially awkward never been with a woman besides me and not good in bed but I saw past all that because I LOVED HIM!

 

He even told me how sexy I was THE DAY BEFORE HE LEFT! So WTF! I know age is playing a HUGE factor in all this but damn.

[Johnny1983]

I am so sorry about your situation. It mind boggles me how INHUMANE everyone can be! Messes with our minds and our hearts and they don't care!!

 

Yes, very cowardly. He couldn't tell it to my face. Not only that, but as he was leaving, he said he loved me and that everything was fine and to call him and text him and to do my school work that he will be back later. 2 hours later incomes the text message. So WHY go the extra mile to play mind games? God it kills me.

 

I agree that I should be seeing someone else. I want to because what is the point in waiting around for him when he DOESN'T want me? I have been browsing dating websites and god I feel so weird and like every guy is out of my league with their college degrees and I am still in school and just yeah..... Low self esteem even though everyone tells me I am beautiful but it doesn't matter, it is the way I feel.

 

In my mind, if I was truly beautiful and "sexy", then how could my husband walk away from me? We are both each others first loves and he is SO damn shy and very socially awkward never been with a woman besides me and not good in bed but I saw past all that because I LOVED HIM!

 

He even told me how sexy I was THE DAY BEFORE HE LEFT! So WTF! I know age is playing a HUGE factor in all this but damn.

 

Ive put the important things you will remember from all of this soon enough. LOL trying to be funny a little, hopefully can put you in a better mood! like i said, i know it sucks, been there and also i am a little bit there right now. If your on online dating site, wich i am not... we should share e-mails.

[secondfailure]

Wow, 3 weeks for you too? Geezus... It DOES feel like eternity like you said! I looked at the date today and was like Oh My God.... And also like you said, people telling me it will get better with each day. I feel like it is getting worse because I am a fool in thinking I will get an email from him explaining his CRUEL actions. False hope...

 

And funny that you mentioned dating profiles because the past few days I have been browsing profiles and I have NO idea why. I guess I feel like I have to hurry up and move on to make myself happy and also to let him know that he didn't "win". If that makes any sense....

 

I mean, he obviously doesn't want me so why should I linger? I just never EVER saw myself in this situation. 3 weeks ago I was so happy, I had a husband, a NICE apartment, college just started and it was a block away from my place.... then GONE. No answers, nothing. Just gone.

You need to take the time to work on you. I am tellig you it will be better in the long run.... Unless you are just up there just browsing to see what hits you get. You have to get the confidence back in yourself. What if you eet someone and you guys hit it off. But a week later the hubby calls and says I made a mistake. You know you woul dtake him back. I can tell you now as stupid as it sounds if my wife called me at this minute I woul dbe at her job in 10 minutes.. But I know that should not be the case so I have to learn to be okay with being alone. I do feel it will get etter. Its just like watching paint dry...

[No_closure]

You need to take the time to work on you. I am tellig you it will be better in the long run.... Unless you are just up there just browsing to see what hits you get. You have to get the confidence back in yourself. What if you eet someone and you guys hit it off. But a week later the hubby calls and says I made a mistake. You know you woul dtake him back. I can tell you now as stupid as it sounds if my wife called me at this minute I woul dbe at her job in 10 minutes.. But I know that should not be the case so I have to learn to be okay with being alone. I do feel it will get etter. Its just like watching paint dry...

 

Yep you are 100% right. If that jerk called me, I know I would take him back. And that pisses me off because how stupid am I to allow myself to be treated so inhumane but still take them back? Obviously not without counseling and explanations but yes I would take him back. I want to slap the crap out of myself for even admitting that.

 

I guess it's because I give a crap about marriage and it's meaning. But he is so immature and I have no idea what the future holds and so why wait around? Like you said though, if I meet someone and hit it off and jerkface calls me then it's so unfair to the new person. But I mean, the chances of jerkface calling me are so, so slim... He is a brand new person. A complete stranger. The guy I used to know literally the day before he left me WOULD have called, WOULD have begged me to come back. But no. He is gone.

[JoelBarish]

He is a brand new person. A complete stranger. The guy I used to know literally the day before he left me WOULD have called, WOULD have begged me to come back. But no. He is gone.

 

Amazing how us who are dumped can think so alike. I was just telling someone the other day that the woman I loved doesn't exist anymore. It's like something changed inside her and she doesn't see me the same way she used to. She went from practically worshipping me to someone who doesn't see me that way anymore. I don't understand how someone could be so changeable. It's like she was replaced by an alien-pod-person and the person I loved ceases to exist.

[No_closure]

Amazing how us who are dumped can think so alike. I was just telling someone the other day that the woman I loved doesn't exist anymore. It's like something changed inside her and she doesn't see me the same way she used to. She went from practically worshipping me to someone who doesn't see me that way anymore. I don't understand how someone could be so changeable. It's like she was replaced by an alien-pod-person and the person I loved ceases to exist.

 

 

^ THIS! God it is crazy. Same situation.

 

Everyone always was telling me that if I ever left him he would be crushed and ruined! And everyone always said how bad he has it for me and that they can see it in his eyes.

 

Did she leave you literally overnight? Like you thought your relationship was good then BOOM?

 

Because the day before he left me, he was crazy for me, loving on me and waking up in the middle of the night panicing because I was in the living room. So WTF!!!! He is doing just fine now. Well, I don't know FOR SURE but um he hasn't reached out so he must be fine.

[JoelBarish]

Did she leave you literally overnight? Like you thought your relationship was good then BOOM?

 

Well yeah. But she and I weren't married and didn't live together. She lives about 50 miles from me and she commutes to my town daily to work over night. She has children and sometimes her roommates would watch them and she would stay at my house a few days a week.

 

So two weeks ago today, I took her to a dr's appointment here in town and we had breakfast together and she flat out told me "we have a good relationship" then she drove herself home like always.

 

She had to work Friday and Saturday night. She was going to go to work Friday night, sleep at my place Saturday during the day, go to work Saturday night and drive home to her place Sunday morning.

 

Well Friday night she called me on her way to work. Everything is fine, like always. In the middle of the night she came over for her lunch break and we kissed and cuddled in my bed. She was very excited about staying over with me Saturday and she went back to work. Everything absolutely normal. I woke up Saturday morning expecting her to show up to sleep over like we planned. Instead I got a text from her saying one of her boys was sick and she had to go home. She said she was sad because she couldn't stay. I texted back "no worries, we will have many more times together".

 

Well Saturday night I texted her about 7 pm to see if she was awake. She answered back. I flirted with her and she seemed responsive. Then she called me on her way to work after 9 (like always). I missed her call but called her back. She seemed not very talkative and a little crabby. I asked her what was wrong. She said she was sad (apparently she had been thinking about this all day) then she started going on and on how we were all wrong for each other and want different things in life...yada yada yada...I told her I wasn't going to sit here and listen to her pick me apart telling me all the things I ever did wrong, like she had been making a list. So I hung up on her. She basically ignored my texts for the rest of the night as I poured my heart out and I didn't really hear from her again until Monday when I texted her "can you at least tell me if we are broke up?" She texted yes and I fell apart.

 

I know that was probably more than you wanted to hear I just need to vent. It's so frustrating and unbelievable how something that was so wonderful changed so fast. grrrr

Edited September 20, 2013 by JoelBarish

[ChooseTruth]

You wanted reasons not to text him angry texts.

 

1) He will use them to make you look crazy.

2) They won't improve anything, only widen the gap between you

3) You may feel regret over it later.

 

The plus of texting is you get to release some poison back at him. I suggest you do like you are doing. Write the texts here in this forum. Let us have it.

 

C'mon, you know you want to. I'm your H. I dumped you. Your apologies don't mean crap. I didn't cheat, you're just paranoid. You're parents are losers and can't even take care of an animal.