indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) So my best friend decided she wanted to bitch earlier about not sleeping in a bed. She knew she wouldn't have her own bed or room when she moved in! So she convinced my fiancée to let her sleep in bed with us. -_- Who does that?! (Applies to both of them) . She refuses to sleep in the loft we have because one of my fiance:s friends is sleeping on the couch. I'm pissed but too nice to tell her to gtfo. So now I'm faced with a dilemma. I'm not sleeping in the middle of them. After I've already confronted my fiancée he still won't kick her out.so I'm going to wind up sleeping on the love seat or watching them like a hawk while they sleep. Am I an idiot?! Edited September 15, 2013 by indigolove
Author indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Now she's trying to say her boyfriend wouldn't like her sleeping in the same room as that guy but thinks it's ok to sleep in bed with me and my fiancée?! WTF!! I can't describe how pissed I am right now.
almond Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 It's not that you're too nice, it's that you lack assertiveness. Being assertive is a skill, and anyone can learn it.
Author indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 You've got me there. I just find this entire situation bizarre and no one should ever be in this situation. This is the second time I've been in this situation. But different friend. I think I have a hard time being assertive because I don't like confrontation.
almond Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Ya I understand what you're saying, and can sympathise. Someone very close to me has had similar issues their whole life. Confrontation can suck, but getting walked all over time and time again, and building up resentment is just no good for you. It's a shame that people can't respect you without you having to demand it, but unfortunately, that's how it often goes, so it's best to learn to deal with this in the healthiest way. The person I know that lacked assertiveness also found themselves in situations comparable to this. As time went on, they realised that things needed to change. They enrolled in a day program that focuses on assertiveness, and the skills they have learnt have seriously improved their life overall. I'd recommend doing some reading (even a google search will provide heaps of useful info) on building assertiveness and self-esteem (they're closely linked)...it could really help you in future, and the results can often be seen quite quickly.
Author indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Thank you for that advice. I'm DEFINATELY going to have to do that.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 This is wild. I think you're all a little nuts. 1) Your fiancee for even being okay with this (I have a girlfriend currently and I would flat-out reject this situation if it was presented to me....and I'm not even that nice of a guy and I have a "player" past). 2) Your friend (doesn't sound like a very good friend if she wants to sleep in a bed with your fiancee). 3) You (anyone in their rational mind, assertive or not, would flip their sh*t at this request). This is such a weird scenario that I'm seriously wondering if troll. 1
Author indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Im absolutely serious about this. Yes I do know I should flip **** and I probably will tomorrow. He is absolutely ****ing insane to think this is cool and so is she. She thinks that if she sleeps in our loft that her boyfriend will flip on her for sleeping so close to a stranger but thinks he'll be completely fine with her sleeping in bed with us. Who does that ****?!!!!!! I've been in this situation TWICE! The other time it was another friend (exfriend now)
PlumPrincess Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Well, then go and do something. If I was you, I would kick out your fiancé as well. What guy would be that disrespectful to his girlfriend? I mean, testing out the limits, fine, but if you pass certain boundaries, I think you are with the wrong person. I wouldn't be surprised if he has cheated on you.
Author indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Sad thing is he has cheated on me. It was early into our relationship when it happened. He's totally going to get it tomorrow. The more I sit at the foot of the bed pondering the stupidity they share. The less I'll be afraid to get pissed off and actually do the confronting.
PlumPrincess Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Sad thing is he has cheated on me. It was early into our relationship when it happened. He's totally going to get it tomorrow. The more I sit at the foot of the bed pondering the stupidity they share. The less I'll be afraid to get pissed off and actually do the confronting. Do it now!!! Stand up and tell both of them to get the **** out! Yell at them! Stop letting them walk all over you! He probably cheated on you various times, not only once.
PlumPrincess Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 There's a guy who has cheated on you at least once with a girl in bed. What do you think they are doing? They are probably giggling and laughing about you. 1
Author indigolove Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I'm going to have a serious conversation with him tomorrow. If he's going to do this kind of thing then he's seriously lost his mind. And this girl has got a ****ing body pillow! I can't even explain my feelings right now -_-
PlumPrincess Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Are they sleeping together in the same bed or not? If they are, you need to get up and draw a line = your boundary! You don't wait until tomorrow morning. This situation is not acceptable. End it now! You're not being nice. You're being a doormat that everybody walks all over.
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