Author Jord Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 How good you could be together? You kept breaking up with each other. How is that good for both of you? At some point, the threats, the attacks, take a toll and it gets really, really old. At that point don't be surprised when the other just disappears. Mainly for self-preservation but it could also be that they've finally checked-out. things use to be amazing between us. we have so much in common. the thing is i know she broke up with me because her stupid friends and family influenced her to. its a long story, but things were flawless, until one day when we got into a petty fight, she went to talk to her friends and they were saying how they don't like me or whatever... if you knew my story, you'd understand.
Zahara Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 things use to be amazing between us. we have so much in common. the thing is i know she broke up with me because her stupid friends and family influenced her to. its a long story, but things were flawless, until one day when we got into a petty fight, she went to talk to her friends and they were saying how they don't like me or whatever... if you knew my story, you'd understand. Used to be. It's not anymore. And if she's easily influenced and what her friends and family say that precedence over what she feels and believes about you, it was bound to fail along with all the other drama that came along with it.
lindsay1990 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I am surprised to see how many more people talk about their personal things with others. Granted, I'm not american and this is where most people seem to be on here but I would constantly argue with my ex for him telling other people about our fights, not to mention it weirding me out that he would know other couples' personal affairs. I guess it is a lot more common than I thought, and here I was thinking I was just unlucky. Personally myself, I never even told my mother about our issues. Or the great, loving details either. It was "we are good"/"we are finished". But I never let anyone in on our problems, specially as we had no people genuinely in common so I always felt like I would be gossiping about my partner and his personal affairs as well. Be relieved that you got out though. It is a never ending cycle of people meddling in your relationship trust me.
tart6245 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) If you wronged her, apologize and leave her alone. Don't ask to talk about it. If she wants to after you apologize and give her time, so be it. If not, you did all you could do to right the wrong, so move on. And when I say apologize, do so for what you said, don't give her any ultimatums about talking to you. That's her choice. She certainly knows you would if she approached you. Trust me. Edited September 16, 2013 by tarheelian
Author Jord Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 If you wronged her, apologize and leave her alone. Don't ask to talk about it. If she wants to after you apologize and give her time, so be it. If not, you did all you could do to right the wrong, so move on. And when I say apologize, do so for what you said, don't give her any ultimatums about talking to you. That's her choice. She certainly knows you would if she approached you. Trust me. certainly knows i would what?
tart6245 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 She knows you would want to talk about it. If you did or said something horrible to her, it's worth saying sorry. I'm not sure, given the facts you gave us, why she's so angry, if that's all that happened. If she blocked you because you accidentally removed her/said you were happy to see her, she's insane. If you got mad after she rejected you and said awful things to her, then yes, an apology is probably worthy, but nothing dramatic. Just tell her you behaved badly, you are sorry, and you understand if she never wants to talk to you again, but she deserves an apology from you. Leave it at that. Don't ask to talk, contact you, that you miss her, etc. Never works, pal. Trust me. Leave the ball with her. If she wants to talk again, she definitely knows where to find you.
reddragon588 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 i feel guilty because i made up a lie that i want to be with other girls, when in reality i don't, i want to be with her. i tried to make her jealous and it did work. but i know she's pissed off about it and she thinks its true even though i told her i lied and apologized. As the Royal Prince of Zamunda once said, the first reaction is usually the correct one. I don't think it's a lie, in fact I think it is the start of you being honest with yourself.
Author Jord Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 As the Royal Prince of Zamunda once said, the first reaction is usually the correct one. I don't think it's a lie, in fact I think it is the start of you being honest with yourself. it was the heat of the moment, i really don't want to be with anyone else. if a super model was in love with me, and gave me $48,000,000 i wouldn't want to be with her, because my heart is set on my ex.
Trimmer Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 it was the heat of the moment, i really don't want to be with anyone else. if a super model was in love with me, and gave me $48,000,000 i wouldn't want to be with her, because my heart is set on my ex. Well, you've got a damn odd way of showing it. I think here's one of your problems. You think that couples can get into fights, and say horrible, intentionally hurtful things to each other, and then "make up" by saying "I didn't really mean it" and have everything go back to normal. That may have seemed like what was happening, and so you learned that it was normal, but in fact, every time that kind of thing happened, you were damaging each other, and the "back to normal" wasn't really normal; it just got worse and worse as the damage collected and built up each time. You saw it yourself: "i was giving 100%, taking her on trips, planning special dates, getting her gifts. but she was so distant, she wasn't ready to give me her all." There it was, right in front of you, but you didn't learn from it. Your way of interacting with each other was damaging your relationship more and more as you went along, and it eventually broke. Sure, take the easy way out and blame it on her friends and family, as if you don't own any of it. You know what would be different if she hadn't talked to her friends and family and had come back to you yet another time? She'd be back with you for one more go-around, but the relationship would still be just as damaged, she would be even more reluctant to "give you her all", and since she came back again after your begging and you never learned your lesson, you would eventually be destined to go through the same cycle again, until eventually, somehow, one of you had enough and left. Own it yourself - it's not the fault of her friends and family. Just as we are trying to do, they may well have helped her see the reality of a declining, unhealthy relationship dynamic, but it's not their fault the relationship was headed on a downward slope. Don't continue to fool yourself by the easy path of blaming her friends, or you really never will learn. 1
reddragon588 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 it was the heat of the moment, i really don't want to be with anyone else. if a super model was in love with me, and gave me $48,000,000 i wouldn't want to be with her, because my heart is set on my ex. That is not very economical! I'll be honest, from my point of view, your attitude right now is what you think you feel, not how you actually feel. Give it a few weeks. Let yourself cool off, let her cool off. Once you've had the gift of time away, you'll have a better understanding of how you really feel. Right now, everything is pure raw emotion, and little logic (this is how humans work in time of emotional crisis so don't worry. I was there recently too). I've noticed that the blessing of time has changed my perspective on a lot of things. You need to give it time though. Both of you need to cool off. Going to her right now will only re-open the wounds and throw salt in them. Let them heal naturally.
Author Jord Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Well, you've got a damn odd way of showing it. I think here's one of your problems. You think that couples can get into fights, and say horrible, intentionally hurtful things to each other, and then "make up" by saying "I didn't really mean it" and have everything go back to normal. That may have seemed like what was happening, and so you learned that it was normal, but in fact, every time that kind of thing happened, you were damaging each other, and the "back to normal" wasn't really normal; it just got worse and worse as the damage collected and built up each time. You saw it yourself: "i was giving 100%, taking her on trips, planning special dates, getting her gifts. but she was so distant, she wasn't ready to give me her all." There it was, right in front of you, but you didn't learn from it. Your way of interacting with each other was damaging your relationship more and more as you went along, and it eventually broke. Sure, take the easy way out and blame it on her friends and family, as if you don't own any of it. You know what would be different if she hadn't talked to her friends and family and had come back to you yet another time? She'd be back with you for one more go-around, but the relationship would still be just as damaged, she would be even more reluctant to "give you her all", and since she came back again after your begging and you never learned your lesson, you would eventually be destined to go through the same cycle again, until eventually, somehow, one of you had enough and left. Own it yourself - it's not the fault of her friends and family. Just as we are trying to do, they may well have helped her see the reality of a declining, unhealthy relationship dynamic, but it's not their fault the relationship was headed on a downward slope. Don't continue to fool yourself by the easy path of blaming her friends, or you really never will learn. i understand when we broke up and got back together i tried to put a band-aid on the situation. not making changes. but everything was going smoothly until her friends started dissing me, they started hating me for not fitting into they're stupid crew. it really wasn't fair because i told my ex this, "its not about making your friends happy, its about making you happy." and she agreed. she told me herself that when ppl talk smack about me, she ALWAYS defends me. yet she always told me before we broke up, that her friends keep saying "i'm not the one for her, you can have any guy you want, why do you want him?!" thats really unfair and f**ked up. they don't know me, we only hung out a couple of times too!!
Author Jord Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I am surprised to see how many more people talk about their personal things with others. Granted, I'm not american and this is where most people seem to be on here but I would constantly argue with my ex for him telling other people about our fights, not to mention it weirding me out that he would know other couples' personal affairs. I guess it is a lot more common than I thought, and here I was thinking I was just unlucky. Personally myself, I never even told my mother about our issues. Or the great, loving details either. It was "we are good"/"we are finished". But I never let anyone in on our problems, specially as we had no people genuinely in common so I always felt like I would be gossiping about my partner and his personal affairs as well. Be relieved that you got out though. It is a never ending cycle of people meddling in your relationship trust me. well thats kind of the idea of this forum, to share personal details so we can get an outside perspective. its not only US, theres a lot of ppl from all over the world on here.
todreaminblue Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 This somewhat echoes Simon's point above, but be thoughtful here for a moment: say he sends the Email and most likely she stays true to her stated intentions and does not answer or acknowledge. Do you think that's going to feel like closure to the OP? Beware relying on the other person for your own "closure." lol ahem sorry just as i am reading your post this damn soppy love song is playing....all or nothing at all...i see the irony.... anyway you are right, i see your point about not relying on anyone else for closure......as a female though, even if i was in no contact and someone wrote to me expressing real pain and wanting closure........i would answer because i am a pure and utter sucker...... i wouldnt leave them hanging if i cared at all about them in the first place, even if they had hurt me, i would forgive them and give them what they needed ....simply an end........theres a chance she might and a chance she might not answer.....i think the op will follow what he wants to do ......which would be sensible......only he knows her we dont...at the end of the day it is his decision...maybe they might work it out and end up happily ever after with a frog pond and matching poodles.....frog ponds are pretty cool poodles are ok i guess....who knows....no one knows....stranger things will and do happen........cheers to ya...deb
Author Jord Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 lol ahem sorry just as i am reading your post this damn soppy love song is playing....all or nothing at all...i see the irony.... anyway you are right, i see your point about not relying on anyone else for closure......as a female though, even if i was in no contact and someone wrote to me expressing real pain and wanting closure........i would answer because i am a pure and utter sucker...... i wouldnt leave them hanging if i cared at all about them in the first place, even if they had hurt me, i would forgive them and give them what they needed ....simply an end........theres a chance she might and a chance she might not answer.....i think the op will follow what he wants to do ......which would be sensible......only he knows her we dont...at the end of the day it is his decision...maybe they might work it out and end up happily ever after with a frog pond and matching poodles.....frog ponds are pretty cool poodles are ok i guess....who knows....no one knows....stranger things will and do happen........cheers to ya...deb funny you should say that because i in fact, have a koi pond, with lily pads, and occasional frogs! but i'm thinking i should ask her to talk in a couple of weeks, when things have cooled off with her.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 i said "i hope you find someone who will stick around with you, because you are a handful. i'm going to be with a girl who actually knows how to love someone, because there are girls who want to be with me." i was out of line and didn't mean what i said. Ouch!!!!!!
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