SickofPain Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 My girlfriend of 5 years, left me recently, saying that she just cant do this anymore, that she doesnt love me anymore, and that she has felt this way for a while (meaning 6 or so months). She said I was too controlling of her (which is in her head - i have been assured of that by very close friends and family) and that I did not trust her. She left saying all these things (this was about a week ago), but in that time she has called me a couple of times, just to ask what I am doing etc. I talk nicely to her on the phone, and ask her how she is going etc. Now, everytime I bring up us, like maybe we could go see someone or has she been thinking about us etc., she detaches herself and says things like my mind hasnt changed, i cant be with you, i am not going to see anyone because they cant change my mind etc. I really want things to work out between us and I am so scared and hurt that we cant. I havent pushed her at all, and I have not really called her on my own accord. I have a letter ready to send her with all my thoughts and emotions, and also a text message that has been sitting on my phone for a day or so. Do I send these to her, should I just wait and hope things get better (which it doesnt look like they will). What can I do???
hurtingandconfused Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Now, everytime I bring up us, like maybe we could go see someone or has she been thinking about us etc., she detaches herself and says things like my mind hasnt changed This is pushing her away. Don't bring up "you guys" anymore. I have a letter ready to send her with all my thoughts and emotions, and also a text message that has been sitting on my phone for a day or so. Don't send it. The letter will only make you look desperate. should I just wait and hope things get better Yep. But in a different way. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for a mended heart. I highly doubt that chasing her will do any good. And hoping for reconciliation is just plan pointless.(Not to mention very painful.)
SickofPain Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 I am desperate! The letter is a bit emotional, but basically just saying how we could resolve things, how we could go about it etc. The text message in the phone basically says I love you and i wish we could work through this and talk. Still a bad idea to send the text message? She has been feeling like this for some months, so in her own mind (and heart) she has convinced herself that this is what she wants. Is that a fair assessment? Even up until recently, she was still saying i love you, being affectionate etc without any kind of prompting from me. Is that because that is how she was feeling at the time? Is that because of guilt in her own mind. These questions just keep coming up...
hurtingandconfused Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Most of us wrote our "I'm sorry" letters, "I hope you best, we can work it out" ect... But reality is no matter what we say or do, we cannot change their mind. They already made them up and believe that is best thing for them. I know that you are desperate, but remember women like confident men. Stay strong, and don't give in. My advice is to give her space. Let her clear up her mind. And if you decide that you want to be friends with her, give her a call within 2-3 months. (Friends and only friends.) She told you she loved you because she is confused. Like I said give her some time. And whatever you do don't send the letter or text message.
head/heels Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 JUST FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH... she will call one day, just mark my words....let her live life w/o you!
theone44 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Originally posted by SickofPain I am desperate! The letter is a bit emotional, but basically just saying how we could resolve things, how we could go about it etc. The text message in the phone basically says I love you and i wish we could work through this and talk. Still a bad idea to send the text message? She has been feeling like this for some months, so in her own mind (and heart) she has convinced herself that this is what she wants. Is that a fair assessment? Even up until recently, she was still saying i love you, being affectionate etc without any kind of prompting from me. Is that because that is how she was feeling at the time? Is that because of guilt in her own mind. These questions just keep coming up... Listen to hurtandconfused....don't send the letter,beacuse it does make you look desperate and also very weak too. Some men will never learn from their mistake with women. Women don't like when a man act desperate or weak.
MissingHerBad Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I more or less am in the same situation. Except yesterday I found out that she was seeing someone. Upon asking her...making her mad ...again and writing me and email. The email was pretty blunt. Infortuanate as it is, just like you Im sick of pain as the girl has turned it to a real bitch.
alphamale Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Originally posted by SickofPain I have a letter ready to send her with all my thoughts and emotions, and also a text message that has been sitting on my phone for a day or so. Do I send these to her, should I just wait and hope things get better (which it doesnt look like they will). What can I do??? 1) burn the letter until it is a lump of ashes 2) delete the txt msg 3) don't contact her in any way whatsover, this include smoke signals 4) sit and wait 5) look for other women, date them, have fun and have sex with them 6) make yourself #1 in your life
Sukotto Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 If it makes you feel better this is what I tried. 1) Letter 2) Pleading and begging in person 3) Convinced her to go away for the weekend 4) Sent her roses Neither of the above worked and if anything it made it worse, I didn't think I was being pushy at the time but on reflection I realise it was. I wish I'd asked here before actually doing any of the above as it would have made life easier. We're only starting to talk now and thats almost 2 months later, its just casual chat but its an improvement and I'm finally starting to feel better. I no longer have the longing to be with her when we're apart though its there when we meet in person but I'm sure that will fade too. Above post is good advice, work on yourself and do things to get your mind off it. I didn't really start feeling better until Saturday when I met this other girl and I realised that when people say "They're plenty of fish in the sea" and all the other cliché phrases that its true.
theone44 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale 1) burn the letter until it is a lump of ashes 2) delete the txt msg 3) don't contact her in any way whatsover, this include smoke signals 4) sit and wait 5) look for other women, date them, have fun and have sex with them 6) make yourself #1 in your life alphamale: good avdvice, and does it mean not sending any holiday's or birthday's cards either.
SickofPain Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 See, we have been talking though, virtually everyday since it happened (5 days ago). She would call me up and ask what I am doing etc, I would give short answers, and that would be the whole phone call. Yesterday, I went around the her parents place (which is where she is staying at the moment), as she needed some clothes dropped off. I acted OK, and said I know I cant change your mind, but I am very much willing to work on it. She kept saying 'She cant' etc. She allowed me to stay for dinner, but once again we didnt really talk. She was bringing up stories with her parents in front of me saying 'I like this that way' or 'I am fussy with food' etc etc Not negative stuff, but just stuff we have shared together, and stuff that she knows about me. Does this mean anything? She looks perfectly fine, and does not seem to be affected in anyway since last week. I have tried having heart to heart talks with her, and it usually ends up with me shedding a tear or two, and with her being quite withdrawn.
alphamale Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Originally posted by SickofPain Does this mean anything? She looks perfectly fine, and does not seem to be affected in anyway since last week. I have tried having heart to heart talks with her, and it usually ends up with me shedding a tear or two, and with her being quite withdrawn. Dear Mr. Pain: Yes, the problem here is that you are playing the female role and she is playing the man's role. At least from what you have written above! Women like to date MEN, not desperate and pathetic boys who cry in front of them and beg and plead for mercy.
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