me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Hi guys! gonna try to make this as short as possible .. I was dating this guy for about 4 weeks (during that 4 weeks we were together almost every day) when I first met him I thought it was "love at first site" it took him until the 4th time he saw me to ask me out after that everything just happened at lightening speed, by the 2nd/3rd date I was his gf & he told me he was in love with me, wanted to marry me & I was the last girl he was gonna kiss. We met eachothers families & had dinner with them, he brought me roses to my job, bought me a few things & always paid for dinner. we were intimate but the first time we were gonna have sex he chickened out because he "didnt want to base our relationship on sex" after that we were intimate 3 times in total. the last week we were together he wasnt calling/texting me as much so I got worried I didnt hear from him and ended up calling him 5 times in a row which PISSED him off, he ended up going away for the weekend with brother and told me not to call/text him, when he got back we met up & he broke up with me because "I didn't trust" him which was complete BS to make a long story short he blames me for everything. now i'm just wondering if someone "loved" me so much they def would not break up with me over that, am I right? everyone says theres def something wrong on his part he's either bi-polar, sociopath or just an ******* .. opinions? thanks in advance I forgot to mention he came off as VERY charming, he's is as gorgeous as they come & comes from a VERY strict Italian family. he was VERY concerned with people not trusting him & thinking he was an a**hol* he told me he could have 100 girls but he picked me & he's very narrow minded!
tinydancer93 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 It does sound like he might have some sort of mental issue/s. He sounds unstable and unreliable, in which case, it's a good thing that you're free of him. Lots of guys do go hot and cold during the dating phase, but usually not to this extreme, especially if things have gotten serious. Part of the problem may be that you both moved too quickly, and perhaps didn't get to know each other enough and form a deep enough connection before speeding into a full-blown relationship. In my experience, relationships that move this quickly tend to be short-lived... 2
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 It does sound like he might have some sort of mental issue/s. He sounds unstable and unreliable, in which case, it's a good thing that you're free of him. Lots of guys do go hot and cold during the dating phase, but usually not to this extreme, especially if things have gotten serious. Part of the problem may be that you both moved too quickly, and perhaps didn't get to know each other enough and form a deep enough connection before speeding into a full-blown relationship. In my experience, relationships that move this quickly tend to be short-lived... thank you for your reply, it's just really sad that someone could act so well & blames me for everything & takes no responsibilty for his actions at all
heartshaped Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 When things start out so fast and irrational they usually never last. BUT if a guy I was seeing called me five times in a row I'd be pissed and most likely break it off too. 1
tinydancer93 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 thank you for your reply, it's just really sad that someone could act so well & blames me for everything & takes no responsibilty for his actions at all Yes, it's very sad. I've experienced something similiar. I was dating someone who actually had bipolar; he led me on and then broke my heart - he tried to convince me that we were never actually together in the first place, so that he didn't have to take any responsibility for how he treated me. He also came up with a bunch of excuses why we couldn't be together, and most of them were my fault, according to him. I guess what I'm saying is that I know how you feel, and though it might take time, you will realise that you are better off without someone like that. 2
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 When things start out so fast and irrational they usually never last. BUT if a guy I was seeing called me five times in a row I'd be pissed and most likely break it off too. honestly if you really love someone you would understand them trying to get in touch with you because they were worried, you wouldn't break up with them right away you would speak to them about it & if it happened again THEN you could end things 2
heartshaped Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I'm sorry, but I don't think calling someone 'five times in a row' is trying to get in touch with them. In this day and age, everyone has the ability to know who called them & when. I could justify maybe three calls periodically, but five in a row? To me, that screams of someone insecure and now you're trying to classify this man as some type of sociopath or claim that he's bipolar, etc. because he no longer wants to be with you. I think you should take a harder look at yourself and what you contributed to the end of this relationship. Just my honest opinion. 1
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I'm sorry, but I don't think calling someone 'five times in a row' is trying to get in touch with them. In this day and age, everyone has the ability to know who called them & when. I could justify maybe three calls periodically, but five in a row? To me, that screams of someone insecure and now you're trying to classify this man as some type of sociopath or claim that he's bipolar, etc. because he no longer wants to be with you. I think you should take a harder look at yourself and what you contributed to the end of this relationship. Just my honest opinion. I apologized a thousand times & nothing was good enough, I was always walking on egg-shells with him because he was "perfect" if he had called me/texted me like he said he would I wouldn't have been worried and that would have never happened
veggirl Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 If he's a sociopath for moving at lightening speed then...aren't you one as well? Nothing new about rushing into things and then those things falling apart as quickly as they started. and regarding "if you love someone you wouldn't dump them over this".....the whole point is you DON'T love someone in a MONTH. to think he loved you is very concerning. did you love him? did you tell him you did? 3
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 no because I didn't go from hot to cold, I didn't offer him a key to my apartment like he did to me, he wanted me to move some of my stuff in to his apartment, I didnt lie about my job title, i'm not obsessed with what people think of me, I wasnt the one who said I love you first etc etc
spiderowl Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) Sounds like a player to me. Implying he could have the pick of the crop, but he just chose you. Abstaining on one occasion so he could convince you of his 'sincerity' in not just wanting your body. Then blaming you for your apparent 'jealousy' and 'lack of trust', when he disappears off without contacting you. I think a guy who was serious about you would have had a conversation with you about trust perhaps, but wouldn't have dumped you on that occasion. My suspicion is that this guy makes a habit of these little flings and probably has a reputation. Talk to people who know him and sound them out about his past relationships. Edited September 15, 2013 by spiderowl 3
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Sounds like a player to me. Implying he could have the pick of the crop, but he just chose you. Abstaining on one occasion so he could convince you of his 'sincerity' in not just wanting your body. Then blaming you for your apparent 'jealousy' and 'lack of trust', when he disappears off without contacting you. I think a guy who was serious about you would have had a conversation with you about trust perhaps, but wouldn't have dumped you on that occasion. My suspicion is that this guy makes a habit of these little flings and probably has a reputation. Talk to people who know him and sound them out about his past relationships. according to his boss (who I know) his mother has mental issues and his father is very strict he's not a player from what I've heard but ya never know I was told he's very immature though and I knew he had a gf for 4 years but she lived in another country so maybe I was just the rebound even though he said I wasn't
HappyLove Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Can't stress enough that women especially need to take the time to see people's ACTIONS not words! Give a guy three months or so to SHOW his worth then believe him. Men will say & do anything to get what they want. Nothing you said sounds like a sociopath just your typical run of the mill jerk. Maybe you would have figured that out if you took some time to get to know him. I know it still sucks, sorry for your pain but you'll find a guy worth your time. Use this as a learning experience. 3
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Can't stress enough that women especially need to take the time to see people's ACTIONS not words! Give a guy three months or so to SHOW his worth then believe him. Men will say & do anything to get what they want. Nothing you said sounds like a sociopath just your typical run of the mill jerk. Maybe you would have figured that out if you took some time to get to know him. I know it still sucks, sorry for your pain but you'll find a guy worth your time. Use this as a learning experience. when I told him trust takes time to build he got mad because I asked him how he can trust me so fast it's like he expected me to know what a "wonderful" "perfect" person he was right away and when I didn't and when he found out he couldn't walk all over me he ran
HappyLove Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 when I told him trust takes time to build he got mad because I asked him how he can trust me so fast it's like he expected me to know what a "wonderful" "perfect" person he was right away and when I didn't and when he found out he couldn't walk all over me he ran And that's what we call a red flag! You should have taken that nugget of info and thought........hmmm, this guy might have trust issues. Then you take a couple months to see how it plays out. I'm sure there were plenty more red flags too. When you see red flags sometimes you gotta bail even if he's HOT or you'll get burned. Always do what's best for you! 5
HappyLove Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Don't be surprised when he comes sniffing around again too. He sounds like that type who tries to see how weak you are, put you in your place then comes back with you being SO HAPPY to have him. The question is are you a glutton for punishment? How long ago was this? 1
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Don't be surprised when he comes sniffing around again too. He sounds like that type who tries to see how weak you are, put you in your place then comes back with you being SO HAPPY to have him. The question is are you a glutton for punishment? How long ago was this? oh I know I haven't seen/heard the last of him ended it last week and I told him not to contact me in a month or whenever thinking we can try again
forgetmenot75 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Ugh I wouldn't try again with him. He seems unstable to me. Block him, this type of guys are no good. 3
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I'm sorry, but I don't think calling someone 'five times in a row' is trying to get in touch with them. In this day and age, everyone has the ability to know who called them & when. I could justify maybe three calls periodically, but five in a row? To me, that screams of someone insecure and now you're trying to classify this man as some type of sociopath or claim that he's bipolar, etc. because he no longer wants to be with you. I think you should take a harder look at yourself and what you contributed to the end of this relationship. Just my honest opinion. I think the over-emphasis on insecurity in our dating culture is ridiculous. Everybody is insecure. Some people are just better at hiding it. In fact, I think it's better to SHOW your insecurities. So that the issue can be dealt with as it happens. My girlfriend and I have both displayed insecure behavior at different times. We didn't break up over it. If a girl called me five times in a row, I would reassure her that everything is okay and that I don't like when she does that and I'd appreciate it if she doesn't do it again. If she does to it again, then that's a blatant sign of disrespect and grounds for ending a relationship. Simple insecurity is not a good reason to end a relationship. 2
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I think the over-emphasis on insecurity in our dating culture is ridiculous. Everybody is insecure. Some people are just better at hiding it. In fact, I think it's better to SHOW your insecurities. So that the issue can be dealt with as it happens. My girlfriend and I have both displayed insecure behavior at different times. We didn't break up over it. If a girl called me five times in a row, I would reassure her that everything is okay and that I don't like when she does that and I'd appreciate it if she doesn't do it again. If she does to it again, then that's a blatant sign of disrespect and grounds for ending a relationship. Simple insecurity is not a good reason to end a relationship. exactly .. he was treating me like I cheated on him or did something horrible I don't get it
KatZee Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Sounds like an emotionally unavailable person, not a sociopath. Usually these people race right out of the gate, doing/saying/being your Prince Charming and planning for the " future." Think logically. Could YOU tell a guy you loved him after three dates? It's not real. They know they have no intention of anything long term and just as quickly as they blow in, they blow right back out. Dating and falling in love takes months. Not days. Be careful with these guys. They are usually after one thing too and once they get it... Bye! 2
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Sounds like an emotionally unavailable person, not a sociopath. Usually these people race right out of the gate, doing/saying/being your Prince Charming and planning for the " future." Think logically. Could YOU tell a guy you loved him after three dates? It's not real. They know they have no intention of anything long term and just as quickly as they blow in, they blow right back out. Dating and falling in love takes months. Not days. Be careful with these guys. They are usually after one thing too and once they get it... Bye! idk about months i do believe in love at first sight he does make some valid points like why would we meet each others families if he wasn't serious? I'm just so mad at myself for believing him and thinking that he was finally the one
Brown-Eyez Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 idk about months i do believe in love at first sight he does make some valid points like why would we meet each others families if he wasn't serious? I'm just so mad at myself for believing him and thinking that he was finally the one why be mad at yourself?? you found a great connection that felt awesome ok it didn't work out but at least you know you can love (isn't that worth something?) 1
HappyLove Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 idk about months i do believe in love at first sight he does make some valid points like why would we meet each others families if he wasn't serious? I'm just so mad at myself for believing him and thinking that he was finally the one HE makes valid points? The guy you're questioning if he's a sociopath? Just because you met parents doesn't mean anything. He probably had alterior motives for all you know! Maybe like proving to his mom he's normal or something. A month isn't a long time AT ALL. And even if you really truly believed this guy loved you with all his heart, is this how you treat someone you love? No it's not.
Author me0w Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 HE makes valid points? The guy you're questioning if he's a sociopath? Just because you met parents doesn't mean anything. He probably had alterior motives for all you know! Maybe like proving to his mom he's normal or something. A month isn't a long time AT ALL. And even if you really truly believed this guy loved you with all his heart, is this how you treat someone you love? No it's not. you are right, you don't even treat someone you like, like that he rubbed everything in my face & made me feel like a monster my parents & friends said its like he's trying to teach me a lesson
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