LostInTheWild Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Now, I do not want to respond, nor will I. It is my resolve to have him out of my life completely. We have been broken up for a month and a half and haven't spoken for over a month. Then, out of the blue, I get this: Him: Hey I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you've gotten any of my mail? I changed the address with the post office but I'm not getting it. I ask because I've been expecting health and dental insurance cards because I need to go to the dentist and get my alcohol evaluation by a drug and alcohol counselor for my DUI. Me: {Silence} Is this a feeler message? I have to admit I'm curious but won't break my vow of silence. I think it is only because he knows we have a mutual friend who will give him things if I find them -- I've told him that shortly after the breakup. He has changed his address but I've only received a couple of things that weren't important. I think he's cleared the air with the change of address. I think he just wants to know that I don't hate him...I kind of do...Thoughts?
cavalier99 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Now, I do not want to respond, nor will I. It is my resolve to have him out of my life completely. We have been broken up for a month and a half and haven't spoken for over a month. Then, out of the blue, I get this: Him: Hey I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you've gotten any of my mail? I changed the address with the post office but I'm not getting it. I ask because I've been expecting health and dental insurance cards because I need to go to the dentist and get my alcohol evaluation by a drug and alcohol counselor for my DUI. Me: {Silence} Is this a feeler message? I have to admit I'm curious but won't break my vow of silence. I think it is only because he knows we have a mutual friend who will give him things if I find them -- I've told him that shortly after the breakup. He has changed his address but I've only received a couple of things that weren't important. I think he's cleared the air with the change of address. I think he just wants to know that I don't hate him...I kind of do...Thoughts? I think you are right on track. DONT RESPOND! Cav 1
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Oh no, I won't respond to this (I've deleted his number a while ago, and this text, curse my excellent memory of numbers). I'm just curious as to what others might think is going on in his head. Edited September 14, 2013 by LostInTheWild
reddragon588 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 If it is really important, he will contact you again. If its just a feeler or breadcrumb he probably won't reach out again, or will use some other reason to contact you. 1
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Very true, red. However, he has done this same thing with his Xbox early on in the breakup when he asked me for it when we ran into each other. He had his chance to get everything he wanted when he moved out, yet wanted it back a few days later?
Nicoleiia Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 You are going to get more of these. He is testing the waters and is curious about you because you haven't spoken to him. Maintain NC. DO NOT talk to him. Its always a mistake when folks break NC. But yea, he doesn't care about his mail; that was bait to see if you would break NC. Dumpers don't like to be ignored! 1
destroyed4sho Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 pfff...an obvious feeler...the last sentencegave it.away too.muh unnecessary info. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Assuming a lot based on someone asking for mail. Seems like a normal question. Either way, why answer? 2
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Confused, I guess it was a large assumption to make, however, if I had moved out of his place and changed my address only later to find I haven't been receiving my mail, I would call the companies that provide this information AND the post office to avoid contact with my ex. THAT is the reason why I'm making assumptions, well, that and because I'm a woman. I do not want to speak to him and I haven't broken NC. I have no desire to. The fact that he sent a long, drawn out message speaks volumes to me. I don't need to know he needs to go to the dentist and have an evaluation done, do I? I mean, what would I say? "That's great you're getting your teeth cleaned. I always loved your smile. Keep the pearly whites pearly white! And no, I haven't received any of your mail. If I do, I will be sure to go out of my way so you get it. Good luck with the counselor. It's great to hear from my BFF again. Hope life is treating you well. Good luck! *HUGS*" No. Absolutely not.
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Oh, another thing, I have spoken to our mutual friend....yesterday, in fact. She made no mention of him wanting any mail so therefore...yeah.
destroyed4sho Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Confused, I guess it was a large assumption to make, however, if I had moved out of his place and changed my address only later to find I haven't been receiving my mail, I would call the companies that provide this information AND the post office to avoid contact with my ex. THAT is the reason why I'm making assumptions, well,that and because I'm a woman. I do not want to speak to him and I haven't broken NC. I have no desire to. The fact that he sent a long, drawn out message speaks volumes to me. I don't need to know he needs to go to the dentist and have an evaluation done, do I? I mean, what would I say? "That's great you're get]ting your teeth cleaned. I always loved your smile. Keep the pearly whites pearly white! And no, I haven't received any of your mail. If I do, I will be sure to go out of my way so you get it. Good luck with the counselor. It's great to hear from my BFF again. Hope life is treating you well. Good luck! *HUGS*" No. Absolutely not. your making assumptions bc your a woman?! :-0 1
Man-guy Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I'll be honest, I got one of these kinds of messages a while back... I had been trying to do LC, more than anything to take care of issues like this, joint accounts, etc... I saw this and tried really hard to be NC, but then I got two more text, then an email saying the same thing and wondering if I had changed my number Talking to my friends, I decided to just let her know I hadn't gotten her stuff at all... I think it was appropriate, after all, this was more of a "strictly business" kind of exchange... My mistake was sending her a congrats a few weeks ago for a school accomplishment... we actually messaged back and forth for a day or two, but... now I'm in a spot where she's just gotten back on FB after having left it for a week or two, super odd b/c I've been blocked for months... we MAY message each other once or twice a month, I figured after 3 months we could try to be friends, but I'm over it... My point is, when it comes to this, if you have their stuff and they want it, give it to them, no reason to play games like that... Beyond that it would probably be a mistake. 1
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 your making assumptions bc your a woman?! :-0 LOL, it was a joke.
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Man-guy, I'm not playing games -- I honestly have nothing of his that he would actually want anyway. He had his chance when he moved, took everything he wanted (except for the Xbox I've heard nothing about since), and he moved on along. He knew our friend would pass any important information along. So, don't beat me for this, but I texted him a simple, "No, I haven't." That was today. I don't feel bad for doing this at all -- I'm not placed back at square one and I'm not hurt and crying and wondering about the what-if's. He responded with something along the lines of, "Okay, well, I'm sure you could give it to our friend anyway if it's not too much trouble." And that's where I'll leave it. SEE?! He knew it all along anyway. I'm sure if I had said, "Well, no, it's not too much trouble," that would have opened up a can of worms I don't care to eat. As for the idea of the initial contact message being a "feeler" message, I doubt it at this point. I mean, I don't get why he texted me in the first place, but my guess would be it was a mildly legitimate question. I won't even attempt to speculate anymore.
Man-guy Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 I didn't mean you we're playing games Lost. What I'm getting at is that any "business" or talk of belongings is, to me, a legitimate avenue of discussion. If someone DOES try to play games and uses these or other serious concerns (to me, items and money are), THEN you need to shut it down ASAP before things get out of hand... No reason for someone to be sneaky with other peoples things right? If that were to happen, I could see some blood boiling over it and when things suck, the last thing anyone should want to do is contribute to them sucking more. My 2 cents. 1
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 Okay, I get what you are saying. But mail is replaceable and he knows I wouldn't do anything to it except give it to our friend (as explained many times ). After a month and a half though, wouldn't you be concerned in some way if you weren't getting your mail? And wouldn't you call the post office or the person living at the previous address (not me or my address) in which you resided beforehand? But most importantly, wouldn't you contact the companies who send you this information to make certain they have your address correct? Ah, I guess we don't all think the same. It must be the vindictive ex...holding dental insurance cards hostage . Maybe, if I had it, they'll let me use it?! All I'm saying is, the breakup wasn't like that at all. It was mutual, for the most part. And for the most part, I've moved on.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Okay, I get what you are saying. But mail is replaceable and he knows I wouldn't do anything to it except give it to our friend (as explained many times ). After a month and a half though, wouldn't you be concerned in some way if you weren't getting your mail? And wouldn't you call the post office or the person living at the previous address (not me or my address) in which you resided beforehand? But most importantly, wouldn't you contact the companies who send you this information to make certain they have your address correct? Ah, I guess we don't all think the same. It must be the vindictive ex...holding dental insurance cards hostage . Maybe, if I had it, they'll let me use it?! All I'm saying is, the breakup wasn't like that at all. It was mutual, for the most part. And for the most part, I've moved on. Who are you trying to convince here?
Author LostInTheWild Posted September 17, 2013 Author Posted September 17, 2013 I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just stating what I would have done rather than contact my ex. There are highs and lows and break ups hurt no matter what, but my life isn't over. I've mourned his loss. Now things are finally settling in and I'm trying to look at the bright side of things here. I was seriously only curious and fed into it - now it's over. Thanks for your concern.
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