solostand Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Oh its true. My MM owns a lifeguard company and part of his supervisory role was to visit the beaches he guards to check up on his surfguards et cetera. Often we had it planned that I would go to the last beach on his agenda. I would already be on my blanket and he just pretended he ran into an old friend. He would lie with me and we would swim together and then just talk We did this every day it was possible. One of his surfguards said to him later: "She certainly has her hooks into you" Then his son (who was a supervisor) saw us chatting leaning over the boardwalk. He quizzed his daddy thoroughly on who I was.
Got it Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I don't know if you can tell people have had a sexual relationship. I think you can tell when people are attracted to each other. 2
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I don't know if you can tell people have had a sexual relationship. I think you can tell when people are attracted to each other. I think I can. Sometimes they'll give each other a look. I've seen it, made note of it and later will find out there was a hidden relationship. The look is obvious to me, it's not always that it's already happened, but sometimes is a dead give away that it's about to happen. 1
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 If his wife trusts him and your husband trusts you and both marriages are pretty good, then thoughts of you cheating probably is the last thing on their minds. Why would they suspect when you all are friends, or casual buddies? Even more so if you and your AP are skilled at lying and hiding your A. I've never cheated but my husband is very very aware of my unmet needs and my sexual history, he's not stupid, he knows I'm vulnerable to an affair, he just would not suspect this specific guy, not going to explain why here but my husband thinks he's much much better than this guy and wouldn't entertain the idea just because he would find it insulting. AP's wife.. Has every reason to think her husband would be unfaithful but she refuses to accept it. I'm not just saying that, she 100 percent believes that because she forgave him for straying in the past he'll never do it again. At least that's what she says she believes.
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I've never cheated but my husband is very very aware of my unmet needs and my sexual history, he's not stupid, he knows I'm vulnerable to an affair, he just would not suspect this specific guy, not going to explain why here but my husband thinks he's much much better than this guy and wouldn't entertain the idea just because he would find it insulting. AP's wife.. Has every reason to think her husband would be unfaithful but she refuses to accept it. I'm not just saying that, she 100 percent believes that because she forgave him for straying in the past he'll never do it again. At least that's what she says she believes. ??!! You've never cheated yet you say: I guess my situation is different because I don't want to leave my marriage I don't want him to leave his marriage.. Our affair is for the thrill and for sex.. I do want the emotional connection too, and I do miss it when he withholds that side.. Which he does almost in a clockwork pattern.. But I've accepted this for what it is.. I want to use him, and I'm ok with him using me. 3
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 ??!! You've never cheated yet you say: Sorry, I guess I missed a key word.. I had never cheated BEFORE this. .. It's not ONLY for the thrill and for sex. I fell in love with him before we ever got physical. It progressed to the point where sex is how we show the majority of our affection now, that started as a way to protect our feelings, and it's thrilling. Not gonna lie.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 On one thread you're talking about the enjoyment of being used and how neither of you want to leave your marriage. Now this? If you believe your spouses must know, apparently you won't mind when your husband throws you and your belongings out of the house. It seems like you get off on humiliating your husband and MMs wife. That's a bit over the top, even for this forum. My husband wouldn't be throwing my belonging out of the house. This is my and the kids house, yes his name is on the mortgage beside mine, but he lives elsewhere 90 percent of the month. I never said our spouses knew about the affair, if they did it would be a big deal, but not in the way you are imagining I don't think. As of right now they don't know, but I'm surprised they don't suspect.
Silly_Girl Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I have spotted 2 workplace affairs before anyone else (or first as far as I know) and a (non-A) relationship at work that hadn't started but was obviously going to, despite one of them being certain it wasn't on the cards. Body language is amazing. And dangerous! 2
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I don't get off on humiliating anyone. My husband and kids happiness are above others happiness in my life.. This affair is the first time I've really chosen myself over my husband and still, it comes after making sure he's satisfied and after my kids are taken care off. I would not choose to spend time with AP over my family. We limit our time together.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 In your OP, you mentioned how friends have noticed and how could your spouses not. You're taking the chance they will figure it out and that risks everything, including the humiliation they will ultimately feel. I don't understand those who have affairs with coworkers and bosses because they risk the livelihood of your family. Even worse are those who have affairs with people your spouse knows. It's such a violation. I take some comfort that I didn't know anyone in xMM's family, work, or social circle. I'm sure that lessened the humiliation factor for his wife. I agree we shouldnt socialize with each other spouses. We do but not too often. We come from a small place, everyone knows everyone, even if they are not friends. My AP's wife wants to be my friend separately from her husband and has been very aggressive in trying to make that happen, I avoid it 99 percent of the time. But we have taken kids for walks a couple times that kind of thing, normally if we are in the same place it's with a group of people. My husband however really like OM as a buddy and they've been hanging out more and more when my husband is actually around, not something I'm entirely comfortable with but I don't know how to navigate that situation yet.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 My AP's wife is very aware her husband has a thing for me, she has said she hears it in his voice, the way he says my name and how often he brings me up. I have just noticed I bring AP's name up a lot too.. never seemed odd to do before because we are good friends, of course we would talk about one another, and maybe its just paranoia but I seem to have noticed my husband may be picking up on how often I mention OM.. so I am consciously trying to stop doing it so often... I've always been curious about human behaviour and feel like I can pick up on people who are attracted to one another pretty easily. For example.. women will change the tone of their voice when talking to a man.. and change it even more for a man they are attracted to or who's attention they want.. sort of a higher pitch? Its probably mostly subconscious but I definitely notice it.. Last night when greeting me and asking how I was, I felt like anyone listening would be able to tell.. he already knew how I was and the entire tone of his voice was different than it usually is.. and the smiles and eye contact we share.. feels like other people must see it. Neither of us have confided in anyone about the affair, so its a secret but its almost like we wear the secret on our faces.. and how we move and talk. I've posted before about body language, it is something I'm very interested in. I wonder if people have noticed the way people talk as well.. can you see and hear attraction?
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Has anyone experienced this in their inner circle? We have so many mutual friends.. all of which know us individually very well and in group situations very well and I wonder how many people have noticed that we act a little different than we normally would when we are in the same room together. I think I stand more up right.. I think I change the tone of my voice... I bite my lips a lot.. and I have a hard time looking him in the eye for very long if other people are standing around us.
JamesM Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I've posted before about body language, it is something I'm very interested in. I wonder if people have noticed the way people talk as well.. can you see and hear attraction? Yes. I can tell when my wife feels differently about me. I can tell when a female friend has a little more of something towards me...even if I don't dare say what it is. My wife has in the past been able to tell when I was going somewhere different and I didn't tell her. I could see it in her eyes. She said there was something different about me even if she didn't know what. She knew something was up. I can see it is a woman's eyes when they see that I am attracted to them even if I don't act on it. Their eyes soften or their smiles gets a certain look to it. They stand a little differently. Most of us can tell something is different. We are wired that way. We just can't always tell what is different.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Yes. I can tell when my wife feels differently about me. I can tell when a female friend has a little more of something towards me...even if I don't dare say what it is. My wife has in the past been able to tell when I was going somewhere different and I didn't tell her. I could see it in her eyes. She said there was something different about me even if she didn't know what. She knew something was up. I can see it is a woman's eyes when they see that I am attracted to them even if I don't act on it. Their eyes soften or their smiles gets a certain look to it. They stand a little differently. Most of us can tell something is different. We are wired that way. We just can't always tell what is different. Yes, everything you said I agree I've picked up on too. When I say OM's name my husband gets little face twitch.. I can mention his wife, or any number of other male friends but when I mention this one guy, I always see something in his face that says he thinks I bring him up too much.. I don't think I bring him up more than a couple other of my close friends but I notice a difference in his reaction. My husband likes this guy but does look down on him for a couple of reasons, not like he thinks he's a bad person, just considers him lower than us.. which I hate because OM and me are pretty much exactly the same, my husband has always looked a little down on me. He the kind of person who thinks he's too good for a lot of people.. So I do not think he suspects I'm cheating with OM but I think he suspects I am attracted to him and that bothers him.. maybe I am paranoid but I can see it in other people, I just assume other people pick up on those things too.
JamesM Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 So I do not think he suspects I'm cheating with OM but I think he suspects I am attracted to him and that bothers him.. maybe I am paranoid but I can see it in other people, I just assume other people pick up on those things too. My guess is that he thinks something is different in the relationship between you and the OM but he doesn't quite know what. And since he fully trusts you, the thought of you cheating is unbelievable to him at this point. He may actually have considered this or even is considering it, but in his blindness, he cannot fathom it as the "difference." As you may have read my posts, I am not anti-affair...or rather I am understanding of why some affairs begin, but I must ask you (as someone very interested in psychology), how do you feel knowing that you are openly hiding this affair in front of him?
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 My guess is that he thinks something is different in the relationship between you and the OM but he doesn't quite know what. And since he fully trusts you, the thought of you cheating is unbelievable to him at this point. He may actually have considered this or even is considering it, but in his blindness, he cannot fathom it as the "difference." As you may have read my posts, I am not anti-affair...or rather I am understanding of why some affairs begin, but I must ask you (as someone very interested in psychology), how do you feel knowing that you are openly hiding this affair in front of him? My husband works and travels a lot, when I'm with him and we are having good moments and especially when we are alone together, I feel guilty and like confessing is on the tip of my tongue.. But he's not around a lot and I don't feel much guilt when he's not here. I also feel guilty when I'm around close friends because I'm lying to them too.
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