AutumnMoon Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 So a good friend of mind, who does not know about my affair.. Because nobody does, not even one friend.. Mentioned to me can almost taste the tension when me and AP are in the same room!! I was shocked. I have always felt the electricity and the tension and before the affair started I wondered if he felt it too and he did. It honestly feels like electricity coursing through the air. Anyway of course I denied really knowing what she meant but she also spoke about body language. Our body's lean towards each other.. He always finds a way to sit by me, I chew my nails, and that she noticed I don't look him in the eye much while on contrast he's always trying hard to look me in the eyes and when I do look at him I light up. She said its obvious he likes me and that she's even noticed him trying to turn it off when his wife is in the room. Which I definitely picked up on, almost acting indifferent to me when his wife is around. Anyways, her thoughts on it was that he is going to try and pick me up.. She thinks he's scummy. Wow though.. I had no idea it could be so visual without saying anything. Similar experience or thoughts? Looking at how two people interact do you think you'd pick up on if they shared a secret or had been intimate? Could we keep it under wraps now that we are aware or will it get more obvious over time.
WakingUp Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I find body language fascinating. I get very self conscious when I feel like I have something to hide. I also have a terrible tendency to blush. And once I realise I am blushing, it gets worse. Very embarrassing. I usually have to run away. An interesting thing I learned listening to a body language expert... When people lie, they look to the right. When they are being honest, they look to the left. I am not sure how true it is but I always watch for this. (It has something to do with reading, how to the left is history and to the right is as yet unread). Another thing I learned and practice... is never be the first to stop a hug. I do this with my kids all the time. Wait until the other person has had enough hug!
bentleychic Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 If your friend can tell, your and your MM's spouses can tell, too. Just my 2 cents. I don't really have an opinion on the subject otherwise. 2
TaraMaiden Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 What you - and many people - fail to realise, is that the highest proportion of our communication, is through Body language - even when we are speaking. While figures on percentage vary enormously depending on which research you are studying, the undeniable fact is that Body language is in much greater proportion compared to speech, word content, vocabulary or inflection. Body Language: A Key to Success in the Workplace - Yahoo Finance Body language - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-numbers-game What Percentage of Communication Is Body Language - Ask Jeeves Body language is a dead give-away. No matter how we try to hide, obscure, deflect, distract or avoid admitting it, our body language will give us away, every single time. And now you are conscious of it, even trying to change what you do will make everything even more obvious. 4
WrinkledForehead Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Body language IS fascinating. I remember when MM came home a day early from a business trip and met me in the city. We were free to be together where no one knew us. We got back to the hotel after dinner and drinks and a stroll and got on there elevator where there was a man in a business suit. MM and I weren't touching each other at that point and stood with about a foot of space between us. Within a minute the guy in the business suit raised his eyebrows, smirked, and asked if we needed a room! The eye contact is big, too. You can tell a lot by how someone feels about another by looking at how their eyes sparkle and light up. 1
Red Wolverine Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 You can tell a lot about the relationship people have by personal space. Depending in your relationship, you will feel more comfortable with some people being much closer. Aside from family members, you can generally tell when people have an intimate relationship. They will stand and talk very close to each other. I was in a meeting at work. Across from me sat a man and a woman. She got up and brushed her breast against his arm because the chairs were so close together. Neither had any reaction to it happening. Under any other circumstances, both would be embarrassed. Couple months later, it came out they were having an affair. 2
MissBee Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 So a good friend of mind, who does not know about my affair.. Because nobody does, not even one friend.. Mentioned to me can almost taste the tension when me and AP are in the same room!! I was shocked. I have always felt the electricity and the tension and before the affair started I wondered if he felt it too and he did. It honestly feels like electricity coursing through the air. Anyway of course I denied really knowing what she meant but she also spoke about body language. Our body's lean towards each other.. He always finds a way to sit by me, I chew my nails, and that she noticed I don't look him in the eye much while on contrast he's always trying hard to look me in the eyes and when I do look at him I light up. She said its obvious he likes me and that she's even noticed him trying to turn it off when his wife is in the room. Which I definitely picked up on, almost acting indifferent to me when his wife is around. Anyways, her thoughts on it was that he is going to try and pick me up.. She thinks he's scummy. Wow though.. I had no idea it could be so visual without saying anything. Similar experience or thoughts? Looking at how two people interact do you think you'd pick up on if they shared a secret or had been intimate? Could we keep it under wraps now that we are aware or will it get more obvious over time. Yes. Most people can pick up on the interaction between people in a group who are intimate/like each other, even if they aren't all on each other. I don't even think it's something most people can hide, as usually they think they are hiding it, but it's still noticeable.
peaksandvalleys Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Body language is so important that many professions employ people who specialize in reading the unspoken word. Mental health professions, legal and security(police) train people to read our actions.
WakingUp Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Its so interesting! Like when two people are facing each other, the way they hold themselves... If they are standing with an open posture, or with their arms crossed. If they are "aiming" their body towards you, or are slightly defensive in their stance. There is a single guy I met recently. I am watching him carefully to see if he is interested. Well, Im pretty sure he is. His face lights up when he sees me. Sitting at a round table with a group of people his whole body was turned to face me, and he had his feet on the rungs of my chair. But it could just be attraction that is never acted upon. Who knows. I feel like damaged goods anyway, and am probably putting out that vibe. Recently at one of my workplaces, a married man brushed my arm whilst I was at a computer. It was a total accident, but I jumped about three feet in the air. Reflex action. Could go on and on about body language. Being in an affair has made me very astute as far as lying goes. Trying to read between the lines. I yearn for a relationship where I don't have to second guess every gesture!
WakingUp Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I was also very aware with MM... We could be 1,000 miles from home. Walking along holding hands, close together, laughing, and the moment we passed a restaurant, shops, in fact other people in any way shape or form he would let go of my hand and walk about three feet separate. And stop talking. As though we didn't even know each other. Then as soon as the people had passed, he was in close again. I hated that. Made me want to cry. Goes with the territory I suppose. And we would be together, all comfortable and relaxed, and as soon as his time limit was up he was all arms and legs, moving around and agitating. It was so obvious! Oh dear I could go on and on. But it is therapeutic to put it in writing.
solostand Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 When my MM and I were just starting out our emotional affair, I wasn't really sure if he was into me or not. . .I thought he might be a really nice guy. We attended a meeting every morning with about 40 other people. My friend started saying to me "MM is in LOVE with you! I can tell by the way he looks at you, his eyes follow you everywhere. You should see how he watches you walk across the room. You can tell just by the way he looks at you." Well, turned out she was right. He confessed about a month later to having very strong feelings for me. Our physical affair began shortly thereafter. Now its a year later and we still go the same meeting every morning. We cannot hide our closeness at all. We sit together, touch each other, he even holds my hand sometimes. We giggle and whisper together. Its pretty damned obvious. Nobody knows, per se, but they all assume. And when he is not there for whatever reason, people ask me about his whereabouts, or about him. I notice we also mirror each other's body language. He leans forward, I lean forward. I cross my legs, he crosses his so that we are in tandem. Its fascinating really.
truthbetold Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Its so interesting! Like when two people are facing each other, the way they hold themselves... If they are standing with an open posture, or with their arms crossed. If they are "aiming" their body towards you, or are slightly defensive in their stance. There is a single guy I met recently. I am watching him carefully to see if he is interested. Well, Im pretty sure he is. His face lights up when he sees me. Sitting at a round table with a group of people his whole body was turned to face me, and he had his feet on the rungs of my chair. But it could just be attraction that is never acted upon. Who knows. I feel like damaged goods anyway, and am probably putting out that vibe. Recently at one of my workplaces, a married man brushed my arm whilst I was at a computer. It was a total accident, but I jumped about three feet in the air. Reflex action. Could go on and on about body language. Being in an affair has made me very astute as far as lying goes. Trying to read between the lines. I yearn for a relationship where I don't have to second guess every gesture! NO! You are not damaged goods. You belong here and have a purpose, know that! Your past does not dictate your future. You can change that perception, it's a choice but one well within your power. Your last post is sad. Why would you accept being treated like that? To have someone that supposedly loves you dismiss you in the face of others? That's not love. Please understand that so you can move to a healthier future. Do not let others perception of your past define who you are or your future. You were worth enough to be born, you are worthy enough for love and to find your way to happiness.
Daisy2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 It is interesting. People caught onto our A or were thinking there was one by the way we interacted and how we communicate. Although nobody said anything to us, they did amongst themselves. My kids even questioned why we talked so much. Now that the A is over, he still lights up when we talk and still gets a silly grin. I try to keep myself in check. However the chemistry is thick enough to cut through with a knife when we are near each other.
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 If your friend can tell, your and your MM's spouses can tell, too. Just my 2 cents. I don't really have an opinion on the subject otherwise. I would definitely think so! His wife anyway, my husband isn't around too much and when he is he's affectionate to me in those situations and I am too and I haven't noticed much change. I have noticed I'm stiffer in how I move when AP is in the same room as both my husband and his wife but wasn't sure anyone had noticed. I've known I've moved differently in front of him ever since he told he watches me. How do you not move differently when you know you are being studied. Anyway, his wife knows he likes me but she doesn't seem threatened by it, she tells me since they met me their marriage has never been better. She's really said that. I'm not close to her individually, although she would like to be, so she isn't aware of my normal body language towards other people I wouldn't think. I've noticed him acting weird when me and her are in the same room she doesn't act any different but if I notice it I would think she must.
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Defensive or stiff body language could be a give away I think too. Because me and AP used to be a lot more flirty and would stand closer to each other hoping for accidental touches before this all started.. Now I would say we are more stand offish to each other in the presence of others. That's obviously a red flag.
Quiet Storm Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 When my MM and I were just starting out our emotional affair, I wasn't really sure if he was into me or not. . .I thought he might be a really nice guy. We attended a meeting every morning with about 40 other people. My friend started saying to me "MM is in LOVE with you! I can tell by the way he looks at you, his eyes follow you everywhere. You should see how he watches you walk across the room. You can tell just by the way he looks at you." Well, turned out she was right. He confessed about a month later to having very strong feelings for me. Our physical affair began shortly thereafter. Now its a year later and we still go the same meeting every morning. We cannot hide our closeness at all. We sit together, touch each other, he even holds my hand sometimes. We giggle and whisper together. Its pretty damned obvious. Nobody knows, per se, but they all assume. And when he is not there for whatever reason, people ask me about his whereabouts, or about him. I notice we also mirror each other's body language. He leans forward, I lean forward. I cross my legs, he crosses his so that we are in tandem. Its fascinating really. It's called mirroring and is a tool men use to get women to feel close to them. Google "PUA mirroring".
RickFox Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 My W saw it right away between me and xmw. Everyone at the school saw it. We were a topic of conversation with the front office staff while waiting for our kids every day.
solostand Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 It's called mirroring and is a tool men use to get women to feel close to them. Google "PUA mirroring". Yes, it is subconscious though. I also mirror him, he mirrors me, it seems to be equal mirroring! Also, it is very difficult for us not to touch now. Even if it is only our legs touching lightly.
Goodbye Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I think that is how my exMM was so successful in his future faking with me and his lies about the state of his marriage. He did it over the phone. If I'd been with him in person more, I surely could have seen the discord. I could sense it at times in his voice and the nervous pauses...but yes, more body language would have been helpful. I wonder how many BS's notice a change in their WS's body language when explaining away the odd behaviors/situations that go hand in hand with secret affairs.
Wambo Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 At the beginning of the EA, I didn't know what going on. Part of me thought there was genuine chemistry between us and the other part of me thought it just my wishful thinking. I found her very attractive and we got along well. So there is a good chance my desire for her had blinded me from reality. When I started to monitor her bodylanguage I show the signs there was something between us. I witness how she hide her excitment when she is accompanied with her boyfriend like if I didn't exist. When he isn't around she is excited to see me with a lot of smiles. At the moment she is trying to restart the EA and her bodylanguage is giving it away. In theory I could already be back in it but due to the change in our working situations the affair need to be taken outside of work. Also a few people had notice our chemistry even her boyfriend.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I've posted about this before but couldn't find the thread.. I'm still curious about it. Do you feel like you can tell if people have had or have a sexual relationship or even an attraction to each other through body language? I've always felt I could tell, you can see it in the way people move and talk to each other. My OM and I are close, but since a friend brought up she noticed our body language towards each other I've been hyper aware of it and wonder if that is making it more obvious!? I'm guessing if a friend of mine has noticed, others around town probably have. So our spouses must ..
Daisy2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I would say yes. People could see that we hung out a lot talking. We were usually grinning and eyes were sparkling, and standing a little too close to each other. When in initial limersnce, our body language would tell anybody who cared to notice. At least that is what I was told about us when people were speculating. Now, that we are just friends, I notice we stand further apart purposefully, but the grinning and sparkling is still there. You can feel it in the air.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I would say yes. People could see that we hung out a lot talking. We were usually grinning and eyes were sparkling, and standing a little too close to each other. When in initial limersnce, our body language would tell anybody who cared to notice. At least that is what I was told about us when people were speculating. Now, that we are just friends, I notice we stand further apart purposefully, but the grinning and sparkling is still there. You can feel it in the air. You can definitely feel it in the air. I remember looking that up because I thought I was going crazy.. Felt like electricity and I really wondered if other people felt it or just the two of us.
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I'm guessing if a friend of mine has noticed, others around town probably have. So our spouses must .. If his wife trusts him and your husband trusts you and both marriages are pretty good, then thoughts of you cheating probably is the last thing on their minds. Why would they suspect when you all are friends, or casual buddies? Even more so if you and your AP are skilled at lying and hiding your A.
bentleychic Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 It just depends on the people, honestly. My old co-workers that were having an affair, I could not tell in the office. I only suspected b/c I saw their vehicles parked together at a certain spot almost every day. Some people are less obvious than others. I have a horrid poker face so I would not be one that could hide it! LOL
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