Roadkill007 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 [COLOR=#000000] So it seems that I have done really well but there is this final obstacle in the way which is spark/connection (and it seems that women have the cards 99% on this as most men would surely be happy with what they saw/spoke to online as long as no big lies were made). The dates themselves seemed really relaxed too (all casual drinks) with laughter, getting to know each other and proper kisses from 2 of them. Then the non responses from texts appear and then, eventually, they are honest that they enjoyed the date but there was no spark (I wish I knew a good electrician!). I can relate.... to them I can get interested enough for a date, but I've rarely felt that pull that makes me pursue a woman through hell. Just means some don't want a bf they aren't initially physically compatible with. Just hope that you find some who are believers in seeing if their bf grows on them (lol horrible pun, I know)
carhill Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Ive asked most girls what it was I was missing, what i could do better, what put them off etc but none of them could say for sure. If this was/is after a first meeting between heretofore strangers, it's probably your appearance which isn't attractive to them. They don't 'feel' anything in your physical presence and are of the type which have to 'feel' something to desire further interaction. What are women so keen on finding out about a guy excluding their personality, history and looks? One example would be their body language, their eye contact and mannerisms, all generally unknown until personal interaction. This ties into feeling 'attracted' to the man's physical presence, and is not specifically about 'looks', rather 'appearance'. It seems to me that a lot of women are trying to find a match but if Ive ticked all their boxes, then whats gone wrong? You seemed good 'on paper', but didn't pan out 'in person'. BTDT. IME, most women I've interacted with are 'first impression' types, so they make such decisions quickly. In some ways, this is beneficial, as there is no ambiguity and one can move on quickly and without investment. The key is learning to do so (move on) and, if analyzing, doing so in a dispassionate manner. Tip: In real life, spend time and energy on women who say 'yes' rather than analyzing why those who say 'no', say 'no'. Accept the no, move on, and get to 'yes' elsewhere.
RogerWallace111 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) If this was/is after a first meeting between heretofore strangers, it's probably your appearance which isn't attractive to them. They don't 'feel' anything in your physical presence and are of the type which have to 'feel' something to desire further interaction. Nothing against your post particularly, but can't we consider the possibility that at least some of these women who say they don't feel a "spark" aren't referring to not being attracted to his appearance but to a lack of special chemistry between their personalities?? Someone? As far as the lack-of-spark thing being a cop-out or excuse, I can of course see it having to do with appearance. Like she blames it on that but really she just doesn't find the guy attractive. But given a woman is honestly and with all sincerity saying she doesn't feel a "spark", you don't think it's possible she means that she just didn't feel a unique click with the guy?? Obviously there have been women who weren't initially attracted to guy's appearance but felt drawn to them for other reasons once they started talking- a "spark" between them. I mean just the women on this website who say "yeah my boyfriend wasn't my 'type' and isn't even traditionally handsome, but there's just something about him" provide more than enough evidence of what I'm saying. I imagine most of them would claim to have felt a "spark". And obviously there have been women who've found a guy they consider gorgeous and their type appearance-wise, who after interacting with him realized they weren't down. If you agree with the previous four sentences, my point's valid. I mean, would you say you feel a "spark" with anyone whose physical vessel plus the clothing they cover it with are attractive to you?? I don't. I just want to f*ck them. Body language definitely plays into it but that's still controlled by your brain, not your high cheekbones or your fashionable jeans. And I'll leave you with the thought that humor and the ability to make her laugh/feel comfortable in your presence likely have A LOT to do with it. Sorry for using the word "spark" so much. I basically mean "chemistry". ":)" Edited September 17, 2013 by RogerWallace111 1
carhill Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 can't we consider the possibility that at least some of these women who say they don't feel a "spark" aren't referring to not being attracted to his appearance but to a lack of special chemistry between their personalities?? Someone? With substantial interaction, sure. In ten seconds where initial impressions and 'spark' are determined by those whose psychologies turn upon such factors? Likely not. As I posted prior, an example: One example would be their body language, their eye contact and mannerisms, all generally unknown until personal interaction. This ties into feeling 'attracted' to the man's physical presence, and is not specifically about 'looks', rather 'appearance'. All of this can be absorbed in seconds and processed without real conscious consideration for looks or personality. For people who operate this way, it can be their 'spark'. 'Our eyes met across the crowded room and we instantly knew we were meant to be together' Trite, perhaps, but does happen.
Sugarless Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 OP forget about the spark, that isn't the issue here. What she means when she is telling you "I don't fell any connection/spark with you" it means "I'm not attracted to you, forget about it" The issue here is that she think that you are a nice guy and are 99% okay, but she is still not interested. Are you flirting with them? Do you create enough sexual tension? 1
irc333 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Though I can see why those who've been turned down on the basis of the other person claim to not feel a "spark" Yeah, people, esp. women tend to use the "there wasn't a spark" as an easy out. I'm always seeing in the profiles "There must be a spark!" I recall having, though not many, "sparks" with women where the banter, flirting, her laughing at my jokes, calling me "sexy eyes", and her being touchy feely on our first date....then I go to ask her out again, then she says, "There wasn't a spark" And I asked her, "How can that be, with the way you were into me that night, there's no way can say there wasn't a spark" But chances are, just like most people these days, is just the fickle type that can't stay focused on one person.
colombiana28 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Ok I have to agree with RogerWallace111 here, sometimes it's all about personality. I met a guy on OKC and we've become running buddies. we've met up to run 6 or 7 times now. he is absolutely GORGEOUS, tall, makes 6 figures, is my exact age. on paper he's a dream. but he will not make a move. he's never flirty or playful, never asks anything about me other than surface-level daily work stories. We have a ton of silence, sometimes up to 10-15 minutes while running side by side. his standoffishness makes me not want to be the one to "break" the ice so to speak...a couple weeks ago I hugged him when I saw him and when I pulled away he had a very uncomfortable expression on his face. I feel absolutely ZERO spark. I've given him time because he IS so cute and seems like he has his sh&t together, but he definitely does not know how to talk to women. not sure how much longer I can endure the awkwardness... meanwhile I have this coworker that absolutely lights me on fire. he's short and sort of chunky (not my type), not as facially blessed and wears glasses (also really not my thing). but damn, DAMN the way he carries himself with that confidence and swagger, how he looks at me devilishly when we're talking, the playful teasing and excitement when showing me something he knows i'd like....it all makes me burn, burn, burn. I feel an animalistic attraction to him because he makes me FEEL good, attractive, and we just have that electric chemistry. I keep saying, I wish I could transplant guy #2's personality into the body of guy #1....lol. but ain't that the way it always goes.
colombiana28 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Yeah, people, esp. women tend to use the "there wasn't a spark" as an easy out. I'm always seeing in the profiles "There must be a spark!" I recall having, though not many, "sparks" with women where the banter, flirting, her laughing at my jokes, calling me "sexy eyes", and her being touchy feely on our first date....then I go to ask her out again, then she says, "There wasn't a spark" And I asked her, "How can that be, with the way you were into me that night, there's no way can say there wasn't a spark" But chances are, just like most people these days, is just the fickle type that can't stay focused on one person. this has happened to me SO many times. look, I get along with everyone. especially if i'm drinking, conversation flows easily and I enjoy getting to know someone new. if i'm just not that attracted to them, i'm not just going to get up in the middle of frickin' dinner and say "sorry, not interested." there are a lot of women (and men) who are just naturally good at social interactions. they can have a great time on a date even though they feel "meh" about the actually person. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) The main points are this: ~People will often use the "I just didn't feel a spark" excuse when the truth is they just don't find the other person physically attractive. With their eyes. Even if they have a pleasant time. ~It also gets used by people when they mean precisely what they're saying, i.e. "I just didn't feel particularly drawn to you". And you can feel drawn to someone without initially finding their appearance tantalizing so implying causality is silly. I guess my posts in this thread have been attempts to distinguish between spark in the context of a white lie excuse, and spark in the straightforward sense of describing the unique sexual/intellectual chemistry between two people that creates romantic attraction. Because, for the hundredth time- you can meet someone you find objectively very attractive, have sex with them all night and never experience a "spark". Yes, sometimes people use the no-spark thing as a cop out, but that doesn't mean it isn't also a real thing many have experienced. It may be sexual, but that doesn't mean it's about appearance, as in Colombiana's coworker anecdote above. Edited September 17, 2013 by RogerWallace111
RogerWallace111 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) What gives me a boner and what makes me think "damn, this girl's seriously enchanting & I want to know everything about her" are two different things. Edited September 17, 2013 by RogerWallace111 1
RogerWallace111 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Sorry, sorry- last thing. My point, in making all these points, is that it's naive to assume that when someone tells you they didn't feel a spark, they were merely being superficial and were unimpressed with your appearance. They might actually mean, god forbid, that you don't have the type of charm, charisma, sense of humor, or general energy that connects with them well. Which doesn't mean you're not potentially the coolest motherf*cker in the world. Different strokes, baby. There are plenty of girls who find my style and sense of humor a little out there and don't get it at all. But there are others who seem to think they're extremely fortunate to be around me and crave it. Don't take any of it personally..!
TB Rhine Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 If "no spark" doesn't mean no physical attraction, then it probably means something along the lines of, "I'm not thinking about you all day, obsessing over you every minute, constantly waiting by the phone for you to call," etc. That could be 'cause they're not attracted to you, could be 'cause you - heaven forbid - actually let on that you were interested and didn't act like you could take it or leave it for five minutes somewhere along the way, which kills attraction faster than having acid burn half your face off or something. You'll probably never know, and honestly, the mental processes of people who use such trite, trifling excuses are not worth obsessing over anyway.
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