hope73 Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 I hope someone can give me some insight into my erractic behavior. I'm worried that my reactions may not be normal. I'm going through a possible breakup right now with a girlfriend of over 7 years. I have tried to hard to cope with things but I feel like I'm riding an emotional rollercoaster. One moment I think to myself, "It will be okay. You can make it through this." And then just a few moments later it's like a wave rushes over me and I feel like I'm going to just collapse with sorrow and cry my eyes out. It is really affecting me to the point where I'm obsessed with it and I cannot stop thinking about it. I have a tendency to replay our conversations over and over again in my mind trying to analyze everything. Is it normal to feel so up and down from one minute to the next? Is there anything I can do to try and stabilize my emotions? As soon as I have myself convinced that I'll be okay, sorrow sets in and I'm down in the dumps again.
Inovermyhead Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 I am on the emotional rollercoaster ride myself! It's not a fun ride either. Mine is somewhat self-induced, but, I am unfortunately still on board. All I can say is, keep yourself busy doing things to distract yourself. That's the only thing that seems to help me in the situation I am in. I am really sorry you are on this ride as well .
Gottabestrong Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Dear Hope, I dont know if it NORMAL to feel this way, but it is very common. I am in the exact same situation. Since my boyfriend broke up with me 1.75 months ago, no hour goes by without me thinking about him and everything he said in the last few months. I hate that I did not record our conversations or wrote them all down, because now i have to rely on memory to construe what exactly he said. About feeling good one moment and bad the other, I am there too. How long since your breakup? The first 3 weeks or so I have only had bad moments, but since a few weeks I get moments of clarity where I think that I will be fine, that life is good and I am surely going to be happy again. An hour later I am crying my eyes out. Do you have contact with your ex? I had contact with him the whole time since our breakup and only recently after 1 week of NC I was able to take an inner step back and get more peace of mind. Heard from him yesterday and am back at step 1. It hurts like crazy, but I am starting to believe that NC is really good for you if you manage to stick to it for more than a couple of days. With every day that goes by without hearing from them, the better moments become more frequent. I know of many people who feel the exact same way you do, so dont worry about not being normal. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.
Author hope73 Posted November 21, 2004 Author Posted November 21, 2004 Thanks for your words of encouragement. It feels good to know that there are others that can relate to my pain. Part of the problem for me right now is that we haven't split 100%. She has announced that she is leaving, and she has already begun packing. There are boxes all over our home. However, there seems to be a lot of mixed signals and I don't know what is going to happen nor when. I think what I fear the most is that she isn't willing to do what needs to be done to repair the relationship. I'm really frustrated with and disappointed in myself that I can't be stronger. What I want most is to know that ultimately things will be okay one way or the other, and as soon as I convince myself of this, some random thought creeps in my mind and I'm down in the dumps again. Any tips on getting more stability in terms of my emotions?
Gottabestrong Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Dear Hope, I dont want to give you false hope, but if she has not yet moved out, there is a chance to work things out. Happened to me a few times in the past. My bf decided to leave, but did not have a new place yet. Or I decided to leave but had nowhere to go at the moment. Key is to not fight, argue, whine, beg,... but to be friendly and pleasant with each other. We had a very small apartment (1 room) so we could not help but be in each other's face all the time. Therefore we decided to not make this uncomfortable, but try and behave as nice and civilised to each other as possible. We still ate together, went to the movies and maybe gym. When he wanted to leave I acted like it was okay, but while we were still 'forced' to live together, we should at least be friends. Guess what happened! A few days/weeks later none of us was moving out. By behaving friendly and nice with each other, the other one saw what a great person they actually had, and remembered why they loved them in the first place, and we decided to give it another try. This time when my bf broke up with me he had an apartment organized and moved out 2 days later. The day before he left he started having doubts and told me he was not sure he was doing the right thing, but he moved out anyway and now it has been nearly 2 months. I believe that if he had not had an apartment lined up, we probably would still be together. I know, maybe this would have just delayed the inevitable, but at the moment I sure wish it had. So my advice to you is: be nice, friendly, act as if you are happy with her moving out, but while she is still there you want to behave civil and friendly towards each other. That includes conversations and doing something together as friends, that you always used to do as a couple. For example the weekly cinema visit. I wish you good luck with everything!
meanon Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Yes, the emotional rollercoaster is normal and to some extent healthy too. Think of it this way, it would be odd if you were not distressed by the situation. If love is worth something then you will suffer for the loss of it. It would be bad for you if you were not able to rally and think more positively when you are feeling down, the alternative would be a slow slide into depression. What I want most is to know that ultimately things will be okay one way or the other, and as soon as I convince myself of this, some random thought creeps in my mind and I'm down in the dumps again. Any tips on getting more stability in terms of my emotions? Things will be OK, the ride will end and you will disembark. My friend described how this felt as being a little shaken up, with your hair all over the place, but ready to continue with life. Do whatever helps you get through it. Seek support from friends and family, be kind to yourself. Try not to aim for stability, it will come when you are ready, when you have dealt with all the practical and emotional consequences of your break up. Good luck.
havNfun Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 hi meanon. missed you. too curious about what you look like. DRW
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