End of 3 year relationship and he thinks he likes his cheating ex

[Estellie]

My boyfriend of 3 years moved to another state for work 3 months ago, it was meant to be temporary and he promised me we will be okay and he will be back after 6 months. We had a wonderful relationship, we were both faithful and very close, we are each other's best friend too. We supported each other through some hard times in life and I thought our bond was really strong.

 

But a month ago, out of the blue he broke up with me. His reason was he may be offered another year at his job in that state, and the long-distance relationship is too hard on him, and he has trouble waiting for something that may not happen. I was devastated, I never thought he would break up with me, I couldn't believe it. After 3 years together, he has become the most important person in my life and the thought that he will be gone is terrifying.

 

Then last week, he told me that he has been hanging out with his ex gf a lot, who happens to live in that state too (he claims he didn't know when he moved there), and he thinks he still likes her. And apparently before he broke up with me he learnt that she lives there and saw her again. They're friends now but he doesn't know where this will go. He dated this girl for less a year before he met me, and they broke up because she cheated on him. At the beginning of our relationship he told me how much she hurt him and he could never date her again. Now 3 years later, I can't believe this is happening.

 

I'm now even more devastated, I haven't recovered from the breakup yet and he has someone new (or rather someone old..)? I feel like he has chosen her over me, despite what she did to him, and despite we had a good relationship going on. It's a big hit on my self-esteem. I even compared her to myself, and I didn't see a single aspect she is better than me, she's average looking with no job, and apparently unfaithful, except she is closer locationwise.

 

My brain tells me that if he chooses someone else (especially someone like that), then he doesn't deserve me. But my heart couldn't stop missing him, couldn't stop thinking about the happy memories we shared, just couldn't get over him. I think I'm depressed now. I dreamt of him and woke up in tears. I trusted him so much, I thought he is the one...sad thing is even though he rarely contacts me now, but when he does, I couldn't help responding. Also the mental picture of he's having fun with her now tortures me...I can't believe after the end of our 3 year relationship, he is not sad, or not nearly as sad as I am...

 

I know this is long, thanks for reading. I know everybody here has gone through heartaches, what shall I do now..?

[Balzac]

You move on. You prepare yourself for the possible scenario of no job extension for him.

 

I know you're hurting. I see the only issue as being you two not having discussed the possibility of his assignment being extended. Many people don't do LDR. After three years he wasn't willing to take you off the market - that's a clue.

[Estellie]

Balzac - thanks for the reply, I don't want to get my hopes high, even if he doesn't get a job extension, he could be looking for another job over there rather than here. Although his parents are here, I don't think it will be a huge factor for him. Now that we are not together, why would he come back..

 

We met when we were both in school, I just started working 6 months ago and this is his first job too, so we haven't talked about marriage quite yet..But we were both serious about this relationship though, longest I've ever been in and same for him, and I felt the happiest with him..That's why it's so hard for me

[Balzac]

There is no relationship.

 

Congrats on your first career job.

[marlina345]

I'm going through the same thing my ex cheated on me and left me for someone else after a 5 year relationship I know the feeling and it can. Hurt a lot but I think the best thing you can do is nc. And do your best to move on

[Mariposa10]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. You seem to be a very smart woman and that makes me happy. I love how you said that him choosing a cheating ex-girlfriend only shows that he doesn't deserve you. That's true, this guy doesn't deserve you. At this point there's nothing you can do about it. He will suffer the consequences of his actions.

 

Good luck and stay strong

[Estellie]

There is no relationship.

 

Congrats on your first career job.

 

I meant the past relationship..thanks!

[Estellie]

I'm going through the same thing my ex cheated on me and left me for someone else after a 5 year relationship I know the feeling and it can. Hurt a lot but I think the best thing you can do is nc. And do your best to move on

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, I'm trying to move on, but it's just extremely hard And I get mad sometimes

[Estellie]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. You seem to be a very smart woman and that makes me happy. I love how you said that him choosing a cheating ex-girlfriend only shows that he doesn't deserve you. That's true, this guy doesn't deserve you. At this point there's nothing you can do about it. He will suffer the consequences of his actions.

 

Good luck and stay strong

 

Thank you! I know I need to be rational, and I want someone who appreciates me as much as I appreciate him, but right now I'm very scared of opening up and potentially getting hurt again. plus I'm still so sad about him