Im really hurt and need to vent

[geegee81]

I’m a 32 year old female, no kids, never married, attractive, a working professional, very happy, nice and fun to be around. I always thought that dating would be easy, but it’s extremely hard and I want to give up. I’ve never been a promiscuous type or a cheater….never. I just can’t get this dating relationship thing right.

 

 

 

About my past, I’ve been in 2 serious relationships that lasted years, one lasted 6 years and the other lasted 2, so I know how love feels. Unfortunately due to personalities conflicting, my ex’s and I broke up, but I’m great friends with both of them till his day. There was never any cheating or abuse in my relationships or game playing. I didn’t experience things like that until I was 27. So I became single for the first time when I was 27. I dated many men since then, and all I encountered is games and men that are mean spirited, verbally abusive. I’ve been hurt many times. Guys seem nice when I meet them then they change into a different person.

 

 

I stopped dating in 2010. I got tired of being bullied and walked on. I got my life together. Finished grad school, got a nice job. I felt much better about myself. In 2013, I started dating again, but I was extremely careful about letting guys into my heart and I kept my walls up. I casually dated many guys, no sex for 3 years. I just truly tried to get to know the guys.

So why is it so difficult to find love?

 

 

3 months ago I encountered a guy that I dated 4 years ago. Back then He was a shy guy, about 28 years old, a virgin, college educated, never married and never had a girl friend. He was innocent. I thought he was sweet. But he was super sensitive, and took offensive to every little thing I said including jokes. I was sad to stop talking to him, but I moved on with my life. We dated for 3 months.

 

 

In June 2013, I saw him at a party. We had instant chemistry and hugged each other non-stopped. We began talking on the phone again, and going on 1 or 2 dates a week. Him and I live 1 hour away from each other so we would take turns driving to each other. Eventually we had sex, and everything was still fine. Then he began to complain how I don’t put effort into this relationship. Then he said it was my personality……I didn’t understand. I drove to see him on work days, 1 hour drives. I called every day and sent texts. I thought that I was putting my all into it. He then tells me that he has to do everything. I said please define everything. He said “ He has to open my doors, carry bags, plan dates, etc. I told him, that is how you are supposed to treat a decent lady. How is that a reflection of my personality? Because I have expectations for a man, that makes me a bad person????

 

 

He has a hard time expressing himself, he makes no senses sometimes. He never told me how he felt about me. He told me that his ex hurt him. At the same time he was super affectionate, and I felt that he cared.

Then one day we get into a fight over paying for dates. He told me that he doesn’t want to pay for my part of the date all the time. And we should go Dutch. When we go out, I never spend a lot of his money. My dinner would cost 12 dollars or less. I don’t eat much. I was offended by this. We only go on 1 or 2 dates a week. I drive to see him and spend my gas, but he can’t buy me dinner. We are having sex, but I am not worth a 10 dollar dinner? I felt devastated by this. He said that I only cared about money and tried to make me seem like a gold digger. I felt devastated. I told him, if I wanted a guy with money that I could easily have one…I’ve dated rich guys before! I told him that I like him for his personality. He kept complaining and tried to throw guys from my past into the conversation. I then said, hell maybe I did choice the wrong guy. I picked a dude that couldn’t even tell me how he felt about me…I picked a guy that wanted sex, but didn’t think I was worth a 10 dollar meal. I was hurt and pissed and I shouldn’t have said that..he hung up on me and it was over after that. I tried to call and apologize, but he didn’t pick up…I texted him and said I’m sorry.

 

 

 

So now I’m sitting here very sad and lonely. I had high hopes for this, and I had good intentions. I thought that he cared. I never tried to use him. I never asked him for anything! He said all I cared about was money, and that was true!!! I never asked or talked about money! He is college educated and works a full time job. If he was broke then he should have said so…if money was a issue, we could have stayed in and watched a movie.… I defiently didn’t care at all about money.

 

 

 

I was celibate for about 3 years, and I wasted on him. I’m so hurt and empty. I look fine on the outside, but im in deep pain on the inside. Trying not to break down. I shouldn't have trusted him. How and why did i let my guards down? I feel stupid.

 

 

 

I don’t have any one else to share this info with cause I don’t trust many people.

 

Please talk to me. What did I do wrong? I just truly need a friend to chat with. Help me cope please.

Edited September 14, 2013 by geegee81

[JDPT]

First thing is to acknowledge that you did absolutely nothing wrong. And based of what you have disclosed you sound like a pretty good catch, well accomplished, driven and kind hearted.

Your situation is simply the epitome of mismatch, you guys were not compatible at all. His priorities weren't yours and vice versa. I'll throw in the lack of communication factor as well which appears to be mostly from his end. He was perhaps embarrassed or wasn't solvent to provide you with the lifestyle he "thought" you deserve. And little did he know that you were just as happy perhaps just cuddling with him watching a movie at home. Guys often focus on material stuff and want to wow girls every time they can. You don't buy a girl you win a girl's heart. I understand the pain you are in but it's best at this point to move forward with your life and know that you will find someone more compatible, as stated previously you sound like a very good catch and will eventually find someone who will reciprocate in every aspect.