Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 So my BF broke up with me a few months ago and insists he wants to stay friends. Why do people want to stay friends after a breakup? So they don't feel as guilty about dumping you? I don't get it. I mean how hard is that going to be? First of all there's all the emotional stuff from the breakup that's going to come up everytime you see each other. And what happens when he or I start seeing someone else? Even though he broke up with me I cant imagine he'd be all ok with me bringing some guy around so we can all hang out together. Ouch! He actually seemed to get ****ty with me when I said I just couldn't do that. Like he was expecting to see me in the not too distant future. Don't get it...
hurts2death Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 my advice is. go NC and avoid So my BF broke up with me a few months ago and insists he wants to stay friends. Why do people want to stay friends after a breakup? So they don't feel as guilty about dumping you? I don't get it. I mean how hard is that going to be? First of all there's all the emotional stuff from the breakup that's going to come up everytime you see each other. And what happens when he or I start seeing someone else? Even though he broke up with me I cant imagine he'd be all ok with me bringing some guy around so we can all hang out together. Ouch! He actually seemed to get ****ty with me when I said I just couldn't do that. Like he was expecting to see me in the not too distant future. Don't get it...
GuyIncognito Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I don't believe it is all about guilt. People here seem to assume that you either love someone or hate them, but reality is much more complex and nuanced. You can care about someone and want to (eventually) spend time with them, but no longer want to be in a romantic relationship. Most good relationships are going to be part romance and part friendship. Sometimes one part disappears, but the other remains. That's why some relationships die when the couple is still passionate about each other, but just can't get along, while others die because they do get along, but have no passion. If one person feels unfulfilled by a relationship and wants to end it, that doesn't mean he/she stops caring about that person.
cavalier99 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 You can be friends with an EX but only after a long time and your 100 percent recovered. Now it would just be for selfish reason. Get over them. Catch up to where they are emocionally as far as being over the RS. Get in an new RS eventually when your are ready. Then and only then decide if you want to chat for old times sake. Cav
Eddy B Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 So my BF broke up with me a few months ago and insists he wants to stay friends. Why do people want to stay friends after a breakup? So they don't feel as guilty about dumping you? I don't get it. I mean how hard is that going to be? First of all there's all the emotional stuff from the breakup that's going to come up everytime you see each other. And what happens when he or I start seeing someone else? Even though he broke up with me I cant imagine he'd be all ok with me bringing some guy around so we can all hang out together. Ouch! He actually seemed to get ****ty with me when I said I just couldn't do that. Like he was expecting to see me in the not too distant future. Don't get it... It depends on how mature both of you are. Generally speaking more mature people can still be friends after the break up.
hotpotato Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 They want you around just in case their new relationship fails. 3
semicharmedlife Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 So my BF broke up with me a few months ago and insists he wants to stay friends. Why do people want to stay friends after a breakup? So they don't feel as guilty about dumping you? I don't get it. I mean how hard is that going to be? First of all there's all the emotional stuff from the breakup that's going to come up everytime you see each other. And what happens when he or I start seeing someone else? Even though he broke up with me I cant imagine he'd be all ok with me bringing some guy around so we can all hang out together. Ouch! He actually seemed to get ****ty with me when I said I just couldn't do that. Like he was expecting to see me in the not too distant future. Don't get it... When you are the one that does the breaking up...you are probably less emotionally involved...and it gives you an easy out that way...so you through it out there like a bone to the heart broken one to see if it will appease them...for now... on the other hand when you are the one being dumped...there is no way you can remain friends! especially if you still have feelings involved...NC is the best way to go....and move on... twenty years later...when you have both moved on & have no emotional investment ...friendship could actually work...
Author Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 I find it really selfish of him. And all people who break up with someone and want to stay friends. You're in a romantic relationship with someone and part of that is friendship. But when that ends to want it to change to a just a friendship for both parties is unrealistic. This relationship doesnt suit me but hey lets be friends...I find it to be ALL about him and what he wants. He wants to break up, he's unhappy, he wants to be friends.... And even though I know I'm going through the usual break up emotions, when I sit back and look at whats happened between us and how he's treated me, how he can just toss me aside and move on to the next one, I find myself thinking that I don't even like him as a human being. At this point I don't think he is a good person and I regret that I allowed myself to care for someone who is so cavalier about another persons feelings and emotions. So why would I want to be friends with someone like that??? 1
GuyIncognito Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I find it really selfish of him. And all people who break up with someone and want to stay friends. You're in a romantic relationship with someone and part of that is friendship. But when that ends to want it to change to a just a friendship for both parties is unrealistic. This relationship doesnt suit me but hey lets be friends...I find it to be ALL about him and what he wants. He wants to break up, he's unhappy, he wants to be friends.... And even though I know I'm going through the usual break up emotions, when I sit back and look at whats happened between us and how he's treated me, how he can just toss me aside and move on to the next one, I find myself thinking that I don't even like him as a human being. At this point I don't think he is a good person and I regret that I allowed myself to care for someone who is so cavalier about another persons feelings and emotions. So why would I want to be friends with someone like that??? I understand, but on the other hand, wouldn't you be upset if he did not want to be friends and was happy to never see/hear from you again? For as many posts as I've seen about someone upset about this, there are others saying they cannot understand how their ex can not care about them and not want to stay in contact. It seems to me that either way is the wrong way. Either way is selfish. Once you start a relationship with someone there is no way to end it without being an awful, selfish human being.
Author Mz_sassy_77 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 When I say selfish I mean that he is only thinking about what he wants in this situation. The relationship didnt work out for him so he wants to be friends - as usual thinking only of himself - and what will work for him. If he put himself in the other persons shoes he might have the realization that yeah why would she want to be friends with me. And lets get real here - what is friend - a friend is not just someone you care for. A friend is someone you trust, someone who knows who you are and accepts you for it, someone who has your back, some who is there through the good times and the bad. You cant treat someone like **** and expect them to be your friend. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you cant be friendly, I'm just saying "friends" is unrealistic. 1
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