hurts2death Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 ok so if you have read my story - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/420756-nothing-pains-much-nothing - you already know in a way what happened with me... in short i have been with my first girl for 3 years we stayed together for over one year... i was always super romantic and always there and wouldnt let go of anything. i guess cause she was my first love .... the last months she grew apart i think and left me dumped me... the way she did it was like putting flavor to a poison. firstly the first two days she was no respnding that much to me.... then we met and she said we stay a bit apart (all typical cliche bull****) then i was waiting cause i trusted her demand and here and there sended a text to let her know i love her and everything can be worked out etc(it was not official bu yet) in the texts i was not pushy i was polite.... then she called me a week later and i asked what is happening you want to finish it? she said yes and then i asked if she loves me(which i doubt anymore) she said yes again but i leave you . it was so painfull for me but i was appearing cool smiley and all and just wished her the best and sai bye hanging up smiling politely.... now she is not used to that kind of john.. i believe she would have thought that i would beg and all but nth. so my friends tell me. how a dumper would feel if the dumpee was so cool for sth the dumpee was so sure to be a problem or hard? wont it affect their ego? wont it floor them. come on its like we are together 3 years ...-call- we finish......////-- haha ok see ya. aint that put me in a better position? at all? aint that make her think what is happening? no? at all? she is the kind of woman that if i dont call her she gets crazy and starts calling me back a lot..... she is also jealus and we were really really close together... i believe she was my soul mate for some time... now i am NC for me offcourse and also because there is no more hope ...last word was if you need anything ofcourse you might call ..... i am not a pet so ofcourse i wont call at all.. nc to get healed and move on.. she pulled the trigger and i just took it super calm and cool.(she might have prepared it some time ago i believe) the fact that as a dumpee i was so cool so calm so nirvana how it makes the dumper feel? only relaxed to escape easy? is that the case? but then again she was used to have me available doing the extra mile always there and in difficulties cry and beg... so dont you believe my polite calm and indifferent behavior on her action to end it will floor her at all? -john
Author hurts2death Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 any opinions? am i right wrong? thanks
J21 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Personally for me, if I were the dumper, "playing it cool" is the exact response I would hope for. I had a girl flip out on me (cursing at me, accusing me of things that weren't true, etc) while I was the initiator of a break up. I always thought of her as a sweet/caring girl, but her blowing up negated all those thoughts. Sadly, the last impression weighs a lot and it tainted the good memories that we had. Your ex might have been surprised how easily you let her go. Or, she might have been taken aback that "it really is over" (since you took it so calmly). In addition, I wouldn't label it "putting flavor in poison" for what she did. She probably became distant so she can figure out exactly what her thoughts were, how to word her words, or how to let you down gently. It really doesn't matter whether it affects their ego or floors them. It's petty to be honest. (You're trying to see if she was hurt by your reaction because you were hurt by the break up). Let it go so you yourself can move on. You guys didn't tear each other up during the break up, so there may be a future if she changes her mind later on. But for now, you need to focus on healing and move on. I feel for you man, we all go through heartaches in our life. Unfortunately, relationships don't work out all the time, and that's just how it goes in life. Focus on healing and just continue to keep NC. Good luck John. Edited September 14, 2013 by J21 1
Author hurts2death Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) thanks for the wish my friend and the answer.. nice opinion i see. yes i agree....mostly... i go nvc to heal yes i do it sir. yes i love her but i aint gonna die over her.... yes i played polite and cool and wished her and all.. i gave her what she needed... let her take that polite impression after all.. nice this you said about the last memory thing... i feel better now.. not to live with hope i am just saying when we cross each other i will for sure be A MALE. let her see what she lost and with such polite action in the closure.. also she said in the closure talk she might regret it later ... what this might mean? might it be true? or what? jesus.... breadcramp i suppose.Personally for me, if I were the dumper, "playing it cool" is the exact response I would hope for. I had a girl flip out on me (cursing at me, accusing me of things that weren't true, etc) while I was the initiator of a break up. I always thought of her as a sweet/caring girl, but her blowing up negated all those thoughts. Sadly, the last impression weighs a lot and it tainted the good memories that we had. Your ex might have been surprised how easily you let her go. Or, she might have been taken aback that "it really is over" (since you took it so calmly). In addition, I wouldn't label it "putting flavor in poison" for what she did. She probably became distant so she can figure out exactly what her thoughts were, how to word her words, or how to let you down gently. It really doesn't matter whether it affects their ego or floors them. It's petty to be honest. (You're trying to see if she was hurt by your reaction because you were hurt by the break up). Let it go so you yourself can move on. You guys didn't tear each other up during the break up, so there may be a future if she changes her mind later on. But for now, you need to focus on healing and move on. I feel for you man, we all go through heartaches in our life. Unfortunately, relationships don't work out all the time, and that's just how it goes in life. Focus on healing and just continue to keep NC. Good luck John. Edited September 14, 2013 by hurts2death
Ireallydontknow Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Who cares if they are floored or not. I know my ex was so shocked I was agreeing to the break up. Sometimes I wish I spoke my full unfiltered mind. But in the end it doesn't matter, they are dead to us. 2
OverThinker72 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I did something similar to you but for different reasons. I went all cool when my ex ended it, replying a simple 'Ok' to his break up text and I deleted him from my life. This was for my benefit not for his. I never get back with an ex. I just wanted to heal. This was 9 weeks ago and he is now trying to force himself back into my life. I'm not sure what your ex is thinking but I do believe those who dump us feel the need to check up on us when we vanish from their life, especially when the relationship ends smoothly with no drama. It doesn't always mean they want to get back together, sometimes it's just out of curiosity. In my case his ego has taken a bashing because I didn't beg or chase after him. We're both with someone else but this makes it worse for him. Hopefully when/if she contacts you, you will be in a much better place and would have moved on. It's hard but you will thank No Contact in the end.*Remember No Contact is for YOU, for your well being 1
Author hurts2death Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 they are dead but we exist in their memory . memory cant be erased never will// good impression will hun them forever..... lol/// its better not to go after with a shotgun rather send a gift say thanks for the break up and wish the best.... thats the psychology that really wins for you both longterm and shortterm i believe.. our past relationship will be talked with their next partenr he will fall for them and willing to know to see to learn what happened... or a girl talk will pop up -so why you broke up. she will say i thought of doing it earlier . -and how he took it.? - he said ok i wish you the best and loughed politely. thats a win. no? i mean 3 years not a month.... i tend to believe more and more in my win....Who cares if they are floored or not. I know my ex was so shocked I was agreeing to the break up. Sometimes I wish I spoke my full unfiltered mind. But in the end it doesn't matter, they are dead to us.
Ireallydontknow Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 It just doesn't matter. Don't be nice because you want a second chance, just do what you want to do and what they merit. Really it's all about you now, so who cares about what she thinks in the future. 1
Author hurts2death Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 i am going to get her floored so bad in the future....now i am free to earn money i am free to make some pecs.. i am becomming an alpha male soon.....for me yes but when we cross i will win again cause i will be such better... what you say is correct though It just doesn't matter. Don't be nice because you want a second chance, just do what you want to do and what they merit. Really it's all about you now, so who cares about what she thinks in the future.
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 i just want to be fair my friend. the break up wasnt fair at all... there was no reason obvius just a change in her mind without logic as i can see. no no no i wont live the life to make her notice me. i will the live to make every girl notice me including her regardless our common story...
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 and how it is going to make sence to her if it aint sensible? i mean ok she will fake it but it will be like that forever... her logical brain wont come up saying -hey you do stupid choices stop./It wouldn't matter what reason she gave you. No one on the receiving end of a break up said "Oh wow, what a great reason, thanks so much blah blah blah". Whether you like it or not, her reason for breaking up with you doesn't need to make sense to you, it only needs to make sense to her.
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 what if the reason was imature and she finds out later after rebounding and gigs?
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 as days go by i get more selfesteem that my response to her break up with me was cool and polite and kind of -i dont care- seems i did the right thing althoug i was feeling to do sth of the opposite like shooting her... it must left her floored or with quastionmarks for sure. lol so its better to take decisions calm rather than under emotional rush and stress... wise
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 i regret to agree with that... there are some parts of her that miss me for sure.. i bet on that... dont be so sure. every situation is diferent... we went through hell together and i helped her in the most critical time of her life anf boost her to her carreer ... dont be so sure my friend... dumpers have reasons to end it but also have reasons not to.. regardless the second ones have less weight... its not as a relief as you think it is. she invested like hell in this . emotionaly.money.energy.time.all its not for sure as you say at least for my case... but dumpers are dumpers
Author hurts2death Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 closure? after seeing her on facebk looking so happy while for drinks with her circle ..? that is for me she closed it and locked it too...
Simon Phoenix Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 closure? after seeing her on facebk looking so happy while for drinks with her circle ..? that is for me she closed it and locked it too... You shouldn't be following her on social media. That's a violation of No Contact and doesn't help you in the least.
Author hurts2death Posted September 18, 2013 Author Posted September 18, 2013 Simon didnt do it on purpose i just surfing in facebook and saw a cute girl and clicked out of curiosity to her profile and and and --------------BAM-------------- cover photo included my ex in a table for drink saturday night in the description a guy looking so lame really like gypsy lol thats a boost for me but really she left all that for nth? jesus
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