Am I right to dump this toxic trainwreck?

[NightmareBabe]

Ok, I've known this woman for ten years. I can't stand it anymore. She's an absolute peace of scum. I just want to see if everyone else can understand why I think so...

 

When I met her she was married to a real douchebag. He was really controlling and wouldn't let her do anything. He was an Indie film maker and expected her to do all the work on his crappy movies. And she never stuck up for herself.

 

Aside from being completely whipped, she also is way too sensitive. I told her we (meaning our circle of friends) should have a drum circle sometime. ANd she suggested having it at her parents' place out in the middle of nowhere. She planned this whole damn party, and I didn't feel like driving out there and neither did my husband. So, I told a lot of the people who were invited that the real party would be at my place. So naturally everyone came to my place and she was all alone at her parent's place. I thought it was hilarious, she was really pissed.

 

Her and her husband had been wanting to renew their wedding vows on Halloween of a certain year. My Halloween party was that same night, so I said they should do it at my party. (This was a year before the party, mind you.) So for a year they got all wrapped up in doing this and took it ultra serious. Me and my husband became infuriated because they were making our party all about them. And she couldn't even write the ceremony. She kept saying she couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound cheesy. She went to art school, but can't come up with a ceremony? SHe was just being lazy! SO I wrote it and of course she loved what I wrote. I decided there was no way they were doing this at my party. I told her it was off. SHe can't write the ceremony and expects me to do it, I don't think so. Well, they both were pissed and didn't even come to my party.

 

Her and her husband split up a few years ago... and since then she has gotten a lot worse. SHe went from being a prude to really loose. SHe told me once that her husband was the only person she had ever slept with when they got married. So... she divorces him and goes and screws anything that walks? After they split up one of the first things she did was go to Europe, and when she was over there she had a fling with some random guy she met there. Who the hell sleeps with a stranger in a foreign country??? I took her to the airport for that trip, but I didn't go to her going away party a few days before because I didn't want to be around the scum she associates with.

 

Then she starts dating some old dirty hippie who is ten years older then she is. She gave me a bunch of excuses, like that she could relate to him, they had similar childhoods, etc. And she had never done any drugs the whole time I had known her. Then she starts smoking weed suddenly. Yes, it's true, my husband and I used to smoke a lot of weed. But we don't anymore. And she didn't until she started dating this guy. She gave me excuses for the drug use also... like that she had been straight arrow her whole life and now wanted to finally live a little. Whatever.

 

Her and I had plans to take a road trip together to an event that cost us both $75. I told her she's not going because I don't want her nasty hippie boyfriend texting her while we are there and I don't want any drugs in my car. She insisted she wasn't going to bring any drugs. I told her I sold her ticket and she demanded the money I made off it. Truth is I really didn't sell her ticket, so I let her come. But I didn't enjoy myself at all.

 

WHen her and the hippie scum broke up she briefly dated a guy who used to be a drug user, but wasn't anymore. She brought him to a party I was also at, and a bunch of people told me about how wild he used to be. I told her to never bring him to my house again. She complied... and told me she wasn dumping him because he was only a rebound anyway to cope with her breakup with Mr. Hippie.

 

But then, when she broke it off, he started stalking and threatening her. At one point her told her he would be at her place the following weekend and it wouldn't go well for her. And (this made me livid, I almost ended my "friendship" with her then... she had the NERVE to call me and ask if she could stay in my garage that weekend!!! My husband and I have a finished garage, there's a little apartment out there that no one was staying in at the time. She wanted to stay there for the weekend! I couldn't believe she would actually put me and my family in danger like that. I screamed and cussed at her on the phone and told her there was no way she was staying on my property that weekend. She said she didn't understand why I was so upset. I can't believe she was so CLUELESS! SHe tried to say he didn't know where I lived and the whole point was her staying somewhere where he couldn't find her. But I wasn't having any of that. I told her there was no way and she better find somewhere else to stay that weekend. She ended up going to a hotel.

 

Then a year or so goes by, and she started dating some who seems decent. She doesn't do drugs anymore or any of that. SHe has all this film experice, so she bought a bunch of cameras and decided to try her hand at making her own film. I was happy for her at first and really wanted her to succeed. I told her she could use my garage apartment as a filming location. So she had this whole script that was written (I guess) with filming in that apartment in mind.

 

Then I remembered... she hangs out with a bunch of losers. She basically has two groups of friends. THe wild bunch who drinks and throws bonfires and all the time... And then there's the dorks who sit around playing games and watch Dr. Who all day. I've never gone to a party she's thrown because of these people. I don't want to be around them.

 

I went to one meeting about this movie. And the people there were a bunch of scum just like I expected. So I told her she couldn't use my garage apartment anymore. WHen asked why, I told her she associates with nothing but scum. SHe said, "But I also associate with you." And that's when I realized I can't be around her anymore. I don't fit in with the lowlifes she surrounds herself with and can no longer sit and watch her trainwreck of a life anymore. I've known her ten years, ten years too many. She hasn't talked t me since this incident and I hope she has gotten the hint. She is pathetic and I don't need that in my life.

[CC12]

She's an absolute peace of scum. I just want to see if everyone else can understand why I think so...

 

Not really. You didn't describe any instances of her doing you wrong, just some possibly bad choices of hers. Though you did describe a whole bunch of instances of you screwing her over and being judgmental about her personal life.

 

Your OP reads like a troll thread where someone posts a story or point of view that is so outrageous that it can't be true. But for some reason I'm buying this, and I think you're telling the truth.

 

You were a terrible friend to her. I bet she's relieved to have you out of her life.

[Tayla]

I concur with CC12.

 

Such a judgmental point of view for this OP. It's said that we disdain in others that which we haven't reconciled in ourselves.

[todreaminblue]

You know your true friends when they stick by you through all the messes not just the good times......they dont let you down....the ones you told not to call who call you anyway......they are friends....

 

 

 

 

you are not her friend and never was........dont speak to her ever again is a good idea i whole heartedly suggest this.. you would be doing her a huge favor the first one you have ever probably done for her.......you are a viper friend..i feel fro you actually because you dontn see how badly you treat her is in comparison the mistakes and bad choices she has made...it is so much worse...............deb

[GG3]

Is this for real? Or a joke?

[todreaminblue]

Is this for real? Or a joke?

 

you never know ...i too hope its a joke but i take posts as i see them and answer them as if real...most of the time......deb

[SunsetWay]

We all have a say in who we allow into our lives. We all have a right to live our lives as we so choose. She is not harming anyone but herself, or is she really (?). We all have to learn our own lessons in our own time. She, you, me are the only ones who get to choose our own destinies. If this girl stresses you out so much, you have a right to back away from a friendship her. Do both of you the favor.

[NightmareBabe]

Not really. You didn't describe any instances of her doing you wrong, just some possibly bad choices of hers. Though you did describe a whole bunch of instances of you screwing her over and being judgmental about her personal life.

 

Your OP reads like a troll thread where someone posts a story or point of view that is so outrageous that it can't be true. But for some reason I'm buying this, and I think you're telling the truth.

 

You were a terrible friend to her. I bet she's relieved to have you out of her life.

 

I will admit to being judgmental... but I think most people could agree that drugs and promiscuous sex aren't exactly positive things. I don't really see how I've screwed her over. I just refuse to let her bad decisions affect my life and my family.

[NightmareBabe]

I concur with CC12.

 

Such a judgmental point of view for this OP. It's said that we disdain in others that which we haven't reconciled in ourselves.

 

Impossible. I don't do drugs, hang out with lowlifes, and sleep around.

[NightmareBabe]

Not really. You didn't describe any instances of her doing you wrong, just some possibly bad choices of hers. Though you did describe a whole bunch of instances of you screwing her over and being judgmental about her personal life.

 

Your OP reads like a troll thread where someone posts a story or point of view that is so outrageous that it can't be true. But for some reason I'm buying this, and I think you're telling the truth.

 

You were a terrible friend to her. I bet she's relieved to have you out of her life.

 

 

And no instances of her doing me wrong? She wanted to put me and my family in danger by staying in our garage for a weekend. That's doing me wrong in my opinion. She didn't care about us, only about her own safety.

[GG3]

Wow. You are a true example of how people in this world are crazy and selfish. Projection projection projection.

[CarrieT]

I didn't read much beyond this:

 

Aside from being completely whipped, she also is way too sensitive. I told her we (meaning our circle of friends) should have a drum circle sometime. ANd she suggested having it at her parents' place out in the middle of nowhere. She planned this whole damn party, and I didn't feel like driving out there and neither did my husband. So, I told a lot of the people who were invited that the real party would be at my place. So naturally everyone came to my place and she was all alone at her parent's place. I thought it was hilarious, she was really pissed.

 

In short, she planned a party and you derailed it. You thought it was funny which shows me how rude and inconsiderate you are.

 

She is too sensitive about planning a event that you ruined? And then you think it is funny?

 

Shame on you.

[nescafe1982]

You sound like a bully. Perhaps you should take that high-powered judging ray you are pointing at this poor woman and take a look at your own interactions.

 

You ruined her party, you ruined her vows ceremony, and you were nasty to her about wanting to spend time with you on a trip?

 

I'd of dumped you long ago.

[NightmareBabe]

You sound like a bully. Perhaps you should take that high-powered judging ray you are pointing at this poor woman and take a look at your own interactions.

 

You ruined her party, you ruined her vows ceremony, and you were nasty to her about wanting to spend time with you on a trip?

 

I'd of dumped you long ago.

 

I don't see how I was nasty to her for "wanting to spend time with me on a trip." That was during her hippie banging pot smoking faze and I didn't want her bringing drugs with her on the trip, so I told her she couldn't go. That's not nasty. I think it's a pretty reasonable request. The cops pull us over and search my car, and I get arrested too, not just her.

[writergal]

Frankly your "friend" is better off without you in her life, based on what you posted in this thread about the horrible things you've done to her.

 

She's not the toxic train-wreck friend.

 

You are.

[nescafe1982]

I don't see how I was nasty to her for "wanting to spend time with me on a trip." That was during her hippie banging pot smoking faze and I didn't want her bringing drugs with her on the trip, so I told her she couldn't go. That's not nasty. I think it's a pretty reasonable request. The cops pull us over and search my car, and I get arrested too, not just her.

 

Okay, but what about the first two instances? Do you see how you were nasty in those?

 

I can understand being a bit ambivalent about wanting to roadtrip with a friend who might bring pot with her... but all the other drama? Sounds like you have a history of bullying your friend, and if she is truly going through an unstable moment that is the last thing she needs from you.

[CarrieT]

I don't see how I was nasty to her for "wanting to spend time with me on a trip." That was during her hippie banging pot smoking faze and I didn't want her bringing drugs with her on the trip, so I told her she couldn't go. That's not nasty. I think it's a pretty reasonable request. The cops pull us over and search my car, and I get arrested too, not just her.

You could have just as easily have said, "I am not comfortable with an illegal substance in my car. Leave it at home or find another lift." But to renege on the offer is rude.

 

And nasty.

 

How you treated her has been pretty nasty, in my opinion.

[CC12]

I don't see how I was nasty to her for "wanting to spend time with me on a trip." That was during her hippie banging pot smoking faze and I didn't want her bringing drugs with her on the trip, so I told her she couldn't go. That's not nasty. I think it's a pretty reasonable request. The cops pull us over and search my car, and I get arrested too, not just her.

 

It absolutely was nasty and unreasonable, the way you did it. You told her you sold her $75 ticket (which was a lie) and then you told her she couldn't come with you anymore. That's just so mean-spirited of you. Almost abusive.

 

And don't lie to us and say that you were only concerned about her bringing drugs in your car on that trip. In your OP, you said:

 

I told her she's not going because I don't want her nasty hippie boyfriend texting her while we are there

 

Weirdly controlling!

 

I could go on about your awful behavior but I don't want to waste my time. Let us know if you honestly want to learn from this and be a better person.

[nescafe1982]

I respectfully retract my statement conceding that you were less "nasty" to your friend about that trip. After reading your OP again, you were incredibly rotten to her: bullying, manipulative, and mean.

 

I think your story about being afraid of her bringing pot into your car is pure invention after the fact.

 

Honey, you strike me as a narcissistic personality type. Have you ever heard that before? Your need to control the people in your life, your self-righteous attitude in "punishing" them if they don't do what you want, your belief that your friend's personal difficulties are a betrayal (as if they're about you and not her)... these are narcissistic reactions (called "narcissistic injuries.")

 

And that even with how horrible your story is, and how bad it makes you look, you came here seemingly unaware of how others would perceive your role in all this drama? Yes, that looks like narcissism too.

 

Narcissists are lonely, injured people. They lack serious coping skills and always either a) trap people into being with them through bullying or emotional hostage taking, or b) find themselves alienated from everyone around them. It's a terrible place to be and an awful illness to have. If you have any inkling that what I'm saying about narcissism sounds like you, please get help from a licensed professional. With regular therapy you can improve... but without professional help, the narcissist never recovers. (Although I may be ****ting in the wind, because typically narcissists are also pathologically incapable of admitting the problem is with them or of seeking appropriate help for themselves).

 

Good luck.

[PinkSapphire]

I'm glad others have already pointed it out, so I will just reiterate what was stated.

You sound like a nasty, horrible person who deserted your "friend" when she needed you most.

 

Asking to stay in your empty, finished garage that no one was using after her safety was threatened? That was almost nothing you could have done to make a huge difference in her life, and instead you screamed at her on the phone and cussed her out? i almost can't believe that (except that it matches completely with how awful you stated that you treated her continually throughout the 10 years. yikes, lady). So, basically, you didn't care if she got attacked or murdered; so long as you weren't somehow inconvenienced in any imaginable way.

 

And ruining her party she planned out? And the vows ceremony AFTER you invited her to do that at your party - a year in advance?? Holy crap, what is wrong with you. It's almost as if you planned to ruin that for her.

 

You are terrible, and your friend sounds like the decent human being. If you live anywhere near me (please stay far away from me), introduce your friend to me. She sounds like a decent soul I could use in my life. You, on the other hand, have done her a huge favor to finally leave. She is probably SO relieved to have the toxic person out of her life.

 

You, OP, need therapy and a whole TON of soul searching. If you even care, which I don't think you do.

[SpiralOut]

You aren't friends. You are frenemies. You aren't good for each other. I think we all have moments where we need to hate someone, but we should never hate our friends. I think it's a good idea for you to stop talking to her.

Edited September 17, 2013 by SpiralOut

[pteromom]

When I met her she was married to a real douchebag. He was really controlling and wouldn't let her do anything. He was an Indie film maker and expected her to do all the work on his crappy movies. And she never stuck up for herself.

 

Sounds like she really could have used a friend to lean on, instead of someone judging her for being weak.

 

Aside from being completely whipped, she also is way too sensitive. I told her we (meaning our circle of friends) should have a drum circle sometime. ANd she suggested having it at her parents' place out in the middle of nowhere. She planned this whole damn party, and I didn't feel like driving out there and neither did my husband. So, I told a lot of the people who were invited that the real party would be at my place. So naturally everyone came to my place and she was all alone at her parent's place. I thought it was hilarious, she was really pissed.

 

What a horrible thing to do to your friend. It's not hilarious. It's bullying. You should have told her when she mentioned her parents' place that it was too far for you. Or at least, when you told people where the "real party" was, you should have told her too. How cruel of you.

 

Her and her husband had been wanting to renew their wedding vows on Halloween of a certain year. My Halloween party was that same night, so I said they should do it at my party. (This was a year before the party, mind you.).... I decided there was no way they were doing this at my party. I told her it was off. SHe can't write the ceremony and expects me to do it, I don't think so. Well, they both were pissed and didn't even come to my party.

 

I don't blame them. You offered your party, then took it away once they got excited about the idea. Again, you are the bad friend here.

 

SHe went from being a prude to really loose.

 

That's her choice. If you didn't like it, it was fine to distance yourself from her, but it's her life.

 

Then she starts smoking weed suddenly. Yes, it's true, my husband and I used to smoke a lot of weed. But we don't anymore. And she didn't until she started dating this guy. She gave me excuses for the drug use also... like that she had been straight arrow her whole life and now wanted to finally live a little. Whatever.

 

And then you are judging her for something you yourself had done.

 

Her and I had plans to take a road trip together to an event that cost us both $75. I told her she's not going because I don't want her nasty hippie boyfriend texting her while we are there and I don't want any drugs in my car. She insisted she wasn't going to bring any drugs. I told her I sold her ticket and she demanded the money I made off it. Truth is I really didn't sell her ticket, so I let her come. But I didn't enjoy myself at all.

 

Well, you showed her, right? You "let" her come, but then you refused to have fun or accept her for who she is. Again - she did nothing wrong here.

 

WHen her and the hippie scum broke up she briefly dated a guy who used to be a drug user, but wasn't anymore. She brought him to a party I was also at, and a bunch of people told me about how wild he used to be. I told her to never bring him to my house again. She complied... and told me she wasn dumping him because he was only a rebound anyway to cope with her breakup with Mr. Hippie.

 

But... YOU used to be a drug user. Yet you won't give someone else a chance?

 

But then, when she broke it off, he started stalking and threatening her. At one point her told her he would be at her place the following weekend and it wouldn't go well for her. And (this made me livid, I almost ended my "friendship" with her then... she had the NERVE to call me and ask if she could stay in my garage that weekend!!!

 

So she was scared and needed you, and again, you weren't there for her. I agree with her - the whole point was staying somewhere he couldn't find her. I understand you wanting to protect your family and saying no, but I don't understand you being angry with her about it.

 

I told her she could use my garage apartment as a filming location. So she had this whole script that was written (I guess) with filming in that apartment in mind.

... So I told her she couldn't use my garage apartment anymore. WHen asked why, I told her she associates with nothing but scum. SHe said, "But I also associate with you."

 

So again, you offered something to her then took it away.

 

And that's when I realized I can't be around her anymore. I don't fit in with the lowlifes she surrounds herself with and can no longer sit and watch her trainwreck of a life anymore.

 

Sounds to me like she's getting her stuff together and trying to do something with her life.

 

I've known her ten years, ten years too many. She hasn't talked t me since this incident and I hope she has gotten the hint. She is pathetic and I don't need that in my life.

 

I don't think she needs you in hers. You've been a terrible friend to her while she went through a bunch of hard stuff. You've judged her, bullied her, lied to her, and finally left her.

 

I feel badly for her.

 

(If this post is even real.)