alex1967 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 he broke up with me on Sept 1 after about 5 months, I texted him 12 days later trying to reconnect and he texted back saying that he is getting married soon, with no explanation. I got angry and called and he didn't reply, so I sent an angry text and he replied back saying that he didn't lie or cheat, and that he just got back to his ex after we broke up and in that short period of time they both decided to get married. Is this for real? Has this happened to you or anyone you know?
joe86 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 That sounds like an uneasy foundation for a marriage. Stay well out of this one! One thing I'm learning is not to rush. My impatience always got the better of me in the past, but patience on our side of things does seem better.
TrblinMN Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Sorry this happened to you. A similar thing happened to me not too long ago. My ex gf got engaged 5 months after we BU. I was doing so good with NC and after finding out, I had to ask her if she was dating him with we were together. I asked even though I knew I wasn't going to get the truth. I feel like total sh*t and none of this will make any sense going forward. I try my best everyday and hopefully I will come out on the other end better.
Author alex1967 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 thanks for your replies. What I don't get is how can he go from being with me and then in less than 2 weeks get engaged and be married soon. How do people switch their feelings on/off just like that? Is that humanly possible? 1
joe86 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 thanks for your replies. What I don't get is how can he go from being with me and then in less than 2 weeks get engaged and be married soon. How do people switch their feelings on/off just like that? Is that humanly possible? I don't think it is. Maybe you could tell yourself it is, but that's not time to adjust to things so serious. It'll catch up with him I'm sure!
nescafe1982 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I can totally relate. This happened to me several years ago and yes, he had been cheating. It really puts you through the wringer. Sorry to hear this, OP. Best to stay away from it and minimize even asking too many questions about it. Just rest assured that whatever this latest bit of drama is, it has everything to do with him and (likely) his own faulty coping mechanisms. 1
TrblinMN Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 ... and (likely) his own faulty coping mechanisms. Faulty coping mechanism... That part is for a whole other discussion. Overall, I just chalk it up to people who act this irrational are people you will never ever figure out. No matter how hard you try, it will never make sense. I try to minimize my thoughts about my situation but it is hard not to think about it. Just know it is more about them then about you. 1
Author alex1967 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 it's hard to think it's about him and not about me. I just feel so used and disposable.
BarOfButter Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I dont think theres any way the ex switched off feelings for you and automatically went to the ex. Your ex just wanted a void to fill, someone to be in a relationship with. A rebound person and your ex's ex just happened to be willing to take them back. Where the rushing into marriage thing came into, thats just them rushing and being kinda crazy. 1
Kizza Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 I agree with BarOfButter ... Sometimes it can take a person to venture away from where their true heart lies at to realize just what it is they want, and... if they want it forever... and sadly you have been the victim of this person processing their feelings for someone else. I know it sucks and I am sorry ((hugs)) but this person just may have been taken the whole time you were together ... in a sense, if you catch my drift. 3
Author alex1967 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 thanks, I feel so humiliated and used.
TrblinMN Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 It's understandable the way you feel but you have to try to move forward. I feel the same way and it's hard so you are not alone. I try to tell myself it could have been anyone, it just happened to be you. These types of people are so erratic and selfish, it can make a normal person not feel normal. Take it day by day and take care of yourself. 1
Sugarkane Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Someone this fickle shouldn't be getting married at all. And dies she think he won't cheat on her aswell?! Didn't cheat my butt.
NoLeafClover Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 if I were you I'd just get the pop corn can out and seat back and enjoy the show. This is a recipe for disaster whether he was dating her behind your back (she'd be a fool to taking him seriously knowing you were in the picture) or whether he just found someone and got engaged to her within two weeks (again she'd be a fool to be engaged to someone after dating for such a short time) My gut feeling is he was screwing her while he was with you and I am sorry if this is hurting you in anyway but at the end of the day, you don't need man like that in your life...at least not long term. I really don't know if I should laugh or cry at people that do sh*t like that but it's quiet amusing. 1
bob the brave Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 thanks for your replies. What I don't get is how can he go from being with me and then in less than 2 weeks get engaged and be married soon. How do people switch their feelings on/off just like that? Is that humanly possible? Hate to bring up this possibility, but maybe he is lying to get rid of you.
loveiswar101 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 Feel for you. But as someone said ' pop the pop corn and watch the show" I'm sure your confused and hurt, but obviously he's feeling for you were not 100% and down the track you and with time you will hopefully see that and understand that you are better then him and deserve someone better who will love you for you.
RiceaRoni Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) I honestly think things are going to turn out pretty messy between him and his now fiancee. They broke up, he went to you, you guys broke up, and now he's back to her? Yeah thats going to be a definite strain between them. It isnt stable, and right after getting back together he tells you they're engaged to be married? you know what, it doesnt matter anymore. He obviously making things difficult for himself, and you don't need difficulty in your life, let alone someone who uses others in that way. you deserve so much better, and in time hopefully you'll see. It's sad to say he most likely used you as a rebound, but that should be all the better reason to help you move on. Is it fair to you? no way. it's very wrong, but in the end things will turn out how they're suppose to be. Just focus on you now. I hope all goes well. Edited September 18, 2013 by RiceaRoni
Author alex1967 Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 Hate to bring up this possibility, but maybe he is lying to get rid of you. why on earth would someone do something like that, put more salt on the wound? that is just cruel
Author alex1967 Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 I honestly think things are going to turn out pretty messy between him and his now fiancee. They broke up, he went to you, you guys broke up, and now he's back to her? Yeah thats going to be a definite strain between them. It isnt stable, and right after getting back together he tells you they're engaged to be married? you know what, it doesnt matter anymore. He obviously making things difficult for himself, and you don't need difficulty in your life, let alone someone who uses others in that way. you deserve so much better, and in time hopefully you'll see. It's sad to say he most likely used you as a rebound, but that should be all the better reason to help you move on. Is it fair to you? no way. it's very wrong, but in the end things will turn out how they're suppose to be. Just focus on you now. I hope all goes well. I'm not a hateful person but part of me wish you were right, that it'll be messy for him and his fiancee. It kills me to know that I'm in such pain and he just rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after, where's justice in all this.
RiceaRoni Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I'm not a hateful person but part of me wish you were right, that it'll be messy for him and his fiancee. It kills me to know that I'm in such pain and he just rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after, where's justice in all this. Nope. He doesn't get to run away into the sunset, not without limping... This has harmed himself. Going from one person who hurt him, to you, and then back to that same person who decided to take him back is so not healthy for him, her, or anyone in that matter. He's shown he can't be trusted. He's shown the ex he was able to reconcile with that he is dependant and can't even be on his own without a relationship. Trust me this will hinder them, and if it doesn't, then who cares. He and you are done. You WILL love again and you WILL find another man, a different one, and you'll get to have a healthy relationship with a man who you know will always be by your side. Look towards the future because it's usually brighter.
ashleyn09 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 why on earth would someone do something like that, put more salt on the wound? that is just cruel lol Well my ex has done the same thing. We broke up a month ago and come to find out he had another woman movie in a couple of weeks later . Made me feel so horrible and worthless but then I thought if he can move on from a 8 year relationship that quickly then he isn't worthy of me. I wanted him back before but when I found that out I knew he was the worthless one.
Author alex1967 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 lol Well my ex has done the same thing. We broke up a month ago and come to find out he had another woman movie in a couple of weeks later . Made me feel so horrible and worthless but then I thought if he can move on from a 8 year relationship that quickly then he isn't worthy of me. I wanted him back before but when I found that out I knew he was the worthless one. thanks for sharing ashleyn09. How long did it take you to get over the pain and move on, as I am having such a hard time dealing with it. I keep wanting to contact him to ask questions but so far have not done so because I don't want to appear desperate. But I feel like I need to know the truth otherwise I can't have closure.
RiceaRoni Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 thanks for sharing ashleyn09. How long did it take you to get over the pain and move on, as I am having such a hard time dealing with it. I keep wanting to contact him to ask questions but so far have not done so because I don't want to appear desperate. But I feel like I need to know the truth otherwise I can't have closure. A majority of the time you have to give yourself closure. Even if your ex did tell you why, you'd still be questioning the while thing. It's best to just let go and leave things as they are. Take the time to yourself, create your own closure. It's very difficult, but a lot of the time if you asked your ex they could be lying or keeping the real reason to themselves.
stillafool Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 thanks for your replies. What I don't get is how can he go from being with me and then in less than 2 weeks get engaged and be married soon. How do people switch their feelings on/off just like that? Is that humanly possible? He was more than likely pinning for his ex when you two were together. She must have wanted him too and after he broke up with you they decided to get back together for keeps. I'm so sorry you were hurt but it is best that he get with her now than later when you were even more involved.
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