dumped.

[zanzi]

Had a messy, messy relationship. Looking back now, I don't know why either of us even bothered as I was heavily depressed when he met me a year ago and still am, and am prone to hysterical fits of anger of grief. These often happen when I'm just like "I don't care anymore." and let my emotions boil over.

Especially when my ex would get drunk and I would get fed up with him. To be honest I really got fed up. He was from a drinking family and didn't see the need to get help for the reasons why he binge drank, the last time we broke up not yet a month ago I told him his drinking and my depression would end this relationship and that we should both seek counselling. I already get counselling myself.

 

Naturally he refused. I started to see changes in that when I would yell, he would start to get physical back.

 

He never hit me but he started to push me around more. He threw all my stuff onto the deck and pushed me and I fell on my ass and ended up with a major bruise. He had bruises too. Yet the next day when I thought it was over he texted me up saying " I'm sorry" and " I love you." He also pushed me hard last night into a wall.

 

We have broken up and got together numerous times, many times in fact. This time I am certain it is permanent.

 

At the moment I am still taking in what happened last night. I feel fed up. Probably this week my feelings will catch up with my brains knowledge that it is over for good this time. And so it should be. I am so fed up. Anyway in typical "boy" fashion he has stopped speaking to me. I went outside this morning to find my things in bags outside my front door, I sight that I am thoroughly sick of. To be 100% honest I don't even know if I care anymore. This breakup could be a blessing I need to get help for myself.

 

I don't really wan't to cry or beg or listen to sad music, he is clearly finished with me and although a small part of my heart is aching over it and knows it wont be easy the feeling is pretty mutual. All we ever had was dysfunction and co dependancy. I am sick of being told I'm a bad person because of my depression problems, and 100% to blame all the time. I accept my 50 but feel like even with all my undesirable traits I deserved better then a paranoid drunk for a partner.

[emi]

Sometime a broke up in love is a wakeup in life