phmichelle Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I'd love some feedback, similiar experience, advice or whatever. I started dating a man and we were together for 1.5 years (both in our late 30's). I am a single mom (no father in picture at all). He had been divorced for about 9 months when we met. We got serious pretty quickly as I wasn't going to involve many son in anything less and we fell in love pretty quickly but agreed to take it slow for the sake of my son (hes 3 now, was 18 months when we started dating). He was a very loving, kind, generous man and he formed a strong bond with my son. He had doubts along the way, mostly about providing and about committing. He was honest with me and we'd get through the conversation and talk it out. We got along really well, had lots in common and always had so much fun. I was anxious about getting married and it caused some pressure on the relationship. Finally, I realized I was worried about what my son's future would look like and decided to let go a little. After a few months he decided he wanted to move in together and talk about engagement. We were looking at houses to move in and I had to quit one of my jobs. It started a conversation that ended up in him breaking up with me. He wanted to continue a relationship with my son and at first I was all for it. Then I started to question whether that was a good idea. I told him I needed some time to think about it. I was consumed with the fantasy that he would change his mind and come back and I was devouring information on how to get your ex back. Everything said to cut off contact and make him miss you. So I replied to texts only when I had to and basically blew him off when I saw him. This went on for about a month and a half. Then I got really honest with myself and decided to get a hold of him and be honest and speak from my heart. I realized I had been trying to reason everything out just to have some control over the situation. I told him he was the love of my life and I still want to be with him. I also apologized for what I felt I needed to in the relationship (quitting my job without getting another one. Etc.) He appreciated it but told me it would be wrong for him to give me any hope now. We agreed to meet again to talk about my son. In the mean time, I had found out he might be dating someone else (probably started about month and a half after breakup). When we met again, we couldn't keep conversation on my son and ended up talking more. He admitted he had wondered if it was a mistake but he hadn't picked up the phone. He also said the no contact had allowed him time to heal and that had opened him up to the possibility of seeing someone else. He told me he did not want me to have any hope or live my life for him. I told him I wouldn't live my life for him or any man but that I did still really want to be with him and I have hope that he'll change his mind. He told me he was going away for the week so we couldn't talk about my son until he gets back. He's going away with her and she is barely out of a marriage herself (less than a month?) I ended up writing him an email yesterday saying its insane for me to hold out hope for a man on vacation with a married woman, I don't think I can do the relationship with my son thing (for my own healing) and wished him the best. I'm really trying to let go and I think I've mostly given up but my intuition is telling me he will be back. This new relationship sounds like a trainwreck. I feel foolish for even wanting someone who would act this way but love is a strong emotion. Feedback? Hope? Dose of reality? Similar story? Anything would be appreciated.
Author phmichelle Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Ok so I realize maybe this post was too long. So here are a couple questions to the community: How do you deal with your ex moving on so quickly? Even though it really sounds like a trainwreck, its so hard not to compare yourself and feel inferior. How do you truly let go of hope when you really thought someone was the love of your life? How do you trust your experience when the other person obviously was so far off of what you were feeling? How do you let go of hope when your intuition, your soul is telling you tha t they will come back? Does everyone feel that to that degree if you get dumped? Please, any one or all answers would be helpful.
Mariposa10 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Ok so I realize maybe this post was too long. So here are a couple questions to the community: How do you deal with your ex moving on so quickly? Even though it really sounds like a trainwreck, its so hard not to compare yourself and feel inferior. How do you truly let go of hope when you really thought someone was the love of your life? How do you trust your experience when the other person obviously was so far off of what you were feeling? How do you let go of hope when your intuition, your soul is telling you tha t they will come back? Does everyone feel that to that degree if you get dumped? Please, any one or all answers would be helpful. I think the best we can do is to first stop thinking about our exes with the rebounds. It's just too painful. From what I've read rebounds usually don't work out, so for all we know maybe after this trip they'll break up. We don't know, and let's not focus on that. I've read that dumpers are usually the ones who start comparing the ex with the rebound. Remember you're not inferior, many guys would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend/wife. I think the answer to your second question takes time, you will just realize it... I personally don't believe in "the love of your life" thing. I do believe there are many people you can be really happy with. I think the answer to your third question also takes time... It's all about time... I don't know how attached your son is your to your ex, but I don't think having your ex around is a good idea.... Sounds like a recipe for a disaster. Good luck!
reddragon588 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Ok so I realize maybe this post was too long. So here are a couple questions to the community: How do you deal with your ex moving on so quickly? Even though it really sounds like a trainwreck, its so hard not to compare yourself and feel inferior. Agreed. The only real advice I can give is to focus on yourself. I know it's hard. But be happy being in a relationship with yourself. You can't be in a relationship with anyone else until you can do this anyway. How do you truly let go of hope when you really thought someone was the love of your life? I'm struggling with this same issue. I wish I could give better advice on this. What I can say is that love is a two-way street. Imagine how your ex would treat you now, and recognize that life changes. How do you trust your experience when the other person obviously was so far off of what you were feeling? Life is about risk taking. Some risks burn you but some risks are the best things that will ever happen to you. How do you let go of hope when your intuition, your soul is telling you tha t they will come back? Does everyone feel that to that degree if you get dumped? Yes everyone feels that. Time will help solve this issue. I'm at 3 1/2 months and I still have this fantasy of her coming back. But it's not as strong as it was 3 months ago, 2 months ago and even 1 month ago. You just have to move on forward with your life and not bother yourself with it too much. I hope this helps somewhat.
Author phmichelle Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Thanks so much you guys, that is helpful. Anyone else? And another question. Why do I feel like he's the only man in the world and no one else looks even remotely attractive. Is this just some cruel trick of nature (chemicals, or lack of)?)?
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