livdee Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 So, my 18yr old was at fault in an accident in my car and totaled it. Everyone involved was fine, thank God, but the cars were not. He has had his license for a year. He feels very bad about it. What kid wouldn't? Anyway, how severe should the punishment be? My husband and I are at odds. I feel he should be punished but the emotional turmoil is punishment too. My husband feels all activities and driving rights should be revoked. What line is too harsh or not enough? Any comments would be great. BTW, he is a really good kid. This is the first trouble he has ever caused us.
Shepp Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 in my mind id say that punishment would be fair if he was speeding, drink driving or driving reckless, but for a mistake pure and simple...I think its a little harsh. We all have to learn don't we. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 livdee: You said it was an accident so what would the punishment actually teach him? Was he texting, goofing off, driving erratically due to lots of friends being in the car? Did he do anything, to your knowledge that showed a blatant disregard for the rules or others' safety? Also, is he still in high school? 18 is usually considered an adult so that would be a different scenario on why are you talking about punishing an adult? Adults should pay for any damages they incur even if it is their parent's cars. Good luck, Grumps
pteromom Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I would focus less on "punishment" and more on a lesson. Maybe: - volunteering in a hospital where he will see the result of accidents - (assuming he works) paying a portion of his paycheck to the insurance deductible, or to a drunk driving charity That's just off the top of my head, so maybe you can think of something better. Think about what you really want him to learn from this experience, and how best to help him learn it. The answer isn't simply "My parents are being jerks and took my car away."
xxoo Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I'd involve him in repairing the car, including paying for repairs. I'd also require him to pay the increase in insurance, if he chooses to drive. At this age, it is about dealing with real world consequences (and not protecting them from real world consequences) more than parental control.
Author livdee Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Thanks everyone! It was an accident pure and simple. We are going to make him help pay the downpayment on a new car. Just to answer some of the above questions, he is a senior this year so not totally an adult yet, no drinking or texting, and like I said before, generally a good kid. Just a bad judgement on space. I appreciate the replies! 1
mea_M Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Tough one. And tough because if it is was just a true "accident" with no distractions, texting, drugs, alcohol or speeding then what punishment is he owed? Accidents sometimes happen. And my bet is he feels bad enough already and is shaken up. He may even be fearful of driving for a bit. Now you say the accident was his fault. That means a ticket was issued and he will be punished by the court of law. So, I'd support his feelings regarding the accident, reinforce the dangers of driving and also simply responsibility. Thank gosh he is ok and everyone else is. My guess is this will be one enormous wake up call for your family and your son. Sorry it happend. My best to you. Mea:)
TaraMaiden Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Fer chrissakes, he's alive, isn't he?! I would think a lesson in how fleeting life can be - a few videos of people in mangled wrecks - would be more than enough to teach him a lesson!
skydiveaddict Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 What line is too harsh or not enough? . Just make him pay for the damage. Or whatever portion he can. Hell we almost all did that didn't we? It's not a big deal to me. Think about, it was you who let him behind the whee in the first place, right? So in my view the liability is partially yours.
sabre80 Posted September 18, 2013 Posted September 18, 2013 I had my licence for all of 4 weeks before I had an accident with a school bus. Bus pulled out in front of me on a highway and I had no stopping room. 2 weeks after I got my car back from the shop I blew a steer tire and due to lack of experience I locked my breaks up and slammed into a telephone pole. My dad took my licence away not because of punishment but because he could not afford the insurance. He showed me my new premium and at 450/mo in 96 I could understand exactly why he took my licence. He told me I could have my licence back when I pay for my own insurance. Not a punishment but a harsh lesson in responsibility. 16 is a good age to start teaching a child you are about to be on your own and weather your fault or not, negligent or not you are going to have to take care of this kind of crap the rest of your life.
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