shellshocked Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 hi , ive been looking at this site for two weeks ( since split ) and have found it compulsive, helps to not keep picking up phone. Everyone is so kind and sadly in pain. myself included. My situation was with b/f 2.5 years but we had extra baggage of his and hers kids. We had a fab relationship very in love and were great friend to, spoke 2/3 times aday. however, we had a terrible hoilday in august, and although I explained my reasons it cut deep why I took it out on him, anyway the relationship with his child had never been good, and its only now that I can see why. we both felt that although we both really loved each other we could'nt see how to go forward so a few days later he broke it off, we both sat and cried and it was so sad , He said he was so confused it was him not me, but I got angry and drove off. Which i wrote to apologise (simply that ). He phoned when he rcvd letter, and said it was ok he understood I was upset, but he was still confused. I have text him once last week saying I missed talking to him but never got a reply. I fee so lost without him, cry at a drop of hat and have thought of everything and seen my faults and his but feel these are molehills now and not the mountains I felt they were 3 weeks ago. when i met him he had seperated for 6 months (from a 18 year marriage ) and feel he had issues that he had not addressed, although not his fault the marriage failed ,he was consumed with guilt that he left the kids. I just don't no what to do, do I just leave contacting him, maybe phone in a few weeks to sought out his stuff thats still here? sorry if you all find the above confusing, Can anyone shed some light? x Link to post Share on other sites
oldandie1950 Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by shellshocked hi , ive been looking at this site for two weeks ( since split ) and have found it compulsive, helps to not keep picking up phone. Everyone is so kind and sadly in pain. myself included. My situation was with b/f 2.5 years but we had extra baggage of his and hers kids. We had a fab relationship very in love and were great friend to, spoke 2/3 times aday. however, we had a terrible hoilday in august, and although I explained my reasons it cut deep why I took it out on him, anyway the relationship with his child had never been good, and its only now that I can see why. we both felt that although we both really loved each other we could'nt see how to go forward so a few days later he broke it off, we both sat and cried and it was so sad , He said he was so confused it was him not me, but I got angry and drove off. Which i wrote to apologise (simply that ). He phoned when he rcvd letter, and said it was ok he understood I was upset, but he was still confused. I have text him once last week saying I missed talking to him but never got a reply. I fee so lost without him, cry at a drop of hat and have thought of everything and seen my faults and his but feel these are molehills now and not the mountains I felt they were 3 weeks ago. when i met him he had seperated for 6 months (from a 18 year marriage ) and feel he had issues that he had not addressed, although not his fault the marriage failed ,he was consumed with guilt that he left the kids. I just don't no what to do, do I just leave contacting him, maybe phone in a few weeks to sought out his stuff thats still here? sorry if you all find the above confusing, Can anyone shed some light? x Shellshocked, Firstly, I am sorry you are in the situation you are just now! Now is the time for you to just be shocked, confused, what ever other feelings and thoughts that you have at this moment in time. Do you feel anger towards him or you. What do really want, a good steady relationship with a man you can trust or a man with unresolved issues. You as a caring, nurturing person, giver of life, safe haven in the storm of growing up for your kids, deserve a love equal in value to that which you give. Love you for a while, you have done all that you can, now, and i know this is the scary bit, it is up to this man to give you the human respect of contacting YOU, when he is ready. If he does'nt contact you in, as you say, "a few weeks". What does it say to you about him and how he values YOU and an intimate, personal, longterm relationship. Guilt as you know is a corrosive and extremely negative thing and can sometimes be carried from one situation into another. It can, if not managed cause deep seated anger that can be an influence on how we relate to others. If it is not exorsised properly it does, and there is enough pain caused by it visible in our lifes, destroy the happiness, fun, love that exists within us all. I say this as I think you as a person have lost, momentarily these facilities inside yourself. They, as you know being a Mom, important in our journey through life. Now might be the space and time for You to re- discover what they mean for you. Perhaps then you can deal with the situation in a different way. I know this is the opinion of just one person, a man, but your situation struck a cord with me so i am commenting on it. Usually i would not do so when it comes to human relationships because each is unique to the 2 people in that relationship with it's individual dynamic that is best worked by them. Good fortune to you Shellshocked. , Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellshocked Posted December 3, 2004 Author Share Posted December 3, 2004 hi oldandi50 thankyou so much for your words, they were very kind and and true, in respect of his value of me, as this wek I went to see him and i asked if his was happy with his decision he said he was and I said that was fine I would walk away (brave!) but he then felt he should tell he has shagged the landlady! swears not till after we had broken up, I do beleive that but I cannot understand 1) why did he have to tell me that and 2) how could he do that so quickly WOW! back to sqaure one now , so yes Im not only angry I hate him for that and turning his back on me and my children without a second glance. its 5 days know and today has been ok, so yes I will be good to myself and my children and maybe one day I will find the person to value me equally. thanks again, and I wish you everything I wish myself.x Link to post Share on other sites
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