cif Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 rae- you really need to take a breather and calm down. you're posting thread after thread and i could just imagine how fast the thoughts are moving through your head. stop and breathe. you will lose everything if you don't quit this omm, he is no good for you nd he does not want you. he has made that very clear through actions and words what more do you want? move on. put that one little sex adventure behind you. it's not woth losing your husband and children over... and the kids will eventually find out and blame you. put all your focus on your family. whether you choose to stay with h or not is up to you for now. you've been given an opportunity to keep this a in the past. don't ruin it.
Balzac Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Divorce means that current income then supports two households. You wi have some portion of financial responsibility in that. Babysitting for the children of others helps you meet the obligation. Your stbexH no longer carries the full load.
Balzac Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Logical consequences are the effective deterrent.
velvette Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 That won't happen unless she has committed some sort of crime, abuses drugs, the kids, etc. Trust me, infidelity is not a factor and is not seen as a reason to deem a parent unfit. I agree that infidelity alone is not a factor. But she has lots of issues that strung together with the infidelity could paint a picture to the right judge of an unfit parent if her H wanted to go there. And, he knows all her secrets according to her except the A. I have no stake in this and she doesn't sound stable enough to be parenting children by herself to me. You never know with a judge...they are human.
Author rae_lana Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 I owe my kids to work on my marriage in any case. And I'll do my best but yes I'm very confused and I don't really know what I'm going to do. My husband didn't think he would .. He depends on me a lot. But it he knew about the affair there would be no chance for any reconciliation and I know people will say I don't know that. But I do.
Author rae_lana Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 rae- you really need to take a breather and calm down. you're posting thread after thread and i could just imagine how fast the thoughts are moving through your head. stop and breathe. you will lose everything if you don't quit this omm, he is no good for you nd he does not want you. he has made that very clear through actions and words what more do you want? move on. put that one little sex adventure behind you. it's not woth losing your husband and children over... and the kids will eventually find out and blame you. put all your focus on your family. whether you choose to stay with h or not is up to you for now. you've been given an opportunity to keep this a in the past. don't ruin it. I could be talking to myself here. This is good advice and I'v definitely been going crazy. I know that now.
BetrayedH Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I owe my kids to work on my marriage in any case. And I'll do my best but yes I'm very confused and I don't really know what I'm going to do. My husband didn't think he would .. He depends on me a lot. But it he knew about the affair there would be no chance for any reconciliation and I know people will say I don't know that. But I do. No, you don't. Everyone thinks infidelity is an automatic dealbreaker. Less than 20% actually up and walk. There's one wayward wife after another on these boards that have said the same thing and then found their betrayed husband had more to him than they ever thought. And with hard work, they restored their marriage with an immense gratitude. If you want any chance of this working out, confession is it. Your other choice is to keep spinning your wheels like you've been doing. How's that working out for you? 1
aliveagain Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 If you want to save your family than do what's best for your family and quit being so selfish. You brought the predator into this relationship and only you can end it. Wake up girl, this is it, your about to miss the train your family is on. You lied to your husband and now your lying to the people that are trying to help you, do you see a pattern? You need professional help because no one is going to believe you when you can't even convince yourself to do what's needed. You need to stop self destructing, decide on O/M or pull the plug on your family, one of them has to go. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 You don't have a choice about sharing custody unless he's not interested. I have my kids pretty much full time except one to two nights a month, but that's due to their fathers schedule. I'll be honest, it's exhausting, but I work full time, too. I know as little as they see him now weakens their bond with them. This is quite sad, and its a lot of the reason why many men(and women) decide to not leave "bad" marriages until the kids are somewhat emancipated. Its just a bad deal for them all the way around. Does that mean dont leave? Well, not necessarily, but but you can see how this scenario creates a dynamic that makes it very difficult. He cant spend as much time with his kids due to work obligations, you need to work longer and harder to keep things going, and with your social life, dating, etc(which you are entitled to), its just less of you for them(kids)... I know if I only saw my daughter a couple of times a month, I wouldnt be able to cope with that..Its an impossible scenario, quite frankly. Understand, I am not judging you in any way. You have your rights to orchestrate whatever works best for you and I wish you all the best. Divorce is very tough...I dont know why so many people make light of it. My best friend recently got the news that his wife of 24 years is leaving. I know they have their problems, but all he does is try to please her..He seemingly moves mountains, but its just not enough. I dont know what is going through her head. If she is really miserable, then she needs to do whats best for her. I suspect infidelity, but its killing him inside. He has been so depressed, I truly worry that he wont survive this.. TFY
Balzac Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Bottom line is one income supporting two households causes reallocation of the financial plan. There may be added costs for childcare. Children will have access to BOTH parents. That generally includes beds, a place to sit at the table for meals and transportation to and fro. Lifestyle then becomes about the primary provider salary substantial enough to maintain the mortgage on the existing family residence? Often a move is necessary.
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