Are we really friends or he's keeping me around till his next gf comes?

[kat1012]

My ex-bf broke up with me at the beginning of august. After 1 month of NC, I was the one who broke it by asking him if I could have my stuff back from his place. I was sorta expecting him to just ask me to come all the way to his place to get it and then he would bang the door on me or he simply just left it outside his flat. Surprisingly, he suggested meeting at somewhere midway between where we live (which is unusual of him) and in the end he suggested getting a drink to catch up and we did. He looked pretty happy to see me, and bought me the drinks and gave me a very friendly hug and said it was good to see me and we should catch up again sometime.

 

We ran into each other once at a bar we both love to go (I didn't go to try to run into him in the first place, I just like that place a lot). He was talking to his female friend and I said hi to him when I saw him, and he seemed very excited when he saw me and invited me to join his table. I was with my friend, who hates him very much because he dumped me. So I said we need to grab some drinks first and head to the bar. Two guys at the bar talked us and invited us to join their table, not that far away from my ex since it was a small bar. we talked to those guys for a bit and my friend said he was looking at my direction. We found the guys boring and we left to go back to my ex, he was like so you ready to join the table. So I introduced him to my friend and her to him. I hanged around for a few mins and talked very briefly before his friend talked to him and he turned away. Once he turned away, my friend insisted me to put my down unfinished drink and leave immediately and said I should not say goodbye to him. Later he texted me "you disappeared" and I texted back saying "my friend wanted to leave and I literally got dragged away. tried to say goodbye. sorry, didnt mean to be rude." he replied rite away "haha enjoy the night." Next morning, I texted him asking where he went afterwards and he asked me how I was and my night, he still sounded friendly even though I felt a bit rude of what I did last night.

 

Recently I needed some advice and I knew he probably knows most abt those matters so I texted him for some advice, and he was quite enthusiastic when he replied.

 

So does he really want us to be friends? I mean I feel like we are now trying to be friends with each other. I like things this way, since we actually got along well when we were still together, just we don't work as a couple. But somehow I feel like when he has a new gf, he won't talk to me again. Like now he doesnt have a new girl yet, so for him it may sound like a good idea to have me around. And he knows I am not seeing anyone. He seemed surprise when he asked me if I went out a lot after I got my "freedom" back and I said no LOL Well I really was too busy with my work.

[r321148]

There is no real way of knowing what's in his head. I imagine you probably know the guy better than anyone on here and what he's like. Sorry that's not helpful but you really need to judge this based on what you know of him and his character etc...

Think about though: Do you actually want to be friends? Could you deal with being his friend if and when he found someone else (assuming he kept you around)? Do you still have feelings for him beyond friendship? Could you deal with it again if he did decide to cut you out when he moved on and how likely is this based on what you know of him?

I think you need to turn this around. Don't worry what's in his head and do what's best for you. If any of the above questions bother you then don't give him the option of being friends as you are just setting yourself up to get hurt again.

Good luck

[LinkWorshiper]

I'm kind of going through this myself. It is possible he still really cares about you, and I think that is important for reconciliation. However, if he does things that push your boundaries or make you feel like he's taking advantage, you have to make sure you say so. I recently had to put my foot down in the new friendship I was building with my ex -- a friendship I hoped would grow into something more, especially considering how close a friendship it was. Anyway, I feel bad about it because I really enjoyed what we were creating, but I also had to tell him that it wasn't okay for him to expect such a close friendship considering our history. It was unfair for him to pretty much expect us to behave as we did as a couple, but not want to seal the deal, so to speak. So just... gauge it... is what I guess I'm saying to you.

[kat1012]

I'm kind of going through this myself. It is possible he still really cares about you, and I think that is important for reconciliation. However, if he does things that push your boundaries or make you feel like he's taking advantage, you have to make sure you say so. I recently had to put my foot down in the new friendship I was building with my ex -- a friendship I hoped would grow into something more, especially considering how close a friendship it was. Anyway, I feel bad about it because I really enjoyed what we were creating, but I also had to tell him that it wasn't okay for him to expect such a close friendship considering our history. It was unfair for him to pretty much expect us to behave as we did as a couple, but not want to seal the deal, so to speak. So just... gauge it... is what I guess I'm saying to you.

I dun think I want us to be a couple again. I kinda hope we could get some drinks some times to catch up, since he is a fun guy to drink with or talk to. And he's the kind of person who's always up for a drink if you ask him. (most of my friends aren't into drinking, and so there are times I really want to grab a drink but no one will say yes) I know he has female friends and drinks with them sometimes, but I guess it's a different story if those are the ones you didn't have a history and I bet there are presence of guys too.

[Mariposa10]

How long were you guys together and why did you guys break up?

[kat1012]

How long were you guys together and why did you guys break up?

We were together for 8 months. He's my first boyfriend so yes this is my first heart break.

 

He broke up with me because "we are comfortable but it doesn't mean this is going to go anywhere."..."and you are getting obsessed with this relationship"..."we can still meet up on the weekends"...blah blah blah

 

I am not sure if I am that obsessive. we saw each other twice a week, never asked to see more than that, I at most texted him once every 1-2 days towards the end of the relationship when he didnt text me first. Most probably it's due to the "arguement" we had when I don't like him playing with his phone and ignored me since I am the one to come all the way to hang out with him and I said it made me feel like my effort in making this relationship work is not being appreciated. he flipped for a bit saying how he can do what he wants and I shd not date....