Dumper on the cusp of a BU

[GuyIncognito]

Let's be real though. The only reason you are still with her is because you haven't found a replacement. If you already had another girl lined up you wouldnt be here.

 

Not true at all. In fact, I plan to live alone, de-socialize, cut out some distractions (netflix, for example), and focus intently on my music and creative projects.

 

Did you lose the spark? What specifically do you feel is the problem? How do your goals differ and have you discussed it with her?

 

Yes, we've discussed our differences (big and small, including having children, getting married, differing diets, living abroad, etc) and always have agreed to push through them because we really care about each other, but at this point, I fear we are reaching so far across the gap that we've compromised ourselves as individuals.

 

It's never a good thing to describe an intimate partner as best friend, from what I've seen.

 

Perhaps. On one hand, it seems that should be what people strive for, but I can kind of see how that might be a bad thing. At this point, it just feels like we are good friends and roommates who are forcing themselves into a higher level of intimacy.

[GuyIncognito]

date and live together for years is a TEST?

 

I didn't say that, but I do know what you mean. I guess we always just thought it was worth trying to move past the doubts, but maybe we should have paid more heed to those early warning flags.

[lovesucks76]

Not true at all. In fact, I plan to live alone, de-socialize, cut out some distractions (netflix, for example), and focus intently on my music and creative projects.

 

 

 

Yes, we've discussed our differences (big and small, including having children, getting married, differing diets, living abroad, etc) and always have agreed to push through them because we really care about each other, but at this point, I fear we are reaching so far across the gap that we've compromised ourselves as individuals.

 

 

 

Perhaps. On one hand, it seems that should be what people strive for, but I can kind of see how that might be a bad thing. At this point, it just feels like we are good friends and roommates who are forcing themselves into a higher level of intimacy.

 

Been there a few years back and am also in my 30's! I know how hard it it. I think you need to move on because obviously it's OVER! My situation was similar. I wasn't in love with her anymore and we became roommates. I cared for her but no longer felt the love, the spark we once had. Whenever she touched or kissed me, I felt nothing! She started to annoy me with stupid things when before I thought they were cute. I wanted to be alone and looked forward to when she was out of town...I knew right then it was over for us so I pulled the plug on the RS and it was hell for a while but it was better for both of us. She will find a good guy who loves her like I wasn't able to. She deserves to be happy and to be loved and so do I. I've never regretted my decision but it was hard. Good luck!

[GuyIncognito]

Devastated dumpee here, so I'm not sure I can chime in without a bitter bias.

 

But here's a (possibly) helpful list of questions to ask yourself before you make a final decision: 30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship

 

I don't believe that anyone should settle out of obligation, fear, guilt, or laziness, but I also think people (not saying you specifically, OP), need to take a hard and realistic look at what it means to be in a long term relationship. My friends in successful LTRs say that they fall in and out of love all the time—the butterflies come and go (sometimes gone for seconds, weeks, months...)—but its the respect, trust, and admiration for their partner that's the true bedrock of a good relationship.

 

Like any commitment-heavy project you start, a relationship can be difficult, frustrating, time-consuming, doubt-creating, and exhausting. Fixing a car, writing a book, directing a play, getting a PhD—none of these are things that you are able to accomplish quickly, easily, and fueled solely by joy and excitement. Nope. There's going to be busted knuckles, lots of red ink, nights spent crying in the library, moments of extreme passion, moments of total doubt, times where you need to backtrack, times where you go full speed ahead... You don't throw in the towel when something gets hard.* In big projects like these, there will always be peaks and valleys, but in my experience, when all is said and done, whenever I give my all to something—despite how difficult it sometimes is—I step back and look at what I accomplished and think "Damn, I'm so happy I stuck it out. I'm really proud of what I did. It was worth it."

 

*Really meditate on the difference between things being hard and things being futile.

 

So, there's my .02.

 

Thanks for your insight and for that link. Its very helpful.

 

Thank you also for not demonizing me as some would. I know its hard to look at this from the other perspective, but this is really hard for me to face as well. I feel sick about it all. I'm not running off into someone else's arms or frivolously tossing her aside. I'm trying to follow my gut and make a really hard decision in hopes that we will both be better off one day.

 

I'm going to talk to her tonight and we'll see what comes of it.

[GuyIncognito]

OP, have a good talk with her, but if you're determined to end it, remember what I said - quick and dirty. Don't leave any margin for hope, hope is the killer.

 

That is the hardest part to face. I'm glad I came and posted on here before, because honestly, I had convinced myself that we would still be able to be close friends after a while and spend time together and everything would be normal (minus the romance/intimacy), but reading responses here has made me realized that is a fantasy and the reality is that its never going to be like that.

 

So thank you for being frank about that.

[BC1980]

That is the hardest part to face. I'm glad I came and posted on here before, because honestly, I had convinced myself that we would still be able to be close friends after a while and spend time together and everything would be normal (minus the romance/intimacy), but reading responses here has made me realized that is a fantasy and the reality is that its never going to be like that.

 

So thank you for being frank about that.

 

You sound so much like my ex who dumped me 5 months ago. He really wanted to be friends, but you just can't do it. After the dust has settled, I can imagine him writing everything you wrote on this thread. Do not engage in any contact with her after the breakup. That was the biggest mistake I made, and my ex was happy to engage with me because he missed me and was having second thoughts. This went on for 4 months.

 

I cannot stress to you how important it is to go NC immediately and never look back. You have to be prepared to sever this relationship and never speak to her again. That is how is has to be. I wished so badly that I could have found some way to be friends with my ex, but there is no middle ground. Right now, you think you can handle it, but you will see with time what a bad idea that is.

 

These breakups are the hardest because there is no hate, no animosity. There is just something fundamentally wrong with the relationship that isn't fixable. I really tried to hate my ex, but I couldn't. Because deep down, I knew he was right to do what he did. I knew there was something broken with our relationship, and, over time, I ended up respecting him for what he did. It still hurts like hell, and it will for a long time. But I feel that what he did was best. We have left the door open for reconciliation, and we are currently in NC by my request. I don't know what the future holds.

 

You might regret what you did later on and want to come back, but it sounds like breaking up is what you have to do now. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I don't envy you. It's just as hard for you as it will be for her.

[Mz_sassy_77]

You sound like your a bit messed up about the whole thing. Its a bit all over the place - you start off to say you love her terribly and she's your best friend and then you say a bit later you dont fully love her???? And how can it be that you feel you are making a stupid decision but making the right choice???? And you also say you dont share the same interests, but you support each other in them - isnt that a good thing, that you do have different interests but support each other in that. You just sound a bit confused - lol. that should be your profile name i think.

 

So you want to end it cos your not head over heels for her anymore and down the track you might have issues? down the track we might all have issue - who knows whats gonna happen. Some of the happiest couples ive known have been together for 10 years and then one day, done...you cant know whats going to happen down the track.

 

Maybe your just one of those guys that gets bored. After the initial excitement of the relationship wears off (and it always does) and things fall into the daily humdrum you just dont like it anymore???? Is this your first long term relationship? Whats happened with your other relationships? Have you ended them for similar reasons?

 

Or you might be one of those guys that finds something he doesnt like and focuses only on those things - so you can use it as an out. I have found in all my relationships there have been things that i liked about them and things i didnt like so much about them. If you focus on what you love that will grow. If you focus on what you dont like that will consume the relationships and poison it and then yeh, it wont work - in that case id say its probably better to leave, cos you will never be happy with her, or anyone else probably, and that's just not fair to her.

 

Are you a grass is greener kind of guy?

 

Maybe you should think about it a bit more before you pull the plug. Just saying that real love is pretty hard to find in this world. Its a precious thing. You dont just find someone who cares about you around the corner.

 

We are taught from movies and songs that there is this one special person out there for us and we will meet them, fall in love, and be happy forever - (billions of people in the world, so I hope that's not the case, cos im gonna have issues finding him) But it just dont work that way. Relationships change over time. And if two people really love each other they change with them.

 

Your expectations seem very, very high. I feel kind of sorry for her - I was with a guy once who expected so much and I just spent most of the relationship trying to live up to his expectations, which I could never have done. And no one else has since either.

 

The main thing i would worry about is that is sounds like your a bit all over the place right now - that you may do this and probably regret it. And then it might be too late - just from my own experience.

[BC1980]

We're both early 30s. Finding time apart has been a struggle, as we live together. We're rarely apart for extended periods of time. One of the key elements in this is my increasing desire to live alone.

 

We have talked about our issues and I've expressed my doubts about the long-term success of our relationship. Some of the issues are pretty significant, for example, she absolutely does not want children and I eventually do. We've ignored things like this for a while because it seems so far in the future, but at some point, it factors into what we are doing now.

 

Mostly though, I just don't care as much about her interests and she doesn't care about mine. We make efforts both ways to show support and listen, but that's all it is: for show.

 

This is hard, but you can't ignore how you feel. If you have these feelings, something is wrong. As much as I was mad at my ex at first, it really isn't fair for either one of us to be together if he isn't 100% sure. I just wanted so badly for him to be the one. But wanting something doesn't make it so. That is definitely a life lesson for all of us to take away from breakups and many other instances besides breakups.

 

I know some people are saying to try to work on it with her, but, honestly, I think it ends up worse when you try for something so hard, and your heart isn't in it. Sometimes, you just need space and time with NC to sort through things. Space and NC are the best things you can do IMO.

 

Be prepared for both of you to run the gamut of emotions for the first few months. This inevitable emotional turmoil is the biggest reason for NC. For the dumper or the dumpee, your ex CANNOT help you through what it to come. You must go it alone and hopefully you have friends and family to rely on in the dark times. Mostly though, it will be a solitary process of sorting out your feelings.

[BC1980]

You sound like your a bit messed up about the whole thing. Its a bit all over the place - you start off to say you love her terribly and she's your best friend and then you say a bit later you dont fully love her???? And how can it be that you feel you are making a stupid decision but making the right choice???? And you also say you dont share the same interests, but you support each other in them - isnt that a good thing, that you do have different interests but support each other in that. You just sound a bit confused - lol. that should be your profile name i think.

 

So you want to end it cos your not head over heels for her anymore and down the track you might have issues? down the track we might all have issue - who knows whats gonna happen. Some of the happiest couples ive known have been together for 10 years and then one day, done...you cant know whats going to happen down the track.

 

Maybe your just one of those guys that gets bored. After the initial excitement of the relationship wears off (and it always does) and things fall into the daily humdrum you just dont like it anymore???? Is this your first long term relationship? Whats happened with your other relationships? Have you ended them for similar reasons?

 

Or you might be one of those guys that finds something he doesnt like and focuses only on those things - so you can use it as an out. I have found in all my relationships there have been things that i liked about them and things i didnt like so much about them. If you focus on what you love that will grow. If you focus on what you dont like that will consume the relationships and poison it and then yeh, it wont work - in that case id say its probably better to leave, cos you will never be happy with her, or anyone else probably, and that's just not fair to her.

 

Are you a grass is greener kind of guy?

 

Maybe you should think about it a bit more before you pull the plug. Just saying that real love is pretty hard to find in this world. Its a precious thing. You dont just find someone who cares about you around the corner.

 

We are taught from movies and songs that there is this one special person out there for us and we will meet them, fall in love, and be happy forever - (billions of people in the world, so I hope that's not the case, cos im gonna have issues finding him) But it just dont work that way. Relationships change over time. And if two people really love each other they change with them.

 

Your expectations seem very, very high. I feel kind of sorry for her - I was with a guy once who expected so much and I just spent most of the relationship trying to live up to his expectations, which I could never have done. And no one else has since either.

 

The main thing i would worry about is that is sounds like your a bit all over the place right now - that you may do this and probably regret it. And then it might be too late - just from my own experience.

 

This was my ex to a tee. He loved me but couldn't be with me. He missed me but wasn't ready to get back together. He wanted it to work so badly, but it just wasn't working. I have never felt that way, so I can't relate.

 

However, this guy is obviously torn. I think he is coming from a good place. His gut is telling him something is off, so he has to listen to it.

 

The only remedy here is space and NC.

[Mz_sassy_77]

I've never been in this situation either. It sounds very confusing and complicated.

 

I guess I always thought it was a bit more black and white - you love someone so you want to be with them and you'd work it out. If you don't love them and don't miss them when their gone then you shouldnt be with them.

 

Maybe OP actually doesn't love her and he just doesn't want to say it.

Maybe he's being selfish in that he doesn't want to be with her but deep down he doesn't want her to be with anyone else..

 

I'd have to agree...space and no contact sounds best here, for both.

[emi]

Nobody knows whether it will work out when they start dating, that's the whole point - you get to know someone intimately and sometimes its perfect and other times it just doesn't pan out. If you're approaching every new relationship with a pre-formed commitment, then good luck to you. I think you're setting yourself up for failure with that attitude.

 

Even though she is going to be heartbroken, I do not believe she will feel that she wasted her time with me. We've got some great memories together. I don't believe she will regret the past.

 

 

 

Its simple actually. Be friend first, get to know the person. Then work your way up when you got the strong foundation. I think when you get to know your partner well, you can know it by yourself that whether if you wanna stay with him/her throught thick and thin

 

Maybe im young and naive, but i think its better to go slow and strong than dating for few years and someone bail out then left another fall flat on the ground.

 

Just my opinion

And most importantly you already made up your mind, so there is nothing for me to input

[Pure Life]

I wish they would have stayed and worked out problems and stopped asking me to mind read. I've never had a guy say he didnt like me, didn't care, or wasn't in love with me when he left..

 

Really, it boiled down to COMMUNICATION!

 

Let's be real though. The only reason you are still with her is because you haven't found a replacement. If you already had another girl lined up you wouldnt be here.

 

I tell you what though. My ex of 3 years left me for a rebound then came right back (I rejected him). Turns out the grass wasn't greener. He's in a ltr right now and having some of the same problems with her as with me.

 

A lot of people get stuck in a repetition compulsion. They have the same problems over and over and over again. It's easy to forget that everyone is 1/2 the problem, it's a lot easier to blame our partner for the failing relationships esp when we imagine everything will be better without them.

 

Did you lose the spark? What specifically do you feel is the problem? How do your goals differ and have you discussed it with her?

 

It's never a good thing to describe an intimate partner as best friend, from what I've seen.

 

BINGO on the bold part. That's exactly how mine went down. Thinking back I could tell he was checking out but instead of having the balls to do it the right way and just end it with me, he waited until he found another girl to replace me. Such a jerk move.

[GuyIncognito]

I've never been in this situation either. It sounds very confusing and complicated.

 

I guess I always thought it was a bit more black and white - you love someone so you want to be with them and you'd work it out. If you don't love them and don't miss them when their gone then you shouldnt be with them.

 

Maybe OP actually doesn't love her and he just doesn't want to say it.

Maybe he's being selfish in that he doesn't want to be with her but deep down he doesn't want her to be with anyone else..

 

I'd have to agree...space and no contact sounds best here, for both.

 

I think the trickiest part to discussing these things in this forum is that the word "love" means so many different things. I love my mother, my brother, my friends, my co-workers, even most strangers - all in different ways. Even within one relationship, the meaning of love is constantly changing. But I think sometimes it just gets off track or stalls. I feel like that is the case here.

 

I loved her in one way when we first met, in another when we started dating, in another when we became intimate, in another when we became committed, in another when we moved in together, in another now.

 

But I don't feel like I properly appreciate her anymore and contrary to your assumptions, I would rather she was with someone else if they loved and appreciated her more than I currently feel capable. I'm not pretending to be altruistic about it, but I do truly want her to be happy and feel 100% loved and adored. That is missing from me right now and I don't like I can provide that at this point in my life. That's why I want to go it alone and either rekindle down the road when I have my head on straight or otherwise let her find the right guy.

 

She's very much in love with me now, but I think that is at least partially because she sells herself short and doesn't believe it could be better for her (or for us both).

[Mz_sassy_77]

.

 

But I don't feel like I properly appreciate her anymore and contrary to your assumptions, I would rather she was with someone else if they loved and appreciated her more than I currently feel capable. I'm not pretending to be altruistic about it, but I do truly want her to be happy and feel 100% loved and adored. That is missing from me right now and I don't like I can provide that at this point in my life. That's why I want to go it alone and either rekindle down the road when I have my head on straight or otherwise let her find the right guy.

 

She's very much in love with me now, but I think that is at least partially because she sells herself short and doesn't believe it could be better for her (or for us both).

 

 

If you don't love her then you probably shouldn't feel as guilty about it as you seem to. You cant help who you love, or who you don't love in your case.

 

What's going on with your head confused?

 

So did you end it? How did she take it? If you haven't ended it already then maybe she will be ok with it. You've said you have lots of issues with the relationship and have talked about them before. Maybe she feels the same way and will see that its a good thing...

[hotpotato]

We're both early 30s. Finding time apart has been a struggle, as we live together. We're rarely apart for extended periods of time. One of the key elements in this is my increasing desire to live alone.

 

We have talked about our issues and I've expressed my doubts about the long-term success of our relationship. Some of the issues are pretty significant, for example, she absolutely does not want children and I eventually do. We've ignored things like this for a while because it seems so far in the future, but at some point, it factors into what we are doing now.

 

Mostly though, I just don't care as much about her interests and she doesn't care about mine. We make efforts both ways to show support and listen, but that's all it is: for show.

 

I think next time you live with someone you may have to get some hobbies or a man cave!

 

Did she say she didn't want kids. Maybe there's a reason.

 

You two must have had something in common to be attracted to and to be together this long.

[hotpotato]

Not true at all. In fact, I plan to live alone, de-socialize, cut out some distractions (netflix, for example), and focus intently on my music and creative projects.

 

 

 

Yes, we've discussed our differences (big and small, including having children, getting married, differing diets, living abroad, etc) and always have agreed to push through them because we really care about each other, but at this point, I fear we are reaching so far across the gap that we've compromised ourselves as individuals.

 

 

 

Perhaps. On one hand, it seems that should be what people strive for, but I can kind of see how that might be a bad thing. At this point, it just feels like we are good friends and roommates who are forcing themselves into a higher level of intimacy.

 

You may say you want to be alone, but that's not how it happens most of the time in this situation. It's difficult to go from being in a relationship to suddenly not being in a relationship. Most of the time people wait for their lifeboat/rebound than to be single all of a sudden. The only dumpers I see in here upset and having doubts are the ones who dont already have something lined up. If you already had someone you'd be honeymoonin with them not upset and torn about your gf.

 

Being best friends a lot of the time the passion is gone. It's like being in an "i love you but i'm not in love with you' situation.

[hurts2death]

please explain me this....aint it normal after years to become friends too. ok not be like 0 in love but not much... thats why they break up i believe and it comes down to ethics .. the brain needs again these honeymoon chemicals to get high but that is just temprary and the more you do it the less you enjoy it ..

 

correct?

You may say you want to be alone, but that's not how it happens most of the time in this situation. It's difficult to go from being in a relationship to suddenly not being in a relationship. Most of the time people wait for their lifeboat/rebound than to be single all of a sudden. The only dumpers I see in here upset and having doubts are the ones who dont already have something lined up. If you already had someone you'd be honeymoonin with them not upset and torn about your gf.

 

Being best friends a lot of the time the passion is gone. It's like being in an "i love you but i'm not in love with you' situation.

[GuyIncognito]

You may say you want to be alone, but that's not how it happens most of the time in this situation. It's difficult to go from being in a relationship to suddenly not being in a relationship. Most of the time people wait for their lifeboat/rebound than to be single all of a sudden. The only dumpers I see in here upset and having doubts are the ones who dont already have something lined up. If you already had someone you'd be honeymoonin with them not upset and torn about your gf.

 

Again, not true. You look at everything on here with the same tiny perspective. Everyone's story fits snuggly into your little view of the world. Everyone who has ever split up with someone is just completely heartless and uses people, right?

 

I'm a solitary person at heart and won't have any issues going it alone for a while. Not everyone is co-dependent, you know. I don't need to have someone "lined up" because I'm not afraid of being alone. And I would never have someone "lined up" because I don't treat people like they are a commodity for me to use and schedule. I do hope I meet someone eventually, but I'm not waiting around for that or concerned with when it will happen. I'm just finally at a place where I understand and can articulate what is missing between us and why I'm not sure we're the best match for each other.

[GuyIncognito]

I think next time you live with someone you may have to get some hobbies or a man cave!

 

Did she say she didn't want kids. Maybe there's a reason.

 

You two must have had something in common to be attracted to and to be together this long.

 

I have some space and I have hobbies. Part of my desire to leave is to focus more intently on those hobbies.

 

She has said many times she simply has no interest in having children. Just does not appeal to her at all.

 

We do have some things in common. We both like to travel, for one. And we have a good time when we do, but we can't just travel all the time. With other things, its usually one person just trying to be supportive of the other's interest, but usually half-heartedly. It just seems like we'd be better off if we found someone who shares the same passions instead of always trying to make ourselves interested in things we wouldn't be if we weren't together.

[GuyIncognito]

If you don't love her then you probably shouldn't feel as guilty about it as you seem to. You cant help who you love, or who you don't love in your case.

 

What's going on with your head confused?

 

So did you end it? How did she take it? If you haven't ended it already then maybe she will be ok with it. You've said you have lots of issues with the relationship and have talked about them before. Maybe she feels the same way and will see that its a good thing...

 

I am confused. Aren't we all? Isn't that why people come here? Seeking answers and trying to understand what to do and what things mean?

 

Posting this, reading through threads and writing some responses has helped me better understand why I feel the way I do and what to make of these conflicted emotions. It has reassured some things I've doubted and made me doubt some things I was certain about.

 

We haven't talked yet. Some things came up this weekend - good things for her - and I'm not going to crap all over that. It can wait one more day.

 

I feel guilt because I do care about her and don't want to see her in pain. Though I believe we will both be better off eventually, I know she won't see that at first and will be very hurt. How can I not feel guilt about hurting someone I care about? You'll say "but if you care then you wouldn't break up", but caring is not the same as really, really adoring someone. She deserves to be adored and I do not feel I can provide that. Doesn't mean I don't care.

[Mz_sassy_77]

I have some space and I have hobbies. Part of my desire to leave is to focus more intently on those hobbies.

 

She has said many times she simply has no interest in having children. Just does not appeal to her at all.

 

We do have some things in common. We both like to travel, for one. And we have a good time when we do, but we can't just travel all the time. With other things, its usually one person just trying to be supportive of the other's interest, but usually half-heartedly. It just seems like we'd be better off if we found someone who shares the same passions instead of always trying to make ourselves interested in things we wouldn't be if we weren't together.

 

I am wondering about the interests issues? From what you've said It seems to me that if your SO doesn't have the same interests as you then its basically a dealbreaker for the relationship. But wouldn't you of gotten to know pretty early on what her interests are compared to yours??? I guess that was just something you chose to overlook throughout the relationship?? Im not slamming you for this. I just think its interesting that this seems to be one of the major issues for you, and yet its not like you've only known each other a few months. We are talking years here.

At least now you have worked out what you will need from your next relationship to be furfilled and happy though..so that can only be a good thing.

[GuyIncognito]

Yes, it is a lesson learned. This was my first long-term relationship and I guess I thought/hoped these differences wouldn't be as important as they are. In truth, there's been some major doubts along the way and I probably shouldn't have moved in with her, but I thought that having those doubts was just a natural part of a relationship over time. Now I realize I should have paid them more attention and maybe not have done quite so much that didn't really appeal to me - since it then sets up false expectations.

 

Thanks for hearing me out. And thanks to aspiringuitarheroine for understanding! It does help to know I'm not alone or crazy to feel this way.

[BC1980]

Go with your gut. It will be bad, but you are doing the right thing here.

[hotpotato]

Again, not true. You look at everything on here with the same tiny perspective. Everyone's story fits snuggly into your little view of the world. Everyone who has ever split up with someone is just completely heartless and uses people, right?

 

I'm a solitary person at heart and won't have any issues going it alone for a while. Not everyone is co-dependent, you know. I don't need to have someone "lined up" because I'm not afraid of being alone. And I would never have someone "lined up" because I don't treat people like they are a commodity for me to use and schedule. I do hope I meet someone eventually, but I'm not waiting around for that or concerned with when it will happen. I'm just finally at a place where I understand and can articulate what is missing between us and why I'm not sure we're the best match for each other.

 

I will say that a lot of people in general have communication problems, fall into a dip, or what not. I'm not sure if Id call every dumper a user.

 

Aint nothing here based on just my perspective...There are psychological things that happen like displacement.

 

Fact-most of the time dumpers have someone lined up or on the prowl. It's hard to be alone after being paired up. You're just taking it for granted right now, it doesn't matter how solitary you are.

 

I never called you codependent.

 

I dont know why you are here, really. I think you've made up your mind. You are going to leave, but you want use to assuage you and tell you everything will be OK. This is normally what the gf replacement would do.

Edited September 15, 2013 by hotpotato

[Joebloggs91]

Am currently going through the same with my now Ex girlfriend - trust me it is hard. I'm an honest, genuine and caring guy, despite what all of her family and her now think. She had been very poorly for almost a year which made me pratically a carer as apposed to a boyfriend.

 

The relationship came out of the honeymoon period and thats when I started to realise she wasn't the girl I would want to spend the rest of my life with, despite all of the good times, and the fact she was my best friend, I knew it wasn't right. Illness aside, there were some fundemental floors in our relationship that we hid from each other and chose not to discuss.

 

You have to think of yourself in these situations, sure I wake up in the morning and miss her, same for when I go to bed or when I watch a film I wish she was there. But if your gut is telling you this isn't right then you need to listen to it. Think what it will be like if you have a house together, kids, married etc. Seems selfish but you are doing what is right in the long run.

 

The current feelings I get other than guilt is jealousy with imagining her with another guy. Really eats me up inside with the thought. But that is to be expected I guess. This will kill you for a while, no denying that but you need to think of yourself.