Lefted Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 This year has been so painful. My husband of whom I have known for 15 years, and married for 6 years basically told me he is not happy with himself and therefore cannot make us happy. Our intimacy went to zelch as he said he felt no desire for me, nor anyone else. During the 7 months, we've been trying to work on us by going to a therapist, "dating" but it remains the same. We are living like roommates or best friends. He keeps saying he is not happy with himself and hinted that maybe him being by himself would help. I've cried, pleaded, begged and screamed all this time with him. why? why are you doing this to us? to me? How could someone who had loved, who claims they still love you ..do this to you? cut you right in half and discards you like yesterday's trash? After another month of us "trying" but still living like roommates..I finally gave in and agreed that a separation might help. But I dont know if i made the right one. I just don't know anymore. some of my friends are saying it's a good thing, that you can move on. because through these months, i felt like i was in limbo with him, with us. not going forward, backwards...going no where. But i am so scared, i am so scared that ..he will be happy with someone else. that, that i was the problem, that i am the damaged person here, that somehow it was always my fault. I have some ok moments and then i have these moments where if i think about it, it literally takes my breath away..like someone smashed me in the face and chest with a bag of bricks. i wake up at night, with me next to him..thinking oh everything is ok, we love each other, we are on our way to creating a family....and then reality hits..no he doesn't want you, he can't tell you why, he wants space..or out....you're too damaged..and it hits me. it hits me so hard that ..that i sometimes just want to float away..not live in this nightmare. I just need to know if anyone out there is like this? feel like this? why can't i pick myself up? why can't i stop hurting so goddamn much? i keep wanting to cry every half an hour at work..when i think about it. How can i GO ON? How can I pick myself up? Please help.....
Mr. Lucky Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Some aspects of your story suggest he might be emotionally or physically involved with someone else. Have you ruled out that possibility? Mr. Lucky
Tom amoss Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Hi All the feeling you are going through are very very normal, and I know it hurts like hell on earth. But try not to panic about those feelings. They are there because of love, and your love would not mean anything if you didn’t feel them. I don’t know what you do about your situation, there are others on here more wise than me, but the feeling you have WILL reduce overtime. So just to give you a little hope, I was married for 24years and my wife left me 6 months ago. I had no idea there was a problem, and it floored me. I went through all of those feeling you describe, and was very close to doing something silly. 6 months on, I no longer feel so hurt and can lead a fairly normal life. It’s not easy, but it’s OK for the most part. BUT YOU MOST KNOW YOU WILL BE OK. You will get though this, I promise you, as other promised me 6months ago. You have come to the right place, so post lots, and get the help you need to get though. Talk to as many people as you can, and talk talk talk about how you feel. If you have friend, family, neighbours now is the time to use them. Cry when you feel like it, don’t stop them. But trust me, you will not feel like this for ever, whatever happens with your husband, you will be OK. Tom
RightThere Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. One minute you think that maybe things are on the right track and will work out, and the next minute to realize that they are drifting further away from you and things are worse, not better. As for your own feelings, yeah, they are hard. I constantly have a huge sinking feeling in my guts. I can't eat some days, I can't sleep some nights, my mind races between memories of what was great and how come they thing everything is so wrong. I am living it right now. The only thing I try to do is focus on each day and not anything else. I get up, go to work, try to eat, do some activities, go to bed, and start again the next day. I'm just hanging onto hope that as I do this, the bad thoughts and bad moments will become less and less each day.
Moniq Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Been there, doing that!! I just got asked for a DIVORCE being only 3 months separated. It hurts like hell but YOU have to be strong. The person who is being dumped is always the one who starts doubting themselves. I know what I did wrong in the relationship and im going to fix it, but not for him but for me. I would have anxiety attacks when ever I would go out in public. I know how it feels not to be able to breathe and the strong pain in the gut that feel like you've been punched. Its weird how emotional pain can also bring physical pain. I know that there is no fixing my relationship and not because of me, but my husband does not want to be with me. He is willing to be 12 hours away from his kids than be with me. That hurts me. Keep your head up and I hope you feel better soon.
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