USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Hello everybody, I just joined this great forum because I am torn between two guys I guess. I met both of them through POF. Both of them are very handsome and both of them are very respectful, polite, caring and sweet. Both of them are in the military and stationed at the same post 1 1/2 hrs away from me. Me: I am 34 years old and a single mom of three kids which both guys absolutely seem to have no problem with at all. Guy 1, 34 years old: We have been on 3 dates so far. He said that he likes me a lot and every time we are together it feels like he does. He is very attentive and all that. We can only see each other on the weekends because of his work schedule. During the week he texts most days and then mostly a 'good morning, have a great day' and a 'good night'. We talk on the phone every few days for like 15 minutes tops. He says that he wants to take it slow and has been making his own plans going out with friends and stuff. And never let's me know until last minute whether he can see me that day or not. So that is why I went back on POF and that's when I met: Guy 2, 24 years old: We started talking this past weekend on POF and then over the phone a day later where that first phone call lasted 5 hours, the next day 4 hours and so on and we keep texting each other throughout the day. His work schedule is way crazier than guy 1's but he has made time for me and even sneaks into the bathroom at work last night just to call and tell me 'goodnight' for just a few seconds. It felt as if we had crazy chemistry right of the bat. We have almost everything in common we have talked about so far and he has said that we seem to be right for each other and that I do seem perfect for him. He clearly states that he wants to find a woman he can build a family with. But that he wants to move towards anything serious at a steady pace. Last night he worked nights and came to see me (right after getting off at 6am and showering) for our first date for breakfast at a restaurant which is a 5 minute drive for me but 1 1/2 hrs for him. He insisted on coming to me though. We met from 9am until 2pm and he had to be back at work at 6pm. 90 minutes drive away that is. Is guy 1 even seriously interested in me to begin with? And could guy 2 and I really work out in the long run....being that I am TEN years older? His age is really the only thing that worries me because everything else seems so perfect. He does seem very mature but only time will tell I guess.
HappyLove Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I see no reason why you need to decide between the two right now. Hell, why not try for a third runner up? I think as women we hate dating more than one maybe two guys because we're so loyal so early on but in reality you aren't exclusive to either if these guys, the young one while it was a sweet gesture any of these guys could go POOF! Keep your options open and see who's last standing in a few months. You have to especially be careful with men you meet online they will promise you the world to get what they want and disappear just when you thought things were great, so don't make any hasty decisions. As for in the meantime have fun and watch for ACTIONS not words. 1
HappyLove Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 because females do this, i do the same thing. i keep my options open. Things may look up for you if you stop calling women females. But you're absolutely right until you meet the right one why not date women see who fits what you're looking for.
heartshaped Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 My honest opinion? I don't think either of these guys are long term material. Guy 1 isn't reliable and either he has someone else in his life or just isn't that interested in you. Guy 2 is far too young. I don't see a problem with seeing them both though I wouldn't introduce them into your children's lives. 1
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Well that's the thing....I do not want to date both of them at the same time. I think that you should always only focus on one guy at a time and I feel bad enough as it is for liking two at the same time....I really liked guy 1 until guy 2 came into play and to be honest while I was waiting for replies I kind of realized that guy 2 probably has a lot more to offer me because his actions do show that he really likes me and of course I am extremely careful when it comes to my kids....I only see/date/meet men while they are either at school or with their Dad, I would never bring any man around my kids until I am very sure that it is something real. I will be very careful though and try not to allow myself to feel too much for a while if that will even work,lol.
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Yes, I have my doubts about this huge age gap as well but I was so hoping to get encouraging words about this,lol. I am realizing that I really, really like guy 2. Because no matter what or when he always stays in touch which shows me that he does care. He shows genuine interest about who I am and guy 2 likes to talk about himself a lot,lol. Does nobody here have experience or know someone where it all worked out for an older woman with a younger partner? And again, my kids have and will ALWAYS come fist
HappyLove Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Yes, I have my doubts about this huge age gap as well but I was so hoping to get encouraging words about this,lol. I am realizing that I really, really like guy 2. Because no matter what or when he always stays in touch which shows me that he does care. He shows genuine interest about who I am and guy 2 likes to talk about himself a lot,lol. Does nobody here have experience or know someone where it all worked out for an older woman with a younger partner? And again, my kids have and will ALWAYS come fist Of course it can work out but be realistic here, you JUST met this guy this past weekend! Don't put all your eggs in one basket when you really don't know these people. ESPECIALLY when OLDing!!!
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Oh and another thing I want to mention is that right from the start guy 2 seemed so into me, we even talked about that we could possibly be meant to be because we really do have so much in common and the same views on stuff. I told him that if something sounds too good to be true it usually is and he just told me that he thinks that I am the one for him and that he is the one for me. I know the OLD, I know some guys will tell you any- and everything so I am very cautious about all this. But he just sounds and seems like a very genuine and sweet and caring guy.
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 @Happy Love: of course, I am not new to OLD and I have heard and seen it all,lol. I will remain careful but to be honest I have never really met anyone that had THAT much in common with me. Time will tell I guess....
Faith13/2 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Age is not the issue here, as I'm sure you've heard it's just a number.. lol I agree with the above statement that neither of these guys may be right for you, but you have just met guy number 2 so as you said only time will tell. In my opinion from what you're posting you seem much more interested in guy number 2, and I think if you want to pick between the two guys number 2 would be the choice. Guy number 1 seems to busy and not as interested as a woman with children would like to see. You can always keep your options open, but I do understand wanting to stay focused on just one guy. I say spend your time with guy number 2, even if it just turns out to be good company in the end.
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 @Faith: And why do you think that guy 2 might not be right for me?
soccerrprp Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Me: I am 34 years old and a single mom of three kids which both guys absolutely seem to have no problem with at all. Really? They have absolutely no problems with dating a woman who is single AND has THREE children? How old are the children may I ask? You've either hit the mother-lode of sensitive, understanding guys or something else....unfortunately, I am skeptical of younger single guys who have no children of their own having no problems with dating a woman who has one, let alone three. I hope one of them works out, but neither sound great. The first guy seems less interested and the 2nd is 24 years old. Is the 24 ready for a relationship with a woman with 3 kids?! Man, I wish I could be confident...
Faith13/2 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 @Faith: And why do you think that guy 2 might not be right for me? I ONLY say that because you haven't been speaking to him for too long, but I of course can't be sure, only you know who's right for you.
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 @soccerrprp: I absolutely get what all of you are saying and if this was not me I would totally advice that the age gap is too big....and the whole thing about him never had any kids and still so young. But unfortunately this is not that easy because I really like him. I am realizing this now as we speak because I keep 'protecting' him from all the negative advice,lol. This sucks....
Faith13/2 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Really? They have absolutely no problems with dating a woman who is single AND has THREE children? How old are the children may I ask? You've either hit the mother-lode of sensitive, understanding guys or something else....unfortunately, I am skeptical of younger single guys who have no children of their own having no problems with dating a woman who has one, let alone three. I hope one of them works out, but neither sound great. The first guy seems less interested and the 2nd is 24 years old. Is the 24 ready for a relationship with a woman with 3 kids?! Man, I wish I could be confident... My Fiance is 21 years old, no kids and I have two children (5yrs&1yr).. so whether that means I've hit "the mother-lode of sensitive, understanding guys or something else" I can't be sure, but I guess maybe so. I think it's very possible to be accepted with having children, the right guy will be able to accept you even with your "baggage."
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 How old are you though, Faith? And btw., my kids are 6,8 and 10. I am so happy for you that you found someone, a real MAN, that loves you and your kids 1
Faith13/2 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 How old are you though, Faith? And btw., my kids are 6,8 and 10. I am so happy for you that you found someone, a real MAN, that loves you and your kids I'm young as well(23), but I did have my fair share of "boys" who just didn't get the gist that my kids come first and foremost.
soccerrprp Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 My Fiance is 21 years old, no kids and I have two children (5yrs&1yr).. so whether that means I've hit "the mother-lode of sensitive, understanding guys or something else" I can't be sure, but I guess maybe so. I think it's very possible to be accepted with having children, the right guy will be able to accept you even with your "baggage." Please, please, I am not saying it can't happen. I'm happy for you. BUT...but, how old are you compared to your fiancé? And yes, provided this guy is completely sane, you hit the mother-lode! 1
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 I guess everything can and will work out if it is meant to be. But I sure do know that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince 1
soccerrprp Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 (edited) I'm currently dating a woman with two children. Both young. But, I also have two young ones of my own, so easier I think. I also preferred single women w/ up to 2 children when dating. Now, of course, I'm open to single w/o. Single guys who step up to take on the young children of their GF's is impressive to me. Not too common though. USHERine, I hope you've kissed your last frog! Edited September 13, 2013 by soccerrprp 1
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 @Soccerrprp: Thanks and I hope so as well,lol. But I am aware of the fact that it will not be very common/likely that a single and very much younger guy will easily adapt to me having three kids. Oh well, in the end my kids will come first and that's all that matters. And I do agree, other single parents/dads will be more understanding and of course it would be much easier for them.
soccerrprp Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 @Soccerrprp: Thanks and I hope so as well,lol. But I am aware of the fact that it will not be very common/likely that a single and very much younger guy will easily adapt to me having three kids. Oh well, in the end my kids will come first and that's all that matters. And I do agree, other single parents/dads will be more understanding and of course it would be much easier for them. I'm sorry. Just looking out for you. Not trying to be cynical and pessimistic.
Faith13/2 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I'm currently dating a woman with two children. Both young. But, I also have two young ones of my own, so easier I think. I also preferred single women w/ up to 2 children when dating. Now, of course, I'm open to single w/o. Single guys who step up to take on the young children of their GF's is impressive to me. Not too common though. You know I was already well aware that it isn't always the easiest thing to come by.. for awhile I thought I'd end up with someone older, with children who was already basically settled down just looking for companionship. Seeing a man say this really just gives me all the more sense of appreciation for my SO, thanks! gave me that extra smile for the night lol
Author USHERine Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 I'm sorry. Just looking out for you. Not trying to be cynical and pessimistic. No no, I totally understand
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