Huge mistake!

[bogeyman422]

Okay this is another long read but i would very much appreciate any advice that someone or anyone can give me.

 

I have been dating the same girl for 5 years. We are only 20 and originally started interacting with one another when when we were 15. We have had a great relationship with only one previous major break up, when during my senior year of highschool i wanted to live young and free so i broke things off with her, that only lasted until i found out she was sleeping with someone else then it drove me so crazy that i chased her until she came back to me. Obviously, i had slept with someone else as well. Anyway after nearly a year of being broken up we rekindle the flame and start getting extremely serious, being best friends like always. However after about another year of dating i started making some really dumb decisons. I was into hanging out with my friends and smoking, i would constantly lie to her about where i was. She works second shift so this was fairly easy. She would call me repetitively at night and send me texts to which i would not always reply. She had nothing against the people that i was with she just hates smoking. Possibly because her dad is a severe alcoholic. Keep in mind that at no point was i interacting with other females or cheating on her. So after about 6 months of lieing one of my friends spills the beans and she freaks out and says shes done because she cant trust me(understandably). So I apologize and tell her how much i am going to change and how i want to be a better person so that we can be together for the rest of our lives. She accepts it and we get back together. I am truly passionate about her and had full intentions of doing so. However, i was only able to toe the line for so long before i started doing this stuff again and lieing to her in even more depth. Needless to say the whole time she is suspicious that i am lieing to her so she seems distanct, she even gives me the oppertunity to tell her several times but i still deny that i am doing anything. Im not sure what part of me made me do this but it was just so hard to tell her because i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and i was afraid of losing her but i still wanted to be young and dumb for just a little longer. Anyway, one night im out late at one of my buddies house and i tell her i am at home in bed, for whatever reason she decides to go by my house and i am not there (i found this out post breakup from her sister). Anyway she starts acting really distant and breaks up with me via text message, refusing to talk to me because she is afraid we will get back together. Since then it has been NC from her. I have written her a letter on two different occasions telling her how much i am sorry and how i want to fix my life so that i can spend forever with her. Finally after 4 weeks of nc i go by her work as she is getting off and she agrees to talk to me. She tells me that she is no longer in love with me but she still loves me, she says she knows i didnt cheat on her but shes tired of my lieing and my life being a mess. shes tired of havign to help me and she wants someone who will make her happy. In one of my letters i admitted everything i had done wrong and i told her again in person. She said "when you are really changed and a good person, then you can call me" but she said she couldnt do it anymore she was tired of being made a fool of. She told me she loved me and kissed me then left and that was the last time i talked to her. Now she will not respond to my countless texts and phone calls. She sent me one text saying "i have moved on". Other than that i havent heard anything. I am ready to change my life and be her everything but i dont know how to convince her im changed, is it too late? Any ideas on how to show her that i want to be with her forever and how much i love her and that im not going to give up? I love her so much yet i have treated her so bad so any advice on how to fix my situation would be greatly appreciated. I would also like to add that i truly have changed i've been keeping up with everything in my life and not telling anymore lies. Please help.

[Philosoraptor]

Right now you need to let this wound clot some and just continue to work on yourself. There are some deeper issues that aren't going to be fixed right away, as she's seen multiple times before that you've said things were going to change and she got the same old lies. What makes you think she'd believe that things are really different? What makes you believe that things won't just revert back to what was happening?

 

If you want to prove anything then mature some and continue to work on your own issues here. Give it some time and really work on you. She is hurting and she isn't going to suddenly trust you, so just keep working on you and don't worry about a reconciliation until you really feel that things are completely corrected.