LinkWorshiper Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 When you guys are together, stop talking about the relationship. You need to take ALL pressure off of her. Just spend time together like you are casually dating. Take your time and see what happens. Be sure to let her take responsibility for the "relationship" too. For example: if I have an interest in a woman and we start dating, I expect her to call me/text me/arrange dates to the same degree I do. She needs to show me she's as interested in me as I am in her. If she doesn't do that, I'm gone. You need to do this with her. You call her to say hi, don't call again until she calls you. If you are going to date others, that's fine. But you don't need to talk about it with her. Stop talking and start doing. I have a question about this in regards to my own situation. After me taking a step back from my ex, he came running back, and has been going hard on communicating with me. We talk every day, we talk about improvements we're making, about things we did wrong in the past, we enjoy each other's company -- he makes sure to tell me so -- and I barely lift a finger to initiate, but I am always engaging with him. Last night he texted to ask if he had ever properly apologized for the way he had been when we were together, and I told him I only wished he'd want to try again now that he was working to improve. He knows I'm interested in fixing it, but I guess I'm trying to figure out how much is too much? I'm trying hard not to seem too desperate or anything and to just be myself. Is this a situation where I just need to ride it out and see where he takes it? I just don't know what to do to get where I want to be with him without being too pushy.
BC1980 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I have a question about this in regards to my own situation. After me taking a step back from my ex, he came running back, and has been going hard on communicating with me. We talk every day, we talk about improvements we're making, about things we did wrong in the past, we enjoy each other's company -- he makes sure to tell me so -- and I barely lift a finger to initiate, but I am always engaging with him. Last night he texted to ask if he had ever properly apologized for the way he had been when we were together, and I told him I only wished he'd want to try again now that he was working to improve. He knows I'm interested in fixing it, but I guess I'm trying to figure out how much is too much? I'm trying hard not to seem too desperate or anything and to just be myself. Is this a situation where I just need to ride it out and see where he takes it? I just don't know what to do to get where I want to be with him without being too pushy. You need to treat him like an option until he treats you like a priority. Until he says he wants to be exclusive and work on it, don't treat him like anything special. Don't allow him to monopolize your emotions or to worry to much about him yet. This is the time to double down on him, not give in. Make him work even harder now that he is talking to you. I know it seems like a risk, and it's difficult when he starts to show interest. But the risk should pay off if he is serious. You'll have your answer one way or the other, and you will be fine no matter how it goes. 2
Author LinkWorshiper Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 You need to treat him like an option until he treats you like a priority. Until he says he wants to be exclusive and work on it, don't treat him like anything special. Don't allow him to monopolize your emotions or to worry to much about him yet. This is the time to double down on him, not give in. Make him work even harder now that he is talking to you. I know it seems like a risk, and it's difficult when he starts to show interest. But the risk should pay off if he is serious. You'll have your answer one way or the other, and you will be fine no matter how it goes. I wish I'd seen this before I started getting all down on myself in the other thread. Even though I think you said the same thing there, too. You're right... he's an option right now, even if in my heart I have chosen him. I like your phrasing of doubling down to make him work, because I've been feeling sad all day thinking like I've come to this place where I'm casting him off because we're not seeing eye to eye or something like that. I get sad because it seemed like things had been going really well. He had been treating me like someone who he felt so comfortable to have around in his life, and that's how I felt with him... and isn't that an important part of loving someone? But if he was willing to work so hard to keep me around as a friend, or even an "option", then he can show me how much effort he really thinks I'm worth. Though part of me kind of wants to take him up on talking it out over lunch, maybe that's something I need to wait on? Ohhhh, this is all just so confusing to me, especially because there are other peopel who are just like SCREW HIM AND BE DONE, and I understand why they say that, but... I dunno, what you have to say makes more sense to me.
Softdrinks8 Posted September 28, 2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Did you guys go NC after the breakup? If yes, how long? Who initiate, the dumper or the dumpee?
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