Artie Lang Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 wow, it seems like you're taking some blame for his first affair. listen, you might've been responsible for 50% of the marital issues, but his affair was 100% his fault. stop blaming yourself for his straying. that being said, you've got to put your foot down this time, stop being a doormat to his philandering. you seem to be able to take care of yourself, so what are you waiting for this around?!
2sunny Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 wow, it seems like you're taking some blame for his first affair. listen, you might've been responsible for 50% of the marital issues, but his affair was 100% his fault. stop blaming yourself for his straying. that being said, you've got to put your foot down this time, stop being a doormat to his philandering. you seem to be able to take care of yourself, so what are you waiting for this around?! I agree. The way you described what info the strangers gave you - it was presented as "he's so cute with his girlfriend"! His cheating is ALL on him - not you. And that betrayal was overlooked the first time - and IF this info is true - that he's heating now - well I can't see a reason to continue signing up for a man to hurt you when he says he loves you. I forgave my exH the first time - the second time I found out (10 years later) I divorced him without needing an explanation from his cheating self. I knew I deserved better than to live with a man who intended to lie and betray me. I hope you can believe you deserve you deserve better than that betrayal - life goes along and you CAN be happy without the heater. In fact, it can be awesome! I was M 20 years - and it's amazing how fun it can be without the worry of a man betraying me.
lost_but_trying Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Coming from the perspective of both a FBS, FWS and an OW, I can tell you that if you have a gut feeling, go with it. As a BS, I triedto lookthe other way and believe that it wasn't happening, but had that feeling in the pit of my stomach and i was right. Never had "evidence" of a physical affair, but found facebook messages that showed that he was confiding in and having drinks with a woman from work. They were even discussing our marriage. He wasn't sleeping with me and he was emotionally involved with her while I was pretty much cut off from his emotions. That was all of teh proof I needed. I confronted him on it, he changed offices, got depressed for a while, but it ended. Then, while he was institutionalized, I had an affair of my own. However, i went about it very differently 0 as soon as I got feelings for this other man, I told H about it and told him our marriage was in trouble and he needed to stepup or I was going to move on. He chose not to step up, I had the affair, told him about it and left him within a couple of months. Othe man was very good at manipulating, pretty sure he had his GF (maight as well have been wife after 20 yrs together) and definately had me sucked in and believing his Bull ****. I listened to my guy feeling about what was really happening with his GF and had the chance to confess to her when I met her at a fair, but chose not to. I sometimes wonder if I should have done what happened to you and found a way to let her know since she has a right to, but decided that just getting the hell out of the affair and leaving their relationship to them to fix was a better idea. So, I guess what you have to figure out is this: Are you glad that you know or would you have rather been left in the dark,trying to save a marriage that was based on a lie? If you are okay being in the dark about it, turn a blind eye, don't confront him and stop complaining and expect itto happen again. If you are glad you know, screw the proof and listen to your intuition and do what you have to do to get this man out of your life because it WILL happen again and you will be hearing about a 3rd woman in the next year, I guarantee it. Good luck with whatever you choose.
doubled Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 In my opinion you should not accuse without proof. The comments by this customer sound very suspicious. They purposely had that conversation with you for a reason. You now need to find out what that reason was. Either A-she is the ow and wants you to know about it or B- she is a bitter fow who wants you to know to ruin your marriage to either get back with or at your H. I would investigate before saying a word. Good luck
peaksandvalleys Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 You're right 2Sunny. Don't look unless you want to know. Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer. I hope that's not the case. OP if you "truly" want the answers then you must dig. IF not then what 2sure says is right.
harrybrown Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Sorry you are going through this experience. Betrayed once is horrible. If it is happening again, I could not put up with that. If you can't find out, hire a PI.
Ebelskiver Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Speak to a qualified divorce attorney. After 20+ years of marriage I would not expect that your quality of life will suffer much. You helped him build his businesses, as an employee and as the mother of his children. The law recognizes that you cannot pursue your own education/career if you are engaged full time in child rearing. Also, the law generally gives 50% of assets aquired during the marriage to both partners. He probably is carrying on the affair because it is preferable to losing what he erroneously thinks of as "his". After my first marriage ended I had to pay palimony for a period of time. I thought this was more than fair as my husband had payed for my education and living expenses while I was in school. Anyway, at least speaking to an attorney will let you know your options. I would speak to one BEFORE confronting him. I would also hire a PI to get you the absolute proof you need....it may help you in the divorce settlement if that's the route you decide to go. I know this is hurtful and terrifying. Try to look at this as the beginning of a new, more authentic, honest version of your life. Good luck.
Oberfeldwebel Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 But last week, while I was at work a woman and a man came by my store, which is near his. She asked me if the store across from me was a chain and the same one as at a different location. She was talking about my husbands store. I said yes, she then turned to her boyfriend and said "OMG, the guy who owns that store is so nice and so is his girlfriend! They're so cute always sneaking kisses in the parking lot." HOLY ****!!! I asked her how she knew him and she said she was a frequent customer at his other location and that she's also a customer of his girlfriends who owns a store there! She sensed that I was getting frustrated and just walked away looking nervous. This story makes no sense, why would you go across the street to ask about a competitors store? This sounds very contrived to me. However, that doesn't mean that there isn't some fire under all that smoke. Buy a VAR and put it in his car to see if you can find some information. It may not be admissible in court, but it doesn't have to be for you to find a little truth.
shayla Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 There is no point in getting proof of his cheating if you are going to stay with him anyway. So what, you have proof. He knows you aren't going anywhere, so stay right there and live with your choice.
Author iStayed Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 This story makes no sense, why would you go across the street to ask about a competitors store? This sounds very contrived to me. However, that doesn't mean that there isn't some fire under all that smoke. Buy a VAR and put it in his car to see if you can find some information. It may not be admissible in court, but it doesn't have to be for you to find a little truth. Well, it's not a competitors store. We both have food stores, he sells specialty drinks and I sell desserts, so when they were buying from me, they noticed that I had one of his drinks on my counter. He uses teh same specific cups both places and his stand is across from mine. This is how the conversation came up.
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