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is this a normal feeling


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Posted

if you have read my previous post my bf of 5 years left me for someone else it has been almost two months since the break up and the past week i've been feeling nothing but guilt i feel like it was my fault. Maybe if i would of paid attention to his needs that maybe he wouldn't of have left maybe if i wasn't always so depressed and lay'ed and moped around all day he wouldn't of have taken interest in someone else maybe if i didn't pick a fight with him about stupid thing ,things wouldn't of gone this way. i didnt have a job and so my son and i were dependent on him. His mother said that i wasn't women enough. that i didn't take care of myself and i should of acted more like a wife to him. and honestly im starting to believe it. im scared that he will realize that too and realize that he made a good choice by leaving me. i dont know if this is a normal feeling or if its the depression. but i cant stop the crying and i beat myself up for it so much. will the guilt ever go away?

Posted

your poor thing.

i'm not a mom

and i kinda know what it feels to be scolded by not being a woman enough, not taking care enough of yourself and your image.

i had to break off a 4year relationship because he wouldn't just admit i'm not what he wants.. it's almost as if he was waiting for me to screw up for real or to loose my patience and end it myself.

being told you're not good enough on s many levels is actually a way of excusing themselves for being too picky.

my heart raced when i heard he found a girl he likes.

i think my heart broke when i saw how pretty she was.

and i think i really feel for him because he lost her for someone else.

darling, you're a good girl. you need to stop being depressed for your own sake, not his.

weather or not he comes back, that's not the main issue.

you need to appreciate yourself for who you are.

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Posted

Don't beat yourself too much or take all of the blame. It takes 2 people to make a RS work and also to make one fail. Take responsibility for your roll in the event, learn from it so you won't repeat, then leave the rest in the past.

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Posted

It's normal to feel guilty. My first bf of 8 months left me more than a month ago and for a period of time I felt guilty too. That I was too uptight, got stressed easily, read into things too much. and possibly that time I talked to him about how I feel neglected when he plays with his phone when we were hanging out together which probably made him think I am controlling. I couldn't stop thinking about what if I didn't do all these things and be a better gf then he wouldn't have left me, and I got a bit depressed. But then I learned from my mistakes and started to improve myself and be a better person so next time when I am dating again I won't make the same mistake again. And also I realized it may just mean we aren't that compatible enough to stay as a couple.

In the end I stop hating myself, try to look forward, learn from my mistakes and move on. I started talking to my ex again, and no hard feelings.

I know it's hard but you will go through it! stay strong :)

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Posted
And also I realized it may just mean we aren't that compatible enough to stay as a couple.

Congratulations! You have advanced in your stage of grieving...

 

It does get easier from here, trust me.

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