Infusion Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 Recently my girlfriend has been staying up late (or not getting sleep at all). She tells me that she doesn't know why. To get an idea of her sleeping habits these days, imagine going to bed at 6 in the morning and then waking up at 3 30 in the afternoon... Again it seems like she's doing something foolish again. Her "excuse" for not sleeping was "I am not tired, so I am not going to sleep yet". But anyhow, during these late nights she has been signing up at various online dating/friendship sites and talking to alot of different people (which I am aware of because she told me). Whenever we talk on the computer or phone now, she'll be half focusing on me and half talking to some guy online. This of course bothered me alot and I told her that I didn't feel the least bit happy about it. (She seems to mention to me that the guys she talk to are hot). After I told her about how I felt, she said it's just that she's bored and wants to talk to people. I am not saying that I don't trust her, but knowing her I feel that somehow all this talking with "hot guys" will only come in the way of our relationship, whether I like it or not. Am I being oversensitive as to what's happening? What should I do? Thanks
moimeme Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 If her online activities are interfering with her life, she's becoming an addict. Try discussing this with her.
ps123 Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 Originally posted by Infusion Am I being oversensitive as to what's happening? What should I do? No youre not being overly sensitive. In fact, I think what shes doing is complete bulls**t. Staying up all night and going to dating sites and chatting with men who she then tells you are hot!? First of all, people usually dont go to dating sites to chat. They go to chatrooms for that. People usually go to dating sites to meet people for dating. The fact that shes doing this stuff while talking to you on the phone and telling you how hot all these guys are is completely disrespectful and insensitive to you. Im not sure if shes trying to make you jealous or what. And her excuse about not being tired is crap too. Shes staying up all night because she wants to. If she does this long enough, it will eventually get to the point that shes truely not tired because her internal clock is going to get all screwed up and shell start to think bedtime is 6am. If I were dating someone and I told her what your gf told you, I would sure as hell expect her to get pretty pissed at me, or at least tell me it wasnt cool. How long have you been dating? Im not sure what to tell you to do from here, but yes, it would bother me also and I dont think what shes doing is right. I dont know, maybe a womans point of view here would help, but it sounds bad to me. Sorry, if I went off a bit here, but this story really made me mad because Ive been in similar situations myself and I know how it feels. Good luck.
UCFKevin Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 Ahhh.....this isn't good. It almost sounds like she's making all the moves for the relationship to end but doesn't want to be the one to do it. I mean, she's basically flaunting it in your face that she's talking to hot dudes online when she's talking to you too. THAT'S f*cked up. Do not for one second think that this is probably nothing. Go with your gut. Something's amiss.
Author Infusion Posted November 21, 2004 Author Posted November 21, 2004 I've been going out with her for probably almost 2 years now, at first she wasnt very serious about the relationship i think, but as time went on she was a lot better and it showed. Last night i sort of brought up the topic again and she told me that she wasn't the one who looked for those guys to talk to, as they all came to her. But eitehr way, i don't think it's right either. She tells me that even though they're hot, they're not that bright and that no one compares to me. Those were all very reassuring words that she said, but I just don't feel the least bit reassured about anything. She said she slept at 6 last night again and woke up at 2. I told her I was really worried and then she said she'll try to get back her normal sleeping habits next week. It's frustrating telling her this time and again, she doesnt seem to listen (or maybe it's insomnia?) I really have no idea.
Neddog Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 I agree with Kevin. She's definitely making moves to end the relationship, but is probably holding onto you out of fear or insecurity. I am in the exact same situation, actually, having been with a non-commital woman for 2 1/2 years. Now she says she's "bored" with me and wants to see other guys, but that she'll always love me. She told me I've turned "cold" to her. I've been going through this for years, throwing all my heart and soul into the relationship, and getting nothing but verbal abuse in return. So I eventually just gave up, and started to lose interest. I've accepted the fact that we'll never be a real couple, and I'm just along for the ride.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 she told me that she wasn't the one who looked for those guys to talk to, as they all came to her. Then why was she on the site in the first place! That's the biggest BS lie I've heard in a long time...Are her eyes brown too?? Get out now, let her be on her own...If she misses you and loves you then she'll come looking for you, but right now, 2 years later, you're being a doormat for her. I'm sorry to be harsh... I am in the exact same situation, actually, having been with a non-commital woman for 2 1/2 years. Now she says she's "bored" with me and wants to see other guys, but that she'll always love me. She told me I've turned "cold" to her. I've been going through this for years, throwing all my heart and soul into the relationship, and getting nothing but verbal abuse in return. So I eventually just gave up, and started to lose interest. I've accepted the fact that we'll never be a real couple, and I'm just along for the ride. Neddog... Why are you settling? By staying you are only doing emotional damage to yourself.
Neddog Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Originally posted by whichwayisup Neddog... Why are you settling? By staying you are only doing emotional damage to yourself. Because I'm a schmuck? I do have a lot of feelings for her, and I've always wanted it to work... I guess I'm still a dreamer, no matter how much I think I''ve woken up to reality.
ps123 Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Because I'm a schmuck? I do have a lot of feelings for her, and I've always wanted it to work... I guess I'm still a dreamer, no matter how much I think I''ve woken up to reality. Dont be too hard on yourself ned. I would guess the majority of us here have done this. I just spent over 3 months with someone who was nothing like the picture I had built up of her in my head. Even after everything is done and over, Im still having a hard time really seeing how unhealthy it was. I still kind of see things the way I wanted them to be. Every day we're apart though, the reality sneaks up to the surface a little more.
SoleMate Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I feel that somehow all this talking with "hot guys" will only come in the way of our relationship, whether I like it or not. Yup, it sure will. She should be getting all the masculine attention of that nature from you. Am I being oversensitive as to what's happening? No, you're being under sensitive. What should I do? Talk to her openly about why she is using the sites. Tell her that you do not feel that use of dating sites is consistent with a healthy relationship. Ask her whether something is missing between the two of you, or in her life overall, and if she is willing to stop going on these sites so you both can work on your relationship. If she says no...then your r/s is de facto over, even though the final screaming match/breakup/moving out may not occur for several months more.
whichwayisup Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Because I'm a schmuck? I do have a lot of feelings for her, and I've always wanted it to work... I guess I'm still a dreamer, no matter how much I think I''ve woken up to reality. You're not a schmuck Neddog! I was just wondering. DO you love her? Really fully love her? Then get off the butt, show her that you DO! Go to therapy and both of you work on it! Be happy! (Now just lighting a fire under your butt...No harm okay? Just a suggestion here.)
Withnail Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Neddog, you must be the man and try and take command of the relationship, if she doesnt like it -out she goes or else you will be her doormat forever, and women dont like doormats.
Recommended Posts