jaru41 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Long story short... Messaged this girl, we talked, got her number, called her, and blah blah. We made plans for our first date to meet at the bar of a local restaurant for an appetizer and a beer. Cheap, public, and safe. On my WAY THERE, she asks, "Is it alright if my friend comes with? We're hanging out and she's driving." So after I turned around, I called her and said, "Seriously?" (Narrators note: This is online dating. If you're not woman enough to meet somebody in PUBLIC by yourself, you shouldn't be wasting anyone's time. Not only that, but you KNEW you had a date days in advance, so tell your friend you had plans and that you can't hang out. It's not that difficult.) So I said, "I don't want to have to meet, get to know, and impress, not only you but your best friend. You guys already have chemistry and unspoken body language. It's pretty uncomfortable and I'm not alright with it." So she got all pissy and freaked out trying to blame me. I guess I turned my rant into a question (Yes I'm aware this was a rant, trolls) but anybody ever have something similar happen to them? Were you cool with it? I'm not going to ask if I was wrong, because it's how I felt. So intrinsically, I did the right thing. Getting yelled at on a pof forum that I was wrong doesn't make you right.
Radu Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 How old was she ? [i have a suspicion] She either did this because she wanted to 'feel safe' or because she's attached at the hip to her girlfriends and their opinion matters too much to her. Either way, i think you did well ... unless the date was set smack in the middle of Cracktown.
Mascara Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You weren't in the wrong. If you're 8 years old and this is the playground, maybe. But I wouldn't meet someone who wanted to bring a friend to a first date. 2
sickpuppy Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) Long story short... Messaged this girl, we talked, got her number, called her, and blah blah. We made plans for our first date to meet at the bar of a local restaurant for an appetizer and a beer. Cheap, public, and safe. On my WAY THERE, she asks, "Is it alright if my friend comes with? We're hanging out and she's driving." So after I turned around, I called her and said, "Seriously?" (Narrators note: This is online dating. If you're not woman enough to meet somebody in PUBLIC by yourself, you shouldn't be wasting anyone's time. Not only that, but you KNEW you had a date days in advance, so tell your friend you had plans and that you can't hang out. It's not that difficult.) So I said, "I don't want to have to meet, get to know, and impress, not only you but your best friend. You guys already have chemistry and unspoken body language. It's pretty uncomfortable and I'm not alright with it." So she got all pissy and freaked out trying to blame me. I guess I turned my rant into a question (Yes I'm aware this was a rant, trolls) but anybody ever have something similar happen to them? Were you cool with it? I'm not going to ask if I was wrong, because it's how I felt. So intrinsically, I did the right thing. Getting yelled at on a pof forum that I was wrong doesn't make you right. Seriously you have to wonder what type of men a woman who uses online dating chooses to meet if she feels the need to have her friend come with her. Also the type who needs her friends "approval" of the possible "catch". If she had any character she'd agree and just have met you and you could've met her friend later on at another time. If she thought you were drop dead gorgeous in your pictures you can bet your azz she wouldn't bring her friend as she'd be afraid you'd like her friend more than her. She was using her friend not only as a security "blankie" but as a pre-made excuse to leave (oh my friend feels sick) if you weren't "up to snuff" in person. Sounds like a pair of siamese twits. As for the POF forums they are loaded with people who are chronic resident "experts" at dating....yet are on that site for years..some even just sitting on the forums as they don't get action on the main site...yet they "know" everything...Take their "Advice" with a grain of salt. You should have flipped it around on her and after she said "Is it alright if my friend comes?" Responded: "Let me call you right back and check with my friend to see if that's okay" and deleted her number not bothering with her again. Edited September 12, 2013 by sickpuppy
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You're right in declining. How bizarre. I'd never bring a friend along on a date, nor would I want to. Maybe when I was 10. 1
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I highly recommend that you read the book called 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. It is a really great read. Personally I would have welcomed her friend along. In the book it will explain why it is so important to attach yourself to the friend of the girl you are pursuing in order to get her to like you. It narrows it down to focusing your attention on the person you do not like, simply chatting up a person that does not affect you the way the girl you like does so you can be this cool witty and calm individual who impresses the girl you do like by gaining the friends attention and intrigue. I would have personally said sure thing. Use her friend to your advantage and who would not want two girls to entertain when the wine starts flowing? Maybe I am just greedy. Plenty of time for a one on one date and you might have decided the mate was the better option anyway.
sickpuppy Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I highly recommend that you read the book called 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. It is a really great read. Personally I would have welcomed her friend along. In the book it will explain why it is so important to attach yourself to the friend of the girl you are pursuing in order to get her to like you. It narrows it down to focusing your attention on the person you do not like, simply chatting up a person that does not affect you the way the girl you like does so you can be this cool witty and calm individual who impresses the girl you do like by gaining the friends attention and intrigue. I would have personally said sure thing. Use her friend to your advantage and who would not want two girls to entertain when the wine starts flowing? Maybe I am just greedy. Plenty of time for a one on one date and you might have decided the mate was the better option anyway. PUA tactics. LMAO. Anyone who takes those dudes seriously needs their head examined. Yeah O.P. read the "game". Perhaps he could do a little dance to "amuse" both of them in hopes of getting some. Hahahaha
Zahara Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You did the right thing. I wouldn't take a friend to a date or be okay if someone was bringing a friend, especially on a first date. Sounds juvenile.
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 PUA tactics. LMAO. Anyone who takes those dudes seriously needs their head examined. Yeah O.P. read the "game". Perhaps he could do a little dance to "amuse" both of them in hopes of getting some. Hahahaha The only one laughing here is you idiot if you are too tactless to impress a friend of a girl you like then you are pretty inadequate, not to mention if you cannot 'amuse' two girls or two men at the same time you have not lived
sickpuppy Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 The only one laughing here is you idiot if you are too tactless to impress a friend of a girl you like then you are pretty inadequate, not to mention if you cannot 'amuse' two girls or two men at the same time you have not lived Maybe you'd perform "the cube" to "impress" them? LMAO. Yea bro. I'm sure you "impress" all the "hotties" and their friends with "epic game". Do you show up in a florescent suit with a fuzzy tophat too? LMAO. Hahahaha
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Maybe you'd perform "the cube" to "impress" them? LMAO. Yea bro. I'm sure you "impress" all the "hotties" and their friends with "epic game". Do you show up in a florescent suit with a fuzzy tophat too? LMAO. Hahahaha Teasing people on a love forum to make yourself feel like a bigger man. Then making your own post about a girl who will not reply to you and asking for advice why that is? How cute.
Radu Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Daller, what you are describing is something that most of today's females have been vaccinated against. The moment that book was written, and Mystery did his show [which was faked btw], everyone knew about it. If you look at PUA as something more than just tricking women into sleeping with you, as something that can be used to enhance your chances of finding a serious SO or to just enhance your relationship with your SO, the OP actually did right. In effect he did not put that girl on a pedestal, he did not play by her rules. This means self-esteem, and that's overall good for his future.
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Daller, what you are describing is something that most of today's females have been vaccinated against. The moment that book was written, and Mystery did his show [which was faked btw], everyone knew about it. If you look at PUA as something more than just tricking women into sleeping with you, as something that can be used to enhance your chances of finding a serious SO or to just enhance your relationship with your SO, the OP actually did right. In effect he did not put that girl on a pedestal, he did not play by her rules. This means self-esteem, and that's overall good for his future. You seem to miss the point that I was advising OP to read a book, I don't seem to remember telling him to become the ultimate alpha male and to take over the world after doing so. Going out with a girl and her friend is nothing imo, grow a pair. Sure his self-esteem is in tact but got nothing to show for it. "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary."
Fondue Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 i think online dating have a lot of freaks so you have to be careful/ and as a woman she did the right thing for shore. because for the same you can be her worst nightmare. so i think you should have meet in her city or something . and understand her point of view. because once you act like that only make people think that you had bad intentions and now you are mad because she wants to bring protection. beside i think if who ever wants to Internet date they should not meat at the bar and at night ,especially if they want to do it as safe as possible. whatever date and getting to know stranger you shore should meet at daylight and at public places where there are a lot of people. i dont know her reason to bring a freind. because some people are also immature and they keep bringing freinds in everything. but you should give her a break. especially if you dont have bad intentions. If she wanted to bring a friend, then she should have let him know far more in advance of this. He could have brought a friend of his, and made things a hell of a lot less awkward. It would have probably worked out a lot better. Now he cancelled the date, she is pissed, he is pissed, and they've gotten no where. I probably would have cancelled the date myself as well. If I knew in advance of this, I would have either been better prepared, or would have gotten another friend to join. She wasn't being fair on this one just springing this up out of the blue.
Radu Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You seem to miss the point that I was advising OP to read a book, I don't seem to remember telling him to become the ultimate alpha male and to take over the world after doing so. Going out with a girl and her friend is nothing imo, grow a pair. Sure his self-esteem is in tact but got nothing to show for it. "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." Communication is more than the words we use, it's tone and body language. While we may not be able to gauge body language, tone can be sensed to some degree in an online forum, and your tone was pretty clear ... so in your own words 'grow a pair'.
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Communication is more than the words we use, it's tone and body language. While we may not be able to gauge body language, tone can be sensed to some degree in an online forum, and your tone was pretty clear ... so in your own words 'grow a pair'. Thanks Professor. However, I don't think I will bother calling you for a second date. My tone was pretty clear, it said if you don't take risks you will never know what could have happened. I mean seriously entertaining two woman at the same time?!!! two! That is not Cricket!
sickpuppy Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Teasing people on a love forum to make yourself feel like a bigger man. Then making your own post about a girl who will not reply to you and asking for advice why that is? How cute. Nice try but she did reply... Do you always "entertain" women who need to bring their friends along on dates because they feel you might be a creeper? I'd guess so if you're that desperate..You need more options and "game" bro.
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Nice try but she did reply... Do you always "entertain" women who need to bring their friends along on dates because they feel you might be a creeper? I'd guess so if you're that desperate..You need more options and "game" bro. Bro? I think you are on the wrong forum. Bodybuilding.com - Huge Online Supplement Store & Fitness Community!
CrystalCastles Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 It's already intimidating enough to be meeting and trying to impress ONE woman, let alone TWO. Can't blame the OP for getting pissed off. That girl was being inconsiderate.
ChessPieceFace Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 She was probably afraid to meet someone from the internet alone. But it does show deception and/or thoughtlessness for her to spring it on you right beforehand. There's no right or wrong here, you each made a choice but it ended up with a broken date. I'd have probably just gone along with it.
TheGuard13 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 See, for me it's more the fact that she did this while on the way there. If someone really wanted to meet up first with a friend, the least they could do is preplan that, not dump that on you at the last minute. Not cool.
Recommended Posts