Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 By the way - I have refused to lead others on, or I try to avoid doing it as much as possible, yet while still keeping another great guy in the picture in case guy one ends up being a douche early on. I INVEST in guy one a little, as in I do have feelings for him. I do not kiss or go on serious dates with guy two. In fact, I have told guy two that I am not looking for a relationship, however, I would like to get to know him, at the chance he is still single when I am ready to date again. He thinks I sound like a lovely person to get to know and spend time with as friends; that he would like to also have me around, as he would very much like to date me but respects the fact I cannot date him atm. I have told him to not invest anything in me and continue enjoying other women; that he is a very lovely sounding guy who I would love to have as part of my social life. I think if he is smart he will get the message. I happened to meet him AFTER I met a guy I am really into, but in case guy one turns out to be not as into me as he initially thought he was, or if he is an outright liar sociopathic type who acts crazy about a girl only to have wanted her for sex all along? I would probably be just as into the second dude if I dated him, by the sounds of him. I have also totally shut out another 3rd guy who sounded very nice and I was very actively talking to, who I think I would have also hit things off with. I told him point black I met a guy before him and now I have feelings for him and want to see how it goes. Guy 3 said if he is still single if things do not work out with guy one, he would definitely be keen to meet up. I am trying to find a balance; I am very into a guy, but I am not yet sure how HE feels. I do not know HIM well enough to know how he truly feels about me.
dashfinn Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 To your original question: yes, I also feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and I think it's normal. First of all, we are going through new situations with a new person. Science-wise, the chemicals in our brains tend to go crazy during dating, so that too is a factor. I think it is important not to be so hard on ourselves, and allow us to feel these different things. Emotional honesty is crucial, especially with ourselves. I also see that my friends are calm about their relationships on the surface but below there are various different thoughts and doubts that they have. I've talked about this about this with my guy friends and they confirm the emotional rollercoaster, even in long-term relationships. It's not like that all the time with them, but even they have these different thoughts and states of mind. And yup, I'm a guy. 1
skydiveaddict Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 ...or is it just me? I feel like my girlfriends are so calm and collected when they meet someone and I’m a basket full of emotions. No your gf's feel the same way. . I want meeting someone and dating to be fun. Don't we all.
Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) I agree. I spent time multi- dating. By the way, I wasn't even kissing any of these guys, just going on dates with them. I must say it was an exhaustive exercise. I used to get home, feeling very empty and confused. I wanted a steady relationship with ONE person, so it got to a point where I would decline dates. It just seemed futile to me as I had a hoard of men asking to take me out, but I couldn't develop anything meaningful with any of them. I guess some people are better multi takers but I wasn't. I do understand that having three or four people to pick from, might help reduce dependence on one person, but I found out that I generally preferred one guy in particular, even though I was going on dates with multiple men. I wanted things to progress with one particular guy and when they didn't, I tried to mask my emotions by hanging out with other men. Sure, it boosted my confidence/ego and made me feel "wanted" but deep down, none of the other guys did "it" for me and at night I found myself very lonely. I was surrounded by so many men but had no connection with them- the only one I really wanted didn't want me. Problem was NOT solved. My advice would be to learn how to take things slow. It's natural to date a good number of people prior to meeting someone worthwhile and steady. Try not to run wild with your imagination and emotions when you meet someone. Give it time-either the person would give you no/ very few reasons to be anxious because he will be reliable and dependable OR the person will flake off/ fade away eventually. Life is really simple in a way and perhaps we need to take a step back and become more observant. Take a step back and allow him take the lead. If there is a real potential for the relationship to develop into something meaningful, it will. It will not be fraught with frequent episodes of anxiety. Sure sometimes you might feel jittery and panicky but it would not be consistent or prolonged because things will work out NATURALLY. If on the other hand, you find yourself very anxious every day, this might signal a negative outcome for the relationship. If the men are doing things right, there would be little room or no panic. But when the dating period is riddled with a lot of uncertainty and to an extent inconsistent behaviour, then it might be time to detach. It often means that something is not quite right. But we must accept that we have no control over the outcome of any relationship. So accept the things you can't control and don't worry about them. Many people get rejected before meeting someone steady. It is far more common than you think. Better for the time wasters to leave early, than for them to linger on for a few extra months, draining you emotionally. This thread is about getting too carried away with your feelings for one guy. I find that masking my feelings for ONE dude that is not seeming that into me, by using other guys to date, does not help much, either. Therefore, I have one guy I am into, and I tell another great guy who I met just AFTER the initial guy I am giving thing a try with, that for one reason or another, I cannot date yet (too soon after a break up I say). Guy two wants a relationship with me, but I met him JUST after guy one. know guy two is just as good of a prospect as guy one. I would NOT have date a person for more than ONE date, if I did not think he was the best option I could get. It is not that guy to is a lesser option, rather; if guy one falls through, I have guy two as a person of interest who has made it clear he is STILL very eager to date me if I happen to want to date and he is still single. He is cool with friendly outings until I am ready to date, providing he is still single. That is how I operate, not closing out my options yet not technically multi dating. I could not multi date, and go on more than one date with more than two guys, since I would tend to like one guy more than the other. And plus when I am into a guy, I do not want emotional bonds with others. That is how I do not invest too much in a guy; I do not invest much in him, plus realise there are nice guys out there If things do not work out with the first dude. Edited September 16, 2013 by Leigh 87
SubliminalSessions Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Guy two wants a relationship with me, but I met him JUST after guy one. know guy two is just as good of a prospect as guy one. I would NOT have date a person for more than ONE date, if I did not think he was the best option I could get. It is not that guy to is a lesser option, rather; if guy one falls through, I have guy two as a person of interest who has made it clear he is STILL very eager to date me if I happen to want to date and he is still single. He is cool with friendly outings until I am ready to date, providing he is still single. That's a good approach, and I guess we have to take it as it is. But still...I think it's part of the problem with 'dating'. Yes, it works for you. Great, but what if guy 1 and 2 are doing the same thing? With 3 different women? And those 3 women are also doing what you're doing? Why not just focus on 1 person at a time...PERIOD. 2 or 3 weeks of finding out about 1 guy is not going to kill you. I just feel relationships aren't maturating because people are seeing each other as 'options'. You clearly said you like a particular guy and he's a great catch. OK, so just see him for now. If he turns out to be a liar, having 3 guys around isn't going to change that fact. The reason why I am reevaluating this approach, is because I feel like it's been done to me TOO MANY TIMES. People who are in relationships or dating people are still out there 'playing the field'. They are swapping and trading out people at rapid succession. Here's a tip: TAKE YOURSELF OFF THE MARKET IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN. Again, 2 weeks offline or away from the dating app on your phone is not going to kill you. People these days do it out of boredom and to kill time, but all they doing is just creating distractions.
RonaldS Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 I'm divorced, so meeting somebody new gets me about as fired up as a toilet paper commercial. Maybe not even that much.
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