Does eveyone ride this emotional rollercoaster when they meet someone...

[manders_01]

...or is it just me? I feel like my girlfriends are so calm and collected when they meet someone and I’m a basket full of emotions. That last couple of guys I’ve met that I’ve liked I’ve had these emotions / thoughts / etc. and it seems like so much more than should be going on with me.

 

For instance, I met someone on Sunday. We spent much of the afternoon together, went on a 3-1/2 hour date in the evening and I stayed with him that night. Discussions of future plans took place; mostly just dates we should go on but one rather extraordinary declaration (that one of the reasons he wants to move to where I’m at is to be with me). Monday evening we chatted via text briefly and I’ve not heard from him since. Monday I was walking on a cloud, by Tuesday night I was convinced he doesn’t like me, yesterday I was able to get to, “If it’s meant to be…” and today I’m so blue (I’m sure this weather isn’t helping, dark and stormy outside).

 

There are several reasons I can think as to why I’m feeling this way:

1. 
   Everybody does and I’m no different. Apparently my girlfriends are just better at keeping their cool than the rest of the population.
   
2. Ever since I went off birth control my hormones have been out of whack and this is just another side effect of unbalanced hormones.
   
3. Having the last two guys I started a relationship with decide after a short period of time that they don’t want to be in a relationship has really jacked me up. Since I can’t seem to shake the idea that this guy will do the same, I’m already bracing for that.
   
4. I’ve seen He’s Just Not That Into You too many times, I’m totally a Gigi and I’ve got it in my head that Alex’s decree that, “If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.” means that he will make it happen like the next day.
   
5. It is, in fact, totally just me and I’m nuts.

 

I’m not really looking for advice on this particular guy but just to know if I’m the only one out there like this or if others go through this as well. And for those that do, or more importantly did, how were you able to change your mindset and become easy, breezy about all this? I don't want to be "the crazy girl", constantly dissecting and analyzing every little thing about someone I like, convinced that he doesn't like me, etc. I want meeting someone and dating to be fun.

[heartshaped]

I don't really see your feelings as irrational. When I like a guy and he doesn't seem that into me or things fall through I often feel the same.

[HappyLove]

You met a guy Sunday and stayed with him that night? You're wondering what happened? Honey, how bout you give people time to show you that their ACTIONS back up the BS they tell you. Men lie to get what they want you have to protect yourself. I don't believe anything a man tells me without seeing his actions follow through first! And yes I learned that the hard way. So now you need to look at YOURSELF and what your doing wrong. Men will tell you all you want to hear, let them show what their about. And don't stay with men you met the same day for goodness sakes!

[SubliminalSessions]

Yes, this weather is dreary...but for me it doesn't matter the weather.

 

I'm the same way too, and I hate it! Last night I thought to myself I may really need to see a therapist or talk to my parents. There's been maybe 2 times in the past year that I've caught myself literally in tears over guys I only met 2 or 3 times. Maybe because things seemed to be going great, and then for no reason they just cut things off.

 

I'll usually just cry over them once (over a few drinks, because it's hard for me to cry sober), get over it and meet someone else. But it's like, why the hell am I getting like that to begin with? I also look at the kind of guys it tends to happen with, mostly older 30s men and I'm not in my 30s yet. Part of me is telling me to avoid anyone over 30 for the next 2-3 years still. I haven't quite understood it yet, but maybe they see someone in their mid 20s as somewhat simply to make them feel younger and feel like they still 'got it'.

[manders_01]

You met a guy Sunday and stayed with him that night? You're wondering what happened? Honey, how bout you give people time to show you that their ACTIONS back up the BS they tell you. Men lie to get what they want you have to protect yourself. I don't believe anything a man tells me without seeing his actions follow through first! And yes I learned that the hard way. So now you need to look at YOURSELF and what your doing wrong. Men will tell you all you want to hear, let them show what their about. And don't stay with men you met the same day for goodness sakes!

 

Stayed, as in slept; we did not have sex. But thanks for the judgement!

 

However, again, not talking specifically about him or wondering about him. I've sorta always been like this when it comes to liking a guy. I'm trying to understand if it's just me or if there are a lot more Gigi's in the world. More importantly, are there any former Gigi's and how did you change.

[HappyLove]

Stayed, as in slept; we did not have sex. But thanks for the judgement!

 

However, again, not talking specifically about him or wondering about him. I've sorta always been like this when it comes to liking a guy. I'm trying to understand if it's just me or if there are a lot more Gigi's in the world. More importantly, are there any former Gigi's and how did you change.

 

I never said sex, you still don't stay with a man you met same day! Sorry, just telling you the truth.

[manders_01]

Yes, this weather is dreary...but for me it doesn't matter the weather.

 

I'm the same way too, and I hate it! Last night I thought to myself I may really need to see a therapist or talk to my parents. There's been maybe 2 times in the past year that I've caught myself literally in tears over guys I only met 2 or 3 times. Maybe because things seemed to be going great, and then for no reason they just cut things off.

 

I'll usually just cry over them once (over a few drinks, because it's hard for me to cry sober), get over it and meet someone else. But it's like, why the hell am I getting like that to begin with? I also look at the kind of guys it tends to happen with, mostly older 30s men and I'm not in my 30s yet. Part of me is telling me to avoid anyone over 30 for the next 2-3 years still. I haven't quite understood it yet, but maybe they see someone in their mid 20s as somewhat simply to make them feel younger and feel like they still 'got it'.

 

Yep, this is what I'm not understanding about myself. Maybe I'm so lonely for a partner. Maybe I really need to get laid. Maybe the guy's so hot I'm thinking about some arm candy. I really can't figure it out. People say, "Stop looking." Been there, done that. Things don't feel much different for me and so far, my reaction to men hasn't been any different looking or not looking. In my life, everywhere but when it comes to men, I'm a strong, independent woman. I can't quite figure out how to translate those qualities over.

 

PS I'm in my mid-30's and your post is totally me so, unfortunately, I don't think it's the age.

[manders_01]

I never said sex, you still don't stay with a man you met same day! Sorry, just telling you the truth.

 

LOL And what truth is that? I know many, many long term relationships, a couple of my own and many of my friends, that started with staying with one another the first night they met.

[HappyLove]

LOL And what truth is that? I know many, many long term relationships, a couple of my own and many of my friends, that started with staying with one another the first night they met.

 

More power to you then....I guess staying with strangers is working for you. Good luck.

[Lovelorn00]

I'm new here, but I just had to post a reply to this, because I feel like we're EXACTLY the same. I also go through the same emotional roller coaster when I'm just casually dating a guy I really like. Just recently, though, I've had a bit of a breakthrough. I'm really starting to understand the source of these emotions. There's a certain level of normality to it, yes. But for me, I'd get so down in the dumps over some dude I hardly knew, it was affecting my daily life. I couldn't function. But I'm slowly learning about this little thing called "self worth." I'm learning that my happiness doesn't hinge on whether or not some dude texts me back or wants to date me again. I'm learning that rejection doesn't mean I'm a horrible, undateable person. It just means we weren't compatible. It's about changing your perspective and finding your inner strength. It hasn't been easy, but I've managed to see a shift by:

 

1. Seeing a therapist. It isn't for everyone, but mine is amazing. AND/OR

2. Relying on a support system/network of friends and family. I can't tell you how many times I've bitched about being dumped to my gfs. They never judge, and they're always there to listen.

3. Getting advice from married friends or friends in LTRs.

4. Staying busy with things that make YOU happy.

 

Ugh, I sound sooo cliche right now, but at 29, I'm finally starting to understand what people have been barking in my ear for the past few decades. Don't get me wrong - I'm no expert. Most of the time, I feel like you do. I'm actually dealing with a similar situation now, but I've noticed the dips into the blues aren't so drastic now. The crying has decreased a bit, and I'm bouncing back a lot faster.

 

You'll be okay - I promise.

[curlygirl40]

Well before I give you some advice, or what has worked with me, unfortunately some of what you described is normal to feel.

 

Oftentimes when we really like someone, we want it so bad that we can't see that our thought process is bad for us and it's hard to slow down our minds.

 

It's incredibly difficult to do but you have to just not count on anything until he is your boyfriend. And even then, who really knows.

 

Until a guy is showing consistent effort, is backing up his words with actions, asks you to be his girlfriend, spends time with you on a regular basis, keeps in contact with you, wants to get to know you better, etc., etc., etc none of it means anything. None of it!! He can be making plans for next week, he can tell you that you're the best girl he's ever met, he can say all sorts of things. But at the end of the day, watch his actions. If he doesn't follow that stuff up, then it means nothing.

 

So don't spend ANY time analyzing his words and how much fun you had that night and that it must have meant something and why hasn't he been in touch, on and on and on. It's simple. If he is interested in a relationship with you, then he will act that way. It will be obvious.

 

Not saying he's lying, they may mean it at the time. But they lose interest, or someone else comes along, etc.

 

Try to put more focus on your personal life outside of any guy. Your friends and family or job. Fill your life with so much stuff that you enjoy, stuff that is fulfilling for you that any guy in your life is just a bonus. This has a side benefit of the fact that guys are drawn to women who have their own lives and aren't needy.

 

Don't count your chickens before they are chickens. It's awesome to meet a great guy that you are interested in but spending one night together does not a relationship make. So you can't really count on anything for the future.

 

Kisses aren't contracts. Future faking isn't a promise of getting together.

 

It's a tough lesson. So you have to just be happy you met a great guy and hope that he shows you consistent effort but don't count on it.

 

It's almost easier to be skeptical and not count on anything than to always feel like you're being let down.

 

And in my experience, always leave them wanting more! Even though you didn't have sex, you should have gone home that night. Leave him wanting to see you instead of overstaying your welcome. I'm sure he wanted you to stay, I'm not saying you weren't welcome, but keep the first few dates short and make them want more of you when you leave. That keeps their interest high.

 

Best of luck!

[todreaminblue]

all people are not the same, some people are really emotional and highly strung and some people are cool calm and collected,some people can be both, they can handle certain situations with ease but not others,

 

 

 

i am pretty messed up at the moment but ill give you my thoughts,

 

 

that when you try and be something different is when you struggle most , when you try to be that cool calm person on the surface and underneath your emotions are building ti becomes inner turmoil, you are fighting your heart and its want to express good emotions...ones of love and affection.

 

 

Its like on here ok you read the words and you think ok she sounds logical and calm......i am typing with tears that wont stop.....loveshack is a surface....but underneath like a beating heart, are people who you dont see ...you just read the words......without understanding the people behind the words...all people are not the same we were never all meant to be.......i think accepting of differences understanding and

 

 

just expressing what you feel is the best way for you to be closest to who you really are.......you were never meant to be cool calm collected you are meant to be exactly who you are ...love is a risk at any time or stage, and someone quite frequently gets hurt, i think you have to accept that possibility even if you are emotional and just know if it happens, you will deal with it by doing what is right for you .......it might not be cool calm collected and graceful,or even understood by others, only you know how to heal, you will cry and be hurt and then one day....the tears will go, you will feel stronger and the heart ache you feel will be faded with time

 

 

but if you dont get hurt and your heart remains unbroken, you will feel the joy of what you have and cherish the risk you took,with the guy who didnt turn out to break that heart of yours

 

i wish you well...hugs...deb

[manders_01]

Thanks for all the feedback, lots of good points that definitely have me thinking!

[manders_01]

all people are not the same, some people are really emotional and highly strung and some people are cool calm and collected,some people can be both, they can handle certain situations with ease but not others,

 

 

 

i am pretty messed up at the moment but ill give you my thoughts,

 

 

that when you try and be something different is when you struggle most , when you try to be that cool calm person on the surface and underneath your emotions are building ti becomes inner turmoil, you are fighting your heart and its want to express good emotions...ones of love and affection.

 

 

Its like on here ok you read the words and you think ok she sounds logical and calm......i am typing with tears that wont stop.....loveshack is a surface....but underneath like a beating heart, are people who you dont see ...you just read the words......without understanding the people behind the words...all people are not the same we were never all meant to be.......i think accepting of differences understanding and

 

 

just expressing what you feel is the best way for you to be closest to who you really are.......you were never meant to be cool calm collected you are meant to be exactly who you are ...love is a risk at any time or stage, and someone quite frequently gets hurt, i think you have to accept that possibility even if you are emotional and just know if it happens, you will deal with it by doing what is right for you .......it might not be cool calm collected and graceful,or even understood by others, only you know how to heal, you will cry and be hurt and then one day....the tears will go, you will feel stronger and the heart ache you feel will be faded with time

 

 

but if you dont get hurt and your heart remains unbroken, you will feel the joy of what you have and cherish the risk you took,with the guy who didnt turn out to break that heart of yours

 

i wish you well...hugs...deb

 

Deb, you've got me figured out! I do feel worse trying to pretend I'm something I'm not instead of just showing I wear my heart on my sleeve and taking the chance that doing so will end with me hurt. I've always been this way, I remember being chastised by my mother as I was growing up for being so open with my emotions.

[SpiralOut]

I used to feel this way when seeing someone. My feelings were extreme. Sometimes I still go through this rollercoaster of emotions, though it's not as intense as it used to be.

 

My problem (and what might be your problem too) is caring too much. We meet someone we like, and we want so badly for it to work that we build up in our head the way it will be. We'll become a couple, and it'll be great, etc. Then reality kicks in, and we see that things aren't going our way so we feel disappointed and sad. Although it is normal to feel disappointed, I don't think it's good for emotions to go from one extreme to another like that - to be on cloud 9 one day then down in the dumps the next. It is hard on the heart. It's exhausting.

 

I think the key is to not become so emotionally invested so soon. Instead of worrying whether he wants to be with you, ask yourself are you sure that YOU want to be with HIM? Is HE good enough for YOU? Surely he must have had a flaw or two that gives you doubts.... or maybe there are still things you don't know about him yet, things that could suddenly change your mind about him.

 

I recommend reading the book Why Men Love Bitches.

Edited September 13, 2013 by SpiralOut

[edgygirl]

LOL And what truth is that? I know many, many long term relationships, a couple of my own and many of my friends, that started with staying with one another the first night they met.

 

Hey, you must be younger... Because what HappyLove said is NOT judgmental, she said super important things that I've only learned dating in this jungle in the last 10 years. It was a hard way paved with many blue days... I wouldn't hear this type of advice a few years ago either, but as I see myself in you, I advise you to try and consider understanding what she meant.

[manders_01]

Hey, you must be younger... Because what HappyLove said is NOT judgmental, she said super important things that I've only learned dating in this jungle in the last 10 years. It was a hard way paved with many blue days... I wouldn't hear this type of advice a few years ago either, but as I see myself in you, I advise you to try and consider understanding what she meant.

 

Yeah, it was totally judgemental especially since I made it very clear that I was not asking specifically about him but about my emotions when it comes to men I like. She picked that out and chastised me for it. That's judgement.

 

Regardless, I'm 35 so I wouldn't tag myself as young and no, I'll never give up that amazing first night you have with someone you like spending hours chatting away while stealing kisses.

[edgygirl]

Yeah, it was totally judgemental especially since I made it very clear that I was not asking specifically about him but about my emotions when it comes to men I like. She picked that out and chastised me for it. That's judgement.

 

Regardless, I'm 35 so I wouldn't tag myself as young and no, I'll never give up that amazing first night you have with someone you like spending hours chatting away while stealing kisses.

 

No she didn't. You're being a little sensitive. Do you think anyone here cares if someone else spends the first night with a guy, sex or not? But most of the veterans in this forum agree it's just not the best way to start a relationship, proved time and time again (at least for me and various people here) unless it's one of those one in a lifetimes occasions where it works (it has happened to me). Still, I know better these days, though I'm a really passionate, open person.

 

Anyway, have you done the Briggs Myers test online to find out your personality type? You might be a F (what they call a "feeler) type as me, we go deep and passionate in relationships right from the start. It explained a lot about myself and how I act in life, it's fascinating.

[SubliminalSessions]

Yeah, it was totally judgemental especially since I made it very clear that I was not asking specifically about him but about my emotions when it comes to men I like. She picked that out and chastised me for it. That's judgement.

 

Regardless, I'm 35 so I wouldn't tag myself as young and no, I'll never give up that amazing first night you have with someone you like spending hours chatting away while stealing kisses.

 

 

in agreeance of what the others are saying, spending a night with someone you just met...namely when you already may have had a long date night out...I've found lessens the chances of something becoming something.

 

Yes i know people do it all the time. I'm guilty of it myself, but I try to avoid doing it. I've had guys never see me again after not spending the night. I wonder what would have been the chances of them doing so if I did spend the night?

 

You have to determine whether spending the night is going to make you more emotionally attached, which is what we DON'T want. And FYI, all of my longest relationships that went beyond 3 dates...we never spent the night the first time.

[tinydancer93]

You sound like me! I can totally relate and I often think there is something wrong with me because I get emotional and too attached too quickly. I think there must be something wrong with me if I have a nice time with a guy and then he doesn't contact me for a while. I identify with your reasons 3, 4 and 5! And maybe we just wear our heart on our sleeve? It might also have something to do with low self-esteem...at least, it does in my case. It sucks I wish these things didn't affect me as much.

[SubliminalSessions]

Until a guy is showing consistent effort, is backing up his words with actions, asks you to be his girlfriend, spends time with you on a regular basis, keeps in contact with you, wants to get to know you better, etc., etc., etc none of it means anything. None of it!! He can be making plans for next week, he can tell you that you're the best girl he's ever met, he can say all sorts of things. But at the end of the day, watch his actions. If he doesn't follow that stuff up, then it means nothing.

 

So don't spend ANY time analyzing his words and how much fun you had that night and that it must have meant something and why hasn't he been in touch, on and on and on. It's simple. If he is interested in a relationship with you, then he will act that way. It will be obvious.

 

Perfect way of putting it. It's all claptrap.

 

But one of the things I contend with is, why don't they WANT ME!? Sometimes it just bothers me. It's like, what's wrong with me? Why am I not 'worthy' (for lack of better word) to be dated and in a relationship with this person? Sometimes, even when you meet the finest person in the world that wants to do every sexual position in the book...it's worse when they don't want to be serious with you. It's almost like I wish we'd never met, than to feel that way. It says, "you're worthy of sex, but just sex...but not anything serious".

 

When someone doesn't want to date me, it makes me feel that way...subliminally. However, the logical me understands that it may not be about me, but about them. The same questions I ask of me can be asked of them. Why aren't THEY in a relationship? Why are THEY still online with a profile weeks and months after meeting me?

 

It gets especially hard when you put so much effort into improving your appearance and you have alot to offer. I've got my body in shape, I can pick up a date, have them over my place, take them out to do fun things...yet it seems like the past 500 guys I've met in this God-forsaken city can't seem to see all I have to offer. Or they see it, and they are intimidated or don't know what they want, or they are a professional bachelor, or they keep looking for the perfect person that never comes.

Edited September 16, 2013 by SubliminalSessions

[Leigh 87]

The main thing I see with you is that you get way too caught up in what a guy says within the first few days or weeks.

 

We all do it. Well, a great deal of us women do!

 

We meet a guy. They seem really into us. Then bam, they lose interest. OR some lie in the first place to get something out of us.

 

This has happened to me once so far, plus with reading these forums and getting very well thought out advice from people who KNOW what they are talking about, I no longer make this mistake.

 

EVEN THOUGH I am a very loving person with a big heart, I still keep my options open even when I find a guy I am seriously into; when he also seems to be crazy about me too.

 

So now, I see multiple guys at the same time until I get a more sound idea of what this guy wants with me.

I now need their actions to match up to their words consistently, before I invest anything.

 

It seems callous and mean to have other options when a guy seems REALLY into you after a week or two of knowing you, but too many people change their mind or outright LIE initially, therefore we have every right to treat all guy accordingly; like they could change their tune at he drop of a hat, and therefore we are damn right to have other options waiting.

 

I have adopted this attitude recently, and it sure is making my old problems with men and dating dissipate!

 

I now really LIKE a guy right now, who seems into me. I have a really happy and positive feeling about him, however; as happy as I am with him, I have only met him once, and therefore I am going to meet another guy soon who also seems very decent.

I also had sex with my FWB last night. We are really good friends and it was lovely with him.

 

Can you try to possibly learn to strike a balance between LIKING a guy, versus investing in them?

 

I REALLLLLLLY like this new guy. I have never felt this way about a guy before.

Yet I am not going to get too caught up until he PROVES himself to me through his actions. This takes time.

[SubliminalSessions]

So now, I see multiple guys at the same time until I get a more sound idea of what this guy wants with me.

I now need their actions to match up to their words consistently, before I invest anything.

 

It seems callous and mean to have other options when a guy seems REALLY into you after a week or two of knowing you, but too many people change their mind or outright LIE initially, therefore we have every right to treat all guy accordingly

 

 

I see what you're saying, and I've read professionals who mention the same as well. But ask yourself, is this part of the solution or part of the problem?

 

The problem I see with this approach, is everyone can do the same thing. Those 3 guys you're dating can also be dating multiple people too. So you have a plethora of options, feelings, romantic encounters, and flings with different people. How can you focus attention 100% and build something, when you have 2 other guys in the picture?

 

Instead of us living in fear of what the other person may do to us, maybe we need to learn to trust in the process before involving other people. See where things go. There's no reason to lead on other people when you feel invested in someone else. Give things a chance to work out. If they can't meet within 2 weeks, or can't be consistent, then involve someone else but drop the other person.

 

If people spent more time focused on 1 person, than having all this miscellaneous, extra-curricular bull**** going on...there wouldn't be need to lose interest or change minds. But some people like living in drama and running the continuous rat race of 'serial dating'.

[Sunshine87]

I see what you're saying, and I've read professionals who mention the same as well. But ask yourself, is this part of the solution or part of the problem?

 

The problem I see with this approach, is everyone can do the same thing. Those 3 guys you're dating can also be dating multiple people too. So you have a plethora of options, feelings, romantic encounters, and flings with different people. How can you focus attention 100% and build something, when you have 2 other guys in the picture?

 

Instead of us living in fear of what the other person may do to us, maybe we need to learn to trust in the process before involving other people. See where things go. There's no reason to lead on other people when you feel invested in someone else. Give things a chance to work out. If they can't meet within 2 weeks, or can't be consistent, then involve someone else but drop the other person.

 

If people spent more time focused on 1 person, than having all this miscellaneous, extra-curricular bull**** going on...there wouldn't be need to lose interest or change minds. But some people like living in drama and running the continuous rat race of 'serial dating'.

 

I agree. I spent time multi- dating. By the way, I wasn't even kissing any of these guys, just going on dates with them. I must say it was an exhaustive exercise. I used to get home, feeling very empty and confused. I wanted a steady relationship with ONE person, so it got to a point where I would decline dates. It just seemed futile to me as I had a hoard of men asking to take me out, but I couldn't develop anything meaningful with any of them.

 

I guess some people are better multi takers but I wasn't.

 

I do understand that having three or four people to pick from, might help reduce dependence on one person, but I found out that I generally preferred one guy in particular, even though I was going on dates with multiple men. I wanted things to progress with one particular guy and when they didn't, I tried to mask my emotions by hanging out with other men. Sure, it boosted my confidence/ego and made me feel "wanted" but deep down, none of the other guys did "it" for me and at night I found myself very lonely. I was surrounded by so many men but had no connection with them- the only one I really wanted didn't want me. Problem was NOT solved.

 

My advice would be to learn how to take things slow. It's natural to date a good number of people prior to meeting someone worthwhile and steady. Try not to run wild with your imagination and emotions when you meet someone. Give it time-either the person would give you no/ very few reasons to be anxious because he will be reliable and dependable OR the person will flake off/ fade away eventually. Life is really simple in a way and perhaps we need to take a step back and become more observant. Take a step back and allow him take the lead. If there is a real potential for the relationship to develop into something meaningful, it will. It will not be fraught with frequent episodes of anxiety. Sure sometimes you might feel jittery and panicky but it would not be consistent or prolonged because things will work out NATURALLY. If on the other hand, you find yourself very anxious every day, this might signal a negative outcome for the relationship. If the men are doing things right, there would be little room or no panic. But when the dating period is riddled with a lot of uncertainty and to an extent inconsistent behaviour, then it might be time to detach. It often means that something is not quite right. But we must accept that we have no control over the outcome of any relationship. So accept the things you can't control and don't worry about them.

 

Many people get rejected before meeting someone steady. It is far more common than you think. Better for the time wasters to leave early, than for them to linger on for a few extra months, draining you emotionally.

Edited September 16, 2013 by Sunshine87

[Leigh 87]

I see what you're saying, and I've read professionals who mention the same as well. But ask yourself, is this part of the solution or part of the problem?

 

The problem I see with this approach, is everyone can do the same thing. Those 3 guys you're dating can also be dating multiple people too. So you have a plethora of options, feelings, romantic encounters, and flings with different people. How can you focus attention 100% and build something, when you have 2 other guys in the picture?

 

Instead of us living in fear of what the other person may do to us, maybe we need to learn to trust in the process before involving other people. See where things go. There's no reason to lead on other people when you feel invested in someone else. Give things a chance to work out. If they can't meet within 2 weeks, or can't be consistent, then involve someone else but drop the other person.

 

If people spent more time focused on 1 person, than having all this miscellaneous, extra-curricular bull**** going on...there wouldn't be need to lose interest or change minds. But some people like living in drama and running the continuous rat race of 'serial dating'.

 

 

I am still not sure if this is who I truly am. I am still figuring myself out. I am very much into this guy. I just didn't want to give up on the other amazing sounding guy I have been talking to, since I DO NOT KNOW guy one after a mere week!

 

There is no wrong or right. People will end up with who they want to be with, irrespective of whether or not they date around!

 

Therapists can say what they like. I am finding out what works for me.

 

I am still on the fence about it. I NEVER thought I would consider others or have sex with my long established FWB once I meet a guy I am into.

 

I have a very big heart, and I am a woman who cares very much about the people I like, and I also fall in love hard. I have a lot of love to give, however; I NEED the guy to prove to me consistently over a bit of time, that he is, in fact, genuinely into me, and he will want to stick around.

 

I can be totally into a guy... yet still have another great sounding option on the side. Since I cannot trust a person after a week of knowing them and only meeting them ONCE.

I do not want to burn my bridges and close off another great option, since some guys act REALLY into you initially, only to turn out to be liars or to have changed their minds about you early on.

 

It is not that I do not feel strongly enough; I need to know THEY do. I am comfortable if he is doing the same thing with me. Though I am a HYPOCRITE when I say this, however; I think if he was truly into me, he would not consider other options.

 

Therefore, I am truly into him and I have decided to not consider other options. Though in case this current guy proves to be a liar or he loses interest early on, I have another amazing sounding guy I have told I just want a friendship with in the meanwhile.

 

So I am not letting other great sounding guys get away from me if the first guy proves to NOT be who he says he is.

 

I do have another great sounding guy who is honestly everything I want, as an option if this first guy turns out to be a liar who is trying to use me for sex and merely pretending to be into me in the process. Since guys do this ALL. THE.TIME.

 

I am not going to hook up with my FWB anymore or "date" other guys.

 

But it has taken me a few days to reach this decision.

 

I did not drop everything the DAY I met guy one. He has slowly showed in actions that he seems into me, and he will need to continue to do so before I lose all grasp on the other options I may have.

 

I LIKE this guy soo much! I just refuse to invest yet. I met him ONCE.