Still love my ex after 3 years? Huh?

[cq21]

Alright. The best way to start this off right is with some background history. Me an my ex dated for 3 years and were broken up for almost 3 years. I was 18 when we met and she was 16. I just had joined the military and my first base was Korea and then Italy. All very far. Our relationship ultimately remained a long distance one. We tried. She was able to visit quite a bit due to family working with an airline company. I cared for her very much, but I knew our relationship was dwindling. We were both young and getting in way over our heads. She also had personal problems with depression that put a damper on us, but I never held it against her. If anything, I was highly supportive. I kind of wanted to fix her which has always been an issue of mine. We fought a lot. Mostly about nothing. The distance, however, got the best of her. She was lonely and depressed. She sought companionship in someone else and eventually cheated. I tried to forgive and forget, but once the trust was gone it ripped us apart and led to a break up.

 

I was a mess for awhile. No one likes being replaced. Everything kind of ended pretty bad also. Lots of arguing, yelling, cussing, etc. I despised her and eventually (a few months later) we stopped talking completely. I've been in one other relationship since then and have been out having fun. When she came to mind, she was only a distance memory. I let go of my grudge and moved on long ago.

 

Close to a year ago, I get an email from her apologizing for how terrible she treated me because she knew that all I did was love her the best I could and she was young and stupid and blah blah. There was more but that's the gist of it. I never replied.

 

Months later she texted me. Asking for advice. She found out her mom was cheating and was asking what she should do. Why she came to me? I have no idea. My first reaction was to tell her to **** off, but I'm not a child and all that nonsense was in the past. So I actually gave her advice and sent her on her way.

 

Again, months later I get another text. This time she's clearly distraught. Boyfriend problems. I'm thinking once again why the hell is she coming to me? Anyway, I give her the best advice I could and sent her on her way. Turns out a little after this, he broke up with her after a 2 year relationship.

 

Here come's the actual issue, finally.

 

I'm home on leave for 3 weeks. Many of my friends back home have become major dug addicts. People I can no longer be around. So I got bored after a few days home and thought maybe we could reconcile. She seems like a better person. Completely platonic. No physical or emotional interest anymore so I should be good. So I contact her. We go out to a hookah lounge and just talked for a few hours having a good time.

 

Turns out she has blossomed into a beautiful young woman in every way. She's doing amazing. I remember when everyday was a struggle for her. Now I can genuinely say I'm happy for her and even more proud. All of which I told her. The night was very easy going and fun. No tension whatsoever. She told me she met someone on a dating site that she has been on two dates so far with. Very naturally I told her I was happy for her. Which I actually am. So after the night ended I took her home and that was that.

 

I contact her a few days later and see if she would like hang out again. She said sure. Not a date. I don't think. But we went to eat. Hookah lounge for a bit and then out for a few drinks. All very fun. This time, however, I can feel this tiny little ember inside of me begin to grow hotter and into a small flame. It's like I was meeting someone new but because of our history we had a lot in common. It was nice. I felt like I was starting to like her for who she is now rather than bringing back old feelings.

 

I decided when I dropped her off that I was gonna go in for the kill. A kiss. My intentions were just a kiss. Im leaving in a week and my rationalization was to see if theres any mutual feeling and that was my shortcut to finding out.

 

I walked her to her door, hug her (which was quite tight and long) and then looked her in the eyes, smirked and leaned in. Wow, was I surprised with her reaction! haha

 

She was clearly caught way off guard. Total rejection. So I gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked a few steps away before turning around. I wish I could have just kept going, but I didn't. In complete shock she said please don't ruin this. I was confused with what was being ruined. A second chance or the new friendship we were building. She was clearly uncomfortable so I just said nevermind and goodnight.

 

It was cool, though. It didn't bug me. I tried something and it didn't turn out. Not the first time, but I made an honest attempt. Until the drive home.. Something. I don't know what. Just hit me like a ton of bricks. This little ember in my heart was now a roaring wildfire. It hurt. I felt embarrassed. I want her. So many thoughts. Lots of confusion. So what does a guy like me do? Freaking call her. I kept it simple. She insisted it was fine before I could get a word off. I then proceeded to tell her my situation. How I felt and why I felt that way. None of the extra feelings I was feeling, of course, but just the simple one. I was beginning to like her all over again because of who she has become and blah blah. She seemed very happy to hear it because she squealed a bit and thanked me. She then invited me out with her friend for tomorrow night. Oh! She also said she didn't kiss me because she didn't want to make things confusing since I'm leaving so soon. I can try and assume what that means all day, but I don't really know.

 

Please some one say I'm crazy. haha. Why am I feeling this way? I want her. I really do miss her now. A few days ago I could care less. Now I feel I'm a hot mess again over this same girl. It's weird though. I want her to be happy with or without me either way. Of course I don't want to see her dating someone else, but won't mind if he's a good guy. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

Any advice and/or insight would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

[LinkWorshiper]

I don't think it's wrong for you to have feelings, or to have rediscovered them after a period of time. I think you just sort of have to accept that you're going to have to operate on her terms, though. If she's not interested, that sucks, and that's that. Or at least for now. Your best bet might just be to continue to spend time with her and see if maybe something sparks there. But unless you're happy just being friends no matter what, it's going to be really rough if you hope indefinitely that she'll figure it out.

[heartshaped]

Sounds like she always has cared about you and maybe now likes who you have become as well.

 

I have a similar story to yours. Met my ex when I was way younger though, we were together until college, and then we eventually split. Years after breaking up (four to be exact) we're back together now.

 

The only thing I can tell you is just take things a day at a time. Unfortunately, you'll be leaving again soon, but enjoy the time you have with her and maybe in the future there can be something there.

[cq21]

I can easily be her friend. Of course I like her all over again, but its different now. It threw me off how I was feeling. Day by day I guess. It'll be interesting and fun to see how things turn out.

 

I do have one more thing to add. Talking to her any other way than in person is difficult. She's very short and doesn't leave much room for conversation. However, in person it's great. Very normal and we constantly have something to talk about. No awkward pauses or silence. Idk if I'm over thinking it or what.

[emi]

If after 3 years and you can keep the flame inside of you, why dont just give it a chance?

She might be the one who can go with you for the rest of you life

[cq21]

I would love to give it a chance. I'm not sure if she would be ok with it. She's been going on dates with one guy and hasn't really shown any emotional interest. The biggest problem would be the distance. I'm in the military and stationed on the west coast and she's on the east. I'm only home for a few weeks out of the year. I'm assuming, but I think that would be a big no no for her.

[cq21]

What I'm struggling with is whether or not I should tell her how I'm feeling. I don't mean pouring my heart out telling her I love her. That wouldn't be true. More along the lines that I'm growing feelings for her again. Not sure what to follow that with, but that's what I was thinking. Is this a big no no or what?

[heartshaped]

I would tell her. Why not see what could happen?

[emi]

she would be touched when she know you still got feeling for her after 3 years. Thats might be a bonus !