cmoonl7 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 My gf of 15 months and I broke up 3 weeks ago after a fight. Here was the last text from her before I went no contact: I forgive you......hope you can forgive me too.....i know im barbed wire wrapped around a brick wall.......anyway, thanks for the ride....good and bad i hope....good luck... It’s been 2 weeks since I instituted no contact. I was perusing the CL ads so I could keep options open if it didn’t work out with her (hey I AM a guy), and found her post: one night stand - w4m: Must send pic or I will not reply. Looking for a one night stand emotions hurt. Tried it once. It's just sex so I've been told. He's going to be a hard one to top. Don't be offended if I don't respond Being honest will send pic if you catch my eye. I was planning on breaking NC at the end of the month, after 4 or 5 weeks and see if we had a chance. Now I’m considering contacting her to let her know that this one night stand is not a good idea. I’m truly worried for her: STD’s, no time to heal, low self esteem, etc… I really don’t care if she screws another guy, but most women are incapable of a true NSA, so would it be better deal with this later when I break NC according to plan, or is it best to break NC now??? Thanks.
Keenly Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 A little hypocritical if you ask me. You search, she posts. Its over man. 3
Author cmoonl7 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I know it - location, age (which I didn't post), description of "I'm still hurting", "this one will be tough to beat". It's not a huge community I live in. Mid sized. As a REAL person, if she were just my friend, I would call her and say "think twice - you may just make things worse"...but as her probable ex...I'm not sure how she'd take it.
Misfortune Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Are you Cpt. Save a....? Let her be responsible for the consequences of her actions. You're not together, no reason to go out of your way for her. Some people have to hit the bottom before they can become better people. If someone keeps coming to their rescue, what will they learn? I think it's better if you deal with it only of you both are on the road to reconciliation. As of right now, it doesn't affect your life in any way. 1
Balzac Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Play the game, send her your pic. Your choice how many you send before you include your face. 3
Author cmoonl7 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 THought maybe someone had been there before and might be able to help. I just don't think it's a healty way to deal with a break up. We're not freakin' teenagers either and maybe she needs to know someone cares about her at this point. I mean a one night stand on Craigslist - thats pretty low. And she is very beautiful and a professional as well. No need to stoop to CL....
reddragon588 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Is it any different than picking up a one night stand at a bar? If it doesn't bother you then it shouldn't bother you. You two are no longer dating, if this is what she wants to do then so be it. It should not concern you. If she wants to degrade herself, let her.
Balzac Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You're making too much of it. CL is anonymous-she isn't required to meet in person w any guy. Her ego boost from willing guys is free, anonymous and easy. My bet is she knows you're type. She's trolling for you. Send a pic. Play Along.
Misfortune Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 THought maybe someone had been there before and might be able to help. I just don't think it's a healty way to deal with a break up. We're not freakin' teenagers either and maybe she needs to know someone cares about her at this point. I mean a one night stand on Craigslist - thats pretty low. And she is very beautiful and a professional as well. No need to stoop to CL.... Doesn't matter what she's like on the outside, what's inside, is what really makes you who you are. She may be all those wonderful things but she still feels emotional pain like anyone else. This is just how she chooses to deal with her pain. No need for her to stoop to CL? Do you consider yourself to be lower than she is? Why is it ok for you to be on CL and it's stooping for her? Take her off the pedestal. P.s: the word I was thinking of was "O" not "life"
Babolat Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 My gf of 15 months and I broke up 3 weeks ago after a fight. Here was the last text from her before I went no contact: I forgive you......hope you can forgive me too.....i know im barbed wire wrapped around a brick wall.......anyway, thanks for the ride....good and bad i hope....good luck... It’s been 2 weeks since I instituted no contact. I was perusing the CL ads so I could keep options open if it didn’t work out with her (hey I AM a guy), and found her post: one night stand - w4m: Must send pic or I will not reply. Looking for a one night stand emotions hurt. Tried it once. It's just sex so I've been told. He's going to be a hard one to top. Don't be offended if I don't respond Being honest will send pic if you catch my eye. I was planning on breaking NC at the end of the month, after 4 or 5 weeks and see if we had a chance. Now I’m considering contacting her to let her know that this one night stand is not a good idea. I’m truly worried for her: STD’s, no time to heal, low self esteem, etc… I really don’t care if she screws another guy, but most women are incapable of a true NSA, so would it be better deal with this later when I break NC according to plan, or is it best to break NC now??? Thanks. Another easy post to answer: ingorne this, move on, continue NC.
forgetmenot75 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Let her alone. Stop looking for excuses to contact her.
barky2 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I don't want to touch this thread with a 10ft pole. All I'll say is this. You don't have a damn clue if its really her. So stop. Cut it out. Your driving yourself crazy. Barky
Author cmoonl7 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I've been waiting 2 weeks (NC) until I have my **** together, and I'm halfway there, but I'm not sure if I should reach out before she goes out with the guy (this weekend) or just continue NC. Ideas?
Author cmoonl7 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 just to let her know I've reflected and understand my part in the breakup. It's just should I do it now or wait?
veggirl Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 She is going out with someone else. What are you hoping to accomplish by breaking NC? Do you think there is even a CHANCE she will NOT go out with him? Don't contact her. It will be obvious, transparent, and make you look desperate. btw, who dumped who? if she dumped you then DO NOT CONTACT HER FIRST, AT ALL. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I just don't think it's a healty way to deal with a break up. You're right - but the person being unhealthy in the described instance, is you. Not to mention dishonest: I really don’t care if she screws another guy (so stop it already) 1
Mariposa10 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Don't do it, you'll look desperate and needy, she'll know she has so much power over you. It's not worth it, to the contrary the more you ask an ex not to date or go out with someone, the more appealing the other person looks. It's not worth it, don't do it. 1
Author cmoonl7 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 For your responses - got me over that hump. Did not contact her. Sometimes it's hard. I instituted NC because I needed to get my **** together. And things are becoming clearer everyday - especially my part in the breakup, and yes, she dumped me - she had no choice. I know that NC is for me and will help me work through this. If all goes well, I won't give a **** if she comes back or not. If she does, then I can think with a clear head as to whether we think can work it out or not. If not, I'll be over it. That's the concept eh? 1
reddragon588 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 That's the concept eh? Yep! It will take you more than two weeks to "get your stuff together" by the way. Make sure you are making these changes for you too, not for her. If you don't make them for you, they will not stick. I've made that mistake and it leads to pain. So do it for you! It's your life after all And understand that she played a part in the breakup too! She needs time to work on her stuff too. Give her the time and space to do that. She may or may not make those changes, but if she doesn't have time and space she'll never have the chance to do so.
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