mortensorchid Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I have 2 answers to this: 1) She's not that interested. 2) She's shy. Either way, I'd say forget about it. If she isn't that interested then she's never going to be. If she's shy, she will always be shy. You will be pushing her to do things at all times and she'll come up with some reason or excuse as to why she won't or can't. Either way, you'll feel like you've wasted your time. Move on. 1
Skyraider829 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Hello my name is Nick and I'm new to this site. I've researched this question but some people problems where slightly different from mine. This may be a little long but it's a good read lol There's this girl at my job who works in a different department. So I really don't see her until she goes on break. Which is usually outside on the bench. From what I first gathered she was shy and I confirmed that she was shy with a couple other people in the store. So one day I was outside and said screw it I'll go talk to her myself so I went up shook her hand and introduce myself and we actually had a nice conversation. She told about school and other things non work related. Over the next couple of weeks it's pretty much like that.I usually push carts so I'm always outside, I really don't like being stuck inside lol. On one incident she was walking to here car it was night I was in the area so I walked her to her car. We had another good convo she laughed a bit and smiled a lot. Things started going well the next couple of times I've seen her. Then all sudden she has started to clam up if you will. She never gave long answers but she used to respond more than she does now. Now it's weird. It's like she doesn't want to be around me yet she always is? I always catch her looking at me. She looks me in the eye (most of the time) when we are talking. She doesn't smile anymore when we talk. She focuses a lot of her attention on her phone. Basically she fidgets. Here's a FUNNY example that happen yesterday. She came out on break and basically I was going to say screw it after two months of this dance I'm going for it. So basically I'm coming up from the side to talk to her. But low and behold she's talking to this older guy(not a threat) who works on her department. She laughing holding a conversation smiling as soon as I come into eye contact. Like someone threw a switch. Put it like this I felt like the dorky kid walking by the cool kids table. So I'm like ok I can take a hint right? Then I help a customer to her car then as I'm bringing her cart back she gets up and walks in front of me. Something happened I was like screw it started another painful convo where I'm holding the convo. I asked her what time she was getting off tomorrow. She told me the time she went to class but not when she was done. Then I said I wanted to catch a movie but didn't have anyone to go with. I was looking down but when I looked up her back was turned and was walking away......... I was 6 feet from her. I don't know if she could hear me or not. Whew sorry that was very long. Basically I like this girl. Usually when I like someone I ask them up front it's never been a problem. Doing the same with her is very hard cause A) she is shy so you can't just lay it on to thick. B) I rarely see her so my time is limited to making her feel comfortable with me. I'm working to jobs right now and going to college. I was going to leave this job completely because I don't like being a cart pusher in my early 20`s and the other job pays more but I like her so much I decided to stay and try to give it a shot. Between two jobs I'm racking 52 hours a week plus school. But I don't wanna creep her out by continuing to talk to her if she doesn't want me around. To be honest I'm tired of chasing her and being put in awkward situations. There are plenty of great women out there I'm missing. Pros: eye contact, stares at me a lot, finds way to be near me, Opens up to me from time to time and just a very kind person I think lol. Cons: recently closed up, not that open, kinda ignores me when I talk doesn't really respond to our recent conversations. I apologize but the details where needed. Well, it just goes to show that some girls can be perplexing. Here's my little disclaimer before I proceed: I can only give my own views on this situation from my own perspective and my own perceptions of the said events. There's always a fair deal of subjectivity when it comes to the interpretation of a girl's actions, expressions, tone of voice and so on. What makes it worse, and difficult to gage is that when you introduce the emotional factor (you like her, you are already seeing her in a certain light no matter how small the "light" is) you begin to cloud your judgement and reasoning abilities. A lot of the confusion you get is from viewing things in retrospect and trying to make something of them, either trying to uncover some hidden meaning, or even going as far to implant fictitious things into your memories of what you and her said during your meetings. This is opinion, not hard fact - but a lot of people find this easy to do with someone they like. I say the key is keeping the emotional daydreams out of the picture until there is more concrete confirmation from her. I'm not going to be pessimistic or optimistic, but if she has sort of dropped off the line and is seeming to strategically avoid you, she probably does not have interest in you. Or her interest could be platonic. Can't say for certain. 1
Author nickwins23 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 Well, it just goes to show that some girls can be perplexing. Here's my little disclaimer before I proceed: I can only give my own views on this situation from my own perspective and my own perceptions of the said events. There's always a fair deal of subjectivity when it comes to the interpretation of a girl's actions, expressions, tone of voice and so on. What makes it worse, and difficult to gage is that when you introduce the emotional factor (you like her, you are already seeing her in a certain light no matter how small the "light" is) you begin to cloud your judgement and reasoning abilities. A lot of the confusion you get is from viewing things in retrospect and trying to make something of them, either trying to uncover some hidden meaning, or even going as far to implant fictitious things into your memories of what you and her said during your meetings. This is opinion, not hard fact - but a lot of people find this easy to do with someone they like. I say the key is keeping the emotional daydreams out of the picture until there is more concrete confirmation from her. I'm not going to be pessimistic or optimistic, but if she has sort of dropped off the line and is seeming to strategically avoid you, she probably does not have interest in you. Or her interest could be platonic. Can't say for certain. Yea I looked for signs vs noticing them. So I was pretty subjective I guess. But I heard something along the lines of that before. How when we become emotionally attached to something we look for reasons it would work I try to notice but I've thinker I looked a bit harder vs noticing. I do remember me talking to others girls why she was near. Not on purpose she would show up and pass by within 3 feet from me. Idk time to leave let the dust settle and look else where
Skyraider829 Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Yea I looked for signs vs noticing them. So I was pretty subjective I guess. But I heard something along the lines of that before. How when we become emotionally attached to something we look for reasons it would work I try to notice but I've thinker I looked a bit harder vs noticing. I do remember me talking to others girls why she was near. Not on purpose she would show up and pass by within 3 feet from me. Idk time to leave let the dust settle and look else where Its common for many to do, but you need to keep a hand on your emotions and not to let your emotions dictate your actions or perceptions of events as it can make things fuzzy. Clarity is important. I mean, I'm not implying that she flat-out does not like you, she just might. But until she does something that is blatant and unambiguous - something that is not really subject to perceptive error, back off and put your intentions elsewhere. If she has any interest she will, even though the hints may be on the subtle side, make some kind of effort to get your attention again. 1
Author nickwins23 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 (edited) update! So long story short I just asked her out. And she said yes! I'm excited but really pissed I was put through hoops and mind f#$@ed for 3 months. But still Im very happy its a casual date. Let this be a lesson nobody knows what there talking about you can only fend for yourself and take great advice as confusing as that sounds lmao Edited December 16, 2013 by nickwins23
MrMeh Posted December 16, 2013 Posted December 16, 2013 Took some time, but I am sure it was a lesson well learned. I hope it ends up well. Good luck!
Author nickwins23 Posted December 16, 2013 Author Posted December 16, 2013 Lol I meant I asked her out a week ago I just came across this thread the other day and that's all I did was ask her. Yeah man wasn't easy she's asian not that it matters but I've noticed that they usually are more reserved than other races. Again just something I have noticed
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