nickwins23 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Hello my name is Nick and I'm new to this site. I've researched this question but some people problems where slightly different from mine. This may be a little long but it's a good read lol There's this girl at my job who works in a different department. So I really don't see her until she goes on break. Which is usually outside on the bench. From what I first gathered she was shy and I confirmed that she was shy with a couple other people in the store. So one day I was outside and said screw it I'll go talk to her myself so I went up shook her hand and introduce myself and we actually had a nice conversation. She told about school and other things non work related. Over the next couple of weeks it's pretty much like that.I usually push carts so I'm always outside, I really don't like being stuck inside lol. On one incident she was walking to here car it was night I was in the area so I walked her to her car. We had another good convo she laughed a bit and smiled a lot. Things started going well the next couple of times I've seen her. Then all sudden she has started to clam up if you will. She never gave long answers but she used to respond more than she does now. Now it's weird. It's like she doesn't want to be around me yet she always is? I always catch her looking at me. She looks me in the eye (most of the time) when we are talking. She doesn't smile anymore when we talk. She focuses a lot of her attention on her phone. Basically she fidgets. Here's a FUNNY example that happen yesterday. She came out on break and basically I was going to say screw it after two months of this dance I'm going for it. So basically I'm coming up from the side to talk to her. But low and behold she's talking to this older guy(not a threat) who works on her department. She laughing holding a conversation smiling as soon as I come into eye contact. Like someone threw a switch. Put it like this I felt like the dorky kid walking by the cool kids table. So I'm like ok I can take a hint right? Then I help a customer to her car then as I'm bringing her cart back she gets up and walks in front of me. Something happened I was like screw it started another painful convo where I'm holding the convo. I asked her what time she was getting off tomorrow. She told me the time she went to class but not when she was done. Then I said I wanted to catch a movie but didn't have anyone to go with. I was looking down but when I looked up her back was turned and was walking away......... I was 6 feet from her. I don't know if she could hear me or not. Whew sorry that was very long. Basically I like this girl. Usually when I like someone I ask them up front it's never been a problem. Doing the same with her is very hard cause A) she is shy so you can't just lay it on to thick. B) I rarely see her so my time is limited to making her feel comfortable with me. I'm working to jobs right now and going to college. I was going to leave this job completely because I don't like being a cart pusher in my early 20`s and the other job pays more but I like her so much I decided to stay and try to give it a shot. Between two jobs I'm racking 52 hours a week plus school. But I don't wanna creep her out by continuing to talk to her if she doesn't want me around. To be honest I'm tired of chasing her and being put in awkward situations. There are plenty of great women out there I'm missing. Pros: eye contact, stares at me a lot, finds way to be near me, Opens up to me from time to time and just a very kind person I think lol. Cons: recently closed up, not that open, kinda ignores me when I talk doesn't really respond to our recent conversations. I apologize but the details where needed.
Drewx2 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) Then I said I wanted to catch a movie but didn't have anyone to go with. I was looking down but when I looked up her back was turned and was walking away......... I was 6 feet from her. I don't know if she could hear me or not. This is exactly what a women is suppose to say..not a man. Men say something like "Can i take you to a movie Friday night" they don't drop suggestive hints. The fact that she's shy means nothing. If you like her you have to go for it. Period. Ask her out immediately. She probably got cold with you because she thinks you're not interested in her. I think you still have time to save it. Just be confident and let your intentions be known. Don't assume that because she's shy you can't "lay it on thick." Next time you see her just say "can i take you to a movie this weekend"..it's really not as hard as it sounds. I think in your case it's a done deal, she'll say yes. good luck Edited September 12, 2013 by Drewx2 4
Author nickwins23 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) You make it sound so easy. But really I'm trying but for some reason I just can't I wanna be sure the feeling is mutual. The best way I can describe it is if you remember the movie hitch. When he was around Eva Mendes he couldn't get anything right and he can't be himself. Another example is I approached a girl the other day to give her a hand. She was gorgeous reminded me of a Latin Cindy Crawford I talked to her with extreme ease. She told when she goes to the gym where and that she'd love to have someone to work out with. For some reason I never thought she would respond the way she did so it took the pressure off me. Basically I had nothing invested to lose. But I understand what you're saying just bite the bullet and go for it. Rejection is something all men have faced before me and will face after me. Edited September 12, 2013 by nickwins23
Dallers Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Just going to answer the question not the post itself. Yes very much so! Love me a shy girl. They are such a challenge and so interesting because you get to find out about them at a slow pace and not just 'SLAM' right in the kisser from someone who is full of themselves and becomes a bore after about 30 seconds. Always the quiet ones who appear to be shy. Always!
Author nickwins23 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Just going to answer the question not the post itself. Yes very much so! Love me a shy girl. They are such a challenge and so interesting because you get to find out about them at a slow pace and not just 'SLAM' right in the kisser from someone who is full of themselves and becomes a bore after about 30 seconds. Always the quiet ones who appear to be shy. Always! Haha yea a challenge is almost an understatement. But sometimes it's worth the risk 1
pteromom Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 This is exactly what a women is suppose to say..not a man. Men say something like "Can i take you to a movie Friday night" they don't drop suggestive hints. The fact that she's shy means nothing. If you like her you have to go for it. Period. Ask her out immediately. She probably got cold with you because she thinks you're not interested in her. I think you still have time to save it. Just be confident and let your intentions be known. Don't assume that because she's shy you can't "lay it on thick." Next time you see her just say "can i take you to a movie this weekend"..it's really not as hard as it sounds. I think in your case it's a done deal, she'll say yes. good luck Awww, look at you, giving advice. You are learning well, young padawan. 1
pteromom Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You make it sound so easy. But really I'm trying but for some reason I just can't I wanna be sure the feeling is mutual. The best way I can describe it is if you remember the movie hitch. When he was around Eva Mendes he couldn't get anything right and he can't be himself. There are two possibilities: - she is the same way. She likes you, so when you are around she is nervous and bumbling and doesn't want to come across as an idiot by sitting there grinning. Or - she feels your interest, and she is not interested at all, so she went cold when she realized you are. There's only one way to find out which it is, dude. Gotta invoke the power of the balls and just go for it. Directly. No hinting or subtle "I don't have anyone to go with" stuff. Just "Hey, would you like to join me for ______ this Friday?" If she says yes, or no but offers another day, great. If she says no, then you have your answer and you can quit pushing carts.
clia Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I don't think she seems very interested. It seems like she was friendly to you at first, but she almost seems to be trying to avoid you or be non-communicative enough that you'll get the hint and leave her alone when she's on break. Things started going well the next couple of times I've seen her. Then all sudden she has started to clam up if you will. She never gave long answers but she used to respond more than she does now. These aren't signs of a person who wants to converse with you. Now it's weird. It's like she doesn't want to be around me yet she always is? I always catch her looking at me. She looks me in the eye (most of the time) when we are talking. If you are feeling like she doesn't want to be around you, you are probably right. What do you mean she doesn't want to be around you yet she always is? Does she actively walk over to where you are, or are you the one going over by her? She doesn't smile anymore when we talk. Not good. She focuses a lot of her attention on her phone. Basically she fidgets. Key sign of someone who is feeling kind of annoyed and wants to be left alone. I do this when people sitting next to me on the airplane try to talk to me. Do you think a girl who was really interested in dating you would be engrossed in her phone when you were around? Here's a FUNNY example that happen yesterday. She came out on break and basically I was going to say screw it after two months of this dance I'm going for it. So basically I'm coming up from the side to talk to her. But low and behold she's talking to this older guy(not a threat) who works on her department. She laughing holding a conversation smiling as soon as I come into eye contact. Like someone threw a switch. Put it like this I felt like the dorky kid walking by the cool kids table. What's funny about this? So I'm like ok I can take a hint right? Then I help a customer to her car then as I'm bringing her cart back she gets up and walks in front of me. Something happened I was like screw it started another painful convo where I'm holding the convo. Hmmm...I don't think you can take the hint. I asked her what time she was getting off tomorrow. She told me the time she went to class but not when she was done. Classic avoidance answer. She didn't want you to know what time she was getting off work because she didn't want you to follow up by asking her to do something. Then I said I wanted to catch a movie but didn't have anyone to go with. I was looking down but when I looked up her back was turned and was walking away......... I was 6 feet from her. I don't know if she could hear me or not. Oh, she heard you. She lucked out because you didn't ask her out directly. Do you really think a woman who was interested in you would walk away in the middle of the conversation? I seriously doubt it. But I don't wanna creep her out by continuing to talk to her if she doesn't want me around. To be honest I'm tired of chasing her and being put in awkward situations. I think you should stop chasing her and find someone else. 2
Drewx2 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Awww, look at you, giving advice. You are learning well, young padawan. haha, I'm learning, slowly but surley 1
truth_seeker Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 There are two possibilities: - she is the same way. She likes you, so when you are around she is nervous and bumbling and doesn't want to come across as an idiot by sitting there grinning. Or - she feels your interest, and she is not interested at all, so she went cold when she realized you are. There's only one way to find out which it is, dude. Gotta invoke the power of the balls and just go for it. Directly. No hinting or subtle "I don't have anyone to go with" stuff. Just "Hey, would you like to join me for ______ this Friday?" If she says yes, or no but offers another day, great. If she says no, then you have your answer and you can quit pushing carts. Agree. You have to do it right away. Don't waste time with this. If you take too long to ask her she could turn on you.
pteromom Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I don't think she seems very interested. It seems like she was friendly to you at first, but she almost seems to be trying to avoid you or be non-communicative enough that you'll get the hint and leave her alone when she's on break. This could all be true, but he has nothing to lose by trying, since he wants to quit the job anyway.
pteromom Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Agree. If you take too long to ask her she could turn on you. !!!! She's a zombie!!!!! This changes my answer. Run. Run like the wind. 1
truth_seeker Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I think you should stop chasing her and find someone else. I think he had his chance but missed it. She changed her mind now. So he should move on and leave her alone. Leaving her alone and not paying attention to her might get her interested. 1
HappyLove Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 There could be a million reasons why she acts this way socially awkward, aspergers, she likes you a lot, she's not sure if she's interested... There are some cases where you just have to bite the bullet and ask. You like her enough to stay in a crappy job for goodness sakes. At least this is someone you talk to just invite her out if she says yes great if she says no, no biggie. I wouldn't keep waiting around to guess if its mutual especially if it means staying longer in a crappy job! Good luck!
Author nickwins23 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Wow these are all such good answers. @Clia what I mean by getting near me. I mean like there are two doors to get back inside out front everyone in her department basically takes that door. But since the carts are on the other side that's where I'm usually at. So she takes that way when I'm over there. It's like when I avoid somebody I'll avoid them all together. The other way is faster plain and simple. Yet she'll walk within talking distance of me and makes herself seen. Go figure. But you make great points as well. @Pteromom lol if she was a zombie that be easier cause she'd want me for my organs at least lol 1
StanMusial Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Seems like she was being friendly. When she caught the vibe that you were interested romantically it got awkward. Probably should just let it go, maybe circle back around in a few weeks and sniff around. Also, why were you looking at the ground when you asked her out? At least stare at her boobies. Dang. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 !!!! She's a zombie!!!!! This changes my answer. Run. Run like the wind. smilin....lol........gamers quick get ready what you have been in training and waiting for all your life your skills are needed ...resident evil is here..is here find the health packs quick......heehee...deb 1
Author nickwins23 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Seems like she was being friendly. When she caught the vibe that you were interested romantically it got awkward. Probably should just let it go, maybe circle back around in a few weeks and sniff around. Also, why were you looking at the ground when you asked her out? At least stare at her boobies. Dang. I don't think I was looking at the ground that long it all happen so fast. But I've seen her again today. I just kinda played it cool and went about my business. I think I'm numb to the whole situation now. Cause I wasn't anxious to talk to her at all, weird. But yeah if she's interested in the least she'll make an attempt to talk more in the future.
Mrlonelyone Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Let us remember some women play hard to get when they are interested. All you can do op is ask her out again. Edited September 14, 2013 by Mrlonelyone 1
todreaminblue Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 i Feel if you have to ask if a girl is worth chasing as you have as your heading for your thread, she probably isnt worth chasing for you, if you truly like someone you move, regardless of whether others think if she is for you or not..you shouldn't need another's opinion on if you should chase or not...just a thought for you to consider..i think you have shyness and that is what is causing the problem, not her shyness but your own shyness is making it hard for you to approach......only you can be the one to put it aside and ask.....i wish you well..deb..... 1
tinydancer93 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Coming from a shy girl, Y E S - WE ARE WORTH IT! We shy girls take time to open up to people, but when we do, you will be so glad you stuck with us 2
Dude420 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) Just want to throw in my two cents, yes it would appear that shy girls are worth it because it's a big thing when they trust you and then they open up to you. However, be weary, when you start getting physically intimate, she might not reciprocate well (most likely because she's unsure of what to do). Even though she really likes you, it's hard to to tell from your end. My advice is this, tread lightly, don't get attached to her too soon and don't do things that SHE wants to do all the time. The first couple of dates, it's fine, but if you continue, you might want to introduce her to things that you enjoy as well. Most importantly, COMMUNICATION is key, so that means later down the road she'll eventually have to initiate contact with you too, let her know that it's okay. Just because she's shy, doesn't mean you have to guide her all the time, if she really likes you and is comfortable, she should be able to contact you. I've recently dated a shy girl for a few months and made the mistakes that I've stated above. I basically became a doormat for this girl and I felt she led me on thinking that I want to be with her since sometimes she said she missed me etc... Eventually I came up with the relationship talk and she casually said "yes" and "OK" for being official, that was the last time I saw her. For the next few weeks, I texted her once a week and I even told her that perhaps I went to fast on her and we should just stick to the dating phase, she continued to brush me off and make excuses, I realized it was time to move on. And yes, with shy girls, patience is very important. Edited September 14, 2013 by Dude420 1
Author nickwins23 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 i Feel if you have to ask if a girl is worth chasing as you have as your heading for your thread, she probably isnt worth chasing for you, if you truly like someone you move, regardless of whether others think if she is for you or not..you shouldn't need another's opinion on if you should chase or not...just a thought for you to consider..i think you have shyness and that is what is causing the problem, not her shyness but your own shyness is making it hard for you to approach......only you can be the one to put it aside and ask.....i wish you well..deb..... Yeah I'm not the most outgoing person in the world. But I don't know if I'm that shy. I was the first one to initiate any kind of talk by introducing myself. Then for over 2months I talked to her about 3-4 Times a week. Had to painfully keep convos going when she was giving one word answers. Waved at her and always kept the talk light and thoughtful. Never tried to make her feel uncomfortable. I really don't contribute shyness to my attempt at asking her out. I could be wrong. But it's pretty hard to talk to a girl when you get the feeling she does not want you around or that you're stalking her. It's kinda hard to force the issue. I needed people's advice because I've been using this board to help with some problems and there is usually sound advice. Thanks Deb I will defy take your advice too
truth_seeker Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Shy girls - yes. You need to be patient. The key is to know if someone is shy or they're just cold and not interested. I think it comes down to making a woman feel comfortable around you. When a woman feels comfortable around you - shy or not - then it opens the door to possibilities. If you get the feeling she doesn't want you around, back off. If she is shy and likes you, she will find you. Remember: if a girl likes you - she will come to you.
Author nickwins23 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Shy girls - yes. You need to be patient. The key is to know if someone is shy or they're just cold and not interested. I think it comes down to making a woman feel comfortable around you. When a woman feels comfortable around you - shy or not - then it opens the door to possibilities. If you get the feeling she doesn't want you around, back off. If she is shy and likes you, she will find you. Remember: if a girl likes you - she will come to you. You're full of wisdom truth seeker haha. But yeah I'm going take a break and see where it goes. Not ignore her like an ******* I'll still say hi and be polite if she passes me but that's about it
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