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I did it

doubled

By doubled
in Infidelity

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doubled Member

doubled

Posted
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Well I have done it. I have filed for a divorce. It's been almost 4 years since dday. I really tried but I can't do it anymore. I know I will never be able to forgive him and honestly I'm not even sad about it. It's like a huge weight has been lifted. I'm actually glad I didn't do it then. It's like I spent the last 4 years preparing myself for this moment and I'm ok and I know I will be ok. I'm glad I put in the effort and tried but I am excited to start the next chapter in my life.

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dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted
Well I have done it. I have filed for a divorce. It's been almost 4 years since dday. I really tried but I can't do it anymore. I know I will never be able to forgive him and honestly I'm not even sad about it. It's like a huge weight has been lifted. I'm actually glad I didn't do it then. It's like I spent the last 4 years preparing myself for this moment and I'm ok and I know I will be ok. I'm glad I put in the effort and tried but I am excited to start the next chapter in my life.

 

Sounds like you handled this all well, and I get your feelings.

 

One question - how much effort did he (WH) put in - did he try?

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doubled Member

doubled

Posted
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Posted

Thank you vellocet. It's been a long time coming and feels really good. I know it's hard for a BS to make the decision to leave, especially when children are involved, but it is turning out to be best for all of us. Well except for my WH. He doesn't get his cake anymore and I'm taking all of his icing. lol :laugh:

BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted

Good luck, doubled.

 

If I may ask, is there anything you would point to as the reason your reconciliation failed?

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doubled Member

doubled

Posted
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Posted

He did make an effort. We went to counseling. He accepted and worked on every issue I had with him and our marriage. I do know he loves me but his A and deception went on for years before dday. The A was with a "friend" of ours and I just couldn't forgive him. Unfortunately because of my hurt and anger and distrust I fell out of love with him.

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted
He did make an effort. We went to counseling. He accepted and worked on every issue I had with him and our marriage. I do know he loves me but his A and deception went on for years before dday. The A was with a "friend" of ours and I just couldn't forgive him. Unfortunately because of my hurt and anger and distrust I fell out of love with him.

 

Thanks for the candid reply.

 

Years of bold-faced lies and deception are amazingly difficult to forgive. Some say that the wayward has to do the "heavy lifting" after an affair but ultimately I think the heaviest lifting is on the BS who has to try to get over it (even if their wayward can never tell them to). I'm glad you made the effort but don't at all blame you for throwing in the towel after 4 years.

 

Enjoy the start of your second life. It's tough to divorce but parts of it are very liberating. Deciding to divorce was an amazing weight off of my shoulders as well.

  • Like 3
Kimmie80 Established Member

Kimmie80

Posted
Posted

Good for you!! I went through the same thing recently. My ex of 15 years had an affair back in 2009. It was on our 10 year anniversary and we had just found out we were expecting our 3rd child.

 

It lasted for about 6 months. The pain that he put me through during that time was unbelievable. But for my kids, I stayed. I tried really hard for a few years after, but I honestly believe that I had fallen out of love. The trust was gone.

 

Sometimes, people just cannot get past things like that. Good for you for at least trying for as long as you did! You will feel much better once you get yourself up and start living the life you deserve.

 

All the best!!

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jnel921 Established Member

jnel921

Posted
Posted

Congratulations... Having gone through infidelity twice myself in two different marriages I can tell you that when my first marriage ended in divorce I too felt like I exhausted every resource to make that marriage work.

 

It wasn't me it was him. The marriage itself was a mistake from day one. I am sure that there is someone better out there for you. And even if it you find yourself in this situation again, which I pray you don't. Nonetheless like me you will now have the tools to handle it even better.

 

Good luck to you....:)

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harrybrown Established Member

harrybrown

Posted
Posted

Stay upbeat and happy. I hope the divorce helps you.

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