I have failed ALL of you...and I'm furious

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

First, I am HIGHLY angry right now and the only outlet I have at 5:12am is on here. AHHHHHH I'm so angry!!!!!!! I'm literally pounding keys right now lol.

 

SO if anyone saw earlier, I wrote a thread stating that after a year, my ex wrote an e-mail to me. I didnt read any of it and deleted it. I didnt need to be set back or angry at anything....BUT of course, I started to drink and have a good time relaxing and celebrating a moral victory today...and I disappointed everyone here.

 

I went to my inbox again and that message was resent from her. Apparently, she wanted me to read it and figured if I didnt write back, I must had just not cared. In my mildly buzzed mode, I said SCREW IT lets see what this b**** had to write. What came next was four paragraphs of raging hot fire that burns my soul!!!!!!!!

 

So in the beginning of the month, I wrote an open blog to myself just talking out loud about this past year on a blogging website. It wasnt a secret blog, but someone would have to dig pretty deep to find it (along with a police record of a wreck I was in three months ago) In that, I just express how much this year has changed me and how depressed I've been but how I'm getting over it. Actually, I wish I never wrote it because it made me look pretty bad, but it was for ME...I just shouldn't have posted it. In there, I mentioned ONE line about how my ex bulls***ed me during the first two months of the breakup lying to me (which she did: openly said I still want to be with you, you are the one, I will never leave you and then she did and found someone else)

 

APPARENTLY, as my ex would say, "stumbled across the blog" and wanted to clear things up. Basically, she was "taking the high road" and finally talking to me about the BU. Basically said that I was "unmotivated" (worked a job from 8am-12am almost every day for basically being an intern JUST to get my foot in the door..sounds "unmotivated) and lazy. She said that she was depressed about us and didnt see herself staying with me forever. Said she met someone AFTER the BU (DURING whatever lies she wants to give) and said it "wasnt a relationship" but it kinda was" (She was banging some dude who then didnt want her afterwards, so she freaked out and faked a preggo text and miscarriage. Winner huh?)

 

THEN goes on to gloat saying "Im with someone now who gives me what you didnt" and how great he is. Then says "I lost a friendship because of you and you lied about a bunch of stuff (which I never did..long story). Said she has two great jobs (Office Depot and part time receptionist lol) and how much better off she is. It made me SO furious that I'm being made to be the bad guy in this. I turned down JOBS for her (of course she knew what she felt THEN and never bothered to tell me about her "true" feelings) I saved up money I DIDNT HAVE to take her to Disneyland by doing one of those "test this drug and see what it does to your body" experiments for a week just to go and I DIDNT LISTEN TO HER WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS UNHAPPY?!?! Dont give me that crap.

 

WHY would she even go out of her way to do this?? That is SO messed up. It angers me so much that the e-mail was sent, and even MORE anger that I read it. God D**** I'm so angry. Then she was like "I hope everything works out for you blah blah" and pretty much everything I said the letter would say. Going out of her way to say that her life is awesome is just something that grinds me gears. Then she closed it with "I think you are leaving out your parts of why I left you" WHAT?!?! Just hot rage right now.....

 

Someone calm me down.

[hotpotato]

She is overcompensating. It sounds like she's going through some kind of crisis, really. She is delusional, narcissistic, and most of all UNGRATEFUL!

 

She's acting like she's happy trying to rub it in your face. What a b!

 

I'm sorry she sent you such a horrid message.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

You must identify YOUR part in your anger. YOU choose to read it, and hun you cant blame alcohol. That's bull****.

 

You knew the snake would bite if you entered it's cave. Expecting her not to say hurtful things is insanity. Take it as another lesson learned.

 

Definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior (engaging in her contact to you) yet expecting a different outcome. Let it go. She is angry after a year..means she isnt too content or happy in her relationship. happy people don't hurt others.

[Exitleft]

You've not failed anyone. Take a deep breath, curiosity got the better of you. That happens to all of us. I can tell you I did something far worse days ago but the point is what's done is done, I'd suggest deleting the email a second time and adding her address to a filter. I did this yesterday with like the 8th address of my ex, didn't want to do it but their contact is always more harm than good IMO.

 

Now, are you calm?

[NoLeafClover]

First, I am HIGHLY angry right now and the only outlet I have at 5:12am is on here. AHHHHHH I'm so angry!!!!!!! I'm literally pounding keys right now lol.

 

SO if anyone saw earlier, I wrote a thread stating that after a year, my ex wrote an e-mail to me. I didnt read any of it and deleted it. I didnt need to be set back or angry at anything....BUT of course, I started to drink and have a good time relaxing and celebrating a moral victory today...and I disappointed everyone here.

 

I went to my inbox again and that message was resent from her. Apparently, she wanted me to read it and figured if I didnt write back, I must had just not cared. In my mildly buzzed mode, I said SCREW IT lets see what this b**** had to write. What came next was four paragraphs of raging hot fire that burns my soul!!!!!!!!

 

So in the beginning of the month, I wrote an open blog to myself just talking out loud about this past year on a blogging website. It wasnt a secret blog, but someone would have to dig pretty deep to find it (along with a police record of a wreck I was in three months ago) In that, I just express how much this year has changed me and how depressed I've been but how I'm getting over it. Actually, I wish I never wrote it because it made me look pretty bad, but it was for ME...I just shouldn't have posted it. In there, I mentioned ONE line about how my ex bulls***ed me during the first two months of the breakup lying to me (which she did: openly said I still want to be with you, you are the one, I will never leave you and then she did and found someone else)

 

APPARENTLY, as my ex would say, "stumbled across the blog" and wanted to clear things up. Basically, she was "taking the high road" and finally talking to me about the BU. Basically said that I was "unmotivated" (worked a job from 8am-12am almost every day for basically being an intern JUST to get my foot in the door..sounds "unmotivated) and lazy. She said that she was depressed about us and didnt see herself staying with me forever. Said she met someone AFTER the BU (DURING whatever lies she wants to give) and said it "wasnt a relationship" but it kinda was" (She was banging some dude who then didnt want her afterwards, so she freaked out and faked a preggo text and miscarriage. Winner huh?)

 

THEN goes on to gloat saying "Im with someone now who gives me what you didnt" and how great he is. Then says "I lost a friendship because of you and you lied about a bunch of stuff (which I never did..long story). Said she has two great jobs (Office Depot and part time receptionist lol) and how much better off she is. It made me SO furious that I'm being made to be the bad guy in this. I turned down JOBS for her (of course she knew what she felt THEN and never bothered to tell me about her "true" feelings) I saved up money I DIDNT HAVE to take her to Disneyland by doing one of those "test this drug and see what it does to your body" experiments for a week just to go and I DIDNT LISTEN TO HER WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS UNHAPPY?!?! Dont give me that crap.

 

WHY would she even go out of her way to do this?? That is SO messed up. It angers me so much that the e-mail was sent, and even MORE anger that I read it. God D**** I'm so angry. Then she was like "I hope everything works out for you blah blah" and pretty much everything I said the letter would say. Going out of her way to say that her life is awesome is just something that grinds me gears. Then she closed it with "I think you are leaving out your parts of why I left you" WHAT?!?! Just hot rage right now.....

 

Someone calm me down.

You know what I'd say when dealing with such women ... "Bi*ches ain't sh*t but ho*es and tricks"

[Misfortune]

You're living. You didn't contact her(?) so I don't really view it as a fail. Anyone would be curious as to what a past love sent them. She's unhappy/unsatisfied in some way and needs to put someone down to feel better. Unless you were slandering her, there was no reason for her to say anything about what you wrote.

 

I was thinking about starting a blog to vent but I won't after your experience.

[mercuryshadow]

Forgiveness is not meant to excuse a person's bad behavior... it's meant to keep their actions from destroying your heart.

 

Try to forgive her, for your own good, not hers.

[JDPT]

Wow man, what I learned from my past relationship is that I don't necessarily need to meet anyone's expectations but my own. I set my own standards and always shoot for the stars. My ex "hinted" me of course she would never say anything straight forward about how she expected certain things of me. I've learned to not live based expectancies specially when it comes to relationships but rather lay it all on the table so that both parties are on the exact same page.

I'm not a mind reader, I can only do my best to accommodate the both of us in a relationship.

Your ex is clearly making herself appear to be this self-righteous, holy individual and dumping as much guilt as she possibly can on you. "You didn't do this, you didn't do that YOU, YOU, YOU!..." no way, you are you and you did your best while in the relationship and that's all that matters. If she wasn't happy with it, there is plenty of people out there. She has apparently met "Mr. Perfect" well let's see how long Mr. Perfect lasts before life gets in their way.

[Leigh 87]

The way she is acting is disgusting.

 

My ex left me, but he still cares very much about me banging other men; he does not want go hear about it, even though we are friends.

 

The LAST thing I would do to an ex, is let them know how happy I am with a new guy in the picture. It REEKS of desperation.

 

WHY the need to tell an EX how happy you are with a new "great guy"?

 

It made me sick the way she said " he gave me something you never did":sick: Does she have no decency or social skills whatsoever? it is in extremely bad taste to say something like that to an ex! Any IDIOT knows that. Jesus.

 

She sounds like a bit of an idiot mate. You dodged a bullet. You know that though. No matter how "wonderful" she is otherwise, besides her awful behaviour...

 

There is NO way I would EVER call up my ex and tell him all about the new guy who gives me butterflies. Like come on now....

 

Exes either: don't care, hate you, or you're friends with them and they still feel uncomfortable discussing your sex and love life with you.

 

If they don't care one way or another about new people, why bother telling them? It only serves to make a girl look desperate, since she could easily go tell her girlfriends or another guy friend or her mum. Even if the ex is indifferent to her and other men, the fact she picks HIM to tell is very telling about her character........

 

Yeah. One day I hope she learns that decent people don't go around telling exes how happy they are with their new people. It is so pathetic.

 

I feel sorry for her "boyfriend"

 

Maybe you should warn him what a catch she is;) Then again, unlike her, you probably have some semblance of social etiquette and would never do that.

 

Calm down and just ignore her.

 

Try to avert women like that again who seem nice to begin with but actually turn out to be liars.

[Cali408]

Okay, first things first. The blog, she did a search on your email and it came up. Write the blog to yourself and delete it. Don't broadcast it to the cyber world.

 

Second. Change your email account. That way she can't find you.

 

Third, Everyone loves a drink. But look at the poor decision you made drinking in the MIDDLE OF THE WEEK!

 

Fourth. Get out and date. Put her out of your mind. Stop bargaining with yourself and it's hopeless.

 

Fifth. All this comes down to one thing. Your ego. Your ego is mad that you've broken up, mad that she just hit you in the face with a pie. You probably want nothing more to tell her how you really feel and that she can take a long walk off a short pier.

 

Keep your dignity and take the high road. Seeking revenge is wasted energy and will not get you over her. The only way to get over her is forget about her. So, when you feel that anxiety, make yourself stop.

 

No worries, you had a misstep, just start over.

[yessy21]

boy is she miserable right now.

 

she is so miserable she had to email you about how happy she is.

 

dont be angry.

 

If I were you id be dancing the dance of victory... shes miserable and she knows it.

 

smile.

[mercuryshadow]

boy is she miserable right now.

 

she is so miserable she had to email you about how happy she is.

 

dont be angry.

 

If I were you id be dancing the dance of victory... shes miserable and she knows it.

 

smile.

 

 

This is true. I have found that those who have to inform others of their happiness are not truly happy at all. Try and see this for what it is.

[Misfortune]

boy is she miserable right now.

 

she is so miserable.....she had to email you about how happy she is.

 

smile.

 

How miserable is she?!!!

[Chatmonkey]

I hope i can help you back CHB and this may be impossible right now...

 

but sometimes in situations when you just want to kill someone... just laugh

 

laugh at how ignorant and silly they sound. Laugh at why she felt the need to send you this email (because she is so insecure). Laugh at the fact that she has not changed a bit or grown as a person since you were last together. Laugh about how much you really couldn't care less...

 

Don't let these people get to you buddy, they are everywhere. You just can't let these people get to you because they will not change, evolve or grow as a person. Only you can. You are ABOVE these people, you are BETTER than them. You are.

 

Instead of getting angry, just laugh at them, have a chuckle, and ultimately just feel some pity for them that they are so immature and hopeless.

 

hope this helped a bit. You're a good guy but don't let her drag you down to her level.

 

Keep moving forward

 

- Chat

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Wow THANKS guys so much for writing! I was hoping just for someone to respond, but got a LOT of people to respond!

 

Ohh was I so angry at that this morning. I wanted to fight someone. She said SO much crap in that e-mail that now that I think about it was just not necessary. The whole e-mail was not necessary.

 

To those wondering, no I did not respond. Wouldnt have done anything. I wrote a response back, but I didnt send it nor save it. The thing was, I created an entirely fake e-mail just to write on the blog post. If you google my name, that blog doesnt show up anywhere. Someone would have to be doing some deep digging. Must be bored and pretty much writing an e-mail to me shows she was stalking me like some weirdo.

 

I got the same vibe at first about the e-mail that it reeked of overcompensating. I guess I just dont understand why someone would write an e-mail after the year trying to take the high road and explain WHY she left, then admit she was cheating, then just rub it in my face about how amazing she is doing....even it was overcompensating. Why spend time doing that? Just seems weird to me I guess. I put the blame 100 percent on myself because I shouldnt have read the e-mail and doing something I preach everyone else NOT to do makes me feel very hypocritical.

 

It all just seemed weird to me

[angelcake]

She doesn't have a keylogger on your computer does she? It would also explain why she resent the email, if she knew you deleted it.

 

And don't beat yourself up over this. She is clearly unhappy and it is driving her crazy that she doesn't have you. It sounds as if she is very angry as well.

 

You should be proud of yourself. You didn't respond to her craziness; you didn't "reward" her. To her, it will now appear that you have yourself together and don't give two shiots about her. Let it go and move on.

[Misfortune]

Don't blog about it if she's viewing it.

[flitzanu]

different approach.

 

i blog a lot, and most of my life is in the cyber-ether for anyone to find if they look. yours though, and not in a competition, sounds very passive compared to the things i've said about exes, and i say them KNOWING they will be read.

 

is it childish? maybe. but when a dumper is leaving, they don't care what you have to say...they run the conversation and get to do whatever they want, and throw whatever words they want at YOU, and you don't get a chance to defend yourself siimply because they don't care and won't listen.

 

so to me...who cares if you said ONE harsh line, because as you said...it sounds like there was some searching involved to find the blog. heck, when some of my more hidden stuff was found, i felt awesome that someone was so damn curious to stalk me and find things i wrote just to pass them on to my ex(s).

 

take it for what it is, but to me it sounds like your one liner really got her wound up, enough that she wanted to lash out at you after this long for it. take it as a compliment. just don't backslide...i saw you said you didn't reply back which is good, because it won't matter at this point.

 

don't delete the blog. i made a mistake early on by being "moved" by my ex telling me how horrible i was for saying untrue things, blah blah...when honestly, it doesn't matter. your blog is your own to do and say what you want, for whatever version of the truth is YOURS...not the version of truth someone else sees.

[NewPerspective93]

Something that helps is thinking that you're feeling furious, angry, etc. not actually BEING the emotion you feel.

 

If she feels the need to say that she's taking the high road, why brag about it? Most people that end up taking the high road don't make any mention about it, so most likely she is only making an illusion to herself that everything that happened was your fault, not placing any of the blame on herself.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like the person she's trying to convince is herself. Like one of the posters here said, happy people don't bring others down for no reason.

 

The fact that she had to re-send the e-mail says something. Really, you want your ex to know how great your life is that you'll send the e-mail twice?! That's low. She might just want some attention. You're better off, and kudos on not replying.

 

Also, it happens man, curiosity gets to us at times. You didn't know what was in the e-mail to begin with, so don't be too hard on yourself. You'll be fine man!

 

Cheers.

Edited September 13, 2013 by NewPerspective93

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Everyone with some great help and advice! This is why I keep coming to this site even when I dont have an issue.

 

I've felt pretty crappy today about the entire situation. I had today off work, so I slept until like 1....THEN went back to sleep after an hour until 7.. My problem, and it always has been, is I think too much. I get in my own head and I dont stop. I had to come to many truths on my own and closure that she never brought. They were harsh words that I could have moved on from WHEN the breakup happened....I had already began to move on THEN she brings them back after snooping on what I was doing so of course it set me back. Why EVEN send an email? Being nosey is normal. I was nosey on my previous ex that I broke up with somewhat. Her next boyfriend became her husband and they are expecting a kid here soon. Doesn't mean I want her back, but I never sent an e-mail saying I was with a new girl who gives me things she didnt and how I have two jobs, a new car, I travel now, and doing everything right. WHY fling mud?

 

 

I wrote another blog today (NOT mentioning anything about the letter or how I felt about it. Just basic daily writings like I usually do). I don't have a lot of people that look at it obviously. I'd say like 5 people in a week (two being from South Korea and one from Russia lol. I'm like the Beetles overseas if the Beetles were bloggers). The blog site (blogger) gives you a breakdown of your "audience" of like what operating system and browser was used each day. I KNOW she has looked at it today because I know what she uses (very specific). Its SO stupid and why she is taking anger on me I dont know. I haven't said s*** to her since January so WHY come at me after so long?

[Misfortune]

You now have a fa....stalker. This was your space to vent, relax your mind at and be at peace, don't let her take that away from you. Now that you know she's watching, you're no longer freely expressing yourself. You're minding your words and your posts because of her. She doesn't own you, you owe her nothing and she shouldn't be limiting your self expression. What if you want to blog about how the letter truly made you feel, will you do it?

 

I would take flitzanu's advice or start up a new blog. Keep the old blog and write upbeat posts(even if they're made up), that'll give her no ammo and upset her because the letter hasn't got you down.

[destroyed4sho]

i would use the old blog to write about how you feel about her pathetic email and how she resent it...even more pathetic. I WOULD ANNIHILATE THE BITCH ON THE BLOG.....dont start a new blog!! write that after her pathetic emails you realize what a desperate angry cruel person she is...and glad that the witch is gone...but u know sound intelligent when writing...lol. Kick her ass! and dont be ashamed for your blog it was never meant for her eyes to see anyway..but since she wants it - stick it to her real good one last time.

 

I would also would change my password bc it is a bit suspicious that she resent after you deleted.

 

If u decide to.respond directly to her u sho uld totally curse her out.....thank her for breaking up with you..it was the best day of your life...bc ur life is so much better now.(not a lie, it is you just dont know it yet)

i know that its not taking the high road or whatever but i did it and ohh it felt so damn good...ofcourse be prepared to get the oh "thats why i dumped u" line....and maybe some guilty feelings later.

[destroyed4sho]

fu.ck that bitch..

IM SO.MAD!!! Lol

[destroyed4sho]

i would also post her whole email to the blog and expose her.....then 4 sho she wont bother u ever again!!!!

[Misfortune]

fu.ck that bitch..

IM SO.MAD!!! Lol

 

i would also post her whole email to the blog and expose her.....then 4 sho she wont bother u ever again!!!!

 

No reason to go that hard in the paint. While that would be great, we all know that kindness and NC hurts them the most. Not having the satisfaction of knowing their affecting you negatively is their kryptonite.