So this is what it's like to die.

[No_closure]

I can't sleep and I can't eat. He is all I think about and when I fall asleep I have horrible dreams about him. Our marriage was just a joke. Everyone says its for the best and that I WILL find someone meant for me.

 

I NEED that someone now. He most likely already has someone because why else would it have been so easy to walk out on me when things got tough?

 

All that repeats in my head is him telling me I was beautiful and that HE loved me and that he will be back later. Then no, it was just goodbye.

 

How do you move on? I am petrified with fear because I have to start a new life 12 hours away. He was all I knew, and I was all he knew, for 4 years. Then it's just goodbye, see ya. How? Why?

 

I can't kill myself because I am a coward but I just want to fade away.

[Chris715]

I'm really sorry about your divorce. I've had hard enough problems dealing with the break up with my gf, but I can't even imagine the pain you're going through. And please don't consider killing yourself, and if you really are and the thoughts are consistent get some help from someone, anyone you can talk to.

 

Trust me, I've been there before. No one to talk to, feels like no one is there for you in the world, and that you'll never find a special person again... I'm still there to a degree, but I hope I'm getting better.

 

It sounds like maybe you're at rock bottom with this right now, and that's the time you need to talk to someone, anyone. Friends, family, doesn't matter. PM me if you need to, I'd be happy to talk

[loveiswar101]

Hi, most people reading this may have had similar to you, me 10 years 3 kids and an affair. Yeah it's f***ing tough, yeah you will feel like crap, yeah you wanna checkout, yeah you might drink alot and on and on.

 

But hey there will be, maybe not now but a light somewhere.

 

I'm having issues with a new girl, first one after my divorce 5 years back, but you know what I'm here, I should be but I got through what your going through now.

 

How ? Reading, entertaining myself, doing things you love (I loved golf and played plenty and got great at it and met other people through it) going movies getting out there.

 

Most of all friends and networking. Quote starting new life 12 hours away. Good on ya. No friends there. Join a club. Socialize.

 

Look, fair dinkum Ive been there and it's might be a ****ty road but dig deep and stay positive.

 

Also might wanna go see someone, therapy with the right person can work wonders, I was ashamed first time I told someone I had therapy but boy every time I walked out the office I felt like I could conquer the world, until one day with no therapy and I still though I was Superman.

 

Best Wishes

[Hoaks]

Hang in there, this is such a crappy thing to happen to people

 

We can get through this, everyone is here for you. If i can recommend anything it would be don't do what i did and try to find out anything about him, i have learned closure must come from within.

 

Its hard as hell, hurts like hell and it consumes your mind.

 

Do you have family, friends close by? Try to be around them as much as you can.

 

Stay strong..

[tkp]

i just had a break up and going through hell even after 4 months, i cant even begin to comprehend how hard it would be for you to go through and live with the pain. i tell myself countless number of times that 'time' is the key here, i try to remember what i used to do before and try to use my time with that. it bides my time and keeps me occupied to a certain extent. it should get better leaf by leaf.

 

try involving yourself with anything,...anything, if its people its best and if its people you know, it will be even better. Time flies when you talk to people you can connect to in your family, friends etc.

 

and your life is too precious. i try to think about people who are not fortunate enough like me to have a good supportive family, good friends, two hands, two legs, good mind, great eyes.... and food in my plate for every meal to keep me going. it helps me a lot, makes me feel privileged.

 

a friend of mine (who have had break-ups, on his advice to me) quoted: What's doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger. i focus on the STRONGER part.

 

hang in there,, it will get better.

[No_closure]

Thank you all for the replies. We have all been through hell it seems. I can't believe all the stories I've read on these forums. So much pain. We all suffer while the dumper lives a great life. People say we will all find love again but it is SO hard to believe in that.

 

Especially since the love I thought I was in was just fake. Not on my part, but his and I had no idea until the next day. No signs, just stress, but stress really cause you to throw away a marriage that was just beginning to grow? It is insane and my brain wants to explode trying to analyze what happened to him.

[keepontruckin]

Ya, it's amazing how fast they can change... One minute they hold your hand, and the next they file for divorce:laugh:

[DropCity]

No_closure (OP); Hi.

 

I was with a girl for several years. I was in love with her and believed she loved me. I pictured a life of "forever" with her and couldn't see myself with anyone different--ever. Again, I'm confident she felt the same. We were at that most wonderful part of a committed relationship. Two people love each other (.) "No worries".

 

While celebrating what became our last anniversary, on a beautiful night in the city...all that "love"...ended within two hours. :0

 

I was shocked, surprised, confused and amazed! How, and if not that--why?! But what left me completely dumbfounded (to the point of being speechless) was one scary point of reality:

 

I--fell unconditionally OUT of love--with her, in the span of one evening. (yeah)

 

The incident that may have caused it was inconsequential. Because along with falling out of love during that surreal night, came just not caring.

 

But I was angry. It was not fair. I didn't ask for this. And I didn't want it! ::tearing:: She was everything to me. Where did my love for her go?

 

::sigh:: So...

 

I am driving myself insane trying to analyze him and his actions. It could be this, it could be that, or that, or this... But I guess it's better if I don't know because the pain would increase.

...a marriage that was just beginning to grow? It is insane and my brain wants to explode trying to analyze what happened to him.

I could no more explain to my SO the feeling of falling out of love for her (or why) any more than I could explain to myself; or to you here. However, that loss of feeling, caring--utter indifference--has helped, and very welcomed when on occasion, dumped.

 

So in some regards, I truly hope you may never experience that sudden emotional loss of love--and then, cause you to let someone go. But under your present circumstances, I hope you do.

Edited September 15, 2013 by DropCity

[love1336x]

Please do not harm yourself for him. He isn't worth it.

You need to remember there was life before him.

I know its hard. So be sad for a while, don't eat and cry go through the pain, but slowly and surely pick your self up. Hang out with friends, family, do stuff that you enjoy.

 

Time will heals all wound and I know its easier said than done but you will live. I promise you that. Life can't stop because one person stopped loving you.

[No_closure]

Thank you guys for more responses. DropCity, I am sorry you had to go through that.... 7 years of being happy then boom? I can't understand that wow... You think you know someone and that your hearts are connected but it was just a fake thing. A lie.

 

Now I am trying to not break NC... He wrote me an email today, being selfish of course. Pleading for me to let him have the dog. Yeah, in your dreams buddy. He is my registered companion dog...

 

I want to reply so bad and tell him how happy the dog is with me in our new city. But you know what? I won't. Because he didn't respond to my VERY LONG email of our relationship and my apologizing. He completely ignored it and pulled the "give me give me I need I need". Crap.

[love1336x]

Thank you guys for more responses. DropCity, I am sorry you had to go through that.... 7 years of being happy then boom? I can't understand that wow... You think you know someone and that your hearts are connected but it was just a fake thing. A lie.

 

Now I am trying to not break NC... He wrote me an email today, being selfish of course. Pleading for me to let him have the dog. Yeah, in your dreams buddy. He is my registered companion dog...

 

I want to reply so bad and tell him how happy the dog is with me in our new city. But you know what? I won't. Because he didn't respond to my VERY LONG email of our relationship and my apologizing. He completely ignored it and pulled the "give me give me I need I need". Crap.

 

 

You go girl!!!! Keep that NC strong!!!

[No_closure]

Thank you! I am trying so hard to not break NC... I did something STUPID and looked up his new Facebook which is a BAD IDEA and I won't do t again.

 

But he is alone and looks like he is on drugs or something... He added all these people who he never talked to and talked crap about. He is friends with the girl I suspected him liking/cheating with but she has new pics with her and some other guy. Doesn't mean anything though but yeah I shouldn't have looked hm up. But least my last impression of him is of him looking pathetic!!!

[JoelBarish]

No Closure

 

I feel your pain. Just know that you aren't alone. I too have trouble eating, sleeping, pretty much everything. And those dreams of the ex....they keep coming. But like I said, you are not alone. I know for me it feels like there is something wrong with me...why do I take it so hard when apparently my ex is doing just fine. So when I see posts like yours I know that I am not the only one that has such pain over a break up and I am here to tell you that you aren't alone either. You are just fine the way you are. It's ok to feel what you are feeling. Hang in there.

[No_closure]

No Closure

 

I feel your pain. Just know that you aren't alone. I too have trouble eating, sleeping, pretty much everything. And those dreams of the ex....they keep coming. But like I said, you are not alone. I know for me it feels like there is something wrong with me...why do I take it so hard when apparently my ex is doing just fine. So when I see posts like yours I know that I am not the only one that has such pain over a break up and I am here to tell you that you aren't alone either. You are just fine the way you are. It's ok to feel what you are feeling. Hang in there.

 

 

Thank you. It feels good to know we are all in this together... I keep going up and down with emotions. Yesterday I was fine and then today is bad... I just don't understand how someone who loved you yesterday, hates you tomorrow. My heart has never been broken before, this is the most painful thing. I am in therapy but once a week doesn't really do much....

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Hang in there! The emotions will come in waves. A couple days ago I was having such a great day that I posted an update about my progress. In contrast, last night, I was spooning my body pillow lonely and sad as hell. I woke up grumpy, sad and feeling very alone.

 

How am I dealing with this roller coaster of emotions? I'm living in the present and not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. At this very second I'm doing fine. I'm better than this morning and will hopefully be even better tomorrow. I'm not going to worry about tomorrow I'm just going to focus on being better now.

 

The fact that you are on LS reading, writing and responding shows that you are reaching out and being proactive with your healing. Good for you. Your pain is immeasurable right now but it will lessen. I promise. It's been 5 weeks since my bf walked away from our relationship and I'm a whole lot better than 5 weeks ago. Reach out to your friends and family and keep posting and reading the journey that other's have and are going through.

 

You're not alone and you will survive this.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Don't lose yourself trying to hold onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

[JoelBarish]

Thank you. It feels good to know we are all in this together... I keep going up and down with emotions. Yesterday I was fine and then today is bad... I just don't understand how someone who loved you yesterday, hates you tomorrow. My heart has never been broken before, this is the most painful thing. I am in therapy but once a week doesn't really do much....

 

I wish I could tell you it get's easier but this seems to happen to me again and again. I am more guarded now. It's harder for me to open my heart now. I didn't tell my ex that I loved her for a long time after she told me she loved me. Finally, I opened up to her and told her I loved her and we were together a long time after that and I thought I did everything right this time and BAM! Same old, same old, heart break and pain.

 

Maybe I'm just an overly clingy and emotional person and every time will feel like this for me but maybe there is hope that it won't be like that for you.

[No_closure]

I wish I could tell you it get's easier but this seems to happen to me again and again. I am more guarded now. It's harder for me to open my heart now. I didn't tell my ex that I loved her for a long time after she told me she loved me. Finally, I opened up to her and told her I loved her and we were together a long time after that and I thought I did everything right this time and BAM! Same old, same old, heart break and pain.

 

Maybe I'm just an overly clingy and emotional person and every time will feel like this for me but maybe there is hope that it won't be like that for you.

 

 

I am so, so sorry... I can't imagine having your heart broken more than once.... This is my first and I pray the last heart ache. I feel like I am on the Dr. Phil show. I really thought I knew this guy...really, really. We both had no friends and relied so much on each other and found comfort in that. Did EVERYTHING together. I mean, he couldn't even sleep without me THE NIGHT BEFORE he left me!

 

Seriously, he would wake up in a panic if I wasn't there.... But no, the next day it's just over. And the way he did it was SO INHUMANE....just so cruel. Played with my heart, messed with my mind, took everything away from me, continued to try and kick me while I was already down. Ended it in a text message... I mean... I am so messed up and I don't know how to deal with this.

[JoelBarish]

I am so, so sorry... I can't imagine having your heart broken more than once.... This is my first and I pray the last heart ache. I feel like I am on the Dr. Phil show. I really thought I knew this guy...really, really. We both had no friends and relied so much on each other and found comfort in that. Did EVERYTHING together. I mean, he couldn't even sleep without me THE NIGHT BEFORE he left me!

 

Seriously, he would wake up in a panic if I wasn't there.... But no, the next day it's just over. And the way he did it was SO INHUMANE....just so cruel. Played with my heart, messed with my mind, took everything away from me, continued to try and kick me while I was already down. Ended it in a text message... I mean... I am so messed up and I don't know how to deal with this.

 

When I would come into the room and she was sleeping I would try not to wake her. But most of the time she would wake up and she would reach for me and I would scold her for not getting enough rest. She would roll over on the bed and face the wall until I scooted in beside her and held her tightly from behind with no space between us. She seemed to need me as much as I needed her. She told me she would be with me forever and that she couldn't live without me (two weeks ago). That's why I figure she must be with someone else already since she is so needy.

 

You are in therapy, did they give you meds?

[portableversion]

yeah im right with with you. I was with my x for a total of 17 years, we lived together for 4 years before w got married. IM left completely gutted. I followed her everywhere, I was a stay at home dad and she left me for her lawyer co-worker. Yeah it was fast easy and painless for her because she was in a place to search for a partner behind my back as soon as she knew he was game I was out the door. Sure I did some things to help out and give her excuse but im sure I could've en perfect and I was gone still. I got drunk a few times maybe like 2-3 times and yelled at her in front of the kids of our crappy sex life. im sure she was satisfied cause she was cheating on me with her new hubby who worked in her building.

 

She wanted someone who could roll in the big money, well she got it. I was tossed out/moved out june 2nd 2012, shes a lawyer and had me sign all this stuff I was divorced aug 7th, all I had was 2 baskets of clothes and about 10 grand she gave me. my bs job fired me this spring, my current job is completely no good, boss owes me money, didn't get paid in over a month.

 

I finally found another job making even less about 9 an hour running a weed wacker. Over all it is impossible to say my life improved because of the divorce in many ways its the worst ive ever experienced. But at least I don't have to deal with insults, and outright neglect.

 

She is already remarried, she got married to her"friend" july 5th 2013 10 months and 28 days after our divorce. She don't have a care in the world. Shes a lawyer rolling in the dough and flies to Alaska to shag her old co worker who joined the army.

 

I do have guns and the thought is there , to go sit in the tub and blow out my brains.

 

I tried to go back to school but they looked at our tax records and saw our joint filing and think im wealthy.

 

Best part of this nightmare was how she lied and lied to me after the divorce saying how she missed me and thought of us getting back together wow she led me on so bad. I was murdered over and over again. Even about a month before she got married one more time she told me she was done with her bf, I told her I didn't believe her but she was adamant it was over and they could not even be friends. Found out later the wedding date was already set when was telling me that stuff. I never sought this stuff out, I mean I tried to ferret out her lies I was suspicious but shed come over here when I ignored her calls and stuff. I got much of it documented on my thread im so messed up. And yeah im ****ed

 

I have no idea why she did that all I can think is that she hated my guts so bad for demanding high quality blow jobs done the right way. I felt justified I mean shed ask me to go down when she was ragging, and too for years wed go months with out sex. Why not tell her I find swallowing beautiful and precious. I think she does that for her new man though.

 

I dont know I was not happy for a very long time i think my marriage died years ago but now this is misery. IM surrounded by men, married couples or women way younger than me or psychos.

 

Ive had to dive into church and aa meetings, and other church activities.

looks like ive made some powerful connections and folks are gonna help me get a good job next year but who knows. you know she accused me of being an alcoholic but im not so sure, the folks at the meetings drank so much more than me they lived for alcohol. they describe an obsession for it I never had, this is perhaps why I cant keep sponsees they fire me to get someone else. But I do like the spirituality and its free and I get to meet people.

 

yeah forget marriage vows and promises made before god, and today I had another nightmare about her while taking a nap during the day time, I woke up crying again.

 

yeah my life is on the edge, my phone was shut off the other day and once again im running out of money. I think its time to surrender and just move 2 hrs away to live with mom but she tells me to have hope and gives me money.

 

Sorry lady for folks like us its not divorce its spiritual rape.

[No_closure]

When I would come into the room and she was sleeping I would try not to wake her. But most of the time she would wake up and she would reach for me and I would scold her for not getting enough rest. She would roll over on the bed and face the wall until I scooted in beside her and held her tightly from behind with no space between us. She seemed to need me as much as I needed her. She told me she would be with me forever and that she couldn't live without me (two weeks ago). That's why I figure she must be with someone else already since she is so needy.

 

You are in therapy, did they give you meds?

 

That is crazy.... that sounds just like my husband. That's why I was telling myself he MUST have someone else for it to be so easy but I just have no idea. And he wrote me a birthday card 1 week before he left saying he would marry me 1000 times again if he could. WTF is up with that? God it just kills me inside so bad.

 

I haven't got meds yet and not sure if I want to... I used to be on anxiety meds RIGHT BEFORE I started dating my husband and I got off them because he helped me.... This is just unexplainable and I feel like I was hit with a truck. This all came out of nowhere and everyone says that the Dumper mentally prepares ahead of time but he literally said he loved me and can't live without me RIGHT BEFORE he left! Obviously lies I guess...

[No_closure]

To Portable: I cried so bad reading your story. God I just can't imagine all that pain you are going through...I am so, so sorry. I don't understand why marriage and vows mean something to just ONE person and the other just doesn't care anymore and think they can get away with no consequences.... Please hang in there, I don't know if you are in therapy but it really, really helps to talk to a professional..